negative comments- huge rant alert!

[ladylite]

Brilliant Mary, I like it X

Yeah I know but I always seem to forget it myself until I tell someone then I remember how I learnt it on a Assertiveness Course.

 

[dottychic]

lol.....I think my kids went on that course, they sounds like a broken record sometimes, can I have ....can I have........can I have lol XX

 

[lisa x]

wow..do we share the same mother in law..lol
I had mine around to visit today..and in all seriousness I want to shot myself right now....I could be here all day with the amount of tiny insults I got...
My mother MIL thinks she has the god given right to be rude and say what ever she wants..
My appearance, my house(tidiness!!) my family ..anything is up for judgement or ridicule....
After 21 years of poo, I can ride above it and humour myself with her evil tongue....
I never ring..never invite her up..she hates me and our children..do you know what..I don't care...
yes she is my OHs mum but he can deal with her..visit her and ring her..
Don't allow someone to make you feel like this....if this wasn't your MIL would you have allowed someone to treat you that way..i bet the answer is no
MILs ...who needs them..I hope I am never hated like mine is lol

 

[lisa x]

lol.....I think my kids went on that course, they sounds like a broken record sometimes, can I have ....can I have........can I have lol XX

lol mine to..is that what they are teaching them in schools nowwa days lol

 

[emma&alex]

To me she sounds like a sad, lonely old girl with no idea how to express herself. She just lashes out at people with her tongue to make herself feel good.

I personally agree that you shouldnt tell your OH not to see her, he will eventually make up his own mind, it will come dont worry.

I would also phone her and explain to her why you are not going to see her. Have you heard of the broken record technique, it is an assertive technique.

Say something like, "I am sorry to have to tell you but I wont be visiting you anymore because you alway put me down and make me feel insecure".

She will probably go off on one, but you must not get drawn in in any way, just say

"I appreciate what you are saying but I wont be visiting you anymore because you alway put me down and make me feel insecure".

She will probably then go off on one again and you stay on track and say

"I appreciate what you are saying but I wont be visiting you anymore because you alway put me down and make me feel insecure".

Usually after the third time they will listen to what you say, at least you have been up front with her, not that she deserves it. If not you just repeat it like a broken record you then dont get thrown off track of what you want to say.

Only a another suggestion for you to think about. Good luck with her. You are doing so well and you dont want anyone spoiling it for you.

Oh why do OH's have to have MIL's

that is exactly what im going to do.
im worried about getting involved in a silly argument that will look petty, so if i just keep repeating myself i wont be tempted to say anything else.
thank you.

i actually said to my mum tonight, that everyone always says things about their MIL, and i said to her 'its not just me is it, if you honestly thing it is, do tell me'. she agreed it wasnt just the old mil cliche, and she is in general quite over bearing and hard to be around.

my mum doesnt usually say things about people, but they came away with us on holiday too, it was a big family thing, and her & my dad were on the recieving end of her tongue a few times. she told my mum she eats 'rather large portions' (it was a portion a resturant gave, and she had similar things, but it was just one of those little digs that doesnt seem that awful but makes you feel a bit rubbish). she also said to my dad one night 'i think youve had quite enough alcohol now, shouldn't you be watching what you drink being a diabetic'. hes 58. he was fuming though, it was almost amusing..i did feel awful though for subjecting them to her for a week!

 

[StephieAck]

I couldnt bear to be around someone so negative and if I had children I wouldnt let them within an inch of someone that negative, however young they are they pick up so much and he might grow up thinking being so critical is acceptable, I just couldnt have my children around that and I sure as hell couldnt be near it.
Not all M.I.L's are like that, mine is lovely and soooo supportive and she positively adores me and shows it at every possible opportunity, I see more and more these days just how lucky I am to have that.
Steph xx

 

[ladylite]

Hi Emma,

With this technique, its best if you can do some role play with someone, perhaps your mum so you can practice. Make sure you dont get drawn into her slagging match just repeat the statement.

Role play is brilliant, and sometimes can be a good laugh.

Good luck hun, let us know how you get on.

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Tell her that unless she changes her ways she will be a sad lonely old woman!She has dominated her childrens lives and it has to stop.Promise to her husband or not have a complete break from visiting her,say till xmas.Let her stew and think about things.As for holidays with her I wouldnt do it.Your husband really must show her how he has your interests and wellbeing to consider and if she cant be polite not to say anything at all.Because nobody has stood up to her in the past she thinks she can get away with it.Tell her to look in the mirror long and hard.Maz x

 

[teen]

you do have self control cause I would have told her to piss right off and mind her god dam business. She sounds an ignorant nasty peice of work and she will need you before you need her

 

[gaelic girl]

Mary has just given you some brilliant advice there and practice practice practice and you will stand up to the old moo! I also have to say i think its right not to stop Richard and Alex going to see her. As good parents you will know if Alex is under any emotional starin being there and who knows he may be the one to bring out a good side if there is one. As for xmas NO WAY hun do you need to stay there have christmas day as you wish and arrange to go either for an hour in the evening or Richard and Alex could go on boxing day. You stay strong hun and get that phrase well rehearsed. Good luck and big hugs x

 

[J-Mo]

She sounds exactly like my mother. Then she wondered why she had a fat daughter!! She was so ashamed of my weight & took every opportunity she could to tell me.

One day, I'd had enough & I told her she could see me kids any time but I wanted nothing more to do with her. I did see her her occasionally & when she started with her comments I would reply "yes mother but whilst I can go on a diet there is nothing you can do about being a wrinkly poisonous old woman"!!! Ha, ha!! Believe me it worked & she stopped with the comments!!

Life is too short to have these people in our lives.

 

[Kerry Jo]

What a control freak. Be strong and stand up to her because its about time someone does.

You said shes big herself i reckon shes jealous to death of you or she thinks shes helping in some silly way, by pointing out and making these nasty comments.

Also you say she went really rude after her husband died could she be depressed and sad and taking it out on the people close to her?

I feel so sorry for her daughter to having eating disorders thats terrible. Maybe she thinks by being nasty about her face and being so thin will help her again in a odd way.

I've got 3 kids and when we go my mums and dads at the weekend they buy them loads of rubbish to eat, I've told my mum and dad many times not to but they do. My boys don't put on any weight at all but my daughter does although shes not over weight. Say on a Sunday she eats crisp chocolate, cakes biscuits sweets i find myself telling all of them but especially my daughter to save some for tomorrow. As soon as shes had a load of calories it goes straight on to her tummy its mad. Shes heard me telling off my mum and dad also, which i hate but i don't want her to have a weight problem and to feel the way i feel.

I do hope you can sort this out, it must be hell. I wouldn't go anywhere near her at Christmas she'll only spoil your day.
I would write a letter because shes then got to read it.

Also your doing brilliantly with your weight loss, well done xxx

 

[Linski]

Blimey what a horrible, mean, self opinionated,self obsessed, cruel, bitter woman she is! My blood is boiling reading this. I personally would cut her out of mine and my families life until she can control her overbearing bullying. When she wants to know why you are not visiting I would tell her straight until she can act like a decent human being and get her brain to connect with her vicious mouth she won't be seeing any of you! If she were a child she would be scolded and sent to bed until she learned some respect and manners. For God sake you do not say those sort of things to people you dispise let alone the precious children you gave breath to. S he needs telling in o unceratain terms her opinion is not needed and most definatley not welcome.

My mom had a cruel mouth but your mom in law makes her sound like Mother Theresa! I know I have suffered years of depression and lack of confidence and no has the right to make you feel like that. I told her one day exactly what I thought of her and it was like a load had been lifted off my shoulders.

How long will it be before she starts making comments about your little one? Trust me your lioness mode will kick in and then watch you go. Give her a slap and one from me!!!

I really feel for your husband as really he is between a rock and a hard place and she knows that. He sounds lovely and obviously has not inherited any of her charm thank goodness. Shame on her for putting him in that position.

You just love and look after each other and your own precious boy, send her packing until she can behave with a little decorum!

Good luck


Linski xxxx

 

[thinkbethin]

How rude eh?? I think you should make a comment to her like " have you ever considered having wls, it will help you shed a few pounds" and watch her face for the response. If she says NO then just reply by saying " I was brave enough to do it so why not give it a thought". Maybe then she'll get off your case and leave you to it. You know what you're doing and its obvious she has'nt a clue. Good luck xxx

 

[angie790]

Gosh, where to begin? I can't add much else to what everyone has already added, other than I agree with what Neen & Steph say...you can do without this bitter, nasty person in your life. I have family members who are like this...I've just cut them out with no regrets. I imho, life is too short, God forbid I could be dead tomorrow & the thought that I had wasted any of my precious time around people who made me feel so bad would just kill me all over again. Your relationship is with you OH, not his mother. If your OH has been guilted into keeping up these visits & wants to see his mother, fine, let him, but I would simply point blank range refuse to go & if anyone asks why, be honest & say because she is an evil old cow who doesn't deserve your time. I would also think very very carefully at what age I would insist your son should stop visits too, do you really want your child to suffer the guilt & confusion of being on the end of these insults? I don't think there is any point in standing up to her, she has obviously been such a nasty piece of work for so long, it would like be asking her to stop breathing (a tempting thought I'm sure)...but she's just not worth it. Why people insist on continuing this sort of emotional torture because people are 'family' I'll never know....good luck with whatever you decide xxx

 

[BlueDiamond]

Wot an absolute B*tch, You lot are far more diplomatic then me, I would have told her from off shut the f**k up and go jump in the nearest lake - I know she is your hubbys mother but his family is with you and your son now...... not her, and as for christmas , bend her over and u will know where to shove your tree.........OMG wot a cow - soz but I dont do diplomacy (cant u tell) I just speak as I find......LOL Good Luck with her (coz ur gonna need it)

 

[teen]

Just what I said more or less lol

 

[Red 42]

aww hun...you are not alone :hug99:

my Mother in law was the skinniest woman and only 5ft tall when I married my OH 19 years ago but over the years has piled the weight on and is now a size 20 herself, only, she still thinks she's slim . she's always been sizeist (if there's such a word) Her Sister Olga is the same and she's one of the rudest women I've ever had the misfortune to have met and last time I had to suffer her presence at mil's all she could say to me was 'so how much weight have you put on then since your band was removed?' as it happens I still weigh the same as I did at my last clinic visit in May...woop woop!

anyway, when I had my band put in back in May 09, my in-laws told me how brave they thought I was and were actually quite supportive...that was until I had my band removed in July this year due to lots of problems. My MiL actually had the nerve to ring me the day after I left hospital and gave me a right dressing down as to what a waste of money that had been...needless to say I had a few tears, I was still feeling the guilt of having spent £7000 on something that I ended up having removed. My OH took the phone from me and told her in no uncertain term that she was never to speak about it to me again, it was none of her business.

a few days ago I was back at hospital to discuss bypass...my MiL's comments were ' you don't need a bypass, you're fine as you are!' Hah!!! she's on a different planet that woman

If I were you, I'd probably boycott her for a while and let your OH do the visiting. Try not to let her get you down atback:

 

[phatmomma]

Flipping heck with a mother in law like that i'd wanna eat and drink myself to the point of no return!!!

What an awful woman. If it were me i'd keep myself and my children away from her. Negativity breeds negativity. Let your man take Alex if he wants but there's no need for you to go, enjoy a day for yourself. Alternatively tell her Alex isn't visiting till she learns some manners and opens her brain before her mouth... xxx

 

[Chuffy_29]

I think you've been pretty calm to be honest. If that was me i think i would have lost it or just not gone. Clearly your husband and his sister just go out of duty....she must know that as she pays them! Why doesn't she try and come to you (not that you'd want her!) If you are happy with your habby and Alex going then let them go, but when (if) you call to say you're not coming, as per Mary's suggestion, i'd add that if she makes any negative comments to Alex he will no longer be visiting either..it might just be enough. If/When you do see her i'd suggest a phone call before you go just setting ut some ground rules and make it clear that if she makes any kind of derisory comments you will be leaving immediately and she will not be seeing you or Alex again, and stick to your guns. It is hard as i'm sure you would rather get on but when someones own kids don't like them you can be pretty sure they're a bad lot. Good luck