How Did Your Partner Feel About WLS?

[Deets]

hello all,

just wondering how your partners took the news that you were going to have surgery to help you loose weight? :sign0163:

Ive had a bit of a barny with the other half...he doesnt want me to have it because hes scared i wont come out the otherside. I've told him about everyone ive come across on the forums, and their stories but hes not interested. I can almost hear him thinking 'well if you die, its hard to type on a forum' (hes a sarcy git).

Sometimes i feel he thinks i should feel lucky that hes not shallow and that hes happy to be with me. But...he does want me to loose weight. So what do i do?!! Arghh! I know he hates me being a blob, im sure he finds me about as attractive as herpes - but hes dead set against me doing this. He thinks im lazy for not loosing weight through diet and excercise (hes not said those words but im a woman..i know). Did i mention that he lost about 3 stones by himself? It makes it worse for me because im sat here feeling like the worlds laziest cow, and a fail at loosing weight.

wise words appreciated :sigh:

 

[Stellap]

I was worried about my partner as we'd met through a BBW site (big beautiful women) and he likes women a bit plump, but he saw how hard I tried to diet and losing and putting it back on and saw how my health was deteriorating with the diabetes and said he would be a really selfish person if he didn't support me in getting back to health. After losing 7 stone he absolutely loves my new figure, my new energy and vitality and confidence and says he loves getting my leftovers! Stress to your partner how all the time you are trying to diet your health is deteriorating and you now need help.

 

[marky v]

hello lovey,

YOU DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU!!

ultimately it's your choice, sounds selfish, but balls to what anyone else says, WLS is not an easy option, ask anyone on here, it takes (no pun) guts to come to the conclusion to get it done, and it takes work to make it work for you, it's an aid, and if it'll help you, if you do it right you gotta go for it, yes there is a chance of snuffing it, but that's the same for ANY operation, leave the weight to increase and those odds of popping it increase as do the increased medical probs due to your obesity

 

[phatmomma]

I wrote a big reply and then deleted it!

You are i'm guessing like all of us someone who has tried all the diets going and failed (like most of us). Surgery could be your last resort for a healthy life, if you do all you can to prepare for surgery there is no reason why you should face any untoward complications.

Prepare physically and mentally, and i wish you well!

As for the boyfriend, tell him it's time to put up or shut up! It's your life and no other persons.

Lots of love n best wishes

xxx

 

[ladylite]

Trickey one. I think you have to ignore all he is saying and just get on with it. You do not need his approval for what you are doing. He is entitled to an opinion and it may not be the one you want, so let him have his opinion and agree to disagree and just get on with it without asking his permission.

Bascially he has some control over you whilst you need his approval, which you dont. You can do this on your own, although I do agree that it would be lovely if he was with you all the way, but it looks like you are not going to get this.

Please dont let him make you miserable regarding this op, this is going to be the new you, and you never know he could really love the new you even if, according to him, you did it the easy way.

He may also be very insecure because he doesnt want you slim because you will become more attractive. Go for it hun, try and enjoy the journey and dont let anyone spoil it for you.

 

[marky v]

oh btw, my o/h ribs me terribly cos i've taken the ''easy'' option, but on the back side of my surgey, she's lost all but 11 stone, so it has it's perks even for her

 

[hope2bthina]

Interesting post as i have had rows with the other half over this already. He doesn't want me to have surgery..his reasons that i'll get too thin and look ill..real reason..he thinks i'll run off with someone else.....maybe i will if he keeps up with his stinky attitude!!!

I am diabetic and have been for 10 years now, most of that time with sugars running alot higher than they should be. You'd think that with the risk of me going blind or losing toes or limbs he would be 100% supportive..but nope. I am still having the surgery my mind is made up and nothing will change it now. You'd think after 15 years of marriage he'd be happy i'm going to be alot healthier..but hey ho!. Stick to your guns and good luck on the rest of your journey xx

 

[Deets]

thank you all for your words and thoughts. It just helps to say all this out loud

Its really getting on my nerves... but i will go through with the op. He just has this special way of making me feel like poop

thanks again y'all x

 

[marky v]

a common theme in many replies here, it seems the o/h's are quite controlling in their attitudes and guilt trips, mine has been, but as it has been said, anyone considering WLS should take on board all opinions, and form their own conclusions from this, if they feel threatened by your taking control of this addiction, then it is they that have a bigger problem to deal with

 

[Deets]

cheers Marky. He's just going on about me being carved up and i might not live through it...creeps me out!!

Just this one time, i need some support, and hes a jackass. Selfish gimp

 

[Stellap]

Deets, I know every surgery carries risks but given that surgeons operate on people that are far heavier than you are who survive, and that they wouldn't attempt the operation if the risks were that high, I think he is overreacting and his worries are more to do with your status quo together changing and its more to do with his insecurity.

 

[Laura b]

well my other half has been supportive he ssaid what ever i want to do he will support me, he said he would prfer me not to have it as he is worried i wont make it too but ive explained to him that the risk is bigger me staying this size, and if i was an op to save my life he wouldnt think twice about me going ahead with it even though any op comes with its risks, ive gotta be honest i aint scared of the op its the putting to sleep that worrys me iv had 2 sections to deliever both my boys one whos 6 and one whos 4 months and both times ive stayed awake at the fear of being put to sleep and not waking up!!! but to be honest i think the risk is slim think u got more chance of being knocked down by a car, the risk apparently is 1 in 350 and appernetly last yr it was 1 in 200 so things r improving and will continue too all the time.
ur doin it for ur self hun and im sure ur fella will love the benifts it comes with too, having a even sexier gf, my other half is open and says he is woried ill run of when im slim, i said i might run off when im of out to do my exercise (running) but ill be home dont worry about thats, lol, i also say if i wanted to run off with someone else i would do it now as i have men that find me attractive just the way i am so!!!!
i can understand his concerns but think that maybe he should be supporting u, im sure when u get ur date he be there holding ur hand xxxx

 

[jo86]

I posted a thread along these lines too. But my partner is more blinded he doesn't realise what can go wrong. So tried to spell it out tell him everything but he thinks im being over dramatic.

I will say tho he is a bit worried about the loose skin!! he's seen it on tv and i know he doesn't like it but he would rather me healthy and around for our kids and himself!

P.s my partner is only like 11stone we look soo weird together i think! :cry::cry::cry:

 

[marky v]

cheers Marky. He's just going on about me being carved up and i might not live through it...creeps me out!!

Just this one time, i need some support, and hes a jackass. Selfish gimp

what would he rather have, some scars or you incapable of doing the most basic of things, like wiping your backside after a #2, unable to wash yourself?? unable to generally care for yourself, increased risks of diabetes, heart disease and cardiac arrest? strokes? cancers? dying from suffocating yourself (sleep apnoea)?? the list can go on....we all know these are our problems, i call it ''ostrich syndrome'', we know it, but stick our heads in the sand cos it's outta sight outta mind then, but if not nipped in the bud early enough the risks increase till the odds don't favour you so well as they would now, he needs to educate himself and research the subject a little more, he can then get on the plan and enjoy the ride!!

 

[marky v]

I posted a thread along these lines too. But my partner is more blinded he doesn't realise what can go wrong. So tried to spell it out tell him everything but he thinks im being over dramatic.

I will say tho he is a bit worried about the loose skin!! he's seen it on tv and i know he doesn't like it but he would rather me healthy and around for our kids and himself!

P.s my partner is only like 11stone we look soo weird together i think! :cry::cry::cry:

loose skin on you is the least of his problems!! a healthy you should be paramount

 

[marky v]

look at it another way.....ask your partner to pile weight on, cos you're not comfortable with them being slimmer....see the look of shock on their face, especially when they rattle off the obesity related problems like i just have as to why they shouldn't, you then have them with they're own logic, game, set and match!!

 

[teen]

My other half was scared cause it was a big op and he ended up loosing 2 stone with worry

 

[GuRlyGiRL]

OM it sounds like you are writing about me and my husband. My op is booked for the 24 October and he is not happy at all. He said he will support me but he is not happy about it. Also along playing the guilt trip on me that my family cant go on holiday because im using our money to have this op.

 

[dottychic]

My opinion is this op is classed as elective surgery, to me and lots of others it was life saving surgery.....I dont think I would have been here in another 2 years without it. High blood pressure, diabetes, 2 strokes, arthritis in all lower weight bearing joints.......need I go on? My hubby was worried, but he prefers me living The risk of complications were far outweighed by the risk from the co-morbidities I had
Or.......my simple answer.................tell him to BOG OFF! X

 

[gaelic girl]

If my hubby was worried that i might not make it he never said it or showed it and on the whole was very supportive. As he said this was about what i wanted not anyone else and it was my inheritance money that paid for it but he also said we could have taken a loan out if necessary. He is morbidly obese himself and his biggest fear was me running off with someone else. 17 years of marriage and 14 months post op i'm still here lol! All i would say to you as others have this is about YOU and no one else, if its what you want/need to make you feel more confident and to give you a much healthier future then no-one should take that away from you! My surgery is definatly one of the best things i have ever done and even my mum who was the biggest worrier and very unsure of this op has had to eat her words. Good luck and do what feels right for you x