I'm terrified (Apologies for Rambling)

[jaxx]

Hi all. I'm having my RnY on 6th of January and I'm absolutely terrified. I only found out the date last Saturday and I've not been able to sleep well since.

I'm terrified that I'll wake up after the op and think it's a mistake and that I've made the wrong choice to have a bypass. But then I look at my life now and realise that I can't continue living like I am. I can't control my weight and I'll end up dying because of it. My sister already has diabetes (and she's not as big as I am) and there is a history of heart disease in my family.

I've struggled with my weight ever since puberty and these last few years have been the worst. After many years of yo yo dieting I finally gave up and just decided to eat what I wanted. Of course my weight ballooned. This year my mobility and stamina and energy levels have severely gone down so much so that my disabled mother can walk further than I can.

I'm worried that I'm going to miss food. I think about it morning, noon and night and I'm worried that I'll struggle after the operation as I can't eat as much as I used to. Will the cravings still be there?

All this is made so much more worse by my mother who is suffocating me and telling me that she's terrified that I'll be very depressed because I can't eat. I do suffer from clinical depression and have done for a long time and I think she's worried that this op will make my depression worse. She was determined to give me a 'last' Christmas and bought lots of food (which I told her not to) and now I can't eat it as I have to be on the pre op diet which is upsetting me.

I just wish I can skip the next month and just go to the post op where everything's settled and I'm used to the new diet and new life. The waiting is the killer.

Apologies for the rambling, I haven't really got anyone to talk to about all this who are more objective.

 

[moonflower]

Its normal to feel nervous and have you done the right thing. I'm beginning to think the same thing I've got my pre-op 13 and 19th jan then op pretty sharpish after that. I would think its normal to have all these thoughts I have read post from others on such things.
You mum might think you'll change or start to go out more or something she may well be a little jealous subconsiously (soz spelling) Let her do her own thing it may well be the only way she can cope. She's probably trying to keep you relaxed by saying these things not realising that it is winding you up more.
I have a friend who doesn't think I'm doing the right thing but I have told her its my life. She keeps telling to think of my 7yr old and my baby who's 5 mths so I've told her I AM thats why i want to be here ALIVE to look after them for many more years to come.
You are more than welcome to say your peace on here everyone who can will offer any help and advice they can.
Keep your chin up it can only get better I look forward to joining you on the losers bench shortly.
My saying is kepp on keeping on and its got me through loads

Ali
xx

 

[Marky007]

Hi Jaxx, im soooooo feeling the same as you. i have my op on the 14th jan. I get nervous seeing my gp, and i fainted at my blood test. But i just cant stand being like this any more. Like you i have struggled with moving around as both ankles and knees hurt so much, and if nothing is done soon then other things as well will start to happen. Deep down i know i need this op. Whats the alternative, a life in pain, a life in doors? Just think of the many many things you will be able to do. Im so glad there is something out there that can help people like us. Im really dreading it like you, if there was a chance of not needing a op, i would be the very first out the door. But things will be worse for me in a couple of years, and then no op will be able to save me. I look at the before and afters on here and you tube. When i look at the changes that it has made to them, i wish i could have it done tomorrow, they are an inspiration for sure. Take care

 

[Leesh]

Hi Jaxx,

I don't have my funding yet so am far behind you. i know I will feel exactly the same as you do when the time comes though. Just wanted to show my support and I know there will be some post op advice coming along soon as the people on this site seem to be lovely. you have sort of answered your own question anyway as this is something you feel you have to do. Just keep reading the inspirational posts on here to so you dont forgot why you are doing this and think about all the positives that are going to come form it. I keep going fantasy clothes shopping, looking at size 12 dresses and skinny jeans which keeps me from chickening out.

You said that you dont want to wake up from the op and think you have made a mistake but from reading the posts it seems that almost everyone post op feels that way for a short while. Then they start to feel better and loose weight and they change their habits and feel great. I am expecting to feel like that at some point, it seems to be part of the journey.

Please let us know how you get on, I will be reading and waiting.

Leesh x

 

[tesmaralda]

You wouldn't be human if you didn't have some doubts or worries before your op. I loved my food pre op and I still love my food now, the only difference is I enjoy it more because I don't worry that everyone is watching me or that I am gonna eat to much and make myself ill or sick. It is hard to get your head around the emotional eating at first but you soon learn how to cope without it as you will make yourself sick and that is not pleasant and you soon learn to avoid it.

Having my bypass was and is the best thing I have done in a long time. I am happier, have more energy to do things with my family, for the first christmas ever things have been bought and even wrapped. The best thing from it is that after years of uming and arghing I have actually started to persue my dream career of teaching.

Try making a list of pros and cons for having the operation and see if you can come up with some solutions to the cons. If you can't you can always come on here and ask some of us how we over came it/them. You do need to be in the right head space pre op and if you still have any unanswered questions ask away as you can never be too prepared info wise.

You can do this and you will be a success as long as you believe in yourself that this is the right way forward, yu listen to your surgical team and make the most of the support of friends, family and other people in the same boat as you.

Hope this helps.
x x x

 

[topsy]

Sweetheart - it is so normal to feel the way you do before your op if you didn't feel like this then i would worry more about you.

For those of us who have had our bypass op's we were all nervous to some degree prior to the op. There have been many of us that have had strange thoughts about what would happen during and after the op. To be honest being in hospital and having your op is probably the easiest part of all.

Once you come home take each day at your own pace you will learn to listen to your own body and it's new needs. For some of us it is quick and instant and for others it is a slow climb - but ultimately we all get there in the end.

Your life will never be the same again - you will feel healthy and will have energy you never realised you had and you will have a better quality of life.

Remember you are not alone - you have thousands of friends on this forum who will be able to help you each step of the way on your wls journey. Never feel foolish to ask a question as someone, somewhere will have been through it or will want to know just like you. Some days will be a breeze and others will be hard but at the end of the day you will look and feel amazing.

Sending you hugs with fairy dust to help you through this pre-pre-op time and have a good Christmas xx

 

[Fashionably Late]

I was very nervous before my op. I was more worried about the food than complications. But here I am 3.5 weeks post op, 29 pounds lighter and never think about food. I was a massive chocoholic and could care less if I never eat a piece again. This is huge for me.

Nerves are normal. You will love life post RNY!

 

[smilergem]

It is wonderful to read all your stories and comments, I am so glad I found this site. I am really hoping to get surgery next year, fingers crossed, and I know I will make lots of new friends here who I can talk to about everything xxxx

 

[Caroline101061]

Hi Jaxx

Tell your mother to stop worrying. You will be fine and dandy. I too suffer with depression which has lifted 100 fold post surgery - once the weight starts coming off, which is immediately post op, you will be thrilled and delighted and relieved and as it continues - which it will - you will be even more happy! Im 8 months post op and 9stone 2lbs lighter. I can honestly, hand on heart say that I dont think about food in the same way I did before, I dont crave sweet things which were my big downfall and if I choose to have something sweet which is sugar free (ask your Sister about diabetic stuff), a tiny bit satisfies me. Something happens to your head post surgery - think its to do with the bypassing of the hunger hormones which live in your stomach, and all those issues that you had with food vanish. Im not saying that they wont come back cause they very well might but thats months and months in and by then, hopefully, you will be so into the swing of things that you will be able to cope with them. IF you cant, then speak to your GP about counselling - this op sorts out your body but not your head!

Will say that the first couple of weeks - the fluids only stage mess with your head, hungerwise - your body isnt hungry but your head is. Once you've got through that, you will be fine - just keep your fluid intake up and you will sail through. Good luck and let us know how you get on - also show this site to your family!

 

[Silversurfer]

I cant really add much more than the others here, other than to say that nerves is completely normal, and you will be able to eat all those nice foods again at some point post op, your eating will regain a sort of normality and slowly your range will expand, the difference being is that you will only be able to eat small portions of those foods, but thats cool because you will fill up and feel satisfied and still be losing weight.

I tried not to think to much about the op before i had mine, and it only started to really feel real for me when i was dressed in the dress and paper pants waiting to go down, try and think positively about how much this is going to change your life, it truelly is life changing stuff.

Remember its the journey that counts, not getting there !

 

[Cuppacocoa]

Hi Jaxx, I was really up for having the bypass with no concerns whatsoever...until I got my date. That's when it all became 'real' and I started panicking, big time!

I'm now 6 weeks post op, a total of 3 1/2 stone lighter and feeling fantastic - the bypass has changed my life already.

I eat totally differently now to how I did pre surgery but I absolutely LOVE it; I now have the control I never had before. The bypass doesn't mean an end to enjoying food. I enjoy food more now than I ever did because I know what I'm eating is healthy, nutritious and won't cause me to gain weight.

Your feelings are so normal I promise you and if you are like me, you will have the bypass then wonder why the heck you didn't do it sooner!

Good luck hun,
Cuppa xx

 

[shelbell]

Hi Jaxx,

Not going to repeat what everyone else has said, but can add that the Spire Murrayfield team are fab. I had my op at Spire Macclesfield but have transferred to Murrayfield for my post op care and they are all lovely. I'm there for a follow up 2 days after your op

 

[lotsabeefy]

Hi Jaxx, it is worrying i'm in on the 13th Jan but surely it's worth that small risk for the chance of a half decent life.
All the best babe xxx

 

[jaxx]

Thanks so much to everyone for their replies. I've relayed some of your comments to my mum which has helped her calm down a little but knowing my mum, she'll always worry I think. You'll understand more about her if you keep reading.

This forum has already helped me to feel better about the op coming up. The waiting is the hardest thing for me, I'm one of those people who rather than putting off unpleasant things, just want to get them over and done with.

I keep making lists of things I need to do and have organised before my op and things I need to buy.

I've organised for my sister to take care of my pet rats. My cat is too old to be put into a cattery and would be too stressed so she'll stay at home and my bro in law or mum will be feeding her daily. I need new sets of pj's and I need slippers! I've never used slippers (I use flip flops which I've been told by the hospital is not acceptable) ever in my life and now I need some. I find that quite funny in a weird sort of way.

Mum's going to be looking after me the first few days after I come home and is obsessed with getting clean sheets organised, she's terrified I'll get an infection. I have told her it will be key hole but she's still adamant everything has to be spotless. She does have the family nick name of 'Squeaky Clean'. She was diagnosed with a cleaning OCD a number of years ago and has so far been able to keep it under control but when she's worried and stressed, it does come out. She's already bought me some new face cloths and she wants me to buy a new dressing gown, despite the fact that I have a perfectly nice one already. lol My sister and I have found all this highly amusing.

Thanks once again to everyone who left comments, they're a great help.:hug99:

 

[Dawn36]

Hi, my op is the 8th of Jan and now I am beginning to panic. Like you I would have it tomorrow rather than waiting. I hope I have convinced my partner and children that this is the right thing to do, but I know they are so worried and I feel the weight of that responsibilty. Because they are so worried I dont feel able to tell them that I am terrified. Thank heavens for this site and the wonderful people who share and support.

 

[Caroline101061]

Have a lovely Christmas and New Year and look forward to being a new you. Stick to the pre op despite everything. You will sail through the operation - promise!

 

[zetacatty]

Ooops, wrong thread!

 

[zetacatty]

Oops sorry - I posted this in the wrong thread and I don't know how to delete it! Mxx

 

[jaxx]

Had a bad day yesterday food wise. I'm supposed to be on my pre op diet. My dietician did say I could eat a few extra things as it was Christmas Day but I doubt if she meant the full tube of Pringles that I did eat and the half a box of mint Matchmakers.

I've got back on track today but still feel bad for losing control like that.

 

[Meggie]

First of all...............take a deep breath!!!! As everyone has already said the nerves are completely normal!!! You wouldn't be human if you didn't have these feelings!!! My thoughts towards the op change as often as the weather, but deep down I know I'm making the right decision for me!! When I start having doubts I look through photo albums and remind myself of how I felt on certain occasions............e.g. on holiday when I couldn't go paragliding because I convinced myself the harness would snap with me in it, at my cousin's wedding when I had to settle for a dress because I couldn't find anything to fit me!!! This message was from days ago so you may feel so much better by now!! Not long now hun!!!! No doubt you'll have good days and bad days inbetween but you'll be on the losers bench before you know it...........what a fantastic way to start 2010!!!!!