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Long Termers: What if this IS the normal? Regain, Bounce Back weight

Benrese

Benrese

New Member
Hi all,

I've been spending lots of time reading various message boards regarding regain and weight loss surgery long-term. And of course-I have spent the last 6 years as a post op.

It's the very reason why I recently decided to come back to the forums and also to open a new VLOG on You Tube. I have been studying and analyzing what many of us go through post op. So much emphasis is put on Pre Op. It's Pre-op nutrition and Pre-op therapist. Its all about what we NEED to do before. There is NO Mandatory counseling for post ops, and if it is-it is very, very short term.

There are some other points I have been pondering as well, like what happens to our minds, hearts and souls when we see regain. It's extremely traumatic and it's not something others who have not been down this road would understand. There seems to be a tendency to really get fatalistic about the changes, bounce backs-etc. Let me rephrase that I FELT really fatalistic about regain.

So, I started to really look at what regain means. What does regain mean and what about bounce back? What about how large we were when we started out? What about our age? What about our health? And just what DOES the medical profession know about what it's like for us and what we CAN expect?

Yes, some folks do have complete and utter regain. But also, some folks have bounce back weight and they start to fight their bodies on desperately getting to the original "Goal weight". What do we know about how the body works regarding our "lowest weight" and the weight we end up at??

What is my healthy weight is 170? What if my healthy weight is 130? Or maybe it's 190?? Exactly who has the true answer? My surgeon said anything near 200 would be a miracle! But then there was this doctor I saw one other time that said I should lose like 40 more, because BMI and what not. And then there was that nurse who said if I lifted canned food or water bottles could lose some of that "fat" on my upper arms. That was AFTER I told her I lost over 200 lbs from Gastric Bypass. See what I mean? Bit scary isn't it?

What if we allow ourselves to start taking a long hard look at what success is? Is our whole post op life supposed to be about "Look, I'm not eating. Now I'm eating. I'm eating x amount of calories. Oh I lost weight. Oh I gained weight. I'm a success! I'm a failure..because of the weight.."

I'm seeing a lot of self-loathing on many different boards. That is where I think the danger is. The danger for me was the self hate and horror I felt when I saw the scale go up. At first I cried and freaked out. I so despaired about it. But then-I remembered once again that it was ME that lost the weight in the first place and it would be me to do it again-if that is what I wanted to do. And all of this due to 15 pounds!!!!??? That's when I had a little talk with myself and started to do the research.

My weight has stabilized and my heart and mind are still continuing to adjust to the massive change I went through! Part of me even wondered if I set myself up to focus on bounce back weight, so that I would not have to continue to focus on the discomfort I have felt in a new smaller body.

I have committed to myself to start talking and sharing again. I could NOT believe how many folks totally have "disappeared" from the boards, from You Tube and other places. And I have found that most of the time when people come back, they come back all apologetic. Like they need to be ashamed and have been "bad". What is that all about???? Post op is POST OP and we are the Post Op reality. I understand folks who may be pre-op may be a bit frightened to think about what can and OFTEN does happen with weight fluctuation. I know I used to be super freaked out by it.

But really, if I am reading my research correctly-we are the NORM!! Haha-that's the funny part! SOME regain is NORMAL. And to lose regain IS possible too!! Some bodies are happy to stay on the larger side of their normal, whilst others will go super petite. OK then!

I would love to see some of these places that have to turned to post op ghost towns come alive again with people working it out together. I have uploaded a few videos, with the latest one being a review of why I had gastric bypass and what I am thinking these days. I want to invite anyone who wants to share to please come and do so. Either in writing or video.

We ARE a community-it's just that I suspect there are lots of folks in their closets so-to-speak. What if this turns out to simply be part two of our SUCCESSFUL journey?? Show me the PROOF that says MOST people stay at their lowest weight and never struggle. It's a lie. We may already be a winner!

Here is my latest video, I've stuck a few pictures in it as well. http://youtu.be/LXZSWPtwoNo

I plan to stick around.

Peace,

T
 
Last edited:
we've been asking for long term post oppers on here :) it's a very insightful post and as I'm 14 months post DS would love to see more of them on here as I'm not sure what the future holds for me and my weight x
 
Hiya Angie! When I saw the Long-Termers-I was SO hopeful!! Also, wow..you have done an amazing job!! 14 months out and down SO far!! That is very impressive!!

Cheers!
 
thanks but do worry about regaining not the whole amount and I don't step on the scales all the time but it is always at the back of my mind xxx there's really not many DS on here so it's a bit hard to know what to expect :) I know more about bypass than DS x
 
Great to read from long termers, thanks for sharing. Not sure if it's just mine but the you tube didn't work for me xxx
 
Hi benrese, I was lucky to have an extremely long conversation with an outstanding dietician who said pretty much what you are saying. We can all force ourselves down to a goal weight, but that doesn't make it healthy for us. She also told me the BMI scale was never meant to be used individually but as a method of measuring a population! What she said is that to avoid regain that isn't just your bodies natural limit we need to break the diet/guilt cycle.
She also told me a load of other stuff - I felt inspired after seeing her.
 
Thanks ever so much i worry about maintaing now!! But sound like life is always gonna be a worry hey. loved the video and crongrats for becoming a British citizen where abouts in Lancashire r u from as I am in Preston. I look amazing by the way xxx
 
Hi Yvessa! (lovely name!) Yes, that is exactly what we really need. We need to understand where we have been and what we should honestly expect. So many of us have been so hard on ourselves, it's hard to recognize when we are doing VERY well!!

Cheers,
 
I totally agree with needing therapy after having op.

I have just had to have a balloon removed 3 months early as I was having such a bad time with it. I lost 5 stone in that 3 months due to starvation, as my body was rejecting the balloon and everything I ate or drank I was bringing back up! Seeing a therapist before having it done did not prepare me for what was happening to me afterwards. I felt very alone and was just told by the bariatric nurse that it was early days and to keep on going....... I needed help and had no one to talk to about it. I felt I needed to see the psychologist now, not before the op. But I couldn't get to see her. When they removed the balloon, (2 weeks ago) I said I was anti having anything else done. My surgeon has made an appointment for me to go back and see him on the 27th Feb and he also got the psychologist to contact me and I have been allowed 2 more visits with her before my appointment. I have decided to go ahead and have the op done, but I have already expressed my concern of needing therapy afterwards as well, but I don't think they will allow it!!

I am now going to watch your YouTube link.

Take care
Chrissy x
 
I am lucky in that when I saw the dietician she said that if I felt I needed further help I had the whole team available including a psychologist. I have since decided to revise my goal to 15 stone rather than 10 as this is what I feel would be a healthy goal. If I can get lower then fine but I was being so hard on myself. I recently discovers that someone I totally admired was still obese according to BMi. It has all really made me think. Wls is a gift of life. I was told by my dietician to go live it and stop wasting time obsessing.
 
Oh Chrissy!! You've really, really been through it. I can only imagine what you might have been thinking in all that pain, being told that you just needed to "hold in there". You must have wondered what would happen to you!! And yes, there isn't a time as lonely as when we suffer with pain we do not understand.

I really would wish they would find you someone to speak with. You've been through massive change and what's really great is that you are SO willing to speak with someone. It's in the best interest of the entire NHS to allow you some assistance an support. It really is!

What surgery are you going to have??
Hugs,
 
hello Benrese, lovely to read your posts, I am 17 months post op and do agree that we will find our healthy weight which will be different from some, and yes I worry bout regain as I haven't got down as far as I would like yet, I am still in the 14's and would love to be in the13'
s think that would be my limit without looking unwell. The truth is we don't really know what our bodies are capable of and it is always guna be a struggle to stay healthy. x
 
Yvessa said:
I am lucky in that when I saw the dietician she said that if I felt I needed further help I had the whole team available including a psychologist. I have since decided to revise my goal to 15 stone rather than 10 as this is what I feel would be a healthy goal. If I can get lower then fine but I was being so hard on myself. I recently discovers that someone I totally admired was still obese according to BMi. It has all really made me think. Wls is a gift of life. I was told by my dietician to go live it and stop wasting time obsessing.
Click to expand...

Good words from your dietician,
I know I'm putting far to put pressure on myself to try and get into the 10 stone mark.
And I'm currently a size 12 jean 8/10 top.. Why can't I be happy with that???
I drive myself mad
 
Benrese said:
Hi all,

I've been spending lots of time reading various message boards regarding regain and weight loss surgery long-term. And of course-I have spent the last 6 years as a post op.

It's the very reason why I recently decided to come back to the forums and also to open a new VLOG on You Tube. I have been studying and analyzing what many of us go through post op. So much emphasis is put on Pre Op. It's Pre-op nutrition and Pre-op therapist. Its all about what we NEED to do before. There is NO Mandatory counseling for post ops, and if it is-it is very, very short term.

There are some other points I have been pondering as well, like what happens to our minds, hearts and souls when we see regain. It's extremely traumatic and it's not something others who have not been down this road would understand. There seems to be a tendency to really get fatalistic about the changes, bounce backs-etc. Let me rephrase that I FELT really fatalistic about regain.

So, I started to really look at what regain means. What does regain mean and what about bounce back? What about how large we were when we started out? What about our age? What about our health? And just what DOES the medical profession know about what it's like for us and what we CAN expect?

Yes, some folks do have complete and utter regain. But also, some folks have bounce back weight and they start to fight their bodies on desperately getting to the original "Goal weight". What do we know about how the body works regarding our "lowest weight" and the weight we end up at??

What is my healthy weight is 170? What if my healthy weight is 130? Or maybe it's 190?? Exactly who has the true answer? My surgeon said anything near 200 would be a miracle! But then there was this doctor I saw one other time that said I should lose like 40 more, because BMI and what not. And then there was that nurse who said if I lifted canned food or water bottles could lose some of that "fat" on my upper arms. That was AFTER I told her I lost over 200 lbs from Gastric Bypass. See what I mean? Bit scary isn't it?

What if we allow ourselves to start taking a long hard look at what success is? Is our whole post op life supposed to be about "Look, I'm not eating. Now I'm eating. I'm eating x amount of calories. Oh I lost weight. Oh I gained weight. I'm a success! I'm a failure..because of the weight.."

I'm seeing a lot of self-loathing on many different boards. That is where I think the danger is. The danger for me was the self hate and horror I felt when I saw the scale go up. At first I cried and freaked out. I so despaired about it. But then-I remembered once again that it was ME that lost the weight in the first place and it would be me to do it again-if that is what I wanted to do. And all of this due to 15 pounds!!!!??? That's when I had a little talk with myself and started to do the research.

My weight has stabilized and my heart and mind are still continuing to adjust to the massive change I went through! Part of me even wondered if I set myself up to focus on bounce back weight, so that I would not have to continue to focus on the discomfort I have felt in a new smaller body.

I have committed to myself to start talking and sharing again. I could NOT believe how many folks totally have "disappeared" from the boards, from You Tube and other places. And I have found that most of the time when people come back, they come back all apologetic. Like they need to be ashamed and have been "bad". What is that all about???? Post op is POST OP and we are the Post Op reality. I understand folks who may be pre-op may be a bit frightened to think about what can and OFTEN does happen with weight fluctuation. I know I used to be super freaked out by it.

But really, if I am reading my research correctly-we are the NORM!! Haha-that's the funny part! SOME regain is NORMAL. And to lose regain IS possible too!! Some bodies are happy to stay on the larger side of their normal, whilst others will go super petite. OK then!

I would love to see some of these places that have to turned to post op ghost towns come alive again with people working it out together. I have uploaded a few videos, with the latest one being a review of why I had gastric bypass and what I am thinking these days. I want to invite anyone who wants to share to please come and do so. Either in writing or video.

We ARE a community-it's just that I suspect there are lots of folks in their closets so-to-speak. What if this turns out to simply be part two of our SUCCESSFUL journey?? Show me the PROOF that says MOST people stay at their lowest weight and never struggle. It's a lie. We may already be a winner!

Here is my latest video, I've stuck a few pictures in it as well. http://youtu.be/LXZSWPtwoNo

I plan to stick around.

Peace,

T
Click to expand...

What a great post,
I'm really struggling lately so this was great to read and watch your video on you tube.
I'm currently 2 1/2 years post op and its lovely to hear from a long Termer.
 
I think it is just part of our nature. We are always too hard on ourselves. And I have to learn to treat myself with more kindness and allow myself to be happy. I've always believed happiness is a choice we make.
 
Yvessa said:
I think it is just part of our nature. We are always too hard on ourselves. And I have to learn to treat myself with more kindness and allow myself to be happy. I've always believed happiness is a choice we make.
Click to expand...

I really need to learn how to be kind to myself far more!
Due to being a mother to young children all my time and effort goes on them.
 
But we are better for them if we are good to ourselves. It took me a long time to learn that, but the healthier and happier I was, the healthier and happier my daughter could be because I was there for her.
 
Benrese said:
Oh Chrissy!! You've really, really been through it. I can only imagine what you might have been thinking in all that pain, being told that you just needed to "hold in there". You must have wondered what would happen to you!! And yes, there isn't a time as lonely as when we suffer with pain we do not understand.

I really would wish they would find you someone to speak with. You've been through massive change and what's really great is that you are SO willing to speak with someone. It's in the best interest of the entire NHS to allow you some assistance an support. It really is!

What surgery are you going to have??
Hugs,
Click to expand...

Hi Benrese

I think it will be the sleeve. They had said the bypass, but there may be complications when they get in there and after doing some research and reading 'sleevies' on here, I think the sleeve would actually be the better option for me.

The fact that I am so willing to speak to someone, is because I went through a VERY bad time over Xmas & new year. I couldn't get to visit my family as I was too ill to drive the 180 miles to see them. I spent it totally on my own and to be truthful, I was not in a good place mentally and I didn't feel safe being left on my own! If I had known where to go, I would have signed myself into somewhere, just so I could talk to someone about how I was feeling. Things really did get that bad! This is why I feel we need therapy after having the op. I don't think I will be the only person who has got to that stage. Anyone else that suffers with depression, will understand where I am coming from with this. My bariatric team (Albeit only the surgeon, dietitian & 1 nurse!!) all knew about my depression and the fact that I have tried to take my life once before, but still I am not offered any help and left to cope with it on my own.

If I can help anyone by telling it like it is, then it is worth it........If anyone else suffering from depression has read this, please, push for being given the option to see the psychologist after your op, if you feel you need too. Don't leave it like I did........ I found the strength from somewhere to be able to be here to tell my story......... On another day, I may not have!!

We must have therapy after our ops!!!



By the way....... I am fine now and really on a high. My brain has come out of neutral and is firing on all cylinders!! Lol. :)


Hugs & take care
xx
 
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