O/T What to do?/

[thinkbethin]

Well you lot I need your advise!! As you know I have a son at 21 who suffered with depression. He and his girlfriend split up in april after 2 yrs because she could'nt cope (which I totally understood). While they were seperated she had a relationship with someone else and Jay had a 1 night stand. They have been back together for 5 weeks now and all is good.
Now the bad news. the girl Jay had a 1 night stand with has told him she's pregnant. What the fk can I do. I went to speak with her mum today and found out that the girl is only 16 when she had told Jay she was 19 (Jay is 21). Jay is so scared he and his girlfriend will split over this. He's only just got himself right and this is really upsetting him.
Jays girlfriend knew about him sleeping with this girl as he wanted to be honest with her. Now how do we tell her about this?
I spoke with the girls mum today and said that it would be our responsibility as well as hers as this child would be part of us. I would hate the fact I had a grandchild that I did'nt see and feel it only right we help out and be in the childs life. Jay says he does'nt want anything to do with the baby and there's no talking to him without the tears.
I have always been totally up front about contraception with all 3 of my kids but the same story came up about the split condom.
Do we tell the GF or leave it untill the baby is born?? Jay wants a DNA as he says if she could sleep with him on the 1st night had she done it the night before? My head is so mixed up and I can't stop crying.What a mess eh. Any help and advice would be gratefully receivedxxx

 

[BlueDiamond]

Well you lot I need your advise!! As you know I have a son at 21 who suffered with depression. He and his girlfriend split up in april after 2 yrs because she could'nt cope (which I totally understood). While they were seperated she had a relationship with someone else and Jay had a 1 night stand. They have been back together for 5 weeks now and all is good.
Now the bad news. the girl Jay had a 1 night stand with has told him she's pregnant. What the fk can I do. I went to speak with her mum today and found out that the girl is only 16 when she had told Jay she was 19 (Jay is 21). Jay is so scared he and his girlfriend will split over this. He's only just got himself right and this is really upsetting him.
Jays girlfriend knew about him sleeping with this girl as he wanted to be honest with her. Now how do we tell her about this?
I spoke with the girls mum today and said that it would be our responsibility as well as hers as this child would be part of us. I would hate the fact I had a grandchild that I did'nt see and feel it only right we help out and be in the childs life. Jay says he does'nt want anything to do with the baby and there's no talking to him without the tears.
I have always been totally up front about contraception with all 3 of my kids but the same story came up about the split condom.
Do we tell the GF or leave it untill the baby is born?? Jay wants a DNA as he says if she could sleep with him on the 1st night had she done it the night before? My head is so mixed up and I can't stop crying.What a mess eh. Any help and advice would be gratefully receivedxxx

Hi there

Sorry to hear of your's and your son's dilemma, I always find honesty is the best policy ( not e1 will agree) If I was the g/f I would like to be told, I think it would be worse to wait till afterwards , if you don't tell her till afterwards, not only will she feel betrayed by you all, but she may feel their relationship for the last ten months has been based on lies. And I agree with paternity test as well, (just to be on the safe side), don't want 18 years down the line and it turns out its not ur sons after all .

Hope it all works out for the best - MeJuliexx

 

[thinkbethin]

Thanks Julie. I want to tell her but Jay is just so scared of losing her again.I told him if she loves him then we'll all be able to help each other get through this. I thought I was doing the right thing speaking with her mum as I did'nt want her to think we did'nt care. I never even met the girl before but I feel for her and her poor mums dilemma. Guess who's not going to sleep tonight lolxx

 

[BlueDiamond]

Thanks Julie. I want to tell her but Jay is just so scared of losing her again.I told him if she loves him then we'll all be able to help each other get through this. I thought I was doing the right thing speaking with her mum as I did'nt want her to think we did'nt care. I never even met the girl before but I feel for her and her poor mums dilemma. Guess who's not going to sleep tonight lolxx

Awe poor you (and son ) I know what you mean, and your right if she does love him like she says , they can support each other. This will certainly be a testing time for the pair of them.
As for speaking to the girls mother, you did more then most would do Hunnie. I know its easier said then done, but try and get some shut eye , sending you lots of hugs and fairy dust xxMeJuliexx

 

[thinkbethin]

Bless you Juliexx

 

[hopelesscase]

Gaynor respect to you. Your son owes it to his girlfriend to be honest with her. If they are meant to be together she will help him through this until it can be proven that the baby is in fact his.
She may be upset but equally she is going to become suspiciouse that something is wrong if he keeps it from her and he becomes distant because his mind is else were wondering if he is going to be a daddy.
Like you say you can only advise them about contraception other than being there with them and making them use it.
Take care of yourself in all this whichever way it turns out you have got a trying time ahead of yoy
carolexxx

 

[quetiapina]

I agree, honesty is a must here and he will have to ride the wave - if he keeps it from his GF it will be a real betrayal of trust and will be a hell of a lot worse when the truth comes out. A DNA test is probably vital when the time comes.
Blimey what a situation, I'm sure with your support he will be able to find the strength to tell GF - afterall, she knows of the one night stand. It will be a lot to take in but I can't see there is any other option.
Very very best of luck. Lv Jen x

 

[thinkbethin]

Thanks Jenni. Jay wants to tell her and I'm so confused and just had a crazy thought about waiting a bit longer before we upset her. You're all right and when his GF comes up on wednesday we're going to sit her down and explain it to her then. Wish me luck because I'm sure going to need itxx

 

[thinkbethin]

Gaynor respect to you. Your son owes it to his girlfriend to be honest with her. If they are meant to be together she will help him through this until it can be proven that the baby is in fact his.
She may be upset but equally she is going to become suspiciouse that something is wrong if he keeps it from her and he becomes distant because his mind is else were wondering if he is going to be a daddy.
Like you say you can only advise them about contraception other than being there with them and making them use it.
Take care of yourself in all this whichever way it turns out you have got a trying time ahead of yoy
carolexxx

Thankyou Carole, wednesday is D day!! Will have to see what happens then but hopefully we'll be able to help and support his GF through this as wellxx

 

[margaretmc]

Hi Gaynor
I`m sorry to hear the predicament you and your son is in but as the rest of the girls have said I think your better off telling the girlfriend . It will be hard for her but if she loves your son she`ll stand by him . Life is a funny old thing and accidents does happen . I would get the dna done when the baby is born . Its not worth getting up set because these things happen all the time and they will work out . Good luck hun and take care .
Margaret xx

 

[gaelic girl]

Hi Beth
I had posted a long reply to you but lost it cause i took to long to type, i have a very similar situation to you in that my son has a child to his ex gf and he doesnt have anything to do with him thanks to his current gf of two years( long story). My son too suffers from depression and has self harmed previously. His cureent gf took him through all this and has brought him out the other side and is very good for him but at the expense of his son she made him chose and now my son doesnt see him at all. Allan(my son) never told his gf about his son and i still think if he did things would be different now 4 years down the line. We still see our lovely grandson and thats all you can do is keep in touch with the child once you get difinitive proof. Honesty is def the best policy and i'm sure the fact that they have been together before will go a long way to helping them get bthrough this together. Sometimes its so hard being a mum but what can we do but be there even if we don't agree with their decisions. Good luck and if you want to pm me i'll give you my details for a chat. xx

 

[Roch]

Hi gaynor, i agree with the rest of the crew with what they have said, but i was wondering is the girl sure she is going to keep the baby.
Am sure Jay`s girlfriend will appreciate the honesty and as she already knows he had the one night stand that wont be an issue.As we all know protection or no protection we we have sex their is a chance we can fall pregnant and the shoe could of been on her foot it could of been her that was pregnant from the short relationship she had whilst they were separate,she obviously loves your son lots and is understanding, hopefully she will take it all in and deal with the situation as it arises.
Their is a chance the baby is not his and also a chance that she might not even carry on with the pregnancy as she is still very young, and she has to take some responsibility in this especially as she lied about her age, as am sure if she had been honest about her age your son would of walked away.

Good luck for Wednesday and ur Jay is very lucky to have such a supportive caring mum like you xxx

 

[Fashionably Late]

(((HUGS))) You have received some excellent advice. Your son should definitely be honest with his girlfriend but should also tell her that he intends on getting a DNA test because he is concerned. Poor kid.

 

[tpt]

I can only echo the other replies - if he deceives her until the baby is born before he tells the truth, that is yet another hurdle. Be honest and up-front. It may be that between now and the birth that the new GF will adjust and want contact with the bairn. Lying (even by omission) always comes back to bite one in the bum! You are doing a great job, be strong and stand by him while he does the right thing.

 

[Gail-michelle]

Hi Gaynor 1st`ly my heart goes out to you all, But hey ! its not the end of the world either. You will be crying in 8 months time and they will be tears of joy when you look down on your beautiful grandchild. 2nd`ly you are 3/4 there any-way by a) your sons g/f knows about the 1 x night stand, and b) like you say you dont want to have a grandchild that you never see, so yes like the rest have said tell her now before it gets to late in the day as you cant go back, c) it will either make your sons relationship stronger or it could split them up but whatever path it takes no-one can ever take your grandchild away. he or she will be there with you till eternity. God bless and take care Gail.xx