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Disheartened after consultation :-(

B

Beth72

New Member
Evening all,

I had my consultation for the gastric band today & came away feeling confused & bit disheartened - depressed too at my weight of 19st7 (BMI 41.5). My scales seemed to have been kinder to me! Basically, I'm thinking of a band as my last resort, but there's no guarantee it will work (like with anything I guess). Consultant told me that I'd have to work really hard with the band & plan each meal - at the moment my eating is rubbish as I've got small children, so am constantly stressed with very little 'me' time without the kids. Was just wanting some assurance/positivity that I could make the band work for me as I'm desperately unhappy as I am & feel a failure that I turn to food all the time. Nothing about my life will change post band in terms of stress/kids & I use food as a crutch & have done for years - just wondering how that void will be replaced post band & are there any other banders that felt like this pre band & have succeeded.

Guess it doesn't help not personally knowing anyone with a band & I'm looking at glass half empty after today - no guarantee won't run into complications either. At same time, I so want help for my weight as have never successfully kept weight off before or been so big as am now. I don't want to be sitting here 6 months down the line even bigger, but need to be realistic - how hard is it to get used to the band? Surgeon is happy with what I choose & suggested trying a support group, although admitted most at the support group would be bypassers. At a real crossroads but know my weight is affecting every aspect of my life, even to extent I don't want to socialise much anymore, but then I'll just stay in & eat! Sorry for long moan, but hard when I don't plan on telling anyone my plans for surgery x
 
I'm sorry I can't help band wise :( but I think the surgeon was probably right how he explained things it's so easy to gloss over things and paint a rosy picture which I think is what you wanted really but he has made you realise it's not all like that and you have to make whatever surgery you have work for you, they don't operate on your brain or your mouth so you will still have to control what goes in and what makes you put them in :) a group would be good for you even if the majority are bypassers it's still good to talk and I think you may have more in common than you think apart from the type of surgery xxx take care keep your chin up x
 
it isn't that the band is hard to get used to but it is only a tool to help you lose weight and it is something which needs you to make life changing choices in what and how you eat. It won't stop you snacking, it won't stop you eating for stress and it won't stop emotional eating either. The band takes and needs you to make changes And choices about what you eat - in short everything you do now won' t be fixed or stopped by having a band.

You will still be able to eat rubbish and in all honesty rubbish food is easier to eat with the band so unless you are going to make choices and work hard with the band, controlling how, what and when you eat then its quite likely it will not be the tool for you. I've had my band for 5 months and I have to monitor everything I eat, llimiting calories, carbs and ensuring max protein, this goes hand in hand with regular exercise but I am fully able to eat what I want, when I want and my losses have come from huge changes in menu choices, taking the time to do so but it takes a lot of hard work and focus even if "me" time is limited.

I am a single parent, Im self employed and work lots of hours, but all that has to work with the band *i* have to work with the band and if I didn't then bluntly the band wouldn't work. It took me 7 years to be in the right mindset for this option - it isn't an answer, it doesn't stop food issues, it's a tool to work with the choices and changes we make in order to lose the weight and if we aren't prepared to then its highly likely to not work, if you are prepared to work with it, then yes it can work but it won't stop you turning to food, or using it in times of stress or difficulties - that's down to you - one option would be to consider some of of counselling or therapy to help with the eating issues pre band cos a band is by no means an easy option (CBT can be helpful and may be worth looking into) and that ahead of surgery could put you in a much better place and mindset and be ready for a band :)
 
Thanks for the advice - funnily enough I'm starting some counselling next week via my GP as I've suffered a bit of PND which certainly hasn't helped my weight, so hopefully it will help me feel n a better place to tackle my food demons. Would still like to look at surgery April time if possible as want it before I restart work (on maternity now), as once I go back, don't want any questions asked I'm off as it's going to be confidential from most people. Did you have any sort of therapy for your eating habits before surgery Kat, to make the band work for you, when diets pre band didn't? I guess your fab weightloss now is a really good motivator too - are you getting a lot of comments from people about your loss? Guess you must be after 6 stone!! Your story is definitely inspiring :)
 
Hi Beth - hopefully it will help you when you see them, and it may help you get back on track especially if you're suffering PND too, that is enough on its own to make you feel so down and disheartened but hopefully it will be a positive step to getting you in a better place. Maybe worth talking to them in relation to CBT and food issues.

I've battled with food and eating issues all of my life, I'm 40 and I've faced diets now for 30 years. At 11 when i was heading to senior school I had to have my uniform specially made as off the shelf didn't fit . . .its been a battle all of my life, heading up to my highest weight of 24 stone back last summer at the time of my surgery.

I went on Lighterlife, for a while, which aside from making me dreadfully ill (I couldn't even have 1 shake a day it made me so sick) and I did find that the CBT things as part of that made me evaluate my eating and made me aware of what I do and when.

I was also and have always been aware that a lot of it was emotional based eating. I lost my mum in 2009 and it was from that point, when I also gave up smoking that my weight increased, a lot of it boredom, a lot of it because I was stuck at home. I've gone through stages where I've binged and also where I've just overeaten. But, it also took me the 7 years to get to a place of considering surgery, looking at it for that long, and getting into a place where I HAD to make the changes. Had I gone for it before, I know that it wouldn't have worked for me like it is doing so. But even with the motivation I have now, even with the focus and control it isn't easy.

I havent had therapy or counselling for any of my weight or eating habits/issues, this really has come from me and my knowing that I have to do something. I had a motivator of my son starting senior school and when I went to the parents evening I was the biggest person there - I was determined that I wouldn't be when I go to the parents evening in April. I don't want my son to be picked on and bullied because Im the fat blob. This and the fact that losing my Mum made me realise just how little family my son has and if anything were to happen to me just how alone he would be, are all the motivators behind where I am at now.

It isn't easy. I still get times when I "pick" and graze. I still have times when I eat something and afterwards think I shouldn't have. But I'm using the band to help me make the healthy choices. I work to my strict cals, protein, carbs etc, I look at labels in shops and I leave anything that doesn't fit in with the healthy choices. I know if it was still in the house, I would eat it.

Relaxed xmas showed me that!

I haven't had any negative or down days since having my band, but I'm working hard on my mind and feelings and thoughts to get to a place where I don't see a food as good or bad, that I don't feel guilty if I eat something. That I want to get to a place where I can find that balance, and it is hard at times as I don't have restriction from my band - I see people say they eat half a chicken breast and are full. I can eat two and still not feel full. People who can eat half a sandwich - I could eat 2 rounds of sandwiches and still not feel full. But although i don't have the restriction from my band, just because I can eat those things, doesn't mean that I should or do. And that is what I have to focus on.

Its possible to eat anything. Its possible that you can munch on all the foods you use as an emotional crutch, that you could limit yourself to 1000 cals, but it could be 1000 cals of chocolate - so it wont work. however it wont be the band that isn't working . . .its us.

It isn't an easy choice. But its one I've never regretted, but I also know that I had to be in the right mindset to move forward with this and that I didn't want to rush with my fills as I want to make this about the choices I make in terms of what I eat, when and how, and not the band doing the work. I would say its perhaps 10% band, but 90% me, the choices I make, but if I wasn't in a good place to be making those choices, then I'm very aware that the band wouldn't stop me.

As for the loss - people do notice, although I attended a family event a couple of weeks ago - they last saw me over 6 stone heavier. . . not one person commented, not even my Dad! And while none of them know about the band, I thought he may notice. But nothing. That I found disheartening . . .but it also made me realise just how little some people care or notice but more so, Im not doing this for them, or for people to say "you're thin" or "you've lost weight". I am doing it every step of the way for me.

:)
 
Wow, you've done so well & good on you for being so positive & focussed. So glad I've found this support group! I too am 40 & similarly have battled with weight for around 30 years - remember my mum coming into my class one day at school with a load of chocolate wrappers she'd found under the sofa that I'd hidden, thinking that the shame & shock tactics would make me lose weight! Not surprisingly to someone with 'food issues', it didn't! I've also done Lighterlife, but only lasted a week!! Lost about 5 stone with WW once, but as soon as I stopped going, it crept back on :-( My mother has always taunted me about my weight too & made cruel jibes which have never helped - she's obsessive the other way & always strives to be a size zero - gggrrrhhh!

Think having the kids has been such a shock to me in terms of responsibility & in terms of a social life being on hold, it's been hard to adjust & have any sort of freedom, hence why my eating habits have got worse. Much as I'm not looking forward to going back to work, think it'll do me good as I'll have more structure & less time to eat!!

Like you also, my children have to be my motivators & husband. I struggle with stairs now & knees ache. We have a very small family too, so the boys would only have each other. Think I need to take a leaf out of your book & see it as a last chance - knowing that there could be an implant inside me will hopefully be a motivator too, as abusing it could cause greater complications. Have you had no readjustments of band then? My consultant said the 1st follow up/adjustment is around 6 weeks post surgery x
 
Yes I had a fill at 5 weeks of 5mls. (My provider doesn't put anything into the band at time of surgery, although some do!) I then had a 1ml fill 2 weeks later as the first fill set of a level of hunger that was just WOW lol

I then didn't have another fill for 3 months -which was on the 5th jan. They put in another 1.5mls so I currently have 7.5mls in my 14ml band, but in terms of restriction, while it may help in terms of not feeling so hungry, I am able to eat anything and to what amounts that I want about 98% of the time.

I am considering having another small fill to try and find a bit more restriction, but leaving it for another few weeks to do so as I know it can vary during the month and I'm still currently losing average 3lb a week. (weigh in tomorrow tho and I don't feel as if I've lost this week) so we shall see lol

I relate to lots of what you have said, although my Mum didn't pick on me, she was always a size 10 and tiny, my dad on the other hand is like me - but its his health issues which when I was talking about in my consultation he said that I will end up the same way. I think the realisation of that hit home - my dads had a quadruple heart bypass, several heart attacks, he's had bowel cancer, he has insulin controlled diabetes, angina, and he now has dialysis. His kidneys are only operating to about 15% and as the dr said to me - it WILL be me if I didn't do something soon.

It can be hard, because I've always known these things, but I failed to see just how big I was, I went up in clothes, no longer fitted into Evans sizes, but we went on holiday to Italy last May and went on a tour to the 3rd level of the colosseum - I don't know how I made it up there . . .and the photos and that holiday were both the final straw.

I came home, started looking at finances, and booked the consultation. The rest has led me to where I am now . . .but had I done it a year or so ago, a few years ago . . .I know it wouldn't be working as I wasn't in the right place back then . . .
 
I'm sorry your dad is so poorly x you did the right thing acting now :) my doctor told me one day you just won't wake up but I had no chance of paying myself so begged for help and I look at photos now and think how did I ever think I looked ok :( every time something got tighter I bought next size never thought to slim into it x well done with everything your coping with x
 
Totally agree with what Ange says - you're both doing really well - reading the posts always makes me feel positive that changes can be made when the time is right. Trouble is, for me, I always have excuses like 'diet starts Monday', when we all know it never does. Think a lot of the time I'm in denial about how big I've become - my hubby bless him would never dare say anything about my weight esp as I'm so defensive!

Trying on my clothes this morning, they are uncomfortably tight & I'm starting to panic as a lot of Evans are closing down lol! Not funny really, but something HAS to spur me into action. Kat, I guess seeing your Dad's health suffer was a big factor in encouraging you. Been having a good think since my consultation yesterday & the thing that I'm afraid of is that it's permanent - in the past with diets etc, I've used a pig out as reward or at least a day/night off & with a band, you can't really do that. Once I can get my head around the 'no going back' which I've always done before, I'll be ready. Silly really as I wrote a list of pros for surgery & the only thing holding me back is fear of the unknown.

My consultant advised I contact his secretary to speak to some more patients of his who've had bands, so may do that, altho didn't tell him I'd joined this forum ;-)
 
Hi Beth

I found that I've always thought that way, when I've lost weight before I've kept the clothes as I've always gone back into them and then had to get bigger sizes. It does take a while adapting even with the band and seeing the weight come off.

I'm still walking around in clothes that are a few sizes too big, that are loose and baggy cos my head can't catch up with the shrinking body lol

One thing I have found though is that before if I had a bad day, I would say "oh well, just have another one and start next week" and next week would never come, one thing I have found having my band is the way it has helped me to change the train of thought.

I know that a lot of it being that I've spent £7500 on my band and that I cannot afford for it to fail, another being that I'm trying really hard to change how I see food, and if I do have a day where I eat more than my limit of carbs or cals, or if I have a week where I only lose 1lb instead of 4, then it motivates me to keep on track, or to make some better food choices and I think that for me above a lot of things is a positive.

I so relate to that denial. When I ordered a pair of size 34/36 trousers because I needed to go up a size, I still didn't think rather than going up, I should go down. It really was our holiday last year - which was strange because over the past few years we've been to Florida where I was worried about fitting in the rides, we went to NYC and I almost collapsed climbing up to the top of the statue of liberty, but it was last year up that darn Colosseum in Rome that almost finished me off, and seeing the photos which really made it hit home. And when we went to Venice I had an awful experience getting out of a gondola which made me feel so embarrassed for my son.

The band has been the best thing I've done, I've started for the first time selling the clothes that are now too big, something I've never done before. And there are times it is hard to stay focussed. There are days I think I'd love a chip butty, but I know that if I start doing that right now, that its the slippery slope for me. I know the fact that I would eat a biscuit, my band wouldn't or doesnt stop me from having the packet - so I don't have them in the house. I think if you can keep a focus on the tool, be as prepared as you can be, get as much support and help as you can and if you're able to get some help with your eating issues etc and get to the bottom of what lies behind the comfort eating then it could be a wonderful tool for you too.

I think we often reach a point where we just know, that this is it. That it has to be it. It took me a long time to get there seeing as I've battled with my weight all of my life, but, I think we need to be . . .we need to know that this is it, this is what we need and be determined to make it work :)

I don't know where abouts in the UK you are, but if you do go down this path and have a band and need a band buddy, someone to chat to or vent to, Im always here :) I know it can be a lonely experience as apart from my son and my aunt, no-one else knows about my band.
 
Ahh thanks Kat - you're right though, it does seem like a top secret mission. I've just called the secretary & she's invited me to go along to a support group next month & has reserved a theatre date for April (I asked for holiday time as my hubby will be around for childcare etc) & I just need to give her a yay or nay in a few weeks.

I'm from the Leeds area btw. Something to think about is the follow up package which doesn't sound as good as yours, but location is better for me. I'd get 2 years follow ups & 4 fills, although she said if more fills are needed he doesn't really charge. However, if a slippage occurred further down the line than 2 months post surgery, then that isn't covered!! She said its be very rare that did happen, but when I asked what I'd be supposed to do, she said I'd have to get referred to him on NHS & if had problem, my gp would have to refer me as would need looking after.

All a bit scary - I go from thinking, yes it's the right thing to do, to being scared witless of the problems, even though rare. Feel a right wimp - never been really decisive though & 1 negative tends to stick with me, rather than all the positives!

Good going for not having bad foods in the house. My hubby always has biscuits & crisps in, but he can annoyingly get away with it! How have you managed socially eating? I'd have work Xmas do to consider & alcohol! :)
 
My provider (Healthier Weight) do have offices etc based in Manchester because one of the options where I can go for fills at the clinic is in manchester - they have been excellent. I got 2 years after care the unlimited fills, but also got the additional 3 years post surgery care and cover. Mine cost me more because of my starting BMI, but they really have been excellent, both before, during and after op and since. But they do people up north so it may well be worth checking out - if you do consider it they were doing a referral system which if referred by an existing patient ( :D )gives you money off surgery ;)

 
Back to the drawing table lol! I called healthier weight & someone called me back - they do seem very helpful & consultation is free, so I'm already a bit p'ed off that yesterday was £200! Basically i had a long chat about the band (with the coordinator) & the travel for follow ups would be an implication. Then she discussed the sleeve, which I'd never really thought of as it's more invasive, higher initial complications etc.

They've provisionally booked me in for a consultation with Mr Ashton for 9th Feb & she said he'll suggest the best surgery for me. She seemed to suggest that the sleeve may be better for someone who is an emotional eater as it requires slightly less compliance than the band & the hormones controlling hunger are removed (or something like that!), so the appetite is greatly reduced & no follow ups needed for fills etc. Mmmm, must admit I'd not considered the sleeve for recovery time etc, but just want the best option - saying that, financially the sleeve would really stretch us (10.5k) & when I look at my 6 month old baby, the guilt is enormous over that amount of money that could be for their future & the surgery carries bigger short term risks.

Did you meet Mr Ashton & was the sleeve suggested for you? Think we'll go over next Sat for the consultation & see what he says. Thanks for the tip off to call them tho - the success stories make a good read & your recommendation & success from here :)
 
Yes my first consultation was with Dr Ashton - I already knew that I wanted the band. They went through the other procedures with me first, and then I met him. He will way it all up and I said to him the fact that Im a single parent, self employed and need minimum downtime that the band is really my only option.

he does discuss eating habits but also what he thinks based on history and where you are. But he did agree with me that the band was a good option for me, and I think a lot of that was also down to where I was in relation to the decision and my eating. When I saw him, I had just under 14 stone to lose, and he did say that it was an awful lot to expect to lose on the band, but it wasn't beyond the realms of possibility -

When I mentioned the referral, they do a patient to patient one which would, had you gone ahead with them knocked some pennies off your surgery LOL ;) but they have been good and the follow up and contact is good too. They have their own forum, with people who get together and who interact on our own FB page/group but also via phone and email, so there's extra support too :)
 
Thanks for the advice re Czech Republic - wouldn't hesitate if didn't have a newborn & toddler, but would want them & hubby to be close. There is a huge price difference tho - how do you do for follow ups if been done abroad tho? Or can you have follow ups from the same company, but in UK?

I'm still really debating which surgery to go for - having a telephone consultation from the WLS group (Yorkshire) on Monday & another from Healthier Weight in the week. Are you both pleased with your procedures & losses?
 
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