Help my support system is crumbling !

[angelajoy1961]

Okay so my husband, mum and best friend were being really supportive about me having WLS. Now I'm on the liquid diet and I've lost 1.1/2 stones since my first appointment in October they've all said the same thing - why can't I keep on dieting and lose the weight (another 7.1/2 stones !) and not have the surgery ??
They don't seem to understand that I'm sticking to this diet because I HAVE to - if I didn't have to then I wouldn't have managed it as proven by my dry-run when I fell off the wagon on day two lol.
They can't get that I need not to be able to eat as and when I want to and the only way to achieve that is WLS, otherwise it's back to the yo-yo dieting and I have had enough of that !
Hubby says whats going to stop me overeating once I've had the surgery and stretching my pouch and gaining all the weight again ?
And now I'm asking myself the same question !!
Please give me some good advice !!

Angela xx

 

[Stellap]

Firstly, most of us on here don't have a problem with losing weight - I personally lost the same 10 stone 4 times in the last 20 years - its the keeping it off that is the problem. The difference this time is I can't physically binge and even if I have a bad day and eat chocolate or crisps - its only ever one bar or one bag and not too much damage is done. Thirdly if you're lucky enough to be a dumper you won't be able to overdo it and stretch your pouch as it will make you too ill. Its the fact that you are not able to binge constantly that makes this surgery work for all the people on here that dieting failed for.

 

[shelbell]

This happens a lot, so don't feel alone and try to understand your family are just concerned for you and see WLS as a big hairy scary thing. Try to explain it to them like you've just explained it here. If need be, do it in writing as it is often easier.

The other option is to just be firm with them that you have explored all your options, researched things thoroughly, and are definite in your decision the WLS is for you, and so you would appreciate their support rather than questioning your choices.

As for overeating post op, the surgery isn't going to fix your food demons so if you want to self sabotage you can do. Stretching your pouch takes prolonged over eating which is very painful and do most people only make that mistake once.

Use this time to examine your food demons, think about what triggers your eating and why you give up in the past, and try to think of some tactics for dealing with them. Make a list of things you can do instead of eating, such as have a big bubbly bath, paint your nails, vacuum your bedroom etc, as distractions, and stick it to the fridge or food cupboard. Make a list of reasons you want to lose weight, and things that will change, such as I can buy clothes from Primark, I can dress up for an event and feel good, I can walk to the shops easily etc and stick it somewhere you will see it often. Then post op, when you are doubting yourself or craving food or want to binge, you can remind yourself why you are doing this (and eventually tick off the list you've achieved) and have plenty of things to do to distract themselves.

I used knitting and jigsaws to tackle my trigger, which was evening boredom. They kept my brain and hands busy and don't mix too well with sticky fingers!

Hth,

Shel x

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[angelajoy1961]

Thanks Stellap - thats what I've been trying to say, that I won't be able to ! Also I'm being told that I'm not overweight enough to need it - try carrying around an extra 9 stone thats what I say ! It's good to see that you were around the same size as I am and look at you now - I want that to be me !!!

 

[angelajoy1961]

Great advice Shel - I like the one about buying clothes from Primark - I used to love to have a top in every colour it came in but my choices now seem to be black or black !
I might add a thread about what I want to be able to do after WLS so I can keep looking back at it.

Angela xx

 

[Stellap]

Angela, I used to get that all the time, that i wasn't big enough - I even had a woman post op in the ward tell me I shouldn't have had it on the NHS as I wasn't fat enough to deserve it! I had it to try and get my diabetes and high cholestrol under control and I also was a yoyo dieter and every time I got bigger and was also borderline hypothyroid so I could see my health going down the pan. I was able to lose 2 stone pre op and so was only 14.9 when I had the surgery and got to goal within 8 months. All my health issues have disappeared and I'm fitter and healthier than I have been since I was in my 20s so I'm so glad for the opportunity to have it. Be warned though, you still get head hunger and it doesn't cure your relationship with food - that takes will power and control from you - but I'm very careful now and 90% of the time eat healthy and immediately cut back if I put on more than 3lb.

 

[phatmomma]

Angela any idiot can lose weight, it's keeping it off that counts. Why not put all three of them on a diet for a few weeks then tell them to do what they want. I bet they all fall off the wagon and put the weight back on....

You stick to your guns girl and go for it! The health benefits far outweigh anything else.

As Shele says try and find your triggers and deal with your demons now, and if you do fall off the wagon don't worry you can't eat enough to cause everlasting damage and a bad day usually only lasts a day and not 22 years like it did for some of us lol..

Good luck sweets, we're all here behind you xx

 

[angelajoy1961]

Thanks you lovely ladies ! My big downfall is bread and of course the inch thick layer of utterly butterly that goes on top and then the 2 inches of cheese !! I used to have cheese sarnies while I was deciding what to eat for dinner or tea lol. I've heard that bread can be a problem so I'm hoping once I've got my Polly Pocket Pouch I won't be able to eat it or at least not as much.

 

[Stellap]

bread can be a problem post op - I still can only manage half a sandwich and it must be thin sliced (preferably soya burgen) and no way can I manage a thick cut slice and I'm 14 months post op!

 

[shelbell]

On the opposite end I can eat bread fine and have done since 3 weeks post op. White bread can make me dump around 1-2 hours after eating but this is because the simple carbs are broken down into sugars quite quickly.

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[kurvykaren]

My surgeries tomorrow and I've been thinking the same for the past few days. But right now I know I could go out and eat a big meal, then beat myself up about it later and be on the vicious cycle of hating myself, eating again, hating myself some more.
After the op I know I won't be able to have the huge splurges that'll ruin my diet and if I tried I'd make myself ill.
We know that as good as we are now we wouldn't be able to keep it up for the long haul and we'd never get down to a healthy weigth.

I believe I'm doing the right thing, I'm sure you will too, despite everyone telling me 'why can't you just stick to this?' If I could I wouldn 't be the size I am now.

x x x

 

[angelajoy1961]

Good luck for tomorrow Karen !
You're so right about eating and then hating yourself - I don't think my family realise how difficult my relationship with food is. I was okay til my first husband really screwed me up about it - 16 years of being watched every mouthful and I was only 9 stone then - what an arse !

 

[lisa x]

Angela..you do have a support network..US.!!
We have all travelled the same road..and we will be here for the highs and lows.
It sounds so easy doesn't it...lose weight..
Its always thin people that have an opinion on the subject too.


I am here for you if you ever need me hun xx

 

[dottychic]

Good luck to you and hubby for tomorrow Karen (((HUGS))) XX

 

[lisa x]

yes ..good luck Karen and hubby for tomorrow.. x x x

 

[Grace]

Angela, I had these thoughts myself, the night before my op. But the fact of the matter is, if I hadn't had my surgery last August I KNOW I would be tipping the scales at 20 stones + by now.

WLS has cured most of my food demons and put me in control 98% of the time around food. I don't eat sweet stuff, fried stuff, pastry etc because I know it will mak me feel ill/or sabotage my progress...but even on the very few occasions I have had it, I've only been able to eat it in tiny quantities.
That's one of the major differences WLS makes. But Shelbel and Stela are right, you should use the time whilst you're waiting to begin to get to grips with your food demons and triggers.
I gave up chocolate, sweets and cakes for last Lent and continued right up to surgery. That helped me a lot in terms of preparation for surgery.

Try to explain this to your family, maybe even show them some of the stories on here to help them understand?

Oh and by the way, I can't eat bread now and absolutely HATE the taste of butter too, which I used to adore!
And too much cheese makes me dump! (as I found out just tonight!)

 

[judybrowneyes]

good luck Karen you will find it is the best thing you have ever done to loose and keep weight off!! Angela families and friends often worry about the op but they have to think of the alternatives if you dont have it done....some also may have concerns if you loose weight that you might change it certainly is complex when people object...