Negative family members

[Greencheeks]

hey all!

I told my step mum i wanted WLS and she had a massive go at me and brought me to tears.

In her words i'm not trying hard enough and should just go on a diet for 6 months and i would loose the weight, i'm being stupid and needlessly looking at a dangerous operation.

I know shes incredibly worried about me but it hurts to be talked to like this at 27, when I've battled with my weight my whole life.

I'm struggling to come up with some way to explain how i feel in a way she can understand and was wondering if anyone had any advice

 

[Paula Garner]

I bet she's been skinny all her life, and just doesn't get it. Your an adult and able to make an informed choice. I know it's hurtful to not be supported, but you have to do what's best for you.

If you feel really strongly about it, go for it. Don't let anybody put you down or change your mind. You'll regret not doing it if you do

 

[Toddshar35]

My husband didn't want me to have surgery he said I should just eat healthy and exercise I just ignored him and went ahead with surgery I'm 17 days post op he accepts it now and is fine about it.

 

[Llora]

All you can do is have an open conversation about why you think you need the op and how you really feel and ask her to try and understand you and support you (if thats inportant).

She might be just scared of the risks? Maybe she doesnt really know much about the procedure other than stupid newspaper storries that are hardly ever positive?

You need family support. But if she doesnt understand or is jealous you cant change anything really. You are doing it for yourself. And if you think its the right thing for you to do then it doesnt matter what your step mum thinks.

 

[Butterfly_lady]

This is why I told no one, apart from my partner who I live with, go ahead and do whats right for you

 

[tjstark]

I have had issues with family members not understanding too. Best thing you can do is make up you mind and get on with it, if it's really something you want to do, you don't need anyone's approval!

I found writing down my thoughts and feelings about my weight and why I wanted to do it helped, and then share that with you family.

 

[Kar8858]

Wel my parents, husband and brother were very supportive, inquisitive but supportive. My dad now believes I'm going to starve to death and asks me daily if I'm ok!! Bless him!
But no thankfully they are fine..

 

[Foxy789]

I'm only at the beginning of the process but I've confided in my mum, dad and step mum and my boss from work as time for appointments I was worried about telling them because of prejudice especially from my boss but they have been understanding my mum doesn't think it's safe and is worried but I'm sticking to my guns and doing this my self, single mum style I want to be an example to my daughter help her get out of the bad habits I've shown her !!!
Your mum possibly needs educating it's not the easy way out and no 6 month diet will help I've been there I know and tried succeeded then failed this is a lifestyle change and it's not taken lightly I'm sure and you have everyone hear for support too. ?

 

[Greencheeks]

Thanks for the advice guys it means allot that I am not alone!

 

[Southampton71]

Without realising it , some people will not want you to improve your own life , because then they will need to look at their lives too , just do what you feel is best and just tell people its what YOU WANT !! good luck sweetie x

 

[siana58]

Like others, I only told immediate family, one of my daughters was frankly vile about it but fine now. I haven't told friends or colleagues, too many prejudices and not enough understanding. Thin people just don't get it, and fatter people get jealous that you have the balls to get a grip. So...if you are doing this for you, just do it and rely on your own inner strength and things like this forum. My personal advice is don't try and feel honour bound to justify your decisions, it's a hiding to nothing, if people don't get it prove them wrong by being quietly successful.

 

[Caroline jess]

All you can do is firmly advise her of the reasons why you want to do it and if she doesn't agree then tough its your life. And coming from the perspective of a younger person who has had surgery, it will change your life now you don't want to wait another ten or twenty years of always battling x

 

[los in it]

Maybe mum just needs to let it sink in , im sure there has been loads of tv with overweight people talking about how been big as effected their lives and how weight loss surgery has for a vast majority has greatly improved lifes maybe sit down with her and watch one togther or look on you tube for clips fingers crossed that will enlighten her but if it doesn't then its more fear and you changing yoyr place in her head
you have to do whats right for you as your the one walking in your body day in, day out

 

[sundown]

I've had a bit of that too and it seems to run along two lines:

- Why put yourself through a dangerous operation when you could just pull your socks up, get some will power and lose weight via dieting like X, Y and Z people they know.

And

- Why 'throw away' thousands of pounds (I'm going private) when you could just pull your socks up, get some will power and lose weight via dieting like X, Y and Z people they know.

Everyone's a ruddy expert hey

 

[Southampton71]

I find my mum is being quite against my decision to go for surgery .... (She's worries I guess) she says that im having surgery because I think it will change my life .... But it won't ..... !! Has anyone else found that having surgery hasn't improved their lives ? X

 

[Bear]

Sadly I'm little orphan Annie so have never had to tell my parents. I have a fair few siblings, but not close enough to any of them for them to know I had the op. My mother in law thinks I had a hiatus hernia! That's fine. Although my hubby isn't pro 'selective surgery' having been together 20 years, he's seen my yo yo diets, my difficulty in losing weight and my general unhappiness and so he coughed up the cash for a surgery that would benefit me, him and the kids would have a fun mum.

Southampton71, it changes your life. But for me it hasn't changed the constant thinking about my weight issues.

 

[Greencheeks]

My not approving dad and step mum sent me flowers while I was in hospital so that some constellation.
Though my dad has been telling everyone who comes into his pub what I have had done which j don't like but I can't do much about it.

 

[Besel]

Glad to hear you got flowers in the hospital Greencheeks.

Maybe they just need time to get their heads around this?

Am travelling home next week to see surgeons and will have to tell my family at that point. Not looking forward to it as they have be very judgemental in the past.

Will count to ten, take deep breaths and try and imagine what it would be like to be on the receiving end of my message.

Hope you gets loads more flowers send .

 

[Southampton71]

Thanks Bear I know changing my eating and losing weight won't change my life per se but im pretty sure being slim and healthy again will be the pay off .... My mum seems to think ill miss the "Ceremony and communion" of eating together etc ... Maybe she's just worried it will change my
Life ?? Im still determined to go ahead anyway .. Thanks so much I can imagine post op must be really emotional ??

 

[Greencheeks]

Glad to hear you got flowers in the hospital Greencheeks. Maybe they just need time to get their heads around this? Am travelling home next week to see surgeons and will have to tell my family at that point. Not looking forward to it as they have be very judgemental in the past. Will count to ten, take deep breaths and try and imagine what it would be like to be on the receiving end of my message. Hope you gets loads more flowers send .

I think so I've not spoken to them yet and don't see how can they can still moan it's all over now, not like hey can put the stomach back LOL!

Good luck telling the relatives ?
At the end of the day it's your body and your happiness not their, so do what will make you happy and healthier!