Not sure how to start talking about WLS to my Hubby???

[Mrs_CakeyBun]

I am still trying to work out telling my husband I am investigating a Gastric Band....I know he is very worried about my weight (from a health perspective) and is also a very supportive husband but he is freaked out by hospitals and is depressed at the moment....we had a dreadful 2008 loosing our baby grandson at only 2 months and his father from cancer (only had 3 months from discovery to loosing him) and he is having a hard time with it all, I am too but its harder for him as its his daughters baby (stepdaughter) and his dad.
My ex was a total "merchant banker" about my weight and hence I comfort ate my way from 10st2lb to 17st4lb in 15 years and now i am paying for it....in more ways than one as I will be self funding my band if I go for it....how did other ladies (and gents) start talking to their "other half" about their decisions to investigate and go ahead with WLS?

 

[Janeywanttoloosealot]

I am still trying to work out telling my husband I am investigating a Gastric Band....I know he is very worried about my weight (from a health perspective) and is also a very supportive husband but he is freaked out by hospitals and is depressed at the moment....we had a dreadful 2008 loosing our baby grandson at only 2 months and his father from cancer (only
had 3 months from discovery to loosing him) and he is having a hard time with it all, I am too but its harder for him as its his daughters baby (stepdaughter) and his dad.
My ex was a total "merchant banker" about my weight and hence I comfort ate my way from 10st2lb to 17st4lb in 15 years and now i am paying for it....in more ways than one as I will be self funding my band if I go for it....how did other ladies (and gents) start talking to their "other half" about their decisions to investigate and go ahead with WLS?

hi cakey bun i think the only way is to be upfront with him you need his support

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

hi wanda sorry to hear about the tough times you both have right now, i think its a matter of just gradually introducing it lightly, just say that how you would like to be slimmer for you and how it would also be beneficial to the rest of the family as well, ask him if hes seen anything in the media about wls and what his opinions on it are from what he knows from the media perspective, then gently put it in to the conversation how would he feel if you had this to.
If i was in your situation thats how i would do it, i hope others can come up with other suggestions, you will know in your heart whens the best time as you know him best.
good luck with it hun.

liz xxx

 

[cazbandy]

Hello there...

I am so sorry for everything you have had to endure this year. I hope the future has more light and hope and that you can both move forward soon.

You never forget and nor should you but you do learn to live around such terrible things.

As for talking to your hubby about WLS, I think maybe it might help first to possibly get some help with what you have both had to go through. It might be better to resolve those issues before adding possible new ones.

Your husband needs to recover from his depression before either of you can begin a new journey.

For now though, as Liz said, get his views and opinions on it and maybe in passing say its something you have thought about. A conversation will either naturally flow from that or not. Also get as much solid information about the proceedures first, so if he asks difficult questions you will be armed with clear, concise answers.

I wish you a more peaceful year this year and hope you can acheive all your goals.

 

[Mrs_CakeyBun]

Thanks ladies its so nice to be able to talk on here....I talked to my Daughter today (she is 17 and we are close) she was sort of surprised and sort of not...she said she had no clue that I was looking at it but was incredibly supportive, I have tried so very hard to bring her up not to have weight issues ( i have been dieting all her life one way and another) and she is a lovely size 10-12 and happy with herself and she is very supportive of my thoughts on this issue...I was very upfront with the issues and risks involved and she was of the mind that it would help me, and that if I do go ahead, she will be there to cheer me on and help in however she can.....She agreed not to talk to my hubby (her stepdad) until I have talked to him but has said if i need support there to let her know and she will talk to him about worries etc.....I am interested in the idea of... I saw this thing in the paper what do you think? kind of way of approaching things

 

[Mrs_CakeyBun]

Thanks Caz we cross posted....we are both having counselling (4 months )separately for now, do deal with the problems raised in both out lives over the last year and it this that has helped clear my mind about my weight issues....I will talk to my counsellor too and see how things go.

 

[cazbandy]

That is brilliant, I am glad you have help.

Why not wait til you see Fern Britton on the telly and bring the subjest up then... most people have an opinion about her....

 

[Mrs_CakeyBun]

Oooohhh now thats a plan as he fancies the pants off her

 

[tesmaralda]

It will also hel pif you can have all the details to hand so that you can show your hubby that you are fully researched the pros and cons of all types of wls. When I first mentioned it to my hubby he was like yeah yeah what ever, then the more he saw me research and explain things and showed him that I was serious about it he slowly came round to the idea. I also found that just because he didn't /doesn't comment much doesn't mean he doesn't have questions and issues he does and these normally come out as some sort of joke or comment out of the blue it was only after I had my funding and pre ops come through that we really sat down and had a good heart to heart so once you've initially raised the issue it may take a while for it to sink in and rise to the surface again.
Hope this helps

 

[Sambucca]

Great thread!

I was really worried about bringing up the subject of WLS with my husband. I don't know why, as he has never been anything but supportive of any decision I have taken, but this is such a big thing I was almost scared to talk to him about it.

I'm so glad I did though. He knows how unhappy I get because of my weight, and he knows that this year is the first year that my weight has started to affect my health. So I started by telling him that I was going to see the Dr to see what help I could get with my weight. THen I made a Dr's appt for about 10 days later and told him I was going to look into all my options before seeing the Dr.

Then the next day, we sat down and had a long chat, and I told him that I felt the only option left for me was WLS. He wanted to know all the ins and outs, what was involved, whether I could ever eat "normally" again after bypass and of course what the risks were.

WHen I was given my hospital appointment it was for the same evening so I had to go on my own as it was too short notice to get babysitters etc. I asked him if he had any questions he wanted the hospital to answer, and he said all he wanted to know was about the complications/risks involved. I think that was the first time he showed me that he was concerned about it, but I told him that if he had any doubts at all that I wouldnt go through with it.

Now he is looking forward to it as much as I am. I think he wants his happy go lucky wife back, and doesnt want me in pain with my knees and back all the time.

SO after that very long ramble, I would say just be honest with him. Make sure he understands your reasons and understands what is involved and has a chance to have his say.

 

[mintball]

I must admit I told my husband a very small white lie. I went to the doctors with every intention of asking for the gastric band but I didn't tell my husband, I just said I was going for a chat about my weight. My doctor agreed to put forward the request and when I got home I sat my husband down and said we needed to talk. I told him that the doctor asked me a load of questions and SHE asked ME how I felt about weight loss surgery.

If I had told my husband it was my idea, I think he would have thought it was my next "diet" as he's seen me try everything else and I didn't want it to be looked at like that.

We sat and talked and I told him I was scared but that the Dr thought I was a good candidate for surgery and we researched together. This got him involved, he didn't feel bulldozed and just that "knowledge" that the Dr thought it was a good idea was what softened the shock for him. To the point that we were refused funding twice and we had done so much research together and knew it was definately the right way to go...we self-funded and went for the bypass.

I know this isn't necessarily the right way to do things but I wanted to let you know how I did it and for me personally I have no regrets and my husband is still 100% behind me.

Obviously everyone's other halves a different and I just knew it was what I wanted and thought about what would sit most comfortably with my hubby and what would ease his worries x x x

 

[lisa45]

Sorry you have had a bad time ... the fern britton one worked for me ..i showed my hubby b/4 and after pic of her and he said she looked great then i told him what she had had done and we talked and he said go for it so about 6mth down the line iam in to haveband fitted next week ...all the best

 

[Mrs_CakeyBun]

Thanks ladies I may take the bull by the horns today...just have to see how things are today...will let you know xx

 

[Silversurfer]

I must admit I told my husband a very small white lie. I went to the doctors with every intention of asking for the gastric band but I didn't tell my husband, I just said I was going for a chat about my weight. My doctor agreed to put forward the request and when I got home I sat my husband down and said we needed to talk. I told him that the doctor asked me a load of questions and SHE asked ME how I felt about weight loss surgery.

If I had told my husband it was my idea, I think he would have thought it was my next "diet" as he's seen me try everything else and I didn't want it to be looked at like that.

We sat and talked and I told him I was scared but that the Dr thought I was a good candidate for surgery and we researched together. This got him involved, he didn't feel bulldozed and just that "knowledge" that the Dr thought it was a good idea was what softened the shock for him. To the point that we were refused funding twice and we had done so much research together and knew it was definately the right way to go...we self-funded and went for the bypass.

I know this isn't necessarily the right way to do things but I wanted to let you know how I did it and for me personally I have no regrets and my husband is still 100% behind me.

Obviously everyone's other halves a different and I just knew it was what I wanted and thought about what would sit most comfortably with my hubby and what would ease his worries x x x

Hi Wanda

Lots of good advice here from everyone, though i think Lisa has hit the nail on the head, men like to feel involved, and he'll want to know the facts and figures about everything, do include him in your decision making process, tell him your just exploring this at the moment as an option, and your looking at booking an appointment to see a consultant, then make sure you take him with you, its important that you make sure he feels needed and you need him to support you.
Also make sure you establish that 2009 is going to be a positive year where you turn things around, this isn't negative and shouldn't been seen as - men are funny creatures and it will take him a while to get his head round it all, he'll have concerns which is natural, but thousands of these ops are done every year so the success rate is very high !

 

[mintball]

Ditto Richard,

and you never know, he's had such bad news regarding family members that he might even embrace the fact that he can help the woman he loves become more healthy and be around for a lot longer too x x x

 

[Mrs_CakeyBun]

Well we talked...and it was a positive outcome.....we talked a few years ago (when I was Atkins dieting) that when i got to my goal weight we would look self funding a Tummy tuck, he said he felt that right now if I felt it was what i wanted and we looked into it it was something we should look at...must admit i did just describe it as "very expensive" and he asked if I had thought about going abroad....I said I had sort of looked into it but felt it was vitally important to get the full support service I would get from having surgery here...he accepted that and I said I would get some more information. so going to start a thread for info on a few things and take it from there. at least that parts done and I now don't feel like I'm doing something behind his back.

Thanks so much for the support and advice, oh I did mention good ol Fern and that helped too, will make sure he is involved every step of the way what ever I eventually decide.

 

[Sambucca]

glad its out in the open Wanda. Its a huge thing to have been thinking about this on your own so I'm glad that he is supportive x

 

[Mrs_CakeyBun]

yeah me too....i wanted to know what was involved first but I am so glad we talked