Morning all :o)

[doublemum]

Hi there, been reading loads of posts on here & thought i should say Hi, so Hi all!!!
I'm morbidly obese & i am one of the lucky one's and been allowed funding by the PCT. I went for my first appointment with the team at my chosen hospital at the beginning of June, total nightmare, i found the consultant very......hmmmm how can i say this, condescending! I was there for nearly 4 hours, he sent me away sobbing my heart out feeling even more rubbish than ever & with NO surgery date!
I have another appointment with them in 3 weeks and really need advice as how to win them over, i went in & was totally honest but didn't do anything :cry:

Anyone got any advice??

Thanks in advance x

 

[Mixman]

Just carry on being honest. You're not going to be the first person in the situation. It is hard at times but try and be brave and get where you want to be!

Welcome too

 

[rybens]

Hiya , welcome and a big "HUG" aww how awful to have been made to feel that way, the thing is you have now been granted funding so a major hurdle is over x just keep to your appointments keep strong and keep honest , its so hard because you know this person is your key to this operation but dont let them break you hun just keep smileing and you will get there x

 

[Tracey ( eyore)]

hi and welcome, what a awful experience you have had, please don't let this person get you down x
Can i ask what hospital /surgeon your under please?

 

[doublemum]

Hi thanks for your replies! I was seen at southmead hospital in Bristol by Dr Johnson, he just kept telling me i hadn't prepared & that i was an intelligent woman & knew what to do........
:sigh:

 

[rybens]

yeah we all know what to do because we have done every diet inder the sun lol doing it forever is another thing thus why you was going to see the silly man! grr some of them do make me cross, being over weight and having to get to the point of surgery is hard enough without not getting the full suport of a so-called proffesional x

 

[novamay]

Hiya Doublemum - you have my deepest sympathy. It's not easy asking for help, and to face that kind of attitude when you are at your lowest point (which face it we have all been there) is beyond belief. Yes, we are all intelligent; as pointed out already - and we all know what to do and what not to do, but for some it just doesn't work (I have issues with food that go way beyond the point of 'having no willpower'; and making the decision to have what is serious, invasive and lifechanging surgery should not be treated with derision from others, especially those professionals who make a living from it... Just gets my goat!
[steps down from soap box]. All you can do is wait it out - and take hope from the fact that your GP obviously supports you as you've been referred, and funding has been approved (congratulations)... Hope all goes well and that you are encouraged to go forward with the op and not disheartened by this experience. Good luck.

 

[phatmomma]

Hiya Doublemum, first off i'm very sorry your initial consultation was pants! With all the education in the world some people cannot learn people skills

Right, when i ask this don't be offended. You say the consultant said you wasn't prepared? Do you mean he was asking you about surgery and you were undecided or that you didn't know the difference between your various options? I'm guessing he wasn't deriding previous attempts at weight loss as he is after all a bariatric wls consultant...

What sort of surgery are you going to be having?

Please if you have any questions, no matter how silly or strange you think they are. Not only will it help you by asking them but it will also help other's who hadn't thought of it....

Congratulations on having the funding, you are definitely a step up the ladder. When you go back for your next appt you will have picked up more knowledge and if he still pisses you off just remember this : We might be fat but with our wls we will slim down, he will be a knob forever

Keep your chin up girl xxx

 

[angie790]

Hi there & welcome to the forum.

First off, congrats on getting your funding approved...this can often be a long stumbling-block for some (Jan aka smilergem is in finally having her op today after waiting for 4 years)!!!! So, at least you are on the ladder & going in the right direction.

Next, I'm really sorry that your first consultation was so cr*p. I know we all sympathise; it is very difficult to take that first step, admit you can't do it on your on & ask for help, so it's terrible a specialist bariatric surgeon made you feel so inferior.

Along the same lines as Julie (aka phatmomma), I don't want to upset your further, but could you tell us exactly what he meant in that you weren't prepared? Was it, as Julie asked, that you didn't know much at this stage about the different types of weight loss surgery available, or how they would be performed, or that he thought you had unrealistic expectations?

I agree with the others in that you should carry on being as honest as possible. After all, the operation is for your long-term health benefit, not his.

However, if you can identify exactly what he was getting at when he said he thought you weren't prepared, it might give you the chance to consider whether he might have a point & do some serious research to fill in the gaps between now & your next appointment. Also, it will give you a chance to consider if he was way off in what he said. If you feel he was, you could formulate a well thought out, calm counter-arguement to persuade him you've seriously thought about his comments, but believe he may be wrong because [insert reasons here]...it would certainly go some way to show him how committed you are. As for not coming away with a date, well unfortunately very few of us do at our initial consultation, so that doesn't sound too unusual.

I really hope your next appt goes better for you xxx

 

[poo bear]

:welcome2:Hi Doublemum,
First congratulation on getting funding! I was a nurse for 20 years and know first hand that a few doctors have no people skills or tact at all, but most are kind and sympathrtic thank god.Good luck with your wls journey. Marie

 

[dottychic]

Hi and congratulations on getting the funding for your op. I hope your next appointment is a better experience for you X

 

[doublemum]

Thank you all for your replies & support, it is a band we were discussing, i had done loads of homework before the appointment so was well armed with knowledge of the how's & whats & exactly what was expected of me, i know its not an easy option and i will have to do the hard work.
I think he meant my head wasn't prepared....... he used the example if he gave me a top of the range very expensive pair of trainers would i be able to run the marathon the next day.... i said of course not because i would need to train & get ready for it, he said exactly so if he gave me the band tomorrow i wouldn't be ready for that either....
So, i don't know really what he wants to here from me at the next appointment??? Does he want to see a weight loss?? I'm not sure i can sort my screwed up head in a few weeks but i have started counselling & going to positive thinking meetings.
I told him that my main problem was portion control & eating in the evenings when the kids go to bed (i'm on my own) So does he want me to have stopped this?? If i could stop this then i wouldn't be needing a band for assistance...
Just a wee bit confused!!!!!!

 

[angie790]

Right, I see you've clearly done your homework, which is great. As for your head not being in the right place, well it sounds like to me that your head is exactly where is should be, planted squarely on your shoulders!!!!
I see the point he's trying to make, but his analogy is flawed. Yes, if he gave you a top of the range pair of trainers you wouldn't be able to run a marathon, but if he gave you a personal trainer (i.e. the sodding band) it would make hell of a difference to how well you did in your marathon, wouldn't it?!!!! I agree with you entirely, in that we've all spent years getting to this weight; the psychology behind what drives a person to eat isn't going to be dealt with in a couple of weeks. However, I think you should stress to him at your next appointment that you are attemping to address those issues with professional help (i.e. counselling & positive thinking meetings). Also, if you don't mind me suggesting, try to find a local weight loss surgery support meeting; many doctors specifically like to see you have joined BOSPA (Google it, find your closest meeting & go!!!) but anything would be good. As for the evening eating...yes, I am sure he would like to see you addressing that & if you can show any weight loss between now & then (and I'm not talking stones here, a few pounds even) would go a great way towards showing how committed to this process you are. I know exactly how hard it will be, but if you can do that, then you can sit there at your next meeting, looking him straight in the eye & tell him you understand how hard it will be having a band & that you will need to put in alot of effort, but as he can see by all the things you are doing, you are bloody trying! I really hope the next appt is a bit more positive for you hon. Don't give up though, you've got the funding so you will get your band eventually xxxx

 

[jaynefrances]

I agree that his approach is a little confusing, but try and anticipate anything at all he might expect from you at your next visit. If you have identified your weak times / triggers, put a plan in place to combat this and show him what changes you have made.
As an example, I identified at my first one to one that i was a breakfast skipper and my consultant said that i must have that sorted by my next apointment as i had to get used to regular, sensible meals. ( i did this and have maintained this throughout, i now can't cope without breakfast !)
Just try and make sure you have examples of the ways you have prepared yourself and prove him wrong !!