so depressed today

[cah-ching]

Thanks guys.

Angry with myself and my propensity to make bad decisions.

I've been feeling angry at the lack of comradery here but you guys have made me think otherwise ..... so thank you
I really really appreciate the help. I'm going to post something that I did intend to post before my login time ran out .... but like I said you've changed my mind so THANK YOU.

Here is what I was going to post:

I don't help that many people on here but I try.

I sound like a know it all. I am also acutely aware I sound like a fraud.

The exercise thing .. well I'm just trying to inspire but that has fallen on it's nose as barely one posts I've had some wonderful advice on the exercise section. I like exercise, I always have, long before WLS. I'm just trying to get people to help one another so I'm sharing what I can because there seems to be a distinct lack of help but plenty of extolling their exercise achievements which is nigh on useless in my eyes.

I feel a bit hard done by since I'm exercising and trying hard and not getting results. If I had a bypass and sat on my ass ... I'd be 5 stones lighter by now. Go figure???????

I just don't want to do be telling people about my exercise. There must be a degree of scepticism as to what I do because I've lost about 14Ibs since my operation in April.

What's the point? I'm in a big strop and I'm angry, angry that I couldn't do it on the NHS and angry that I wasted money on a band. Angry with myself for doing so badly.

Thanks for your support guys, but even the responses on this thread are indicative of the lack of support on this forum ... why can't we all help one another???

Sheesh... I just can't be bothered any more. Goodness me at the end of the day the regime for eating and exercise thing for bariatric patients is the same yet no help given to a struggling bander apart from a few kind people from the bypass brigade to help even just to say "I'm sorry I simply don't know" or "have you tried xyz .. it was recommended to me although i'm not a band patient".

My goodness the clique-ness and distinct lack of deisre to help others who aren't of the same group is overwhelming.

I'm struggling and all I can do is seek help from about 3-4-5 other banders who themselves are struggling on a thread that is frequented by the same 3-4-5 people.

Most of the banders have had to go private ... so to see a lack of results is hard in itself, to know you've had to pay for it and it was your last chance is harder still.

WHere is the comradery? I'm frustrated with myself and other things evidently.

I'm angry at spending a lifetime fat and what being grossly overweight all my life has done to body.

I'm sick to death. Honestly. I'm so frustrated.

I'll be ok in a few days I think.

 

[cah-ching]

Hay if you want to talk about this PM me and I'll let you have my number. Its sometimes good to talk this stuff through with someone who is not as close to it.

I'll take you up on that I think cheers.

 

[cherry]

im glad you realised the comradery is here sweets, you ve had fantastic advice and support here were all in this together i feel people prob havent answered as they dont know and dont want to give duff advice rather than being in a clique.... i know you say tho you ve realised this isnt the case... its not sweets, i hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you xx

 

[cah-ching]

Hi Cherry,

There is comradery ... it's very limited and a few people are happy to transcend the lines, people who have supported me privately or on this thread don't come as a surprise to me because it's the same people (thank you!) who do demonstrate comradery bypassers and banders alike. I didn't say there was none ... just less thank I would like .. and I still hold true to that I'm afraid. I also don't ever think there is no support ... there is. However I am today frustrated. I feel bad leaning on others who are themselves feeling bad ... yet there is a swathe of successful bariatric patients who don't offer advice or support - but seek affirmation when extolling their (excellent) successes no matter how large or small. It works both ways IMHO. I'd rather duff advice caveated with ... "I dunno but.." than none at all and a brazen ignoring of troubled souls.

I will save for a sleeve, however I'm going to work at the band and hopefully be successful because I want to help others here.

 

[Grace]

Sorry......

Cah-Ching, thank you for your honesty. It's painful reading but non-the-less refreshing.
I have to apologise to you for avoiding your thread today. I would normally have come on and tried to encourage you, which is eventually why I did come on. But I delayed and prevaricated, because since my op complications, I'm frankly struggling a little at feeling up-beat and being able to help anyone suffering with depression: so didn't feel I had anything to offer. It may sound like a weak excuse, but there it is.

I also tend to avoid banders' threads for similar reasons. I'm going to be dead straight and honest here.
Most banders seem to have ended up with a band through either duff advice, or because money was tight and NHS surgery wasn't an option. This may sound mad, but I feel tremendously guilty: because initially I wanted a band. I had no trouble with getting funding (how I don't know) and I was told by my surgeon that a band wasn't right for me.

Seeing how many of you struggle (I know there are some notable exceptions), I thank my lucky stars I didn't have one, despite the troubles I've had with my bypass. Also, I honestly know nothing about how the band works and feel I have little or nothing to offer in the way of advice. That said, I do take your point about how we (bypassers) may look clicky. I think particularly of Neen who I know was down recently, but has never-the-less come back and been so, so generous to us all, me included. One of the if not the most major) strengths of this forum is in sticking together and helping each other. I'm sorry that I haven't done that as well as I could have.

I also sometimes have got down when it seems like other people are doing better than me; weight loss wise or eating/diet wise. I guess how ever much we try to be generous and try not to compare, were all ultimately desperate to lose weight, and it gets us down when we see others succeeding when we aren't, even if we know we shouldn't feel like that. That feeling is not limited to people who've had bands.

Ok...so...Cah-Ching, I love your threads. You're off the wall sense of humour has me perplexed and fascinated. I must admit I saw you as a very strong, forthright and determined person, so your feeling so down has come somewhat out of left field for me. I hope you choose to stay on here and I hope you are encouraged by this site and EVERYONE on it.
I hope I can be an encouragement to you in the future.
Thank you for your honesty, and I hope you feel really better soon.

Much love and cyber hugs
Charis xxx

 

[CCPM]

Oh CC its so difficult to know what to say and I'm guilty of nor responding over much. Perhaps I should have come off the fence when you posted before your op but I have no experience of bands and you seemed set on one. I should have had the courage to say get a bypass but I firmly believed it was your money to do with as you want and didn't. So apologies for that and not having more to say now.

However what I would add now and be completely off the fence is that it can be done with a band but yes its hard. However while its true bypassers have that potential golden window some stuff it up to some degree as they won't let go of their old habits, others have severe problems that requires dangerous surgery to sort out and others whatever they do lose very slowly. Thats not a criticism of what you're saying but just an illustration of how everyone is different. For me its been very hard work, I have had to watch everything I eat to get the weight gone and am doing so now at 18 months out and suspect I will always have to do so.

What I am trying to illustrate is that any individual regardless of their type of op needs to find what works for them. My friend for example had a sleeve only lost just over 2 stones and most of that is back on...why...she won't follow the rules or help herself. Now let me state categorically that is not what I am saying that you are doing. However despite not knowing much about banding I read your menus and your diet doesn't seem right for the amount you need for daily life let alone the amount of excercise you do. I applaud the excercise believe me I am the original ass sitter but you need to adapt to what your body requires for the life you lead. I'm going to be even more controversial and say yes I agree with you the weight you have lost in 6 months is poor, I would have been unhappy with that. So there is a problem somewhere but for me my first port of call would be to identify what the banding rules are for successful weight loss, do I meet them? and be honest with yourself, then if you don't why not and if you do then only you and an experienced bander or dietitician can sort that out.

Finally what I would say is this, deciding to have a different bariatric surgery is also not a gaurentee of success, people do not do well after each of them for various reasons. So do give it a lot of thought and really understand what it will involve and whether you can honestly see yourself doing all that is required before considering that. NHS funding is a lottery, Despite my weight I would not have got it in my area and its only going to get worse.

I really want to see you succeed CC and I'm sure you will. Karlos is a man of optimum sense and I'm sure will have some great advice if you contact him. You can do this and you have my full support but i lack the knowledge to offer practical help.

Major hugs though

M

 

[Bev]

Good morning (I am so sorry, I don't even know your name) and hope you are feeling some relief today... I always light a candle for those feeling in great need with a little personal message of support and I would like to do this for you.

Just wanting to say again that I really hope that you are able to find some relief for the suffering that you are feeling.

If I were in your position, I would certainly book a double appointment with my GP, then go and sit and pour it all out... alongside a long detailed written summary of the points to outline how you are feeling about everything.

Although you might have said it all before, there is no harm in reiterating it again, if you can't relate to your GP then find another.

It's extremely difficult at times, no matter how huge the hearts are from our friends on here to keep pace with all of the 'rollercoaster' emotions that we are feeling with our respective weightloss journeys.

You are not alone, it's also so easy for us to feel more alone when we are feeling vulnerable.

Picking up on threads and reacting can be difficult, since most people are multi tasking plus answering threads and it can be difficult for some to know exactly how to say they can offer support and to know which is the right direction to suggest.

I really don't feel as though I know you at all in some ways... that is a shame.

Have you friends nearby or family that you can also rely upon for support?

You did say to me yesterday that you were pleased to see a photo of me and I would love to see you too if you feel able.

I can see that you have been around on here for a long time and have built up some support but reach out in a comfortable direction for you and I am certain that you will be welcomed with open arms and embraced.

Some of us are relative newcomers to the forum, but not newcomers to life and have seen many situations and have a wealth of life experience... we can contribute collectively or individually, but I do find that the majority of our wls pals also understand 'despair' since we have all felt that to be where we are.

Don't ever feel alone... but please try and ascertain what support you can achieve from your GP and your GP also knows your history, it has to be the best starting point and if you can't talk to your own GP, please find another.

It can be so difficult on here in terms of being able to answer threads particularly when there are so many issues on the boil at once... but I do hope that you are able to find some medical support and guidance.

I met up with a lady at Salford when I was in hospital there last week and she was having a band removed and was being offered alternative bariatric surgery... have you done any research around this area and should your second main focus (after your GP) be about aiming for a resolution for you... no matter how many doors have closed or discussions... I always say 'stick with it'... because it can just be that one more push may be worthwhile. Every case stands on it's own merit and you are as worthy as the rest.

I do wish I had a magic wand to help you with your troubles... all I can say by way of ending my post here is that there is an abundance of love around us on here and in my experience, everyone tries within their limitations to do their very best for each other and that is a rare find...

Sincerely hoping that you are able to find peace and contentment plus the right path for you...

As always, I send love and hugs to you and to everyone on the forum.

xxx

 

[Magsy]

Please stay and theres no where better for sounding off about how you feel. We are all here to support each other through the good and BAD times. You are not alone. Sending you a Big round hug that goes all the way around to keep you safe.XXX

 

[jayney3252]

now that is support CC you are obviously very loved on here and the above posts prove this!! I think alot of us thought the band/bypass would be the answer to all our weightloss problems and I think it possibly will be in the end it is just a long road of hard times and determination. I know your working so hard with all your exercise etc but I think you are lacking the medical support and guidance that you need to work with this. I have found you and jacob nothing but lovely and supportive and I thank you for all your chats and good pointers and I hope you know that anytime I can help I will try my best. I am thinking of going to the heartlands support group I think it is the 17th November so if you would like to meet or just turn up it would be good to meet you and give you the hug I so wish I could give you now. Hope today is brighter for you but as one of the ladies said -book an appointment with the Doctor and get some advice once and for all. I asked at my surgery if there was a specific Doctor who knows about bands etc and there was one who dealt with obesity etc so perhaps try that when ringing up xxxx

 

[BandyEmm]

You have had some sound advice there hun, but i just wanted to give you a massive HUG, xxxxx

 

[hsmel]

I really hope you are feeling a bit better CC - lots of people seem to have come out to say hi and offer some support to you. I feel pretty useless and inadequate as 1. I have not been on here long 2. I had a bypass so I am really not much help and 3. I feel guilty as I am probably one of the people who has been 'yay I lost this much' (which now makes me feel bad):cry:

I really really hope that you feel more upbeat soon - PLEASE see your GP and explain how you feel. Charis and Bev's posts are spot on.

In the meantime I am sending you a big hug and hope that you have a better weekend.:sign0009:

 

[cherry]

I dont think you should be apologising for saying about your wl sweets, thats what this site is for to celebrate the loss's but also have a shoulder for when people are struggling or down, like cahching is at the mo, were all here for cahching and anyone else who needs a pick me up but were also here to pat anyone on the back and celebrate the loss's... so im saying a massive well done to you xxxxxxxxx

 

[Katkit1]

Ahh Cahching honey, I`m sorry that you have been so down. If you ever want to talk you can pm me, I could be like you`re mum who`s just had her band very recently ( I`m probably old enough - my daughter is nearly 40).

My journey is just starting and I am savvy enough to realise that if I have stalls and things are not heading in the right direction; I will be asking all the people on here regardless of what surgery they have had for help. I guess people are going to relate more to others who have had the same surgery but I still think they are all a smashing bunch and so supportive - and that includes you.

I`ve loved your posts and especially your humour.
:clap:

Please don`t give up on us hun as we welcome you`re imput on here.
We may not always comment on everything that you post; but it does`nt mean people are not interested; there is so much going on here at times, that I rarely have time to read it all, let alone comment with working full time and family commitments. And I`m sure I`m not the only one.

We do care and as everyone has already shown by their comments to you.

There is plenty of good advice, get help from your gp if you can, and lets hope tomorrow will improve.
We all have days when we think we have overdone things - but pick yourself up and start all over again, is my theory.

Please take care - I`ll be thinking of you xx

Love and hugs Kat x

 

[doogledog]

hi, i feel the same way ,dont give up, i know how u feel,its been happening to me,i know it makes me feel bad when i hear of so many people losing lots of weight ,but there are also lots of us that dont,you need to ring your provider and sort this out,if its not working for you its pointless having the band in,tell them you want it removed as your not happy and you were given the wrong advice in the beginning, and do persist i know its like banging your head against a brick wall sometimes but ring and keep ringing till you get some satisfaction. xxxxxx

 

[dawny]

doogledog has got a point cc, didnt you wtant a bypass and the surgeon kept saying no to it, i may be wrong, but i think it was you that said that, if im right , then it might be a good idea to speak to your provider and have a word, you never know, they might be able to help. big hugs huni, xxx