Last straw (Updated)

[salski]

Hi Mixy - you clearly felt at the end of your tether with the girls and in a way, I can understand - but on the flip side - the eldest one (how old is she?) is probably of the age where she should be allowed onto social networking sites to chat to lads. I know there is no way of knowing if they are who they say they are - but we're all in the same boat here - noone knows if we really are talking to the person who says we are.
bit of policing is fair and no texting or (god forbid!) meeting up - but MSN, facebook etc can be OK.
Where will go from here? I guess it depends on her age. I was 13 when we got internet at home and I was often in chatrooms and using MSN then. I then (at 16) met my first fella online and was with him for 3 years. I told my parents all about him and we met in a public place whilst unknown to him - my mum and dad were walking the dog around the park we met in.
I then met my husband online a few years later....

Sally

 

[dottychic]

Phheewww, its all been happening whilst Ive been watching crapola on TV
Ive a bit of experience with the whole internet/sicko situation with a nephew of mine some years ago and trust me it can lead to a whole heap of heartbreak and pain! I think Mixxy was right to step in and whilst I wouldnt have broken the laptops (I wouldnt have pretended to!) I would have gone apesh*t too! Becaue of things that happened in my past Ive always been overprotective with mine as regards things like this and I think its a good thing. Far too many parents look on the internet as a babysitter for their kids, let them do what they want on it etc. just for a quiet life....disgraceful but thats how these sickos get hold of our kids because they arent being watched and policed by parents.
I hope things settle down at home Mixxy and the girls learn from this lesson, they need to know that what they have done is sooooo soo dangerous and I think you are doing a great job XX

 

[salski]

Ahh - I see Micky - she is 13...please disregard my above post!

sal

 

[dottychic]

lol....I think one is 13 but the other is a little older xx

 

[cherry]

We have a house computer that they can use for their homework etc. How can you say about trust when they've obviously broken the trust by doing something we all got the police and social services involved with!!!

Anger management? It's not something I did in a temper. I talked to my partner about and we decided it was for the best!!!! When you've read text messages on your 13 year old daughters phone about some guy cumming all over your then 13 year old daughter try telling me not to get a bit protective then!!!! They both KNEW we can keep tabs on them and they CHOSE to disobey the rules.

ooo gosh mixxy!!! id be BESIDE myself x

 

[Mixman]

She's 14 now, was 13 when it was all going off. The thing is,we laid down rules. They were allowed MSN, NO adding people they didn't know, if they went into chatrooms NO information was passed, it was to chat about stuff, that's it.

There were RULES after the last shennanigans went off, they chose to ignore the rules and disrespect our decision.

 

[dottychic]

She's 14 now, was 13 when it was all going off. The thing is,we laid down rules. They were allowed MSN, NO adding people they didn't know, if they went into chatrooms NO information was passed, it was to chat about stuff, that's it.

There were RULES after the last shennanigans went off, they chose to ignore the rules and disrespect our decision.

You gave them a chance and they threw it back in your face so they deserve to be punished.....no doubt about it! XX

 

[HiddenBeauty]

Having dated a peadophile (and not known until 2 years into the relationship) and raped by a family member I can say first hand that most abuse of that kind happens closer to home rather by some stranger you may or may not meet in the several billion people that use the internet.

I may not have children but I have attended anger management and seen people like mix in there, which is why I asked.

I feel that situations with children this day in age could be handled better. My mother didn't need to reprimand me, the threat of it was enough, but I did have to deal with almost 10 years of emotional abuse when she was going through the change, fibromyalgia and depression and I was also going through depression due to bullying, rape and family abuse that no one believed me of (all of which we didn't know about until her and I were much older) from things that just got out of control.

When first getting the computers for the girls a sit down talk about the dangers of strangers on the internet would have been a good first step and then the computers kept in the family room and only used when someone was around. (To be honest my mother did this and we only had an amstrad back then, and no internet.) So you explain the danger of strangers, much like when the first time we asked to walk to school on our own, and then supervise them until a time you deem fit they are ok on their own.

Blowing up is only going to make the girls do things behind your back more. They will be afraid of exerting their own independance in fear that it will make you upset. If you want them to respect you then actually act like an adult yourself and not a child.

I can't belive so many of you think it is ok for Mix to break the law (key logging software is illeagle) and not respecting their privacy in the first place. There are so many other, much more legal ways to police your childrens internet use. Nanny packages which many ISPs supply block access to certain sites at certain times of the day. They would be able to block face book, msn etc.

You're also very hippocritical, you're here talking to strangers and yet your daughters are not allowed to do the same? How do they make friends at school as everyone there is a stranger.

If I had children, I would be more interested in who they knew in real life rather than in cyber space.

No, I don't have children, so highly likely a lot of you will disreguard my point of view because I don't have the privilege of a child (which a lot of people drag up) but I don't need children to know that due to this action they will probably go out and do a lot worse on the streets, at school, out shopping etc and do a lot more behind your back from fear about telling you ANYTHING. I know this because I became this way when my mother became unstable and at 17 I ended up being raped by my BEST FRIEND someone my parents even LOVED TO BITS. I was also abused by my uncle a year before he died. I didn't have the guts to speak up about it. I was told never to speak ill of the dead. I have been in a private mental hospital for the last six months dealing with all this past and have seen 15-17 year olds talking about the exact same things their parents do and getting into danger with drugs, self harm etc because they cannot cope with the level of emotional abuse so called 'love' is creating. There is a fine fine line.

I am going to try not to read this thread any more and see your dismissive replies. I know a lot of you will accuse me of flaming and you are all entitled to your opinons. I am the new kid on the block and I came here for support for the WLS but I cannot support something that could escalate so easilly. One thing I do hope you take is that the danger is not on the internet. Danger is closer to home. We forget that because the media sensationalises the internet as a den of a million pedos. Your children are more likely to meet a pedo out side the school gates, in the playground, even in the faculty room even with the screening we have these days.

 

[Karlos]

I may not have children but I have attended anger management and seen people like mix in there, which is why I asked.

I haven't read the rest of your post because I got so wound up with this statement I had to stop and reply.

You've seen people like Mickie there? Where the chuffin heck do you get off making assumptions about the character of someone you have never met from one post on the internet?

I've known Mickie for over a year through here and Facebook and I consider him to be a hard working decent individual who has not only taken on his partner's kids but who treats then as his own, providing and caring for them as well as any father could

You owe him an appology lady as a matter of some urgency

 

[Louanne79]

Blowing up is only going to make the girls do things behind your back more. They will be afraid of exerting their own independance in fear that it will make you upset. If you want them to respect you then actually act like an adult yourself and not a child.

No, I don't have children, so highly likely a lot of you will disreguard my point of view because I don't have the privilege of a child (which a lot of people drag up) but I don't need children to know that due to this action they will probably go out and do a lot worse on the streets, at school, out shopping etc and do a lot more behind your back from fear about telling you ANYTHING.

I think this is similar to what I was getting at with the trust issue.

 

[HiddenBeauty]

I haven't read the rest of your post because I got so wound up with this statement I had to stop and reply.

You've seen people like Mickie there? Where the chuffin heck do you get off making assumptions about the character of someone you have never met from one post on the internet?

I've known Mickie for over a year through here and Facebook and I consider him to be a hard working decent individual who has not only taken on his partner's kids but who treats then as his own, providing and caring for them as well as any father could

You owe him an appology lady as a matter of some urgency

What I say stands. I have met people who have done the same things as mix, hence I have met people like him. Isn't that exactly what he is doing? Makeing assumptions of the people his daughter has met without knowing them?

At the end of the day we could debate too and fro what could have been done, what was done and if it was right or wrong. It has been done. I expect things to get worse rather than better. But that is only my honest opinion. People have different ways of seeing and doing things based on their own personal experiences. I wish him the best of luck with his daughters.

 

[Tracey ( eyore)]

I dont have my own children either but i am also a step parent a job which very hard work as you always have to make sure you dont step on the parents feet but the childs also has to understand you are there and they must listen to your rules too..............


My step daughter is my angel but she know s theres rules if she over steps these rules she will be told off.

Mixxy i have always found to be a lovely man and he did discuss this with the child natural parent and also advise the girls this must not happen. I do believe i would of took the laptops away from my daughter i know of a girl who went to meet a man of 42 off the ineternet she was 16, her parents were worried sick when they realised what had happened and she returned 2 1/2 months later filthy dirty and pregnant.
Her parents had always had a close relationship before this time these people are very clever at getting these girls to keep secrets and talking them in to not telling anyone x

 

[cherry]

Originally Posted by HiddenBeauty
I may not have children but I have attended anger management and seen people like mix in there, which is why I asked.

I am utterly gobsmacked at this reply, i mean how on earth can you say this when you ve never met the bloke?... have you a crystal ball to be able to see what he s like?... at work, at home, in his own time to make this disgusting pre judging comment, i agree with karlos, an apology is most defiantly needed!

 

[cherry]

hiddenbeauty why are you doing what we say is wrong with the internet then?... you have completly baffled me!!!

 

[HiddenBeauty]

Originally Posted by HiddenBeauty
I may not have children but I have attended anger management and seen people like mix in there, which is why I asked.

I am utterly gobsmacked at this reply, i mean how on earth can you say this when you ve never met the bloke?... have you a crystal ball to be able to see what he s like?... at work, at home, in his own time to make this disgusting pre judging comment, i agree with karlos, an apology is most defiantly needed!

I reiterate my last post. I have met people who have acted the same way in the anger management classes. Hence the post of I have met people like him.

 

[salski]

I agree about the trust thing - which was the point I was trying to (unsuccessfuly) make lol. I meant that I told my paernts who I was talking to and then meeting...
Either way - you did what you felt you needed to do. No one writes rule books on being parents or being a child. You are (regardless of biological or not) a parent and you felt they had overstepped the mark. They are much younger than I thought so as I said - ignore my previous comments and do what you feel is right to do.
x

 

[HiddenBeauty]

hiddenbeauty why are you doing what we say is wrong with the internet then?... you have completly baffled me!!!

I do not understand your question.

 

[HiddenBeauty]

I would like to say I won't be reading this thread any more. It appears that my thoughts on handing things in angry ways (ie breaking expensive equipment) are not shared by others. I am happy for a healthy debate in PMs.

 

[drylaw]

but I have attended anger management and seen people like mix in there, which is why I asked.



hmm wondering why u were attending anger management ?????

 

[Louanne79]

but I have attended anger management and seen people like mix in there, which is why I asked.



hmm wondering why u were attending anger management ?????

I think from reading an earlier post it's safe to say that she may have possibly ended up in AM due to some of the situations she has encountered (rape etc.).

I think this thread may be going down the wrong path here, with hurtful things being said.
Maybe it's best to leave it at the fact that whether or not we all agree, Mixxy did what he felt best under the circumstances.