Me and my issues ic dating probs......Argggh!!

[xdebbiex]

Well just recently I have had quiet a bit of male attention and I am very good at making excuse's not to go...

I just can't shake of this feeling of being unacceptable alway's because of my size..I never had a real problem attracting men but usually the wrong type..

Since my ex boyfriend was so nasty with some of his comments I have found it really difficult to accept me, (this played on my mind alot and I actually rang my ex and made sure he knew how he made me feel and now apologises for his comments saying he didn't mean them and that he thinks I'm gorgeous!! funny way of showing it !! )

I am trying and I do make a real effort with myself to try and look my best everyday..
But I still feel like I am wearing these invisable clothes and that they can see whats beneath what I wear...I know its sad but just can't help how it makes me feel, I have avoided going out socialising since my birthday last April.
I find it difficult to have the eye contact with males when there talking to me as I feel embarrased still...I am quite an open and confident person around people, But soon has someone pay's me attention I go all panicy and shy away...

I tell guy's I don't wanna date !!
I am trying to find me again, I just feel like I have issue's with myself and before I can date again I do need to be happy with me and accept me for who I am, Or I feel I will take my issue's out on someone else as I don't feel good enough for anyone...

Anyone else feel like this?

My best friend say's it's time I started enjoying life and going out more and although I have said I will go out with them over the christmas period, I am still very aware of how it make's me feel, I usually wanna come home and don't enjoy the night at all...

What happened to me ?
I seem to have got worse this past year which doesn't make sense because I have been bigger than this at my biggest I was a size 26.....Now I have just dropped back into a comfortable 18..

Please advice me as I have become a bore!!!:sigh:

 

[Mini]

Hi Debbie,

I think your confidence has taken a bit of a knocking and it is going to take you sometime to get over it and these things can't be rushed.

The main thing is to go out with your friends and try not to think about dating for now, but go out and try and enjoy yourself and your friends.

I am trying to find me again, I just feel like I have issue's with myself and before I can date again I do need to be happy with me and accept me for who I am, Or I feel I will take my issue's out on someone else as I don't feel good enough for anyone...

I think you are very aware of where you want to be right now and I think it is sensible as you say to get to know yourself again.

Often the best relationships happen when you are not looking for one.

Love Mini xxx

 

[Mark01/05/2009]

Hey Debbie - You look extreeeeeemely pretty in that pic so im not surprised the blokes are after you.....

I can totally understand what your going through and I went through it myself but its passed now

When girls were talking to me I would get all shy and within about 5 seconds I would tell them I had a girlfriend to warn them off and to give me an "exit" excuse from the conversation.....

But now I talk to anyone, have a laugh and a chat and its great! I would never be a naughty boy, but, it is alot of fun chatting with lovely ladies ;-)

You will find that inner confidence im sure. You will realise you look amazing on the outside and will then feel amazing on the inside!

Blokes love confidence in a woman and you will get it back in time! Just keep trying and it will click

If you want some practise im sure we could find you a bloke to have a test run with

And... i cant imagine the blokes of Dukinfield being the best anyway ;-) Get yourself into Manchester, looooads of men! lol

 

[IRJ]

Ime sorry the blokes from Dukinfield not the best Debbie tell him haha

 

[Mark01/05/2009]

Hahahahaaha sorry mate didnt know you were also a Dukinfielder lol

What are the chances? lol

 

[xdebbiex]

Mini I agree Thank you x

Mark Thank you for your compliment.

I am hoping in time it get's better.
As I grow in confidence again I am sure it will shine through

Lol I don't wanna practise. haha

Glad your not feeling that way any more either Mark It's not nice place to be....
As for the blokes in Dukinfield I can honestly say I have never really dated anyone from here since I was a little girl lol

Ian is like a big brother to me he is my brother's best friend and as we have been going through the same thing we have been good support for one another. with only weeks apart from each others operation...

Tgc and thanks for yr advice ;O)

 

[costaerer]

where the heck is dukinfield lol

i think you should just go out with your friends and try not to think of men! arrange some girly nights out with lots of friends!!

 

[xdebbiex]

Dukinfield is near Hyde and ashton-under-lyne with Stalybridge in between ;o)

 

[Mark01/05/2009]

Near Manchester basically

 

[margaretmc]

Hi Debb
I don`t know how old you are hun but you should go out and enjoy life to the full . Your a lovely looking girl and mister right is out there for you . Good luck and take care .
Margaret xx

 

[Caroline101061]

You are quoting my mantra LOL - I had this same conversation with Roch last week. Until Im happy with me, I have absolutely no intention of dating. Whilst 75% of my issues were weight related, the other 25% still need work and Im hoping to resume my counselling in the New Year. Like you, I also made the wrong choices men wise and right now, dating is not even on my radar - cant be doing with it. Want to get me where I want to be body and head wise and that takes time - you will know when you are ready but until then, enjoy the compliments and carry on as you are.

 

[phatmomma]

I'm agreeing with everything you and everybody else is saying Debbie. I had the same thing when i split from my ex husband, throughout our marriage he'd put me down saying i was fat/ugly nobody would want me etc. When you here something often enough you start to believe them. You need to like the person you see in the mirror before you ask anybody else to like you.

Could i suggest you go out with your friends over christmas and enjoy yourself, have a little flirt if the opportunity arises and just enjoy your life? You don't need to be dating to be happy, but it helps if your happy before you start dating xxx

 

[smilergem]

Hi there, I just want to say I wish you all the best in getting your self confidence back, and feeling happy about yourself. I too had an ex who constantly put me down about my size etc, and yet now he is with another big lady. I have no confidence in going out anywhere, just stay at home where I feel safe. I am hoping to get surgery some day, been trying now for four years, then I am sure I will start to like myself again if I can lose the weight and don't feel ashamed to go out of the house. You will be fine, you are a lovely pretty girl, have fun xxxx

 

[salski]

.
As for the blokes in Dukinfield I can honestly say I have never really dated anyone from here since I was a little girl lol

;O)

Aye hun - stay away from the blokes in Ducky! hehe

 

[Ulidia]

Mmmmmmm ................ wondering if Ryanair fly to Manchester!!!!!!!!!!!

U

 

[xdebbiex]

lol salski I intend too.....No offence Ian hahaha Thank you also to others for yr comments xx

Jan I too sense yr inner pain and I know how you feel, here to chat if you ever want too ;o)
Thanks Margaret ;o)
Caroline I do often wonder if I will know when I am ready, I do know I am not ready!!
I will just enjoy the new me and enjoy time with friends thank you for yr advice x x x ;o)