confidence

[Paula1975]

hi all, i am sure i am not the only one, but my going out is becoming less and less, because nasty comments and dirty looks, from anywhere from waiting for a bus to getting shopping. i get asked out by friends, online friends i might add, that i have met up with before, but when ive been out before i start off with all good intentions of having a good night, but my confidence then my mood goes. i get annoyed with myself. i am along way off from surgery. i just want a little bit of confience back

 

[Neen]

I can sympathise xxx It gets harder to go the more you put it off.
Maybe a friend can stay with you overnight, or for the day you want to go out. Get ready together etc and have everything laid out you're going to wear, get your bag ready etc and pick a little job to do..like going to look round a nice shop...maybe not clothes or food related....but something that you can enjoy without having any worries about people judging you or insecurities...maybe buy yourself some nice make up or toiletries.
Go straight to the shop you want , get something nice for yourself and come straight back.
Have a coffee and chat with your friend when you get back and unwind.

Little trips like that,a few little positive experiences that you can build up to improve your confidence will really help I'm sure.
I put off going out for years and it turned into something so huge I trapped myself in mentally til we actually moved house and I was able to try again..little trips but I eventually built it up.
Now I can go out with my family without panicking.
Get some help via the docs for counselling too if you can xxx

 

[sicknote]

hi all, i am sure i am not the only one, but my going out is becoming less and less, because nasty comments and dirty looks, from anywhere from waiting for a bus to getting shopping. i get asked out by friends, online friends i might add, that i have met up with before, but when ive been out before i start off with all good intentions of having a good night, but my confidence then my mood goes. i get annoyed with myself. i am along way off from surgery. i just want a little bit of confience back

I fully understand what your saying and I just wanted to say keep your chin up! there are some spiteful people in this world that have no concept of being a nice decent human being so instead of looking at them like there Above us look at them in pitty that they will never know what it feels like to be a nice decent person and that's tragic!! I understand about your moods dipping when out, I tend to clam up if someone looks at me, and for the rest of the night i try to 2nd guess what they were thinking and it does get you down i now but your a good person so ball's to them xxx keep smiling it's what makes us beautiful people xxx

 

[Peterborough Guy]

I know what you mean, I was out cycling last night with my 8 year old and a car was parked at the side of the road and I heard ' hey fatty you be careful you donlt have a heart attack'.

I just carried on cycling, but when I stop my daughter was quite upset and asked how could he call that out.

I explained that people will always look down on people and all this shows is there own insecurity.

I actually smiled and just carried on, as I know Ive lost over 4 stone lol

 

[suepat10]

Hi Paula

I really do feel for you. I hate getting comments like that - but feel I've bought it on myself. So end up doubly angry with myself.

I don't know what to suggest but wanted to send you a cyber-hug x

 

[Kizzy70]

Hi Paula
I know exactly how you feel, my weight affects every part of my life. I have no confidence, hate going to family gatherings (got married 2 years ago and was 7 stone lighter) cause of how much weight I've put on. Don't go out with friends cause I feel so concious. My weigh even affects how I feel at work! I just want to feel I can go and do what I want without people judging me, I feel for you hun XX

 

[sicknote]

I know what you mean, I was out cycling last night with my 8 year old and a car was parked at the side of the road and I heard ' hey fatty you be careful you donlt have a heart attack'.

I just carried on cycling, but when I stop my daughter was quite upset and asked how could he call that out.

I explained that people will always look down on people and all this shows is there own insecurity.

I actually smiled and just carried on, as I know Ive lost over 4 stone lol

I agree with you! they think they had the last laugh let them, they don't know youv'e just shiffted 4 stone!! so who gets the last laugh YOU DO! congrats on your weight loss and i'm sorry your daughter had to hear some disrespectful bunch of ****** x there lifes trash and will always be trash and when your old and grey youl' have the love and support from your family and friends, who's going to love a bunch of ***** not me lol xxx

 

[suepat10]

Another thing that's REALLY disheartening is when you know you are following a weight loss plan and someone comments.

I had a breakfast at Tesco once while on SW. Bacon, scrambled egg, sausage, boiled mushrooms. Allowed syns for any fat used. Persuaded them to use bread I supplied for toasty. So totally within plan - and as I walked past a workmen made a comment that it was no surprise I was so fat.

Try not to let people get you down, you're worth ten of them x

 

[Deets]

aww :hug99: i know how you feel too. I was the same, it got to the point that i just didnt want to go out. The thought of people looking at me or saying stuff tore me apart.

Honestly, it was a big part of wanting to have surgery in the first place. But ill tell you something weird, when i was a size 18 (a few years back now!) i felt horrible and always tucked myself into a corner. Now im a size 18 again (coming down from a 22/24) and i feel fab going out. I think its the way we feel in our heads too x

 

[starr]

the people who make the remarks really aint worth a second thought ,if it wasnt you it would be someone else,,nasty narrow minded losers ,you can lose weight and you will ,they will never become decent ,caring ,worthwhile human beings ,all you need to worry about is you and yours ,life is to short to let ignonant people get to you , p.guy is right , smile sweetly and think about the wonderful life you have in front of you x chin up x

 

[dolly48dd]

I hate leaveing the village i live in because i feel safe here. i had all the name calling and sly gabs when i moved here that was 17 years ago so most people no me now. only thing is i work with old people and they think it's ok to tell me how fat i am(as if i didn't no). i think thats one of the nice things about been on here, no one knows me. and secretly im a size 6, long legs and drop dead gorgeous. xx

 

[MrsSAFC]

lol dolly - my elderly aunt said to me and my mother in laws funeral infront of everyone "by god you have put the weight on" motified!!

i love getting dressed up and feel fab! until im out then i get a confidence dip and wish id never gone out.... end up going home early. hardly go out now. My job also - i have to appear confidence when inside im ashamed of my size.... but not for much longer x

 

[dolly48dd]

lol dolly - my elderly aunt said to me and my mother in laws funeral infront of everyone "by god you have put the weight on" motified!!

i love getting dressed up and feel fab! until im out then i get a confidence dip and wish id never gone out.... end up going home early. hardly go out now. My job also - i have to appear confidence when inside im ashamed of my size.... but not for much longer x

No not for much longer, we can do it.xx

 

[MrsSAFC]

exactly!

 

[21tasha]

Hi Paula just to say i too totally understand and sympathise with how you are feeling....my own mother said to me years back (and when i was lighter then i am now) "tasha you look pregnant"...i cried and cried at that as i have come to expect nasty/snide comments from people i dont know but not my own mother. When it comes to weight people can be so cruel and judgemental. I am happiest when im at home now as my confidence is so low....no matter how many times i get asked to go out for nights out with friends i find myself cancelling as being out and having disapproving looks and stares and nasty comments really upsets me. I cant wait til I can be treated with same as "slim" people. The good thing to focus on is that once we have surgery then the confidence will come back and it will improve our lives greatly xxx

 

[BigDave99]

People can be so hard, nobody understands unless they are overweight themselves, it’s not as if we wish this on ourselves our anybody else, it you are now at the stage of considering surgery I know you have been through many years of pain.

Surgery and support of a good forum like this one will be a massive help.

All the best Big Dave

 

[yorkiegal]

Hi Paula,
I understand exactly how you feel. I especially used to hate the work do's because I knew however much I dressed up I would still get nasty comments from men in pubs. Kids upset me too. It's not nice when you can't walk down your local street without getting shouted at.

But I have to say that in the last couple of years I've had a lot less comments. And the reason for that is the way I act when I'm out. I hold my head up high and walk with confidence. You wouldn't beleive what a difference that can make. Ok it doesn't stop all the comments but it certainly made some people less likely to think they had an automatic right to comment on my weight.

Remember too that the term ''fat cow'' can be used against us even when we're down to just a couple of pounds overweight. That's just how our thin obsessed society is. So, although we probably feel a lot more vulnerable and noticeable because we are morbidly obese, those words are probably being used just as often to most of the women out there.

 

[goofy07]

I am sat here after a horrendous week at work and feel on the bottom about the same things. why do others think they have a god given right to comment on a total strangers weight. I must admit I have a range of emotions from sheer anger to the point where I have actually gone up to the person and asked them why they felt they could verbally abuse total stranger This is not always good as they then believe I am total nutter just been released from the psyche ward!!!

the ideal is to hold your head up high and ignore and walk on.

if I did not work I would never leave the house I shop online and if anything needs returning I just give it to the child to post.

getting to hospital is a nightmare as it's a train, a metro and a bus

keep going Paula we are all here for each other and when the surgery happens a new life will begin another year for me so we will get through this together

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