Has anybodies marriage gone on the rocks after surgery .

[margaretmc]

Hi Everybody
I was siting thinking about what was said at my psychiatric assessment the woman said that some partners can`t handle you loosing the weight. (I know its to late for me ) And some marriages can split up over it . You would think it would put you closer together and not split you up . Id like to know what you have to say about it . Good luck and take care .
MARGARET XX

 

[fitz]

it happened to me

was overweight all of the time I knew my husband, was together 15 yrs & married for 10, then I lost 7.5 stone - 2 weeks after I hit my lowest weight, we split up. That was over 5 yrs ago.

Strangely though we split on good terms and remained great friends and kept in touch. Even stranger now, I have gained half the weight back on and he seems to want to see me more !!! He has a long term g/f who is a big girl herself but he always said the fact that I lost all the weight had nothing to do with him leaving. Makes you wonder doesn't it.

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

hi marge, its a power thing with some men and having an over weight partner makes them feel more secure as they feel more in control of us, when the weight is lost the jellousy factor can kick in as they do not like the thought that we will become more indepent and less reliant on them, they dont like that we will want to socalise more ect... so some men try to sabaotage weight loss for this reason simply just to make themselves feel more secure.

ive been lucky as my OH has been supportive and isnt that type of person.

liz x

 

[farzu]

I 100% agree with liz. Partners are scared of the fact that when we are slim we can get anyone we want and not only bound to them. They makes us feel that they are helping us by staying with us and when we are overweight we also think like that. So they just uses us however they like. They knows that when we r overweight we won't leave them. I felt the same for my husband. Also when we are slim we are more confident which they don't like at all.

 

[margaretmc]

Thanks for your comments girls . The men must be unsecure for them to act like that . You would really think that they would be proud of you .
Take care .
Margaret xx

 

[bypass.sarah]

I completly agree with my aunty liz,as i have a wonderful OH who supports me in what ever i do (unless it clothes shoppin LOL) x x x xsarah

 

[margaretmc]

Hi Sarah
Its nice to hear from you hun , I think thats a man thing crying when the woman goes spending its bred into us to spend and shop til we drop . Take care .
MARGARET XX

 

[Fashionably Late]

My 1st marriage split up after an major operation, though not WLS. The fundamentals of the marriage changed after his surgery and we tried to carry on as if nothing changed and things had changed a lot. Eventually we just couldn't make it work anymore and we split up. We are now good friends because we can see the difference and work at it for the sake of our daughter.

I know this is a possibility so my husband and I are working on this together. If our marriage is strong and we communicate well, then my changing isn't going to ruin us. It took me a long time and a lot of therapy to understand that marriages require work on both peoples part. I am lucky to have my husband by my side as I know he loves me no matter what.

 

[mandy-1975]

Hi

I first lost weight on LL and my marriage hit the rocks big time.... fact is when i met my husband i was FAT and needed rescuing..... when i lost the weight it changed completely.... then i gained it all then i had WLS and WOW things have gone from bad to worse the only good things is i am at the bottom so can't get any worse.....

Some men feel insecure and not needed, even threatened when you are slimmer
is definetly hard to believe

 

[Snowcrystal]

hi marge, its a power thing with some men and having an over weight partner makes them feel more secure as they feel more in control of us, when the weight is lost the jellousy factor can kick in as they do not like the thought that we will become more indepent and less reliant on them, they dont like that we will want to socalise more ect... so some men try to sabaotage weight loss for this reason simply just to make themselves feel more secure.

ive been lucky as my OH has been supportive and isnt that type of person.

liz x

Good question Margaret.

You have hit the nail on the head Liz....Of course it happens the other way around too.

It is why it is so important to get their (other half) support.

I did ask my husband how he will feel when I lose all this weight...He said that the most important things for him is to see me healthy and see me happy.

I have fantastic support from my husband...He is my rock...I don't know how he puts up with me!...lol.

~hugs~

 

[Lyn8124]

First off thank goodness I am single! :giggle: It's interesting this has come up cos I was speaking to someone last week who knows a woman who had wls and asked did she regret anything about it and the woman said yes cos it's runied her marriage which is a common theme in her support group.

Flip side is though if I meet someone when I am slimmer and then put weight on they might leave me. Then again I will cross that bridge if I come to it lol.

 

[Snowcrystal]

I completly agree with my aunty liz,as i have a wonderful OH who supports me in what ever i do (unless it clothes shoppin LOL) x x x xsarah

Hmmmm Sara

Funny that!...Because my other half is exactly the same...must be in those male genes!

~hugs~

 

[Snowcrystal]

First off thank goodness I am single! :giggle: It's interesting this has come up cos I was speaking to someone last week who knows a woman who had wls and asked did she regret anything about it and the woman said yes cos it's runied her marriage which is a common theme in her support group.

Flip side is though if I meet someone when I am slimmer and then put weight on they might leave me. Then again I will cross that bridge if I come to it lol.

Hi Lyn

Sometimes, in all honesty it's because the person who looses all the weight can change a lot...and not always for the better.

I know someone who lost a lot of weight once and made a lot of enemies because she developed a sense of superiority...I'm not joking...all she wanted to do is go out and show off and flirt with lots of men...it nearly caused her and her other half to break up.

~hugs~

 

[CHUCKY]

what a good question.
I am bit worried as i think when i lose weight i will become more confident and want to go out more i just hope hubby does too. I know he supports me 100%

 

[Lyn8124]

Hi Lyn

Sometimes, in all honesty it's because the person who looses all the weight can change a lot...and not always for the better.

I know someone who lost a lot of weight once and made a lot of enemies because she developed a sense of superiority...I'm not joking...all she wanted to do is go out and show off and flirt with lots of men...it nearly caused her and her other half to break up.

~hugs~

Good point.

 

[margaretmc]

Hi Everybody
Thanks for all your replies . I was in two minds on putting this post on .
Because to be honest it is a very private thing marriage . But I`m glad I did . Take care .
MARGARET XX

 

[lamornamiss]

Hi a friend of mine lost 6 stone on WW had a tummy tuck and her hubbie left her 2 weeks later. I think she put up with some cr*p when they were together but she was worried no one else would have her.She gained the confidence to let him go and is much happier with a better man now siholog:

 

[tinkywinky]

i met my husband when i was at my lowest weight (12 stone) and promptly put it all plus more on over time. he watched my confidence go and me not wanting to go out. he is supporting 100% in my decision for wls and wants me to be healthier. Only hope he is as happy when i get where i want to be and spend all his money on clothes.

 

[debbiejane]

my oh is very supportive so i really hope we will be o,we have talked about this a lot an his reply is he's looking forward to a new wife without the divorce lol .we have been together fo 30 years through fat an thin so fingers crossed x:wavey:

 

[thinkbethin]

I too am lucky to have a very supportive husband. The only thing that worried him was the fact I'd be having an aneasthetic.He knows my confidence is going to return and he can't wait. We have been together for 23 yrs and I was 12 stone when we met. He has seen me go through all the diets etc and seen me so miserable when I've gained it all back.
I think if a marriage is worth hanging on to then with work on both sides you will get through it. If there are problems there to start with, then splits are understandable. Women who feel that they would never get another partner become reliable on their hubby and put up with all sorts, will suddenly think differently when their confidence goes through the roof. When this happens the hubby loses his confidence as he does'nt feel as much in control.