I've gone back to all my old eating habits :(

[yorkiegal]

It's only 4 months since my surgery and I'm eating chocolate, crisps, bread, diet coke, ice cream, biscuits.

I'm barely eating any of the foods I should be having. I have a freezer and cupboards full of healthy options then I don't bother making anything and just eat a bag of crisps for lunch instead. I haven't taken any of my iron, calcium, lanzoprazole or multivitamins for weeks.

I seem to be able to fit a lot of bad foods into my stomach. For example I've just eaten three drifter bars and don't feel full. But if I eat some chicken or pasta I am full after a few bites so I know my pouch isn't stretched.

I seem to be headed down this road of self sabotage and can't seem to hit the brakes. I'm still losing weight. I'm one pound off having lost 6 stone but I know I'm doing it all wrong and I'm going to be one of those people who gains all the weight back on further down the line.

I'm meant to be seeing my surgeon this month. The letter is somewhere in the house and I can't remember the date of the appointment but I haven't bothered looking for the letter. I think I just don't want to go.

I think a big reason for me having the op was to make my dad proud. He died recently and it's all gone downhill from there. I'm not depressed but I seem to have rejected my bypass if that makes any sense to anyone here.

On a positive note I am doing quite a lot of exercise as my neighbour has a dog now and I take mine out with hers and go for very long walks each morning.

I just need to get back on track and I've been trying to do that for about 7 weeks now without any success. I do dump on the rare occasion but can eat most things without any problem.

Any tips? Kick up the bum needed I think.

 

[mariew]

You certainly sound depressed to me love. I'd advise youto go and see your GP. You are obviously still grieving for your dad too. Perhaps your doctor can get you some bereavement counseling too. Don't just sit at home eating, please get help now.
Get up early, find that letter, then call the gp. PLEASE xx

 

[JED]

My mum died a year ago today she knew i was waiting for surgery and was thrilled to bits for me yes its very hard to cope when someone so close dies but knowing she was all for my surgery makes me want to succeed and i know if she was here today she would so proud of me as im sure your dad would be of you dont give up on yourself it does get better i promise you

 

[lyndajoan]

oh dear you poor love , you do sound to be depressed still griving your dads death, you do need to go to the doctors i have not had my surgery yet, but what i have read up and the amount of diets i have been oni have learnt a few things. i think the feeling full with the chicken meal thats because they are a slow realise proteine food that makes you feel fuller for longer, as for chocolate thats high fat high suger that your body will just store as fat, so you are dead right about putting the weight back on some time down the line, the good thing is you realise the mistake and you have lost a lot of weight, going on the walks with yours and the neighbours dog is fantastic.


so now is a good time as any to say yes i had this opp to please my dad but i am going to do it for me, get rid of all the chocolate and bad stuff thats in your couboard, part of eating is prepairing the food also, you have said you have got couboards full of good stuff start usingt them hunny, i know if you went back to your old weight you would feel even worse. go to your doctor and tell him how you feel, and ask can he refair you back to a dietition for a few sessions.

whishing you all the very best and good luck its never to late.

 

[cu16]

Oh you poor thing I cannot imagine what you are going through. Think about going to see your gp just to talk things through good luck my thoughts are with you xx

 

[Peterborough Guy]

Speak to your doctor or your team, dont undo all the hard work you have done.

You have been brave posting that on here, as I am sure some will be vocal about what you have done is wrong.

At the end of the day, you cant turn back the clock, but you can look forward. Wake up tomorrow and its another day, plan your food for the day and try to stick too it. I know what you mean about chicken etc, as I struggle to eat a few mouthfuls of it.

But I feel you do need to speak to someone, and maybe someone on here will even offer to be a 1-1 buddy for you, for you to call or text if you need then, i would offer but I am a long way away.

Just remember hun, thats what you use to do and thats why we are all where we are today, do you really want to get back there?

If I can help at all, please just message me.

 

[lyndajoan]

you are really brave to have put this on your post, i am far away from you to meet up with me also, but i am sure someone from york, or near will only be to happy to meet up for a chat and a coffee.

 

[shelbell]

The fact is, you can get away with eating a fair amount of junk at your stage and still lose weight, but with in the next 1-2 months that will stop and the stalls will hit in.

We can give you all the tips and ideas in the world, but if you don't want to get back on track then it's no use. It has to be you that makes the choice to do this properly. You know what choices to make, you know how to eat properly for the bypass, you are just choosing not to at the moment.

So it's decision time. Carry on as you are, or deal with the sabotage and emotions behind it and get back on track.

Sent from my iPhone using Forum Runner

 

[penelope1008]

Oh Yorkie gal I am so sorry things are so tough for you. Everyone's advice is right your GP & team need contacting so you can get help though this. I'm a long way off from you but if you want a contact to talk to message me & I'll let you have my home & mobile numbers. I believe those we have loved & lost to death are around us & helping us so I bet your dad gave you the strength to post on here to get some help. If I can help in anyway please get in touch. Your dad was & still is proud of you even though he's not physically here for you. If you ask for help from the team or GP as well as us I am sure you can find your way back & make him prouder still as he watches over you.

 

[Neeta]

Hiya. Sorry to hear about how you are feeling at the moment with everything. I can appreciate how you are feeling with regards to the loss of your dad. I lost both my parents within two years of eachother and it is so very very hard to deal with.

The group is so right in that you need to speak to someone and if you don't feel that your GP is the right person, you can actually refer yourself for councelling to many of the outside groups. I was going to do this, however the waiting time was quite a long time (months) so in the end I had councelling at work (NHS) I am sure that a lot of work places have Occupational Health Departments and that they all run more or less the same, but if you don't want them to know your business, the GP can suggest one for you.

It is nearly two years since I lost my dad and four years since I lost my mum. Yesterday, (6 days post op) I would have loved a hug from them both more than ever, may have been an emotional day for me yesterday. :cry:

Feel free to pm me if you want to chat, and sending you a very huge huge hug with lots of love in it. xx

 

[Karlos]

I don't do kittens and rainbows so I'll just bite my tongue and say you should speak to your GP as a matter of some urgency

 

[yorkiegal]

Thankyou so much everyone for the replies. I'd been staying away from the forum because I know what I'm doing is wrong and didn't want to face it. Karlos you don't need to bite your tongue lol. I know I'm an idiot.

I shouldn't use Dad's death as an excuse because that's too easy. I think I could find lot's of excuses because I'm trying to give myself a reason to fail. I was in the supermarket yesterday and saw cream cakes and that old thought popped into my head ''go on, you deserve it.'' That's what prompted me to come back here because I always used to say that to myself.

I know I need to get rid of the unsuitable food from my kitchen. It's really hard to do. I want to eat it and then start from fresh. But that's just kidding myself isn't it? So that's my task for this morning. Put it all in a bag and give it to my neighbour. I can't quite bring myself to waste food by throwing it out but I think I could give it to her.

Before I had my surgery I was so sanctimonious and stated that I would never waste my opportunity by cheating the bypass. I saw other's on here post about how they'd had the occasional treat and I thought ''no that's not me. I'll never do that.'' Guess I've learned my lesson.

For me, the occasional treat doesn't work. Deciding to have a pepsi max once or twice a week very quickly spiralled into 6 cans a day again. So it really does have to be all or nothing if I'm going to do this right.

In a way the scales are working against me. I woke up this morning determined to get back on track, then weighed myself and I'd lost 2lbs overnight. So there's a little voice in my head saying that it's ok to have those treats because I'm losing anyway.

I suppose it was stupid to think that the surgery would fix my head too. I'd read here over and over again that it wouldn't but when you're pre-op you're so focussed on just getting the surgery that it's easy to ignore anything you don't want to hear.

 

[hopelesscase]

I'm not a medic but as soon as i started reading your post the word depressed jumped out and hit me. |Like being out of control its not something that people like to face upto.

Whether it is depression or not you need professional help to get to the bottom of your emotional eating and self denial.

Do it now whilst you have your window of opportunity. shoot me down now if you want but you can talk the talk and know what your doing you now need help to walk the walk. good luck and keep focused you need to do this is for you now no one else.

 

[flowerofshona]

You have done the hardest part in voicing your problem, and you have made a start dealing with the foods in the house so well done
I have lost my parents and sister and believe me it leaves one heck of a scar on your life that you are never prepared for. Your dad would want this bypas to work for you so you can have the best life possible!!!
Go see someone and get some help to move forward.
We all have 'idiot' times in our lives and friends are there to help you through it (((((((((hugs))))))))).

 

[lesleyjean]

Hi Honey, Loosing your Dad is dreadful and definately a reason that would cause most of us on here to start with bad eating habits !!! However....as much as we all sympathise and can perfectly understand, you really MUST get help. You are post-op and the first 6 months is the one and only time that the weight with drop off to the extent that it has.......if you undo this at this time you will never get back those vital months !!!!! Please please get some medical help as honestly that is what you need right now for several different reasons. You are doing so well and just need the help to get back on track.......... your Gp or surgeon are the best people to refer you to the best possible help you can get !!!!! Good luck and if you need anyone to talk to just post on here and i'm sure we will all do our best to guide you but please see your medical team first !!!! x

 

[mightyminx49]

Yorkiegirl,

You have taken the first steps of self help without realising you have!!!!! To be able to admit you a problem and posted it on here, you have accepted that you have a problem and your own commonsense and belief in yourself to do the right thing gave you the courage to post your concerns where like minded people wont judge you but will guide you and support you while you find your way back on track.

 

[Benrese]

Since everyone is throwing their hat in the ring-I will add one of my old standards. This is an old standard for ME. Why? Because-I can easily find myself slip-sliding away.

I wrote this for my blog about 2 years ago-but I keep it around to remind me.


"Who is driving this thing?"

It’s time to write again!

Here I am-still in England and it’s now been a WHOLE year! I cannot believe it. It’s so funny, how I see my surroundings now is not in the least as they seemed to me a year ago. It’s funny how “change your mind-change the world” is SO true!!

Since we have all just come out of the holiday season-I have been thinking LOTS about eating and regain issues. I see this is a common topic for MOST WLS folks at some point in their post-op lives.

My weight has stabilized by now and I go up and down within the same 5-10 lb zone I have kept for most of my post op time. I notice that when my weight nears the higher end of my “zone” that I go through LOTS of emotional turmoil. I wanted to write about this and talk a bit about it-because I suspect I am NOT alone in these feelings! LOL!

One morning as I got out of bed and stepped on the scale during my usual morning routine-I saw that higher range again. I had that HORRIBLE sinking, panic feeling hit me all at once. I know that feeling and it is one that always gets my attention. It was a feeling of hopeless powerlessness.

As I headed downstairs after getting dressed-I noticed myself sort of skipping down the stairs. It’s something I have just come to do over time-after losing so much weight. I sort of “bop” down the stairs..or skip. I know exactly why that is, too. I will tell you. Come closer..no..a little closer. I skip down the stairs BECAUSE I CAN!!! LOL!

So that skip got me to thinking. That is one of MY characteristics. It’s my “way” to skip down the stairs. The other thing I thought about-is that it was also my “way” to lose well over 200 lbs. Yes-I had the surgery-but we ALL know the surgery alone will not bring success.

So-I sat down at the table and thought a bit. I had really been letting myself because incredibly frightened of the range on the scale. And it came to me-that is ME on the scale!! Hello!? WHY would I be afraid of the numbers? It’s ME who is taking care of me right? It was the VERY same me that knocked off all of that previous weight. WHY am I scared of a normal bounce?

All of this started to come together for me. I was really acting like I was SOMEONE else. I was reacting to the numbers on the scale as if it was NOT going to be up to ME where they go-up or down-or maintained. Hmm-well that just isn’t sane or logical.

Of course-that leads me to the other part of those of us who have lived as “The Super Morbidly Obese” we have felt all kinds of crazy and out of control in our lives-haven’t we? However-it was this surgery that taught me that I DO Have it in me to handle this stuff! Yeah-it’s already IN THERE.

It’s not complicated. If I sit down and plan my food out-if I do NOT constantly exceed my caloric needs and IF I do my basic exercise..and IF I take care of my supplements-there is NOTHING to fear. Regardless of how the scale bounces around in a month’s time-I am going to be FINE. I am driving this car now. MY car..ME in the driver’s seat.

*Adjusts the mirror and applies some lip-gloss, puts on some cool shades, because I CAN* Yeah-everything is going to be just FINE!!
Hang in there-DO NOT FORGET how you got here. Share when you can-talk to folks about what is going on. LOG your food and do what you need to do.

Thanks as always for all your kindness and support. This is NOT a trip I could have EVER taken alone. I would never suggest it!! We need each other.

 

[lkeyes]

Well look I know the power of addiction I have had to. Kick food and cigarettes. Please makes us a packed I will join you here I just had the duodenal switch procedure and am having to eat right. Also you must remember memories and or mindless things trigger our need for this bad stuff. It may be good to some but to us now at this point it is poison. So next time you are feeling down and wanting to use the old memories and or quick foods write me we can do this together [email protected]

 

[sukay]

In a way the scales are working against me. I woke up this morning determined to get back on track, then weighed myself and I'd lost 2lbs overnight. So there's a little voice in my head saying that it's ok to have those treats because I'm losing anyway.

I suppose it was stupid to think that the surgery would fix my head too. I'd read here over and over again that it wouldn't but when you're pre-op you're so focussed on just getting the surgery that it's easy to ignore anything you don't want to hear.

YES the scales are working against you. I fell into the same trap - it was called the "pink cloud" syndrome on one post I read. You fool yourself into thinking that the bypass is THE answer. I believed it and was incredibly happy last summer - thought "this is it", I would never have to worry about gaining weight ever again, and "aren't I doing well"

Truth is, I wasn't and I have put back nearly 2 stone ( due to illness this past two weeks have lost one of those stones and am on track - fingers crossed)

Please, please speak to your Dr and your team. Please give your neighbour the food. Do whatever you can to get back on track. I know it's easy said, but I am looking back and wishing SO MUCH that I had faced up and done this a year ago

(((hugs))) and well done for posting - very brave

 

[Stellap]

I think you need to sit down and ask yourself why (apart from your dad) you thought you needed the surgery. Was it just to lose weight or was it to get HEALTHY and treat your body with the respect it deserves. You may be losing weight still as you are so soon out but that WILL change, but apart from that you are feeding yourself junk and when you put junk in you get junk out - you are risking further health problems down the line and not taking your tablets is very foolhardy. You may be doing your body irrepairable damage (I guess weight you can always reverse but when you damage your organs that might not be so easy to turn back the clock). I think you need to think of all the types of food you are eating as poison - you wouldn't eat food that is past its sellby date but you are doing as much damage eating crap. Time to clear your cupboards out and put only foodstuff in there that you are getting nutritional value from. It doesn't mean that all you eat is salad, chicken, fish etc - swap crisps with nuts (not the salted ones but the nice mixed nuts) and proper food that you like to eat but by snacking on junk food you won't have room for real food so try to break that habit. You do sound depressed so I would definitely see the doctor. Please try and stop this sabotage as your body deserves better after all it's been through. Good luck and apologies if it sounds like I am preaching but you have been given such a marvellous opportunity to change your eating habits and it would be criminal to waste it x