Depression and self confidence

[shelleymarie]

Hi all, with my weight loss and all the other things that have gone on lately like starting new job soon etc. I should be feeling really good but I have to admit I'm not. I'm struggling really bad. Some days I struggling to eat, or exercise. I can't often finish meals or get myself to the gym any more and this seems to have happened over the last month as I was feeling pretty good till then. Recently there has been talk about absorption of medication issues so I wondered if this might be happening with me. I've had OCD since I was 4 and depressed on and off since I was 14. I've been on anti depressants for the last 10 years and I'm wondering if they aren't being as absorbed as well or whether things are just taking a downward turn. The thing I don't understand is that last time I lost a lot of weight my confidence went through the roof, but this time I've lost a lot more and it doesn't seem to be increasing very much at all. I'm feeling low most of the time and sometimes dread having to go out to see people or work. Some of you may have read about a friend of mine that died in October and I guess I think it has been worse since then. We weren't very close but I'm still struggling with it but so many people were affected by her death I find I've no place in it. I know I need to see my GP but you wouldn't believe how hard it is to get an appointment with the my doctor. They won't do it in advance and when you ring on the day they can't give me my GP (I can't see another one, as my GP knows my circumstances bypass etc and researched it for me, other gp's at my surgery haven't a clue) or it's at times I'm working.
Anyway I just need to vent, I hope you don't mind. Do you think it could be absorption issues or maybe I just going through a bad patch?
Thanks for listening

 

[Yvessa]

It could be both Hun. As I'm sure you know you ca be down even on the pills so it doesn't necessarily have to be malabsorption issues. But they are also pretty well known. Also I went through a down period around the same time - I think it was starting to really hit me that a bypass is for life not just for Christmas. This despite the fact that I'd done all my work and research.

 

[Lawstudent]

Hi all, with my weight loss and all the other things that have gone on lately like starting new job soon etc. I should be feeling really good but I have to admit I'm not. I'm struggling really bad. Some days I struggling to eat, or exercise. I can't often finish meals or get myself to the gym any more and this seems to have happened over the last month as I was feeling pretty good till then. Recently there has been talk about absorption of medication issues so I wondered if this might be happening with me. I've had OCD since I was 4 and depressed on and off since I was 14. I've been on anti depressants for the last 10 years and I'm wondering if they aren't being as absorbed as well or whether things are just taking a downward turn. The thing I don't understand is that last time I lost a lot of weight my confidence went through the roof, but this time I've lost a lot more and it doesn't seem to be increasing very much at all. I'm feeling low most of the time and sometimes dread having to go out to see people or work. Some of you may have read about a friend of mine that died in October and I guess I think it has been worse since then. We weren't very close but I'm still struggling with it but so many people were affected by her death I find I've no place in it. I know I need to see my GP but you wouldn't believe how hard it is to get an appointment with the my doctor. They won't do it in advance and when you ring on the day they can't give me my GP (I can't see another one, as my GP knows my circumstances bypass etc and researched it for me, other gp's at my surgery haven't a clue) or it's at times I'm working.
Anyway I just need to vent, I hope you don't mind. Do you think it could be absorption issues or maybe I just going through a bad patch?
Thanks for listening

I have never suffered from depression until I had my op! I cry at the drop of a hat nowadays. My surgeon told me it is very very common, which doesn't help but it is 'nice' to know I am not the only one.

 

[shelleymarie]

It could be both Hun. As I'm sure you know you ca be down even on the pills so it doesn't necessarily have to be malabsorption issues. But they are also pretty well known. Also I went through a down period around the same time - I think it was starting to really hit me that a bypass is for life not just for Christmas. This despite the fact that I'd done all my work and research.

Thanks hun, maybe it's about that. I'm just not sure. I think that's the weirdest/hardest part. I'm just not sure why I feel this way when in general my life is better than it has been in years. Maybe it is all just a lot to take in such a short period of time after so many years of nothing xx

 

[shelleymarie]

I have never suffered from depression until I had my op! I cry at the drop of a hat nowadays. My surgeon told me it is very very common, which doesn't help but it is 'nice' to know I am not the only one.

The early days are like that. I think I cried most days for 8 weeks - I had the sickness you had but I didn't have a dilation. I think things will improve for you. The rush of emotions you get post op are from the the hormones released from the sudden huge weight lost you get in the beginning. Don't despair, your mood will pick up. Mine did, not sure why they've suddenly dipped so much, it doesn't for everyone x

 

[Lawstudent]

The early days are like that. I think I cried most days for 8 weeks - I had the sickness you had but I didn't have a dilation. I think things will improve for you. The rush of emotions you get post op are from the the hormones released from the sudden huge weight lost you get in the beginning. Don't despair, your mood will pick up. Mine did, not sure why they've suddenly dipped so much x

Tomorrow I am seven weeks post op, I think each day I have experienced a new emotion. And people think this is the 'easy' route hah! Do you still have the sickness? I found that utterly debilitating. Surgeon thinks I will need another two or three I am just trying to plod right now. i do hope you feel brighter soon xx

 

[shelleymarie]

Tomorrow I am seven weeks post op, I think each day I have experienced a new emotion. And people think this is the 'easy' route hah! Do you still have the sickness? I found that utterly debilitating. Surgeon thinks I will need another two or three I am just trying to plod right now. i do hope you feel brighter soon xx

Easy route is riducoulous but it is doable. Unfortunately I do. If I eat too fast or something too dry I will reject it but in general I can eat most things. I was sick everyday for the first couple of months and now it's is only a couple of times a week at most. Like I say it's usually my fault. You will get there, it's hard in the beginning but it's do able. Thanks for the kind words x

 

[chrisa]

Hi ladies I feel very much the same I am usually so upbeat. I Have been through the menopause for over the last 10 years with hot flushes and gaps between periods etc. I have had no periods now since last June 2011. It hasn't been too bad since my b ypass last August 2011. I did feel sick every day for a long time but never actually sick. I do feel sickly on the odd occasion but it is usually like Shelley said my own fault, too fatty, sweet or eaten too fast. I HAVE DEALT WITH DEPRESSION BOTH AS A CARER AND HAD IT MY SELF. These last 2 years for me have been very difficult at work even before my op, I feel like I have been stripped of everything I had, every bit of confidence has been ripped away. The final blow for me was the proposal that we are to be made redundant. I love my job and all the kids. I feel like I have had the last bit of wind taken out of my sails. We are not wanted or needed any more. There are 5 of us in this boat, 1 already has found a new job 2 are on the sick, 1 is in another section to me and then there is me. I am doing my work and some of there's who are on the sick. I am strong one minute and in tears the next. people either avoid us in the corridors or just don't know what to say, then there's others who have never really bothered with us want to stop n chat to find out whats happening. I am so up and down just don't know where I am at, some mornings I cry going to work and sometimes I am happy, always ok with the kids you have to put on a front. I am finding it difficult to be civil to some people. I feel hurt, unloved, unwanted and utterly devastated by this blow, I am lucky thta I have a strong faith, I know at the end of the day something good will come out of something so bad, however its this middle bit of not knowing that is killing me. I need a CV, I need a job but what kind I do not know. My confidence is quite low and has taken a battering, being a wife and a mother is difficult enough without all this going on and menopause. I would normally ahve ate or drank a lot when I felt like this so am struggling there too. I don't want to start on the antidepressants line really so trying to deal with it best I can. This is our 1st Christmas alone for hubb y n me. My son left home in JAN lives with gf they are coming for Xmas breakfast, and my daughter now lives away from us only bout 40 mins but no buses over Christmas so won't see her, she is happy and have encouraged her to spend it together, n nogt worry bout us. We skype most days, she has only been gone 3 weeks, so that is on top of everything, there is only one way to go for me and that is up. Not forgetting that I need a job asap as we cannot survuive on hubby s wage he is only part time I am the main bread winner. I feel ok writing it down and had my birthday yesterday but know once am ready for work thise awful feelings will return. I have my church friends praying for me, and that has carried me this far just waiting for new doors to open and some glimmers of hope, which I hope woill appear very soon, it would be all too easy to go on the sick with stress and I don;t want that, I will not give in and will fight it to the end, I THINK THEY WANT US TO LEAVE WITHOUT ANY REDUNDANCY. NO WAY. It wint be much but won't go with out it. Hope you all ahve a better day than me xx

 

[lyzzyanne]

I hope you get through this soon, I think I must have been lucky, not prone to depression, I sometimes think I don't see things like other people, very little gets to me. I am a bit of a black and white person. The change caused by the op have been ok, I am used to not eating a ton of food now and accept that. I have been away for the weekend and phyically couldn't eat what my companions were eating, but I did benefit from them allowing me a soon of their pudding!!

I hope you come out the otherside of this soon
xxxx

 

[shelleymarie]

Thanks Lyzzyanne, I hope this passes soon as I'm really struggling now. I can only think it's a mixture of fearing the unknown of a new life, maybe medication not being absorbed or maybe even the initial high of the surgery subsided and the the issues still being underneath. I've not turned to food, probably the opposite and starting to feel sick again when I eat. I think that might be psychological. I do have a lot of stresses in my life but I was coping well, it's just hard that this has reared it's head again when I need to be really focused. I hoping once I've had a chat with my gp (fingers crossed for tomorrow as I have the whole day off so hope they can fit me in) and got into the swing of my new job I will feel better. Thank you xxx

Hope things improve for you too Chrisa, I know you are having a hard time too xxx

 

[chrisa]

Good luck at the docs Shelley hope they are really sympathetic with you. You always give such good sound advice, I know its often easier to advise others than it is to sort ourselves out. Thinking of you today. x

 

[shelleymarie]

They couldn't fit me in again today, her day off. Working the rest of the week and all next week so will have to try and see if I can get an early morning one. Shouldn't be this hard to get to a doctor :/ Thanks Chrisa xx

 

[Yvessa]

I would say you're feeling suicidal and you need to see the doctor immediately for some help

 

[shelleymarie]

Very tempting! I'm considering seeing someone else now before I slowly go out of my mind, if they are useless at least I tried xx

 

[Yvessa]

I honestly would do it. You never know how quickly the cycle might deepen and its better to get help while you're still ready to ask for it.

 

[Sampaterson]

Hi ladies I feel very much the same I am usually so upbeat. I Have been through the menopause for over the last 10 years with hot flushes and gaps between periods etc. I have had no periods now since last June 2011. It hasn't been too bad since my b ypass last August 2011. I did feel sick every day for a long time but never actually sick. I do feel sickly on the odd occasion but it is usually like Shelley said my own fault, too fatty, sweet or eaten too fast. I HAVE DEALT WITH DEPRESSION BOTH AS A CARER AND HAD IT MY SELF. These last 2 years for me have been very difficult at work even before my op, I feel like I have been stripped of everything I had, every bit of confidence has been ripped away. The final blow for me was the proposal that we are to be made redundant. I love my job and all the kids. I feel like I have had the last bit of wind taken out of my sails. We are not wanted or needed any more. There are 5 of us in this boat, 1 already has found a new job 2 are on the sick, 1 is in another section to me and then there is me. I am doing my work and some of there's who are on the sick. I am strong one minute and in tears the next. people either avoid us in the corridors or just don't know what to say, then there's others who have never really bothered with us want to stop n chat to find out whats happening. I am so up and down just don't know where I am at, some mornings I cry going to work and sometimes I am happy, always ok with the kids you have to put on a front. I am finding it difficult to be civil to some people. I feel hurt, unloved, unwanted and utterly devastated by this blow, I am lucky thta I have a strong faith, I know at the end of the day something good will come out of something so bad, however its this middle bit of not knowing that is killing me. I need a CV, I need a job but what kind I do not know. My confidence is quite low and has taken a battering, being a wife and a mother is difficult enough without all this going on and menopause. I would normally ahve ate or drank a lot when I felt like this so am struggling there too. I don't want to start on the antidepressants line really so trying to deal with it best I can. This is our 1st Christmas alone for hubb y n me. My son left home in JAN lives with gf they are coming for Xmas breakfast, and my daughter now lives away from us only bout 40 mins but no buses over Christmas so won't see her, she is happy and have encouraged her to spend it together, n nogt worry bout us. We skype most days, she has only been gone 3 weeks, so that is on top of everything, there is only one way to go for me and that is up. Not forgetting that I need a job asap as we cannot survuive on hubby s wage he is only part time I am the main bread winner. I feel ok writing it down and had my birthday yesterday but know once am ready for work thise awful feelings will return. I have my church friends praying for me, and that has carried me this far just waiting for new doors to open and some glimmers of hope, which I hope woill appear very soon, it would be all too easy to go on the sick with stress and I don;t want that, I will not give in and will fight it to the end, I THINK THEY WANT US TO LEAVE WITHOUT ANY REDUNDANCY. NO WAY. It wint be much but won't go with out it. Hope you all ahve a better day than me xx

If you need any help with a CV let me know. I'm a PA and will turn it around ASAP. Will also advise on great places and sites to have a look at for jobs if you need. Deffo wait for redundancy but start getting those irons in a few different fires as you always have to think of no1. Me and hubby alone this year too - my first since my mum died about 4 months ago as son going to his dads. I'm on antidepressants and have been for a couple of years (this time) determined to get off them in new year but just remember its just an imbalance nothing more. Hubby just left Navy after 32 years and now looking for a new role - he's scared of the big wide world and doesn't believe in himself. Feel like I'd just crack if I stopped. We all sound like we're having a **** year but it will get better. X

 

[chrisa]

Thank you so much for that kind offer, I will bear it in mind and may well be in touch, my daughter has a cv template which she is emailing me so will ahev a look at that over the next week, am trying to stay positive, we had a meet with our union rep tonite they go into school tomorrow with our questions, then next wed we get our own little spot with the rep in front of the head n governors, treading on egg shells cos we gunna need a good reference. Will keep you posted ta x

 

[Sampaterson]

Good luck but they have to give a good reference these days.

 

[julesburns]

Hi Shelley Marie. I understand completely how you feel. I've been taking 40mg citilopram for nearly 3 years now. Most of the time they are great, but sometimes I still get the old symptoms. The good news is that I recognise the signs and you do too. You NEED to see your gp. Phone at 8am. Tell them its a very personal matter regarding mental health and that she is the only doctor you trust. Cry if you have too. They usually panic at the words mental health and make you an appointment immediately. If you need to take time off work to do it then so be it. It's either take an hour for an appointment now or the possibility of months off if things get worse. She will increase your dosage - which may make you feel a bit crappy for a few days/weeks. But after that you'll start to get back to normal. Good luck honey. You'll be fine. Xxx

 

[julesburns]

I would also like to add that your problem is a chemical imbalance in your brain. its as common as asthma and its nobody's fault. Especially not yours. It's an illness and you need a little bit of help to put your imbalance right. That's it. Simple. xxxx