Don't want me to change?

[mariew]

Isn't it odd how other people like us cuddly and round, but we hate it!
People always tell me they don't see me as a fat person! But I just think they are used to me, none of them can remember me slim. They have all said they hope being slim won't change me! I hope it will, i want to be happier, less self conscious, and more confident.
A few years ago I lost 7 st on a VLCD. It cost a fortune and was very hard to do. I went from a size 30 to a size 18 (I am tall so 18 looks ok)in about 5 months. Everyone was complimenting me on my new appearance, I was happy and confident. As a result of my new found happiness I started having a more active social life, instead of turning down invites, I started accepting them. I went for evenings out with the girls, started going out for meals with the family. I started living. People always kept telling me how much better I looked and did i worry about going back up to 22st. I always said no way, never again!
When I began putting a few lb on I didn't worry, i just thought I'll go back on the shakes for a couple of weeks and it'll go again. Then I thought, I'll give up smoking and get my holiday out of the way, then I'll get back on track and lose even more before xmas. Only it wasn't that easy. I never managed to stick to it ever again. I could never go more than 2 days, then I would give in and eat again.
So here I am, almost 2 weeks post bypass and I will fight tooth and nail now to get to my goal, and then to maintain it. I can't wait to change not only my shape but my negativity about my weight. I am happily married to a lovely man. My kids have all left home, they are all healthy and happy, in work and living their own lives. The only bad thing is my weight. I hope with every fibre of my being that I change!

 

[flowerofshona]

You go girl and enjoy life to the full on your terms !

 

[anna2131]

Thats brillant positive determination to have hun gl xx

 

[Sophie 124]

Good luck on your WL journey.... Because you're worth it (flicks hair!) lol xx

 

[lynne08]

your such a positive person Marie and give us all on here such fab support! you deserve the best in life! you go for it!
xxx

 

[mariew]

aw thanx Lynne....welling up now! xxx

 

[Fuffs]

The integral lovely you won't change. You will simply be an enhanced you xxx

 

[weeble]

You are so right. People don't like you to change. I had exactly the same experience when I lost a lot of weight. And I want to change - I'm not happy the way I am - I hope to be happier, healthier, fitter and more fun to be with.

 

[hbyers]

Marie you are such a beautiful person
You will get to your goal weight as you are always strong !!
We will get out butts back to the gym as soon as possible
You will get their Hun you are a very special friend Hunni love you loads
Xxxxxx

 

[mariew]

Aw...Sophie, xxxx
And Heidi, i bloomin love you. Can't wait to get back in the gym too, we'll start again just after new year. We should give Danny a ring for a couple of sessions, even if it's in the evenings as he is at uni now. x

 

[Sharonimo]

Hi Marie,

10 mins ago I composed a really long, well thought out reply ...but then the computer said "no" and crashed. Gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!

Briefly: been thru very similar circs (VLCDs + others).

And peeps often saying to me do I really need this diet. Due to being slightly tall, even tho I am only 5'7", I am taller than the average woman .... I think a lot of people think I am just "big".

When I point out that I weigh over 23 stone (well did until a few weeks ago) and my BMI is over 50 the rose tinted petals drop from their eyes !!!

 

[mariew]

Yep Sharon, exactly the same. I am 5'9" and was just under 22st at my heaviest. It's not only that though, people around you stop "SEEING" you, a bit like the dog, he doesn't notice how big or small you are, you're just you! When I got pregnant with my first child I was 10st 8lb. He is now 26 so no one remembers me like that! I was only 19 too. Most friends have only ever known me as big. Anyway, I'm not doing this for anyone else, this is for me!

 

[minxtress]

I think if people were to see how much this really does affect us they wouldn't say this but I bet your like me and to the outside world appear such a happy carefree person but think about your weight non stop.
my partner just ended it with me after 9 years and on Tuesday he said to me that when I lost 6 stone 3 years ago and had a boob job he thought I was too skinny and stopped fancying me and now that I'm bigger he fancies me but hates the fact I hate myself and constantly want to change my body. TOp and bottom is people who aren't In our position have no idea what its like to be trapped in these bodies.

 

[mariew]

Ow Minxtress, that is really sad, and I so sorry you have all this stress in your life right now. Yes I am happy to the outside world, in fact the only thing I am unhappy with is my weight. My husband had a fat wife the first time round too, he said if we ever split up he would never look twice at another big woman, not because he doesn't like big women, but because of how it messes with our head and affects the relationship. I see where he is coming from. Also some men only like big women as we are generally less confident and sometimes grateful that a man is taking notice. Perhaps when you lost weight and had new boobs it affected his confidence, maybe he was worried you will leave him so he is getting in first.
Take care of your self. Your never know what's around the corner, it might be Mr.Perfect!!!!!

 

[Fuffs]

Ow Minxtress, that is really sad, and I so sorry you have all this stress in your life right now. Yes I am happy to the outside world, in fact the only thing I am unhappy with is my weight. My husband had a fat wife the first time round too, he said if we ever split up he would never look twice at another big woman, not because he doesn't like big women, but because of how it messes with our head and affects the relationship. I see where he is coming from. Also some men only like big women as we are generally less confident and sometimes grateful that a man is taking notice. Perhaps when you lost weight and had new boobs it affected his confidence, maybe he was worried you will leave him so he is getting in first.
Take care of your self. Your never know what's around the corner, it might be Mr.Perfect!!!!!

My partner said he feels a little insecure at the idea of me being slim. I think because I am 6 ft 2 in in his head I will look like a bombshell supermodel. Yeah right! Lol

I can understand what your husband means. We can be a struggle to be with. I know my lack of self confidence can put a pressure on my relationship

Fingers crossed all will be well

 

[minxtress]

it does no matter how hard we try to remain buoyant. what I am trying to tell myself is that if he truly loved me he would support me through everything not criticize me for the decisions I make.
He argues that when I was slim I still didn't go out or feel happy......which is because everywhere I went he was obsessed I was cheating so was easier not to go anywhere and the constant accusations etc made me.end up on anti dependants and back to where I am now.
I felt confident and loved being me and can't wait to be back there and if that means being single then.il have to accept that I suppose.

 

[Fuffs]

it does no matter how hard we try to remain buoyant. what I am trying to tell myself is that if he truly loved me he would support me through everything not criticize me for the decisions I make.
He argues that when I was slim I still didn't go out or feel happy......which is because everywhere I went he was obsessed I was cheating so was easier not to go anywhere and the constant accusations etc made me.end up on anti dependants and back to where I am now.
I felt confident and loved being me and can't wait to be back there and if that means being single then.il have to accept that I suppose.

He seems like he has an inability to look at his own actions. It's a shame! I bet he thought you were hot hot HOT when you lost weight. But his possessive insecurity makes that impossible for him to see. Such a shame really!!

But soon he will be eating your skinny dust lol

Sorry...just don't like peeps who play head games!

 

[minxtress]

couldn't of said it better myself fuffs xx