No support

[Crystalrainbow]

Hear Hear Dave love your to the point honesty LOL (off to you new diary next)
Hi Ready hunni welcome to a fabby site with bucket leads of support
My advise is you have to do what is right for you at the end of the day...... some of us were in the last chance hotel and surgery wasn't really an option but a no brainer..... my hubby was supportive as he knew it was my one and only last chance to get any sort of life back, of course he was concerned, even worried, but i took him along to all my appointments and group sessions so he could see for himself what the score was. Even the night before the op he said you don't have to do it you know................. but here i am 10 weeks later !!!Yes 10 weeks today i was sitting in the waiting room awaiting my fate lol and here today almost 4 stone lighter (including pre op) what what a ride its been and life gets better and better by the day. Just be sure its what you want, and what you need
send heaps of hugs and like i said buckets of support x x x

 

[ClaireMarie]

I nearly separated from my husband because he made the whole process so difficult, was so negative and just generally yucky, they aren't thinking about you they are thinking how it will impact them, it does get better though when it's all done I've found.

Good luck chick x

 

[Big Dave D]

I nearly separated from my husband because he made the whole process so difficult, was so negative and just generally yucky, they aren't thinking about you they are thinking how it will impact them, it does get better though when it's all done I've found. Good luck chick x

That's a key point - everyone thinks about the consequences to them, not you. I guess we're all selfish, ultimately.

 

[newyearforme]

ice ice baby

Sorry to change the topic but I wanted to give folks a wee warning.

I'm one week post op today decided to go to Costa for a coffee. Asked for small glass of water, lady gave it to me with ice.

Drank some of it stomach went into spasm and I had to run to toilet with severe diarrhoea. I'm now home and in bed!

Don't take ice cold drinks xxx

 

[Big Dave D]

Sorry to change the topic but I wanted to give folks a wee warning. I'm one week post op today decided to go to Costa for a coffee. Asked for small glass of water, lady gave it to me with ice. Drank some of it stomach went into spasm and I had to run to toilet with severe diarrhoea. I'm now home and in bed! Don't take ice cold drinks xxx

Good to know, thanks hun! Did you drink the coffee? x

 

[newyearforme]

No couldn't face the coffee xx

 

[princess4d4]

I live on ice cold drinks I alternate ice cold and hot been fine

 

[MrsDuck]

ClaireM - me too, my OH changes his mind on a daily basis on whether he supports my decision or not. The amount of rows we've had over the surgery is unbelievable. I'm sick of having the same conversations with him; "can we afford this?", "you are risking your life", "I married you cause I like you the way you are, I don't want you to change" - the list goes on! I think it goes back to the dynamics changing too. He's worried we're not going to lead the same life we do now, he's not going to get the nice gourmet teas every night, we're not going to have takeaways etc etc, he's never going to taste a Big Mac again. Of course things are going to change, but in 12 months time I hope to lead a pretty similar life to the one we do now, minus the massive amount of food I eat. I want to go back to McDs, but order a happy meal rather than a large meal with extras!

Perhaps you need to sit down with everyone and go through all the things you've done up to now to loose weight (WW, gym, etc), explain the health BENEFITS of having surgery and go through the surgical procedure with them so they know exactly what will happen on the day.

My Dad was really sceptical, but once I'd explained that it was keyhole surgery, under GA for 30 mins (I even drew him a picture of the procedure, so he could get an idea) and that if I didn't have the op he wouldn't be a Grandad as we can't conceive, and if I carried on I'd be dead due to weight related diseases etc, he gave me his support. People who haven't researched WLS just presume the worse, they think its massive open surgery, much riskier than it actually is, they're probably worried.

Fill the family with info and I'm sure they'll soon come round - if not, we're all here! x

 

[adrienne]

All of the advice on here is wonderful and so familiar!
My oh was completely
Against my surgery, and it was absolutely because of how it would affect him, infact he hardly eats now, says he can't be bothered and doesn't like eating on his own. I have been feeling under the weather since my op too which just gives him more reasons to shake his head,'I knew this would happen' etc, well who would know I'd get flu etc !!!! It's just bad luck. My family weren't great either, up until the day before surgery, my mum said you know no one will think any less of you if you don't do it! She then told me I was ruining her holiday because she would worry, she left for holland on the Monday and the only time I heard from her was to ask how her dog was !!!!
People are funny!!! I have told two of my bf's one has been slightly supportive and the other one I haven't really heard from since I told her !!! I doubt in fairness to her that she realised what a big deal it is.

It's a lonely time I must admit, but once we are out if the other side and feel well, I'm sure it will be worth it, my friends and family's biggest concern is that I won't drink dver again and be the party girl that I've always been !!! We shall see !!!

Good luck Hun xxx

 

[MrsDuck]

What you have said Adrienne is what I fear and predict will happen with my OH. I can see my other half not eating, complaining and if anything goes wrong, I'll never hear the end of it! Bloody men!!! x

 

[natclaire33)]

I had kept me starting the wls process secret from everyone including my parents who i still live with. I have also told some people I work with and on the hole have had dreat responses from them and that even includes my manager.

I have now told my mum that I am in the wls process and at first she wasnt keen but now says she is happy for me. Am trying to work out how to tell dad, even though i am in my early thirties my dad is still protective to wards me and my sister.

I know this isnot a easy journey to go through even with friends and family and work friends close by. My manger was ok when i told her and she said good luck and keeping her informed

 

[Big Dave D]

What you have said Adrienne is what I fear and predict will happen with my OH. I can see my other half not eating, complaining and if anything goes wrong, I'll never hear the end of it! Bloody men!!! x

I resemble that remark! ;-)

 

[ClaireMarie]

ClaireM - me too, my OH changes his mind on a daily basis on whether he supports my decision or not. The amount of rows we've had over the surgery is unbelievable. I'm sick of having the same conversations with him; "can we afford this?", "you are risking your life", "I married you cause I like you the way you are, I don't want you to change" - the list goes on! I think it goes back to the dynamics changing too. He's worried we're not going to lead the same life we do now, he's not going to get the nice gourmet teas every night, we're not going to have takeaways etc etc, he's never going to taste a Big Mac again. Of course things are going to change, but in 12 months time I hope to lead a pretty similar life to the one we do now, minus the massive amount of food I eat. I want to go back to McDs, but order a happy meal rather than a large meal with extras! Perhaps you need to sit down with everyone and go through all the things you've done up to now to loose weight (WW, gym, etc), explain the health BENEFITS of having surgery and go through the surgical procedure with them so they know exactly what will happen on the day. My Dad was really sceptical, but once I'd explained that it was keyhole surgery, under GA for 30 mins (I even drew him a picture of the procedure, so he could get an idea) and that if I didn't have the op he wouldn't be a Grandad as we can't conceive, and if I carried on I'd be dead due to weight related diseases etc, he gave me his support. People who haven't researched WLS just presume the worse, they think its massive open surgery, much riskier than it actually is, they're probably worried. Fill the family with info and I'm sure they'll soon come round - if not, we're all here! x

My husband actually lied about our finances, so I wouldn't have the operation done privately, he called me selfish and vain...one day I just snapped and told him if he didn't support me then he'd just be another 15 stones I'd be prepared to lose. Transferred my money into a separate bank account and started sleeping in my daughters room.


He pulled up his big girls knickers -cough- and sucked it up. Too little to late, to be honest our relationship isn't the same, I'll never forget he wasn't there when I needed him.

I hope all your families see the light before they damage the balance themselves.

 

[Big Dave D]

My husband actually lied about our finances, so I wouldn't have the operation done privately, he called me selfish and vain...one day I just snapped and told him if he didn't support me then he'd just be another 15 stones I'd be prepared to lose. Transferred my money into a separate bank account and started sleeping in my daughters room. He pulled up his big girls knickers -cough- and sucked it up. Too little to late, to be honest our relationship isn't the same, I'll never forget he wasn't there when I needed him. I hope all your families see the light before they damage the balance themselves.

Wow Claire, you poor thing. That's got to be tough to deal with. I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns though - well done. xx

 

[Ginnywinny]

I really feel for you. My family are not supportive at all, I have a little girl of 3. I am having a bypass 16th June. I'm more than happy to chat and listen anytime you want a natter. Feel free to friend me

Ginny x

 

[PokeyKoala]

I am really counting my blessings that my husband, family and friends that I have told have been so supportive. My big sister has told me how proud she is of me for taking control of my life and making sure I live it to the full. I does make a difference, so I feel for you if you feel you are on your own.

So for those of you who are struggling with the lack of support - Take heart and please feel proud of what you are doing. It's a really brave decision to make such a positive life changing step and you have so many supporters on here to turn to at any time.

Sending Cyber hugs !

 

[bigkev]

It always makes me laugh when people 'support' you until you edge close to their weight. Im pretty sure that i can guess the weight of most of my colleagues at work cos although they are saying great things to me about my weight loss, they always ask what i want to get down to. If ever my target weight is below their actual weight they always come out with something like 'Oh you dont want to be 15 stone, youll look ill, look how tall you are, probably better at 17 or something.' Fact is regardless of how supportive people are, they just dont want you to be smaller that them.
After all everyone at work calls me big kev and if they are bigger than me and im 'big' kev what does that say about them??

Another note of envy the other week my sister who supported my WLS decision turned to me and said 'huh, looks like im the fat one of the family now'. 'Oh sorry was that my job' i replied. I thought i was just your brother.

 

[ReadyToDoIt]

I'm five weeks pre-op and I went out for lunch with my sister. I had a modest yet not particularly healthy option (burger & salad) and she had...a coffee!! When I questioned why she wasn't eating on our planned lunch out together she replied that "some of us have to work at losing weight, and can't just wait for the doctor to fix it all".

Later that day, my mother told me she would "support" me, but was just so disappointed that I'd made no effort to lose weight without surgery and it's a shame I'm just opting for the easy way out.

My husband said I shouldn't be spending the family money on an 'elective' surgery when we are short of cash, and I should just "stick to a diet for once"

This is what I'm up against.....

 

[los in it]

I have to say because so few people know about my plans I have not faced any of the `stuff` you all have the only family member who knows is my little sister and she did ask if ive tried dieting before but it was said in a positive way and didn't leave me feeling awful once I explained to her my reasons for WLS she has been there for me no questions just there when I needed it
im prepared for when I do tell a wider circle of friends and family I like to think they will be on my side ....lets see