Dealing with negative comments

[MayraF]

Grrr sorry for the rant but i need to vent...

My family knows i am going through the surgery, and support me 100%. This is, my immediate family, my mum and my sisters. I also have many cousins, 2 of them quite big, but not as big as me. Over the past couple of days, right after i finish the weight management course, i keep receiving messages from one of my cousins. One of them said, using her exact words "you know... people die from having a gastric bypass, your body will pretty much starve itself to death" and then a couple of news links about it, you know, those horror stories from the Daily Mail. Most of the other ones were about how my mum would feel if i die, and that i shouldn't be so selfish, pretty much anything she could say to make me feel guilty. She also went on to say " Thank God you don't have any children, i can just imagine if something went wrong, no one wants to look after someone else's kids!" Bear in mind this is someone who i barely see, we have no other contact unless my other sisters organize something that includes her and her husband. I have no bond whatsoever with my cousins for several reasons.

I mean, wtf???! Who the hell is she to say things like that? I am 29, and 24st, and i need to do this for my health. I never interfere in anyone's life, because it is none of my business. If someone wants to attach a dildo to their heads, hey, good for them. it doesn't affect me at all!

This was my reply to her (sorry, i was quite rude)

"Oh, i am so sorry, it seems that in the brief time we spoke last Christmas, in between you getting drunk and you trying it on with my sister's husband, i might have given the impression that i give a f**k about what you think. I promise it won't happen again."

I am feeling a bit crappy now, because she made me feel a bit worthless... And i can't get into this mindset again! I am so angry i can't stop crying :/

 

[Salliebeth]

Hey MayraF, Sending u big hugs!!!!!

No-one has the right to make anyone else feel so rubbish!!!! I must say it really p***es me off when people say cruel things! and there is no comeback on them! it's different if people are racist! sexist!a gist ect! but there isn't a word for this sort of cruelness.

From the sounds of it could she be jealous of you?? The fact that you are doing something extremely brave to change your life for the better!!! (I am 20 days post sleeve, and didn't realise until people told me how brave I have been in choosing this op, and now I feel quite proud!!!). It isn't something that is an easy option or a quick fix, but a lifelong comitment. There is always a risk with surgery, but if u had for example a burst appendix, would she say not to have it removed because of the risk??? I suspect not!!!

I would take a big deep breath, and ignore her comments - you don't need people like her!!! Keep your chin up and look to the future!!! Hope it works out for you xxxx take care xxxx

 

[borogirl]

Great response to her. Keep away from her. Sounds like she is nuts! The only peoples opinions who count are those who you care about x

 

[Flickalicious]

Oh sweet, she's clearly jealous that you're doing something about your weight and in time you'll be sexy, sassy and slim at 30!

Point that nose high in the air, stick 2 fingers up at her and wiggle that tush all the way to the operating table!!

I want to high 5 your response. Sounds like you kicked that chick's ass! XD Keep those spirits flying high and next Christmas when heads turn and compliments keep coming at ya, you can look her in the face and laugh xXx

 

[MayraF]

Guys, you have no idea how your kind words mean to me, i am in such a state, i really needed to hear that.

I do try and keep away from her, thankfully we only cross paths occasionally. The thing is, because i have been big since i was 15ish, i have always had to put up with all sorts of comments, and some days are just harder to cope.

Thank you all for the words of support, i am so glad i found this site!

 

[Butterfly_lady]

Google and find a link to send to her about interfering cousins getting a punch in the nose

 

[MayraF]

Lol Butterfly, i was sooo close to doing that!! I'll have the last laugh though. Oh i suuure will!!

 

[nicola1723]

Loved your response. I need to do that more often. I'm too soft with people :/ x

 

[Smallerme]

That's an awesome response, made me laugh a lot. How about just telling those around you that you know will be supportive? I chose only to tell a few family members, those who I knew would support me. Partly because I didn't want to hear negative opinions or a load of back biting about me.

 

[MayraF]

Oh i did only tell my mum and sisters but i am guessing it slipped out somehow. I also do need to start being more assertive, i hate confrontation and i tend to just avoid it instead... I hope that as my confidence grows, i'll be able to stand up for myself

 

[slaz]

Oh i did only tell my mum and sisters but i am guessing it slipped out somehow. I also do need to start being more assertive, i hate confrontation and i tend to just avoid it instead... I hope that as my confidence grows, i'll be able to stand up for myself

Your confidence levels look fine to me. Your reply was so well judged that I'm sure it will find its way into responses from some of us when we need a good retort, well done!

The world is full of ignorant peasants and unfortunately we are bound to brush against them from time to time, but always remember it is they that are ignorant,not you, Again well done for standing up for yourself so eloquently.

 

[Neisie]

Awesome text back to your rude, ignorant cousin! What a nasty piece of work! She is obviously very jealous of you. Next year during Christmas you can show her two very thin fingers and tell her where to go You are taking the steps needed to change your life and her actions are out of jealousy and cowardice. Delete her number and focus on the positive, loving people in your life.

 

[Jackiesnewstart]

When you are a happy and healthy weight she will still be moaning but it will be about someone else you are taking positive steps to help yourself be proud.

 

[crucon]

Loved your reply, good luck with everything

 

[Crystalrainbow]

sending big hugs good for you too i hope your response took the wind right out of her sails ........... there are some very nasty folk around you certainly don't expect to get it from family aren't they for support?? don't upset yourself about it hun you are doing what is right for you all else fails change your number
I have a friend that has become more and more distant since me talking of surgery, I know its jealousy.............. i wonder why cant people just be happy for us???

 

[Georgie163]

Absolutely brilliant reply. Strange that she should try scare mongering and to guilt into not doing the surgery - who knows why for certain but it does sound like she has her own agenda there. Yes the surgery carries risks as does being obese but only you can truly weigh up those risks and what they mean to you personally. Your cousin sounds like a tit I'm afraid. x

 

[sarahrob]

I have some very similar cousins, which is why I didn't feel able to tell them about my surgery. It's sad that someone is so unhappy with their own life that they can't bear to see someone making huge positive changes.
Bugger them!

 

[MayraF]

For the first time since I can remember I'm finally able to plan my life and have goals, which I never could before. My mother seems to think people like my cousin revel in other people's misery because it makes them feel good about themselves.

A very immature thing to do...

 

[MayraF]

Also, I'm so glad there are people like you girls, thank you for the kind words... If I could I'd personally hug each and every one of you xxx

 

[xkirsty88]

I've told all my family and some friends. My old best friend from school asked what I was posting on Facebook about, it took me about 3 weeks till I told her. When I did, she told her family.. I don't see or speak to them anymore.. I then bumped into her mum a week or two later and she started saying similar things ie it can kill me, make me really I'll, the type of surgerys never work etc. I replied with, "actually, the mortality rate is extremely low for this op, and anyone who has, it was actually something else, just close to their operation. And, I've done years of research about it, and it is was *I* want, so is my choice!!" She was the first person to be negative about me having the op! I've had few little snide comments off a few others I've told, but they haven't bothered so much.

It's normally out of jealousy.. I also have a cousin who every time I see her just says to me "I'm soo jealous of you!! It's so unfair that you get to have it and I don't!!" Baring in mind, she's about 5ft1, has diabetes and some other illnesses, she has apparently asked her doctor to refer her and apparently her doctor told her to put ON FOUR STONE before he would refer her!! Pfft!

Like it's been said, it's no one else's business, and that's what I think! I have now recently only told people I know who will be supportive for me. I need support, not negativity! And that's what you need too, your response was great!!

Kirsty