ive always been the bubbly, never upset.....

[NOMOREyoyo]

kinda gal.

no one knows how much my weight upsets me...

no one knows how long i have cried for, dieted for longed to be slim for...

ive told a few people, my sis, a couple of colleagues of my intention for an operation and all of them are shocked....why? your lovely..pretty..not fat..etc

im crying now as i type this, i cant talk to people about my weight..i literally sob when i think about how disgustingly overweight i am...

I am researching every day....and honestly believe that the NHS will not fund this for me...and i cant afford to do it privatley...

i can invisage the future....another 10 years of dieting, when my BMI will be above 50 and i will have the co-morbidities they so desperatley want to see!!! argh, are any of these symptoms enough??? cause they sure as hell upset me and make my life difficult!!!!

i get pins and needles in my arms when i sleep because my weight is literally crushing them.
i get sores under my boobs and fat folds because i sweat sop much and have to walk so far to work.
my left knee is constantly swollen and i am on painkillers daily just to walk, the noise they make is horrific!
i am now a size 24...you cant buy nice clothes at a size 26...im 33 i want to be fashionable again!
i cant wear heels..22 stone is enough to carry on all of my foot!
i cant take my boys out, swimming..etc
i dont take them to the cinema because im too big to sit in the chair....
i stand on the train every day...its too embarassing to squeeze next to someone
my skin is horrid and spotty
ive quit smoking thinking that will help me walk to work...but i know it wont make too much difference unless i lose weight

im sure i could think of loads more but this is the type of stuff i hide, and keep to myself......i wouldnt dare tell anyone in the real world this stuff!!! i might print it out and show the dietician, i couldnt read it i know that much lol...

its not just my fat ass i want to go...its the burden that goes with it

sorry for that, i hope it makes me feel better lol

I hope it did help to make you feel better..... its an awful burden to carry round with you. I totally sympathise!
In my diary thread I made a list similar to yours about why I had chosen the WLS path, it made me feel stronger about my decisions.
Up until very recently I have spent weeks in a vicious circle of drinking wine and bingeing after work, eating nothing all day, then drinking wine to get my hunger to its peak then feed myself ALL evening, I dont know why & I am not sure that I ever will, I dont know what I am unhappy about deep down & keep trying to find the answers but am so embroiled in the vicious circle that until I get off the merry-go-round I wont ever find out. Am I just greedy??????? Or is it that I get the love and support and feelings of this from eating the food as deep down there is a huge void somewhere in my heart????
After all being fat is the symptom of overeating and being overweight - (thank you Karlos).

Its like carry a bloody rucksack full of the additional lbs in weight again hunni - keep the faith xxxx

 

[minxtress]

I'm the same height as you and funnily enough I thought I was 5'9 until I was trying to juggle my BMI and realised I was 5'7 too! You wrote down how I feel and couldn't express so thanks for that, but I don't want the similarities to stop there! I want you to persecute your doctor and not give up until you get the answer you want!
I had to resort to desperate measures and if you have to aswell then do it! I strapped ankle and wrist weights to myself and filled my pockets with bags of coins to make me heavier! I printed off our PCT guidelines and refused to budge and lo and behold i have even referred. The feeling of relief is immense so don't give up the fight.
Ive tried reductil lost 5 stone in 5 months, used orlistat and lost 3 stone in as many months but out the whole lot back on with some extra for company and hated myself a bit more with every stone that has gone on.
I am going to do everything within my power to ensure my op is in 2012 and I can't wait for this Xmas to be looking forward to my works Xmas party instead of thinking of an excuse why I can't go as too ashamed for anyone to see me!
We all know how u feel on here so write how you feel and think of it as therapy and of you have to resort to under hand tactics then do it!

 

[MissyMustDoIt]

thankyou minx xxx

im a fighter....and wont go do without one lol