I'm so depressed, why? having FTT

[Trinaweena]

Hi all,
I too suffer from depression and I hate it,:cry::cry::cry: I have a loving and fantastic hubby and 3 beautiful children and I'm having the op that I always needed a FTT and I 'm still really, really depressed and I'm trying so hard to fight :sigh::sigh::sigh:it.I am registered disabled for (6yrs) ( i use to be a veterinary animal technician for 16yrs and then a GP receptionist) with a fracturing spine which then heals and then fractures again, sheurmans disease of the spine and curviture of the spine,severe IBS and dizzy spells.I am on very strong pain management medication which are Fentanyl patches 75mg(morphine slow release) plus strong cocodamol 4 times a day, ibs treatment,thyroid meds and very strong antidepressants 150mg.
I have been told that my depression is caused by the morphine i'm taking which slows the pain sensors down therefore slowing my others sensors down too including my happy sensors which is why i'm taking the strong antidepressants to try and counteract the symptoms of the morphine etc.
I wish i could work or volunteer work but my disblilty stops me, I'm only 37yrs and I'm stick of getting dirty looks from the older generation who don't think I deserve my walking stick or support from my partner or those disabled parking spaces that are allowed for us because on the outside i look like a normal 37yr old but my body tells me different but alot of people judge you on the way you look and not what is on the inside, Apart from my disabilitys i have no worries etc and my life is perfect for me at the moment so I'm putting my depression down to my medicaion which isn't getting any better only worse and i don't want to bother my GP again and I feel i'm being a pest and there's other more sick people who could use my appointment.
So sorry for rambling and any advice for me would be gratefully welcome.
I read, do crosswords etc to fill time in but sometimes that's not enough.
Take care
Trina xxxxxxxx

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Hi Trina
Sorry to hear about the problems with your spine plus the tablets you need to take. I sympathise as I've had a bad back in the past - but obviously nothing as severe as you have.

Re the depression - you shouldn't feel that you can't see your Dr - that's what he's there for .... would counselling help at all? Maybe just having someone to talk to who was able to listen would help? I had/have depression and had counselling when it was really bad and it did make a difference.

Re doing volunteer work - is there anything you can do like helping at RSPCA but maybe as advice to people on the telephone?

 

[shelbell]

Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad Katrina. I can empathise with the disabled looks, I'm a blue badger at the age of 28 and I get filthy looks from people for using my badge! I use a walking stick too, and have my own mobility scooter. When I use my stick some old people look at me like a fraud, and when I use my scooter I become invisible to all.

I've learned to just stare back and have mastered the evil look

 

[mandy-1975]

Hi Trina

So sorry for how you are feeling, it isn't nice at all.......... you are going threw it... I know it is easy to say but ignore the people that stare, they are rude and ignorant!!!! and don't deserve to know you or judge you!!!!

As for you depression, there are a fair few of us that are in the same boat, and know exactly how you feel!!!!! but you have a right just like anyone else to go and see your gp, doesn't matter what illness you have the main thing is it is bad for you, doesnt matter what other peoples problems or illnesses are thiis is your life and is bad for you, your not being a pest it is what your gp is there for!

As for volunteer work, like beverlyey said is their any phone work you can do!!!!! keep your chin up, we are all here for you

 

[voluptuouschick]

Awww Trina,
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling bad at the moment & just wanted to let you know you are not on your own hun - I have 5 wonderful children (3 girls have now grown up, left home & have families of their own & my 2 younger boys are still at home with me), 4 beautiful healthy grandchildren & another due next week! & the most amazing husband anyone could ever wish for.
I am 42 but feel 80 & suffer terrible depression & agoraphobia, I have been like this for over 15 years now & live in my bedroom like a recluse for 90% of the time in my nightclothes (they are the only comfy things I can wear lol) I nearly have a fit if the phone rings or the door goes, & am classed as disabled too so if it wasn't for my laptop I'd be totally lost.
I like you am afraid to go see the Gp as I feel like I'm a pain & last time I did mention my worries I ended up with 2 women psychiatrists coming here each week which I hated as they even went through my wardrobe saying I could wear this & that (easy for them being no bigger than a size 10 - they didn't have a 55" waist! lol)
I am on strong cocodamol for backache (not as bad as yours though mines just because of my huge belly & stress headaches) & paroxetine anti depressants along with inhalors for asthma, I also have shocking ibs but stopped taking the tablets they gave me a long time ago as they seemed to make me worse!
We shouldn't feel like we are 'bothering' our drs after all it's their job & what they get paid for & depression is a very real & deliberating illness - yes there may be other sick people needing to see the dr but you are just as important if not more so!
as for the people who give you dirty looks, they are just ignorant so & so's, you know the truth & your loved ones know the truth so draw strength from that & try not to let them bother you - Shel's got the right idea staring back & giving them the evils too, they are not important to you & you probably won't ever see them again so they're really not worth getting upset about.
I'm here if you need me chuck ok?
Love n hugs

 

[Frosty]

Hi Ya

I do also feel for you, I can see clearly where the depression comes from . Ive also suffered from depression badly and unless someone has been through it they dont know whats its like , And would maybe saying something like pull yourself together.

Support from family and freinds helps and a good cry now and then clears the air. But the way forward is to forget about how you think others look at you and start thinking about how you feel about you.

As you said you have a loving family thats what counts.
Try and do more outdoor things with them i found that easy going and gets me involved with the family instead of feeling a outsider as i did every so often.

Never be affraid of wheelchairs and such. You will be concideration from 90% of people but sometimes depression lets the mind runaway and little and feel paranoid.

Im getting better now and its been done by just thinking straight taking things easy and keeping busy in the things i can do.

I know it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but trust me there is and its worth fighting for.

Im always here to chat and help if i can. Talking about things helps alot.

Small tip get a small fan a cool breeze on your face helps you relax.
Many a time ive cuddled up in a blanket with the fan blowing on me watching some tv.

I really hope this helps you relise your not alone and you will get better.

All my best
Mark

p.s peppermint helps with ibs

 

[Trinaweena]

Hi Ladies,
Thank you all for your lovely reply and very kind words.:thankyou::thankyou::thankyou:
I do try and get out and about as i think sat in front of the TV all the time can do me no good.
My mum and dad are total selfish gits and I haven't spoken o mu mum for 5yrs and my dad since xmas day( i don't know why i haven't seen him as we had a lovely day, I think mum must be giving him trouble).
I have one sister who does not talk to me as she is my mothers favourite as my mum does everything for her and her 5 kids over the last 16yrs, even when I was talking to her she never ever took my kiddies out, or treat them to a sweet or toy,they have'nt done anything for my kids or me so I've nothing to thank them for. All I did was get my schooling out the way, get a good job as veterinary tech,pass driving test, marry hubby(met him a 15yrs old)then have kiddies and still work until my back gave in.Please don't think I'm calling people who have never worked when I say this but my sister has never worked and had everything given to her on a plate since she left school at 16yrs esp from parents, Where did I go wrong??????
Anyway got my lovley family and only one set of good friends both to me and my hubby, my friend is a reiki teacher and does alot of Reiki which is really relaxing, I might give her a ring and ask her to pop over and buck me up.

Mandy,
I left a post on your thread,
I don't know what I'm so miserable about when I read your thread because you have had a hard time too and you seem altogether and getting on with things as do you all on here.
Well I've got my FTT to look forward too

Parents who needs em????
thanks again
Trina xxxxxx

 

[mandy-1975]

Hi Ladies,
Thank you all for your lovely reply and very kind words.:thankyou::thankyou::thankyou:
I do try and get out and about as i think sat in front of the TV all the time can do me no good.
My mum and dad are total selfish gits and I haven't spoken o mu mum for 5yrs and my dad since xmas day( i don't know why i haven't seen him as we had a lovely day, I think mum must be giving him trouble).
I have one sister who does not talk to me as she is my mothers favourite as my mum does everything for her and her 5 kids over the last 16yrs, even when I was talking to her she never ever took my kiddies out, or treat them to a sweet or toy,they have'nt done anything for my kids or me so I've nothing to thank them for. All I did was get my schooling out the way, get a good job as veterinary tech,pass driving test, marry hubby(met him a 15yrs old)then have kiddies and still work until my back gave in.Please don't think I'm calling people who have never worked when I say this but my sister has never worked and had everything given to her on a plate since she left school at 16yrs esp from parents, Where did I go wrong??????
Anyway got my lovley family and only one set of good friends both to me and my hubby, my friend is a reiki teacher and does alot of Reiki which is really relaxing, I might give her a ring and ask her to pop over and buck me up.

Mandy,
I left a post on your thread,
I don't know what I'm so miserable about when I read your thread because you have had a hard time too and you seem altogether and getting on with things as do you all on here.
Well I've got my FTT to look forward too

Parents who needs em????
thanks again
Trina xxxxxx

Hi Trina

I got your message........... just reading what you put about your family, it brought back so much memories!!!!!!!!! I know exactly how you feel... have sent you a private message

 

[tammy]

So sorry to hear you are so low. like Mandy says lots of people on hear have depression too and no matter how hard we try things just don't seem brighter. Your medication and problems with your back not to mention your extended family must really get on top of you. Parents are such a delight eh! my mum's only nice words since having my op is "you don't look as bloated" wonderful eh!!! anyway hun take care and remember lots of us are here to help x

 

[Trinaweena]

Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad Katrina. I can empathise with the disabled looks, I'm a blue badger at the age of 28 and I get filthy looks from people for using my badge! I use a walking stick too, and have my own mobility scooter. When I use my stick some old people look at me like a fraud, and when I use my scooter I become invisible to all.

I've learned to just stare back and have mastered the evil look

Hi Shelbe
Thank you so much for your kind words,
the problem today is that too many people judge you on the outside and not whats going on the inside as you have mentioned. for example
"if your stick thin and wear skimpy clothes then most would consider that person a tart even though they know nothing about them"instead of saying doesn't she look nice or I like his/her oufit.
"If your size is larger than normal than you must eat too much and can't be bothered to exercise and that your lazy" not that you have a disability and are unable to exercise or a medical condition that's causing problems with your health.
{H} {H} {H} {H}
WHY don't people see these things on the inside anymore and just judge a book by it's cover when actually when you have seen what's inside the book it's actually really good and not what you would of thought it would be like.
Thank you for your kind words
Take care Trina xxxxx

Awww Trina,
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling bad at the moment & just wanted to let you know you are not on your own hun - I have 5 wonderful children (3 girls have now grown up, left home & have families of their own & my 2 younger boys are still at home with me), 4 beautiful healthy grandchildren & another due next week! & the most amazing husband anyone could ever wish for.
I am 42 but feel 80 & suffer terrible depression & agoraphobia, I have been like this for over 15 years now & live in my bedroom like a recluse for 90% of the time in my nightclothes (they are the only comfy things I can wear lol) I nearly have a fit if the phone rings or the door goes, & am classed as disabled too so if it wasn't for my laptop I'd be totally lost.
I like you am afraid to go see the Gp as I feel like I'm a pain & last time I did mention my worries I ended up with 2 women psychiatrists coming here each week which I hated as they even went through my wardrobe saying I could wear this & that (easy for them being no bigger than a size 10 - they didn't have a 55" waist! lol)
I am on strong cocodamol for backache (not as bad as yours though mines just because of my huge belly & stress headaches) & paroxetine anti depressants along with inhalors for asthma, I also have shocking ibs but stopped taking the tablets they gave me a long time ago as they seemed to make me worse!
We shouldn't feel like we are 'bothering' our drs after all it's their job & what they get paid for & depression is a very real & deliberating illness - yes there may be other sick people needing to see the dr but you are just as important if not more so!
as for the people who give you dirty looks, they are just ignorant so & so's, you know the truth & your loved ones know the truth so draw strength from that & try not to let them bother you - Shel's got the right idea staring back & giving them the evils too, they are not important to you & you probably won't ever see them again so they're really not worth getting upset about.
I'm here if you need me chuck ok?
Love n hugs

Thanks for your words of support and encouragment and if I don't feel any better soon than I will visit my GP.
I hope that you are feeling better very soon,
Take care Trina xxx

 

[Trinaweena]

Hi Ya

I do also feel for you, I can see clearly where the depression comes from . Ive also suffered from depression badly and unless someone has been through it they dont know whats its like , And would maybe saying something like pull yourself together.

Support from family and freinds helps and a good cry now and then clears the air. But the way forward is to forget about how you think others look at you and start thinking about how you feel about you.

As you said you have a loving family thats what counts.
Try and do more outdoor things with them i found that easy going and gets me involved with the family instead of feeling a outsider as i did every so often.

Never be affraid of wheelchairs and such. You will be concideration from 90% of people but sometimes depression lets the mind runaway and little and feel paranoid.

Im getting better now and its been done by just thinking straight taking things easy and keeping busy in the things i can do.

I know it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but trust me there is and its worth fighting for.

Im always here to chat and help if i can. Talking about things helps alot.

Small tip get a small fan a cool breeze on your face helps you relax.
Many a time ive cuddled up in a blanket with the fan blowing on me watching some tv.

I really hope this helps you relise your not alone and you will get better.

All my best
Mark

p.s peppermint helps with ibs

Hi Mark,
thank you so much for you words of advice and encouragement,
I have always tried to avoid wheelchairs due to feeling embrassed and feeling like I've given in but I will have to use one after my FTT as I use a walking stick now and there's no way that I could manage to walk after the op, esp been stooped down will just put more pain on my back, so my hubby has booked one with the redcross shop in sept because he said that if he didn't do it, then it wouldn't get done and I would be housebound for a long time. Sooo i'm going to get in that wheelchair and hold my head up high and forget my embrassment as Shel says once your in a wheelchair or mobile scooter then nobody bothers to stare and I will feel relaxed for once.
Take care Mark
Trina xxxxxxxxxxx