I know exactly what you mean. I monitor calories, but I don't control them. If I have a day where I don't eat much I'll maybe have had 700 cals, so I'll have a protein shake instead of a cup of tea before bed. On the other hand, if I'm genuinely hungry I WILL eat, so some days I'll find I've had 1800 cals. I won't sit hungry just because I've had a high calorie day!
It doesn't go down well with the dietician, but until I get some restriction I still feel like without monitoring myself I would be just as out of control as ever. I can't wait to get enough restriction to feel like I don't need to monitor - lord knows I don't want to count calories the rest of my life!
I'm lucky in a way, I never expected to have much restriction until fill 3 or 4, and although my dietician may not be 100% on board my nurse has had a band herself and knows exactly what I mean. Her attitude is "let's get you some restriction and then everyone is happy"!
You're right - it's hard to undo the habits of a lifetime. It's not a quick fix we've got and it'll take time to adapt. In the meantime, chin (or in my case chins) up x