Food addiction

[Joie_sparkle]

I think what is becoming more and more clear to me as I go down the path of WLS, is that I have an addiction to food (I'm sure I'm not alone?). I commiserate with food, celebrate with food, comfort myself with food - you name any emotion and I have probably eaten through it...
Then there are the binges - where I'm not even hungry but I eat and eat to numb myself. Till the shame and remorse set in, and I feel twice as bad.
I read somewhere about WLS not fixing your head, and I realised yesterday that is true as I reflected on my compulsive eating throughout the day to cheer myself up.
Has anyone found any good approaches in the run up to WLS to combate cravings and address the underlying issues for eating?
I am thinking a 10 day carb detox to start, and maybe joining over eaters anonymous?
Yesterday was such a tough day, realising the abuse I put my body through and the shame of that.

 

[Hannah2]

Hi, I don't know where you are in the uk as it isn't on your profile, but have you been offered any psychology help through the NHS? It is a big part now in a lot of regions and will help with underlying issues.

If not, could you ask for support? Is it something you could arrange yourself privately?

I am at the start of my post op journey and now understand head hunger more than I did! I also struggle with how little I can eat - if it is yummy my head wants to eat more of it, but I physically can't (good thing!) and I also struggle with all these tiny pots of food in the freezer - how one casserole is like 6 or 10 servings when before it would have been 2 or 4!!!

Our heads like to play tricks with us! I don't know yet how I will cope in those times that I used to cheer myself up with food, I won't be able to do that now, but I hope with my counselling I will be able to work through that.

PS your details show you as currently weighing 2 stone! In case you want to amend that!

 

[FeeBee]

I was already in therapy when I got the date for my op and have worked a lot on my attitude to food and my weight for a lot of my life and that helped a lot.
I have worked at being totally honest with myself about why I wanted to eat and 99% of the time it was because I felt emotionally overwhelmed and didn't know how to deal with so I would 'eat' my feelings instead, literally trying to stuff them back in with food. Unpicking it all was painful and difficult but I was open to it and understood the pain would be worth while and it was. I also became teetotal well over a year ago now. In part because with my medical conditions and medication I shouldn't drink anyway but because I also used alcohol in the same way sometimes. Or I'd manage my diet really well, drink to much and binge. I had surgery to give myself the best chance of being healthy and to me that meant dealing with all the stuff you can't see or weigh too and it was worth it

 

[Crystalrainbow]

Its really good your already recognising it hunni honestly so many of us are in complete denial lol I honestly didn't realise until after the op just how bad i was, and even 2 and a half years in I still struggle..... I have had a counsellor helping me thru, firstly after the op when it suddenly became very apparent i was going to need help....... i did have other issues as well which were all tied up in my weight, it became easier once i started to unlock those, but recently am back again for another round of therapy !!! it certainly doesn't get any easier...... my advise is to ask for help now, the wait via the NHS is long...... i'm not sure where you are in the process, you may even have to see the psychologist along the way........ if you think this is the case, grab the chance while you can.......every little helps (as they say) Today i have been to the hospital back to see my team and was offered a referral to the psychologist but was warned the waiting list was long!!! so much of this weight loss journey is in the head, getting it straight will help no end good luck and lots of well wishes....... being aware is one step closer oh......and knowing your not alone .... x x x x

 

[countrywench]

Hi Joie
May I suggest you keep a little diary in your bag and write everything you eat down in it .. This would be for your eyes only .. I fill mine in religiously , it serves as my conscience for the want of a better word .. This also might help you to identify the triggers that cause you to eat ..
My massive weight was and is caused by carbs .. Fully addicted like an alcoholic . Carbs are very underrated in my opinion and are more addictive than heroin as they hit the reward sensors in your brain and make you happy for the time your jaw is moving and chewing ..
Think of when you eat chocolate .. All the time that luscious mixture is melting in your mouth , your in a dream like state and totally engrossed in the taste and texture .. But as soon as that bar has been eaten , are you wishing you had more ?
All carbs affect me like that wether it's bread , pasta , cakes esp .. I cannot go near them now as I'm sure I would tip over the edge and go back to my old eating habits ..
If your going to do the carb withdraw diet then make sure you up your proteins as they will help to give you the energy that was in the carbs ..
Your not alone , we are all on here due to eating addictions one way or another
Xxxx

 

[SAM55]

I too was in therapy for a number of years before I got to the point of wanting to do something about my weight. Unfortunately my therapist (private) died part way through my WLS journey so I have had to battle to get something on the NHS. I am under no illusions that once I am eating more (three weeks out and on puree) the temptation will be back! I was also advised by one of the team that a number of women who have been abused struggle when they get to a 'normal' weight and I was encouraged to try and arrange further therapy post op.

The NHS waiting list in my area is very long so am expecting nothing is going to happen until the New Year (had assessment in August and have been accepted), and I was referred in February.

Had my first taste of head hunger this evening now the constipation has eased a bit and I can eat a bit more, and know it is because I have had a stressful couple of days with difficult emotions to work through (my daughter and grandchildren are emigrating in 3 weeks to New Zealand and she doesn't have the time to come and visit, 350 miles each way) and I am not well enough to travel that distance.

There is no easy way to battle the weight demons without exploring the reasons behind why we use food as an emotional prop.

Anyone who is interested in exploring some of the psychological issues around food, I found this book
The Overweight Patient: A Psychological Approach to Understanding and Working with Obesity by Kathy Leach incredibly helpful.

 

[FeeBee]

I've certainly found abuse is very often a part of a dysfunctional relationship with food. I'm sorry the waiting time is so long for you but not surprised.
The NHS therapy services are so stretched and often people wait a long time and then just have to take what they are offered. So if they don't click with the therapist or they can only have say 6 sessions regardless off to reasons why they need therapy they are stuck and have to either try and make it work or give up and potentially feel even worse. There are very few charities offering longer term low cost therapy too so unless you can afford private it can be really tough going. Don't get me wrong I've had excellent therapists on the NHS before. The person I saw for a few months in the run up to my op was fantastic. She made a huge difference but I've also had some pretty dire and on a couple of occasions quite damaging experiences too.
I was talking to a fellow brain injury survivor recently who said she feels we need psychological support available when required for the rest of our lives and I could see where she was coming from. The same could be said of weight loss surgery patients too. As noted elsewhere we can't ever go cold turkey totally on food (even the phrase has food in it ) and so have to continue to use the substance that was part of the problem in the first place. Decent support has a huge part to play in long term success. At least we have each other through and we're not totally alone.
Thanks for the heads up about the book. I'll check that out

 

[Crystalrainbow]

gosh....morning girls i agree therapy for life would be a great idea we generally go round and round up and down, for once it would be nice to stay on an even kilter for just once LOL
Speaking from experience here now Sam (a fellow abused) i hit the skids pretty much from the off...i found with every passing layer of fat i lost enclosed within was part of my past.....it was almost like time had locked my past in wee layers, each one had to be dealt with as i went along and my therapist was amazing...my main struggle came when i hit the 11 stone mark .....i would imagine and important weight marker in my past, because i just couldn't get past there weight wise..... it was almost destined to stay there, maybe my body and mind unwilling to unlock that last part of my past?? tbh dealing with most stuff was reasonably easy, considering i had spent most of my life trying to keep it deep within, fearful of tackling it.... but yup it became a problem the smaller i got, i felt terribly vulnerable, almost out on display somewhat...that's when i started to layer up!! gezz layer upon layer i would entomb myself again, just with clothes rather than fat I have a band and as everyone knows its incredibly easy to cheat... here i am 2 years 8 months out battling a gain .......am i embarrassed and ashamed , hell yeah but still working thru it..... its never going to be easy fighting a life long battle of abuse and addiction....... but i think our scars make us who we are and i am proud (sometimes) of who i am and how far i have come..... yes i get angry knowing it has affected my whole life, i am still battling on an every day basis, but its one step forward day by day .....

wishing you all the luck in the world sweetheart..... i try and convince myself everyday that past is past and it should stay there..... past cant hurt you either hunni...work thru it as it comes up it will make you stronger x x x x x

 

[countrywench]

Morning girls ..
I cannot even begin to understand about your younger lives and it's tears my heart in two to hear how children and young teens suffer at the hands of adults .. I'd like to string the lot of them up .. * breath *

This week I'm fighting my own demons big time .. Wether it's the Autumn chill and wanting to snuggle up with some good food and a book/film I don't know .. Hibernation syndrome lol ?
The last few days have seen me wanting to stuff my face every hour , like I used to .. Eg. I had an avacado at 1pm with couscous and a mini cheese , it filled me up to the top . By 2pm I was opening the fridge at work seeking food without realising what I was doing .. 1/2 tub of Greek yogurt down my throat .. 3.30pm again seeking the fridge door .. Holding off until home at 6pm when I decided not to have a dinner and just had a very thick porridge , just how I like it . Thick enough to have to cut with the spoon .. Late evening , when hubby is snoring and I'm on YouTube watching yucky things being squeezed , I'm fighting myself to raid the fridge for cursed pots and rice puddings .. So I quickly slapped a face pack on .. I don't seem to have an off switch when it comes to food .. Need to break that circuit ..
I really hope I can keep this under control ! And that it disappears back under the rock it came crawling out of grrrrr ..

 

[Crystalrainbow]

stay strong Mindy x x x that old monster is never far away x x x don't fall into my hole its a long road back !!!

 

[FeeBee]

I was abused more than once in childhood and know I started gaining weight in an effort to look less attractive. I was too little to understand that consciously but it made me feel safer. Then I had an abusive father screaming at me if I didn't finish what was in my plate and also screaming at me for not looking perfect. I think this is what frustrates me the most when people trot out the "eat less and move more" crap because all of us ended up obese for complicated reasons and not because we thought we could eat junk all day long with no consequences! Before I became ill I'd regularly eat barely anything all day and walk miles and then have take out late at night which was throwing my body into total confusion.

We're not stupid and it's not about just being greedy, it's way more complicated and I wish as a group those struggling with their weight were treated with more compassion and respect.

Gets off soapbox to figure out what proteintastic meal is for lunch

 

[Crystalrainbow]

Hear Hear !!!
I say walk a mile in my shoes, see where you end up !!!! LOL I have heard it all over the years, and even amongst the wls team (mentioning no names) but 'maybe i should eat less pasties would help' honestly...... i'm not sure half these wl teams have a clue when it comes to peeps like us we're 'special' lol mind you how could they possibly understand when we don't clearly get it ourselves eh i'm almost 50 and only just trying to figure it out myself

 

[SAM55]

Morning girls ..
I cannot even begin to understand about your younger lives and it's tears my heart in two to hear how children and young teens suffer at the hands of adults .. I'd like to string the lot of them up .. * breath *

This week I'm fighting my own demons big time .. Wether it's the Autumn chill and wanting to snuggle up with some good food and a book/film I don't know .. Hibernation syndrome lol ?
The last few days have seen me wanting to stuff my face every hour , like I used to .. Eg. I had an avacado at 1pm with couscous and a mini cheese , it filled me up to the top . By 2pm I was opening the fridge at work seeking food without realising what I was doing .. 1/2 tub of Greek yogurt down my throat .. 3.30pm again seeking the fridge door .. Holding off until home at 6pm when I decided not to have a dinner and just had a very thick porridge , just how I like it . Thick enough to have to cut with the spoon .. Late evening , when hubby is snoring and I'm on YouTube watching yucky things being squeezed , I'm fighting myself to raid the fridge for cursed pots and rice puddings .. So I quickly slapped a face pack on .. I don't seem to have an off switch when it comes to food .. Need to break that circuit ..
I really hope I can keep this under control ! And that it disappears back under the rock it came crawling out of grrrrr ..

Stay strong Mindy, it could very well be the onset of autumn that is causing this and a trick of nature. Every year at this time my cats go into overdrive and eat me out of house and home, to fatten up for the winter cold. Keep thinking of that sunny holiday. Or, you have just had a fill haven't you so maybe your body is adjusting to the change? I know you said carbs were your downfall, can you try and keep less in the house/fridge? I used to get carb cravings (and probably will again) and the more i ate the more I wanted as they made my blood sugars go up and down too much, so had to consciously remove them from the house until I was under control again with large portions of protein.

Have a cuddle with hubby, a nice long soak in the bath, or another treat.

 

[SAM55]

gosh....morning girls i agree therapy for life would be a great idea we generally go round and round up and down, for once it would be nice to stay on an even kilter for just once LOL
Speaking from experience here now Sam (a fellow abused) i hit the skids pretty much from the off...i found with every passing layer of fat i lost enclosed within was part of my past.....it was almost like time had locked my past in wee layers, each one had to be dealt with as i went along and my therapist was amazing...my main struggle came when i hit the 11 stone mark .....i would imagine and important weight marker in my past, because i just couldn't get past there weight wise..... it was almost destined to stay there, maybe my body and mind unwilling to unlock that last part of my past?? tbh dealing with most stuff was reasonably easy, considering i had spent most of my life trying to keep it deep within, fearful of tackling it.... but yup it became a problem the smaller i got, i felt terribly vulnerable, almost out on display somewhat...that's when i started to layer up!! gezz layer upon layer i would entomb myself again, just with clothes rather than fat I have a band and as everyone knows its incredibly easy to cheat... here i am 2 years 8 months out battling a gain .......am i embarrassed and ashamed , hell yeah but still working thru it..... its never going to be easy fighting a life long battle of abuse and addiction....... but i think our scars make us who we are and i am proud (sometimes) of who i am and how far i have come..... yes i get angry knowing it has affected my whole life, i am still battling on an every day basis, but its one step forward day by day .....

wishing you all the luck in the world sweetheart..... i try and convince myself everyday that past is past and it should stay there..... past cant hurt you either hunni...work thru it as it comes up it will make you stronger x x x x x

Thanks for sharing your story Crystal, it makes what the doctor said real. You should be proud, therapy like WLS is not an easy option as some people think, and neither is it an indication that we are weak, in fact the opposite.

I realised I had developed a hatred of being on display last year when I won an award and a horrible picture of me was in the local press and so many people said how nice it looked. I couldn't cope with the attention. It all came back to remind me a couple of weeks ago when they were seeking nominations again for this year and they showed the photo again. I just want to blend into the masses and not stand out for any reason.

I also did a lot in therapy about how vulnerable I might feel if I reached a weight where I didn't feel I was physically strong enough to stand up to an abuser, which is a joke really because realistically with my arthritis and limited mobility I couldn't anyway, but I am guessing my mind thinks it can.

We have got this far Crystal and we can do this, particularly with the help of each other.xxxx

 

[SAM55]

I was abused more than once in childhood and know I started gaining weight in an effort to look less attractive. I was too little to understand that consciously but it made me feel safer. Then I had an abusive father screaming at me if I didn't finish what was in my plate and also screaming at me for not looking perfect. I think this is what frustrates me the most when people trot out the "eat less and move more" crap because all of us ended up obese for complicated reasons and not because we thought we could eat junk all day long with no consequences! Before I became ill I'd regularly eat barely anything all day and walk miles and then have take out late at night which was throwing my body into total confusion.

We're not stupid and it's not about just being greedy, it's way more complicated and I wish as a group those struggling with their weight were treated with more compassion and respect.

Gets off soapbox to figure out what proteintastic meal is for lunch

Some major awareness raising needs to be done in the NHS. I am lucky that i have found a GP who understands the effects of poor mental health on physical health and is very supportive, but he is an exception in my practice and is retiring next year. I saw him on Monday and was talking through my experiences post op with other health professionals and how if they just understood how to relate to people with anxiety then ours and their lives would be a lot easier!

The Department of Health's vision in 2011 was 'No Health without Mental Health' but it is going to be a very slow process to turn the culture of the big ship NHS around and educate their workforce, particularly with so many cuts.

 

[puddytats]

Morning girls ..

This week I'm fighting my own demons big time .. Wether it's the Autumn chill and wanting to snuggle up with some good food and a book/film I don't know .. Hibernation syndrome lol ?
The last few days have seen me wanting to stuff my face every hour , like I used to .. Eg. I had an avacado at 1pm with couscous and a mini cheese , it filled me up to the top . By 2pm I was opening the fridge at work seeking food without realising what I was doing .. 1/2 tub of Greek yogurt down my throat .. 3.30pm again seeking the fridge door .. Holding off until home at 6pm when I decided not to have a dinner and just had a very thick porridge , just how I like it . Thick enough to have to cut with the spoon .. Late evening , when hubby is snoring and I'm on YouTube watching yucky things being squeezed , I'm fighting myself to raid the fridge for cursed pots and rice puddings .. So I quickly slapped a face pack on .. I don't seem to have an off switch when it comes to food .. Need to break that circuit ..
I really hope I can keep this under control ! And that it disappears back under the rock it came crawling out of grrrrr ..

While I feel for you, I'm so pleased I'm not alone! The last couple of days have bee really really hard and I want to eat all of the time! The weather is really changeable here, perhaps that has something to do with my own cravings. I'm eating a lot of liver and mash, which my kidneys will probably regret, because I'm craving comfort winter food, full of carbs! Tomorrow I'm going to slow cook mince and have a bolognaise sauce, as I'm sick of gravy too and hopefully that will help stop the cravings. Boredom can be a huge factor for me, and while I don't want to go back to work (don't enjoy my job), I start back next week after 11 weeks off since my op and I'll be busy again.

 

[Crystalrainbow]

I too was in therapy for a number of years before I got to the point of wanting to do something about my weight. Unfortunately my therapist (private) died part way through my WLS journey so I have had to battle to get something on the NHS. I am under no illusions that once I am eating more (three weeks out and on puree) the temptation will be back! I was also advised by one of the team that a number of women who have been abused struggle when they get to a 'normal' weight and I was encouraged to try and arrange further therapy post op.

The NHS waiting list in my area is very long so am expecting nothing is going to happen until the New Year (had assessment in August and have been accepted), and I was referred in February.

Had my first taste of head hunger this evening now the constipation has eased a bit and I can eat a bit more, and know it is because I have had a stressful couple of days with difficult emotions to work through (my daughter and grandchildren are emigrating in 3 weeks to New Zealand and she doesn't have the time to come and visit, 350 miles each way) and I am not well enough to travel that distance.

There is no easy way to battle the weight demons without exploring the reasons behind why we use food as an emotional prop.

Anyone who is interested in exploring some of the psychological issues around food, I found this book
The Overweight Patient: A Psychological Approach to Understanding and Working with Obesity by Kathy Leach incredibly helpful.

Just wanted to say after reading this thread i researched the book..... omg i was so impressed with the amazon preview, had to have it....... so pleased to see someone out there who has even the slightest of what we 'special ones' go thru ...... was so impressed i emailed the author......... hey and how shocked was i to get such a lovely email back thanks for the heads up x x x x

 

[FeeBee]

It's on my Kindle to read next. I'm so glad to hear it's as good as I hoped. I have been so disappointed with books like this before!

 

[Blossom84]

Hi all,

I really appreciate people sharing their stories... since starting my lrd I realise that my bad choices with food are as a result of mistreatment I endured from my mother. She would buy all kinds of food and treats but we would not be allowed to eat them... quite often things would expire in the fridge, cupboard rather than us eat them! I know now that my eating whatever, whenever without thought was because I have the freedom to do so. I remember my first food shop when I got my first place and it was literally all the crap I could never eat at home.

The lrd has been tough because I would say to myself 'I'm an adult, I can eat whatever the hell I want'...

I was also sexually abused as a child and adult and I can definitely understand the link - I never really thought about it before reading all your posts.

I had been offered 6 sessions of therapy by the NHS but the location wasn't great and appointments seemed to clash with everything else I was committed to so ended up only having 3. I didn't feel that I had really addressed anything or made sense of anything... Just felt like an hour to offload but my idea of therapy is being guided through my thoughts, feelings and behaviours to make sense of them... Probably never be able to afford all that kinda insight lol.

 

[Crystalrainbow]

ITs a long road hunni not sure we will ever understand it completely its a forever moving journey which is forever changing..... not sure i completely understood why i was the way i was until after surgery and had to work my thru it.... its still there, i still struggle but every day it gets easier and i am sure (hope) it can only get better as the years go by..... don't pass up any sessions, it helps to have a mirror even at the time it feels like a waste of time...... things will slowly all start to fall into place .... i found every lb i lost i discovered another issue lurking that had to be dealt with, they still crop up, not as frequent now but i have my relapses. Get a book, even a diary on here, it helps to write it down....... you can revisit thoughts that way and see where the problems lay..... anyway sweetheart welcome to a fab friendly forum x x x good luck with the lsd, how long before you op? all the luck in the world.....

remember its your 'scars' which make you stronger x x x x x

Therapy can be accessed via your gp down here in Cornwall we can self refer not sure where you are or if its possible ....look into it........its invaluable x x x x