Messages of Hope

[Yvessa]

I have to agree as well with Phil and Jo. I totally understand what you're trying to do here, but he clearly doesn't want to hear it. The harder you push the more determined he's going to be to not give that control away.

 

[suzie290304]

Might be an option to give them to his family as I'm sure once they look through them and lots of success stories to see that their is light at the end of the tunnel, they will be able to talk to him. Getting the family on side is the way to go. It's such a hard one and I hope he starts to fight for his life and his family. X x x

 

[snagglepuss]

I also tend to agree that if, in his mind, a bunch of strangers are trying to convince him what's best for him, however well-meaning, it might well be counter-productive, and he might see it as unwanted pressure at best, and bullying at worst. If I was in his position I would feel embarrassed that so many people knew (and were discussing) my terrible situation, and that in itself would make me feel worse about myself.

Just my view. I really hope he sees sense, but I really do think that strength has to come from inside him and him alone.

 

[OOnion]

Me to Lou, I can't believe I have spent the last year feeling so alone and unhappy, just knowing that other people have the same problems as I do and feel the same way as I do is so encouraging for what I have got to come! Thank you all so much. xx

 

[northernwoody]

This chap has thrown in the towel on himself. It's not a question of pushing where it's not wanted, it's about giving someone the opportunity to grab on to what might be the last threads of his life and to make choices.

Sometimes, just sometimes, you need to hear that other people - and that includes strangers - care about you.

When I was in the police, I had to break in to a house out of concern for a man. He had nearly succeeded in taking his own life. When I popped into the hospital a few days later he told me I was the only person who hadn't given up on him. When I listed all the people who had a hand in saving his life (concerned neighbour, police operator, my colleague, the passerby who helped break down the door, the paramedic, technician, a and e staff, porters.... The list goes on), he simply said 'I am worthy of living but never knew'.

As someone said before even if he picks it up and reads it then it's worth it - whatever the outcome.

 

[snagglepuss]

As someone said before even if he picks it up and reads it then it's worth it - whatever the outcome.

I disagree - not if it pushes him further into despair.

We know nothing about this man other than the immediate problem Peterborough Guy has told us about - we don't know his background or the challenges in his life up until this point, so we should be very wary indeed of sticking our collective oar in, even if it's with the best will in the world - we could end up doing more harm than good.

 

[blueeyes]

I agree with the suggestion made to give our letters / posts to his family who know him and care about him. They are perhaps better placed to know what kind of effect the letters could have on this gentleman and whether it is worth showing him or now.

Everything else is speculative. I am all too happy to share my story however it's hard to imagine how it makes someone like him feel when they hear about it.

 

[tesmaralda]

I have to agree that its a personal choice and by pushing it in his face you ay well push him further away and prevent him ever thinking of surgery as an option. My hubby was in a similar position and wls was his only hope and I had my op 2.5 years ago and it is only now that he has realised it''s his only hope.

He said the other day that if I had pressurised him and kept on at him he would have carried on as normal.

Give him the website address as an option to do his own research and leave it at that. We all know how it works and has benefited us but think how you would have felt if someone would have given you something like this. I for one would have smacked that person in the mouth for being an interfering so and so .

 

[Raynebubble]

Hi I only weighed 27.5st to start and weigh 20.7st now but my life is back my son has his mummy for as long ad possible now! My situation is slightly different as my boy is autistic and will need me forever so I have to as a mum do everything I can to make sure this is the case!!! My mum had the surgery 2 yrs ago and she weighed in at 47st she is now at 16.5st and her life is amazing she now works her allotment bakes for gran kids and is here for me and my sister for alot longer! I was actually jealous she had her surgery before me but now I cannot believe the woman I see before me she is full of life and happy!!! I hope that you can see a bigger picture for what you are going through and realise that the decisions you make will effect everybody in you life!
Danielle x

wow Danielle you have done so well, and your mum is an inspiration to us all... i hope your story will help this poor guy get over his depression and realise there is hope at the end of it xx

 

[PhilT]

As someone who has contributed to this debate, and debate and discussion is healthy! I have also looked at Gary's original "challenge" post - I do feel "we" should step away from this and leave it to the professionals though the handing the stories to his family via his care team does have something going for it.

I feel we need to be aware of whose needs are being met here and why - I entered the caring professions to satisfy my need to be needed and had to learn to leave this feeling at home because it can so easily conflict with the needs of an individual - probably also why I burnt out so quickly too - As we say up here gan canny folks

 

[Peterborough Guy]

I think we need to draw this to a close, after long and hard thinking, i would like to say thank you to everyone that has taken part in this post, but i will not be going to see him again unless he calls me. As some of us have said if it happened to us we would push people away even further.

I also have to say that i am personally upset that i currently cant help him, but like Phil has said, i am not trained and i also fear of getting myself in trouble with the powers that be, and would not be able to live with myself if i thought my actions finally tipped him over the edge.

I do appreciate everything that everyone has done though on this matter.

Thank You.

 

[OOnion]

I agree step back now, at least you will have lot's to offer him in the way of sharing our stories, if and when he is ready to reach out, then next step probably does need to be his. x