Negative family members

[Greencheeks]

Sadly I'm little orphan Annie so have never had to tell my parents. I have a fair few siblings, but not close enough to any of them for them to know I had the op. My mother in law thinks I had a hiatus hernia! That's fine. Although my hubby isn't pro 'selective surgery' having been together 20 years, he's seen my yo yo diets, my difficulty in losing weight and my general unhappiness and so he coughed up the cash for a surgery that would benefit me, him and the kids would have a fun mum. Southampton71, it changes your life. But for me it hasn't changed the constant thinking about my weight issues.

That's lovely that your husband supports you for you!
In aha a hernia I think that's brilliant that way no one can make comments!
I'm sure your kids will love it to

 

[Greencheeks]

Thanks Bear I know changing my eating and losing weight won't change my life per se but im pretty sure being slim and healthy again will be the pay off .... My mum seems to think ill miss the "Ceremony and communion" of eating together etc ... Maybe she's just worried it will change my Life ?? Im still determined to go ahead anyway .. Thanks so much I can imagine post op must be really emotional ??

I think your mum it's missing the point it's not like you can never eat with family or friends again! In fact when healed you can eat pretty much anything just less of it!
Your doing it for you ?

 

[squirl]

I'm also having problems with my (grown up, married) daughter who thinks it's a waste of money and I could spend it on a personal trainer which would sort me out! I've tried talking to her but she's only read the horror stories about wls and won't listen. Right now we're barely talking but I'm hoping that once she sees the weight come off and general improvement in my health she might come round.....

Everyone else who knows is supporting me and I'm getting more support than I expected from my husband, who's being really great about it all. As for my mum, she's so totally behind me and sorted my head out when I was getting grief from my daughter - I love my mum

 

[Bonita S]

Thanks Bear I know changing my eating and losing weight won't change my life per se but im pretty sure being slim and healthy again will be the pay off .... My mum seems to think ill miss the "Ceremony and communion" of eating together etc ... Maybe she's just worried it will change my
Life ?? Im still determined to go ahead anyway .. Thanks so much I can imagine post op must be really emotional ??

There is no reason why you shouldn't be able to join everyone else at the table, you just won't be able to eat as much, it will take you as long to eat a tiny plateful as it takes them to eat loads. I found actually sitting to a family better than the rushed grabbing snacks type stuff because you do take your time when eating with family.

It will change your life but hopefully for the better.

 

[Greencheeks]

I'm also having problems with my (grown up, married) daughter who thinks it's a waste of money and I could spend it on a personal trainer which would sort me out! I've tried talking to her but she's only read the horror stories about wls and won't listen. Right now we're barely talking but I'm hoping that once she sees the weight come off and general improvement in my health she might come round..... Everyone else who knows is supporting me and I'm getting more support than I expected from my husband, who's being really great about it all. As for my mum, she's so totally behind me and sorted my head out when I was getting grief from my daughter - I love my mum

My dad suggested the same thing!
Just het a personal trainer and go on a diet!
I don't think they understand what it's like to be honest.
I hope your daughter wil come around when she sees how happy and healthier you are!

 

[Gemmmmmmmmmma]

My dad suggested the same thing!
Just het a personal trainer and go on a diet!
I don't think they understand what it's like to be honest.
I hope your daughter wil come around when she sees how happy and healthier you are!

I love the 'just go on a diet' quote. Like it's that easy!!!!

I've found, that unless you have been the weight that we are, it's hard to imagine how impossible it is the shift the weigh by ourselves.

I had to explain to my sister in law that if I lost 20% of my body weight (5 stone) I would still be classed as morbidly obese.

Trying to explain to people how soul destroying and tyring it is to constantly be trying to change your weight seems like an endless battle.

In the end you need to do what's right for you. And the people who love and respect you for you will support you no matter what. Xxx

 

[siana58]

One of my daughters bought me personal trainer vouchers for Christmas. I decided on wls just before Xmas and blurted it out to her, she was horrible to me, stunned me speechless. However had the surgery and still using the pt. not got an apology yet but she knows I know she knows she was wrong !

 

[mrsb1]

hey all! I told my step mum i wanted WLS and she had a massive go at me and brought me to tears. In her words i'm not trying hard enough and should just go on a diet for 6 months and i would loose the weight, i'm being stupid and needlessly looking at a dangerous operation. I know shes incredibly worried about me but it hurts to be talked to like this at 27, when I've battled with my weight my whole life. I'm struggling to come up with some way to explain how i feel in a way she can understand and was wondering if anyone had any advice

It's just a Mamma thing, I would probably say the same to my kids because I was scared for them. Which is why I'm not telling them or my mum until it's done and I've recovered lol.i know it's hurtful and it's a really sensitive time emotionally. You know yourself what you need to do, she will be ok afterwards. Be strong. Give her a hug and tell her you love her xxxxxxx

 

[Bonita S]

After my original bypass when I'd got to a tiny size 8 I remember being at a car show with other members of our car club. A very large lady puffed and panted past us, she had to have been a good 25st. One of our party said as she passed 'why doesn't that poor woman get on a diet, get some exercise and do something about it before it's too late'. My stomach did a back flip when I heard this because two years previously that was very much me. I know this woman said this out of concern for the large lady but it did rub my back up so I took great delight in pointing out that when I was bigger than that those sort of comments were not only unhelpful but painful, asked her if she would expect somebody in a wheelchair to get up and walk.... I think that some people genuinely don't realise how difficult it is.

In the case of close relatives however I think it's more concern that causes that sort of reaction and rightly so, nobody should think that this surgery is a walk in the park. You wouldn't be surprised if you were having open heart surgery and they expressed those concerns would you? Bypass surgery is as serious, things go wrong so don't be upset with them if they show concern, it's only because they love you.

 

[mrsb1]

After my original bypass when I'd got to a tiny size 8 I remember being at a car show with other members of our car club. A very large lady puffed and panted past us, she had to have been a good 25st. One of our party said as she passed 'why doesn't that poor woman get on a diet, get some exercise and do something about it before it's too late'. My stomach did a back flip when I heard this because two years previously that was very much me. I know this woman said this out of concern for the large lady but it did rub my back up so I took great delight in pointing out that when I was bigger than that those sort of comments were not only unhelpful but painful, asked her if she would expect somebody in a wheelchair to get up and walk.... I think that some people genuinely don't realise how difficult it is. In the case of close relatives however I think it's more concern that causes that sort of reaction and rightly so, nobody should think that this surgery is a walk in the park. You wouldn't be surprised if you were having open heart surgery and they expressed those concerns would you? Bypass surgery is as serious, things go wrong so don't be upset with them if they show concern, it's only because they love you.

Nicely said!

 

[Kekse]

I am supportive to my husband, as he has diabetes plus arthritis. Although his arthritis is still there his diabetes has gone down a lot.

He eats normal meals now only on a tea plate, if it is a casserole I give him a smaller portion, which I know how to halve. Jacket potatoes we share with Mark chopping up his salad into bits.

 

[mrsb1]

A hernia !! That's brilliant! Great idea. X

 

[weegie]

My eldest son really did not like me having a gastric band for nearly 8 years, he really was against it even though he could see it gave me my life back. He was always saying, "mum get it removed".
Funny thing, when I told him it was coming out and I was having a bypass he was relieved. He has no problem with my bypass, he didn't like me having a foreign object inside of me. His wife felt exactly the same. I did explain how it was a bigger, more serious operation.

My youngest said nothing, he was still a teen then. He sadly inherited the fat gene side of the family and may well face WLS himself. Not sure how I feel about that.. being on the other side of the equation, other than guilty.

Most objections come from love and/or lack of information. Complicated.

 

[Bonita S]

My eldest son really did not like me having a gastric band for nearly 8 years, he really was against it even though he could see it gave me my life back. He was always saying, "mum get it removed".
Funny thing, when I told him it was coming out and I was having a bypass he was relieved. He has no problem with my bypass, he didn't like me having a foreign object inside of me. His wife felt exactly the same. I did explain how it was a bigger, more serious operation.

My youngest said nothing, he was still a teen then. He sadly inherited the fat gene side of the family and may well face WLS himself. Not sure how I feel about that.. being on the other side of the equation, other than guilty.

Most objections come from love and/or lack of information. Complicated.

I know how you feel. I have a son that really battles with his weight, he has Epilepsy due to having Meningococcal Meningitis some years back and his Neurologist has advised him to consider weight loss surgery. I don't want him to suffer with the weight but I don't want him to go where I've been either.

Your right it is motherly concern.