great thread guys. My weight affects my confidence and I am very shy until I get to know people properly. I feel awkward and uncomfortable when meeting people for the first time and I feel that my social skills are not as developed as they should be for someone my age. I did not spend my twenties going out having fun like most people my age. I was at home getting fatter. Now at 35, I really have to push myself to do things that many (slim) people take for granted.
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Did Your Weight Hold You Back
- Thread starter Snowcrystal
- Start date
tendersage
New Member
Jonah Painted my toe nails for me 2 weeks ago i have not taken it off i want to keep seeing it, and not keep looking at bare nails.
As for weight holding me back oh yes definately, my confidence was so low i would not apply for jobs i could do, only to see others less qualified go for them and get them!! Then there is the current one where i do not get the training i want without ranting and raving, and until recently i couldnt even bring myself to do that due to lack of confidence. Getting them to change their view of me is not so easy as having the WLS and losing the weight, and we all know how hard that is. Plus because of being overweight in the security industy people view you differenlt and your not seen as a viable long term employee due to not being fit, so they cannot be bothered to train or ensure you know whats needed
As for weight holding me back oh yes definately, my confidence was so low i would not apply for jobs i could do, only to see others less qualified go for them and get them!! Then there is the current one where i do not get the training i want without ranting and raving, and until recently i couldnt even bring myself to do that due to lack of confidence. Getting them to change their view of me is not so easy as having the WLS and losing the weight, and we all know how hard that is. Plus because of being overweight in the security industy people view you differenlt and your not seen as a viable long term employee due to not being fit, so they cannot be bothered to train or ensure you know whats needed
emmarfrost
New Member
My biggest problem has always been confidence, looking and feeling the way I do shatters me all the time.If I go out with my husband for a meal (which is rare for the reasons above) I always feel people are looking at me eating thinking 'fat cow, why is she eating that, she's big enough already, no wonder she's fat'.I hate it! That's probably the thing im looking forward to the most by having the op, that I will feel confident, and not ashamed 
Hi Snowcrystal I can totally relate to what you said, and what Quetiapina so elegentaly put. I would add cinemas to that list. I have a morbid fear of getting utterly stuck in there, I've gained since the last time I went and it was unconforatble then. I was getting worried about going on the tube coz the seats are so narow. deck chairs, very low soft sofas, plastic chairs just don't fit!!!
Slowly slowly, but b4 you know it, things close in, the world gets smaller the things, the things I feel comfortable with get fewer.
Having said all that the reverse is also true. Today I've lost a whole stone In A WEEK! and the world is my oyster, I'm raring to go. I'm pushing back boundrys. And thinking positive
I haven't had the op yet, but I did lose a lot of weight (~10 stone 6 yrs ago) and I know people were different with me b4 and after, attitudes, invitations, everything! I also know that quite a lot of that was of my own making, limmiting myself, not going out, embarassment, etc.
People has always looked at me but I put it down to having pink hair not being fat, but who knows, and hey who cares. Well, yes me but I can try not to after all, how do I know what they're thinking? Would I think that? So why should they
I've got a fridge magnet that says
DO INT THING THAT SCARES YOU EVERYDAY
On balance I think it's probably good advice
Slowly slowly, but b4 you know it, things close in, the world gets smaller the things, the things I feel comfortable with get fewer.
Having said all that the reverse is also true. Today I've lost a whole stone In A WEEK! and the world is my oyster, I'm raring to go. I'm pushing back boundrys. And thinking positive
I haven't had the op yet, but I did lose a lot of weight (~10 stone 6 yrs ago) and I know people were different with me b4 and after, attitudes, invitations, everything! I also know that quite a lot of that was of my own making, limmiting myself, not going out, embarassment, etc.
People has always looked at me but I put it down to having pink hair not being fat, but who knows, and hey who cares. Well, yes me but I can try not to after all, how do I know what they're thinking? Would I think that? So why should they
I've got a fridge magnet that says
DO INT THING THAT SCARES YOU EVERYDAY
On balance I think it's probably good advice
quetiapina
Bumps along somehow
Good advice iinklii.
Isn't it amazing how losing some weight opens up our world. It's good when we are losing; but really sad as well - the torment of when we were gaining our weight.
Well done on yr weight loss i x
xsarahloux
~4 weigh ins til refeed!~
mine has always held me back. I'm 24 and have been overweight forever but very overweight since i was about 8. poor mum did everything she could but i would just secret eat. i grew up overweight and developed this "love me as i am or not at all" bravado. it wasnt until i was 16 that i realised it wasnt true.
I have always told myself i am not "outdoorsy" (code for active i reckon) and always makes jokes about how unfit i am but basically know i am just making excuses all the time. my darling boyfriend has a bit of wanderlust going on, loves travelling and is desperate to go to Peru and climb Machu Picchu. Secretly i would love to do this but the thought of that long flight in that seat which is uncomfortably small and i have to have a seat belt extension now. AND THEN that huge climb!
this is just one example but yes it holds me back everyday.
I have always told myself i am not "outdoorsy" (code for active i reckon) and always makes jokes about how unfit i am but basically know i am just making excuses all the time. my darling boyfriend has a bit of wanderlust going on, loves travelling and is desperate to go to Peru and climb Machu Picchu. Secretly i would love to do this but the thought of that long flight in that seat which is uncomfortably small and i have to have a seat belt extension now. AND THEN that huge climb!
this is just one example but yes it holds me back everyday.
Snowcrystal
New Member
A lot of what you all say is heart wrenching stuff........It's not just the physical stuff we're affected by, but the mental affect is very powerful.
Thank you for sharing.
~X~X~X~
Thank you for sharing.
~X~X~X~
debbiejane
New Member
oh ladies i so hear what your all saying and all put so well thankyou just knowing your not alone with all these feelings is a real boost. i am a hairdresser an one thing that i hate is knocking clients with my huge belly makes me want to quit my job its so demoralising when you see they realise its your belly:cry:
Yoyo-nomore
New Member
I agree with the sentiments on here and there's all kinds of things that i haven't done because of my weight. There's almost no photos of me with my children, I hate sitting on the tube feeling like I take up too much space, I'd love to do a sky-dive and never have, I have to do a fair bit of public speaking and HATE it, I only ever wear black.. literally for 20 years .... , won't go swimming at my heaviest and I LOVE water and sports... All of these things added to the decision to have the bypass and live a fuller life as a result hopefully.
But here's the awful truth I'm going to admit. I think I make those judgements about overweight people too and so I expect them to be made about me. I find the overweight person annoying on the train, I notice the person eating, I might stare in a pool, I hope I don't sit next to them on a plane etc.. and it's just shocking given I'm the person that I'm judging. I'm really ashamed to admit this and it's shockingly shallow. I think I've also realised that part of my issue with dieting was not wanting to comply with society's issues on this.. defying society in a way and demanding to be respected even if I was fat...
Oh god.. where's the shrink?
But here's the awful truth I'm going to admit. I think I make those judgements about overweight people too and so I expect them to be made about me. I find the overweight person annoying on the train, I notice the person eating, I might stare in a pool, I hope I don't sit next to them on a plane etc.. and it's just shocking given I'm the person that I'm judging. I'm really ashamed to admit this and it's shockingly shallow. I think I've also realised that part of my issue with dieting was not wanting to comply with society's issues on this.. defying society in a way and demanding to be respected even if I was fat...
Oh god.. where's the shrink?
<3FallenxAngel<3
Getting married :)
All these posts remind me of how i feel when i am out or around people etc. Its amazing how size can make so many people feel the same way. At least I know there are plenty of supportive guys and gals on Minimins to keep us all going.
Good luch all on your journeys
Much love Kel xxx
Good luch all on your journeys
Much love Kel xxx
quetiapina
Bumps along somehow
A really honest post. Thankyou, it really got me thinking.
I've been guilty of thinking things when I was younger, particularly due thin times and when I had Bulimia when I was an undergrad. I was terribly smug and thought "I'm never going to let that happen to me" HAHA. That really bit me on the bum!
And I've also been sat in the room looking to see who is biggest and been relieved it was not me, or mortified if it was. These things were when I was younger. In recent years I tend to feel a strong sense of kinship with other large people, the competition side of things just went away as I grew older I guess.
j.u.s.t.l.i.z.
Runs Srh Support Group
its an insecure thing we are judged for being overweight/ obese but we judge others in the same situation as we are or have been, why do we do this ? the simple answer is society and stereo typing of "people" we re the people that gets judged by others but yet we do it our selves to others in the same situ as us, if we the people thats living this, or have lived it can judge, then fk nose wot the skinny ppl are saying, oh this post is getting a little complex, you all know what im saying, i used to be like that but now my head thinks "dont judge another till you know that person " we are all judged in life by others" for what ever reasons human beings always find a reason to judge another and make there opinions from that 1st meeting with some 1, ive learned that life aint like that it means take a step back look at the person not the book cover.
liz x
liz x
emmarfrost
New Member
Love it Liz...very profound for 9am x
x
j.u.s.t.l.i.z.
Runs Srh Support Group
Love it Liz...very profound for 9am
lol em i posted the above late last night as im a bit of a night owl
im just sat here on wake up mode with me coffee n a fag
Hi Snow i am also a travel agent who do you work for ? I work for Cresta/ Thomas cook ... I know what you mean about the offers of educationals i have been with the company for over 9 years and for the last 6 i have always turned them down as i knew of the embarrasement i would have asking for the extender for my seatbelt and taking over half the chair of the person sat next to me .... This op has given me my life back i have accepted an educational 1st sep and i just started my driving lessons xx
xsarahloux
~4 weigh ins til refeed!~
This thread was a really good idea, Snow. I don't really know any very overweight people and whenever i have been close enough to someone to tell them these fears, they just say oh dont be ridiculous and they have no idea.
for example, the thing many of you have said, people seeing you eat, i have always been convinced that they are thinking, why is she eating that, she doesnt need it? people who have never been overweight have no idea how it can psychologically affect you and i am so pleased we all have this forum and this thread to express it.
Feel loads better.
xx
for example, the thing many of you have said, people seeing you eat, i have always been convinced that they are thinking, why is she eating that, she doesnt need it? people who have never been overweight have no idea how it can psychologically affect you and i am so pleased we all have this forum and this thread to express it.
Feel loads better.
xx
cazbandy
Bring on the Trumpets!
I started putting weight on im my teens, because I was hurt and betrayed by a family member.
At first, as the weight went on, it never affected me. I knew people were beginning to stare but I was a tough old cookie and stood my ground. I was sucessful in my careers and had plenty of friends and male attention.
But what was going on inside was the total opposite. I hated myself, the way I looked, the way people looked at me, like I was a freak of nature.
So slowly depression crept in, sometimes I saw myself through it but now and then I would be left paralysed by it. I ate to cover my feelings, the food pushed all the nastiness away for a while until the guilt of eating took over, which led to feeling less about myself, which led to me trying to calm those bad emotions with more food. The cycle had begun...
I used food to heal the bad times and to celebrate the good times, all the while growing bigger and bigger.
And slowly, I stopped doing things, my confidence ebbed away. I hated clothes, hated being in public, hated going to parties...just hated me.
I lost so much confidence and my chances at job interviews was being jeopardised. I knew I should try and help myself but I just gave up.
Then my health started to suffer.
But agmonst all this, I met someone. And they fell in love with me, for who I am and nothing more.
This gave me the hope I needed. I decided time for change, not just for him but for me, as I deserved to be happy and healthy. He has supported my in all ways through this process and last year he proposed to me.
Having this surgery will give me back my life, I am working on the confidence issues but now I feel more willing to be part of the world again.
Now I don't feel the shackles of my past.
At first, as the weight went on, it never affected me. I knew people were beginning to stare but I was a tough old cookie and stood my ground. I was sucessful in my careers and had plenty of friends and male attention.
But what was going on inside was the total opposite. I hated myself, the way I looked, the way people looked at me, like I was a freak of nature.
So slowly depression crept in, sometimes I saw myself through it but now and then I would be left paralysed by it. I ate to cover my feelings, the food pushed all the nastiness away for a while until the guilt of eating took over, which led to feeling less about myself, which led to me trying to calm those bad emotions with more food. The cycle had begun...
I used food to heal the bad times and to celebrate the good times, all the while growing bigger and bigger.
And slowly, I stopped doing things, my confidence ebbed away. I hated clothes, hated being in public, hated going to parties...just hated me.
I lost so much confidence and my chances at job interviews was being jeopardised. I knew I should try and help myself but I just gave up.
Then my health started to suffer.
But agmonst all this, I met someone. And they fell in love with me, for who I am and nothing more.
This gave me the hope I needed. I decided time for change, not just for him but for me, as I deserved to be happy and healthy. He has supported my in all ways through this process and last year he proposed to me.
Having this surgery will give me back my life, I am working on the confidence issues but now I feel more willing to be part of the world again.
Now I don't feel the shackles of my past.
quetiapina
Bumps along somehow
Caz, that was a lovely post. Really honest and sad but happy as well. Thankyou for sharing it.
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