• Hi, If you cannot get into the site, be sure to Contact Us. Please be advised that the app is no longer in use!

Question about post op impact on the mind!

Debs!

Debs!

Active Member
Hello

without boring people into a reading induced coma - I, like many others, use food to comfort, to reward, to soothe, in anger, in joy - and even when unaware!

I generally do the 'jolly fat bird routine' - sassy and sarcy with me being the butt of most of my withering 'jokes'. I know its a thinly veiled coping mechanism.

Now, I've convinced my tiny brain that if I was thinner and healthier without doubt I will be happier.... Thus if I work to lose my reliance on food - happiness will drown me and the world will be good....

I am a little worried about what I do if I do get thinner and realise it was not just being fat that made me unhappy!

Anyone else have these super weird conundrums?!?!
 
Last edited:
I get what your saying its easy to hid behind the fat shield but im nearly 5 months down the line and other than been 10 stone down I don't think ive changed my relationship with food is different meaning I don't use it as a tool to hid behind
does this answer help?
 
It does - I recognise I wont 'hide behind' - I am more worried about getting to my goal of 11.5 stone and it not being the pot of gold I imagined?

How can I explain better ?

Erm - I have low self esteem - well hidden - I dont make time for me too much. I treat myself and beat myself with food. Post op though I will longer want/be able to eat my way to "happiness".

I find myself saying - once I am thinner things will be better because ....... And I also imagine if I get thinner I will find more friends, have more hobbies - perhaps even find a soulmate.

I just thought - hmmm - what happens if that isnt the case!
 
Its a difficult one, losing weight won't make you instantly happier as its rarely 1 thing that makes you unhappy, I wasn't so much unhappy when I was double my weight but lacked confidence and self belief a classic example happened yesterday, I put on a new pair of high heeled shoes I took 2 steps out of the door and the heel snapped, pre op I'd of just thought, oh well you silly fat cow how did you expect those heels to hold your weight, but yesterday I thought, oh those heels must have had a flaw, I took them back to the shop and the lady was lovely and really helpful :)

I do love being a more "normal" size/weight but as for being happier I can't say I am maybe thats because I wasn't unhappy before lol

Well I tried my best to explain not sure if it came across right x
 
You explained beautifully.

I do already see (even though pre op) that there is a head battle and a weight battle to be won.

I am sure my head will want to use food as a comfort as it always had - and I suspect, like beating any addiction, its going to be rough at times.

I am praying to have half the determination that so many of you have and to not waste this chance.

Its not easy when you realise some people sadly don't get a good outcome for a million reasons - and yet I am sure we all started praying it would be the solution for our hard to deal with issue - weight.

Thanks for sharing your experiences - it is so helpful
 
Last edited:
I also still "see" myself as fat, even when I'm wearing something that has a size 8 label!! The only time I see myself as small/slim is if I get an unexpected glimpse of myself in a mirror or shop window etc then it only lasts a few seconds as once I register its me I see the fatbird again!!
 
I'm no different in terms of personality or how I see life. What I do find odd is suddenly becoming visible in a different way. I've never been or felt invisible - after all, it's difficult to ignore a 28.5 stone confident, upfront, gobby, say it like it is Yorkshire woman. But suddenly people definitely treat me differently. I've still a fair way to go, but even people I know can't do enough for me. Men who as a species always saw me as one of the boys, now suddenly realise that I am in fact a woman, to the point of total strangers paying my bill in a local cafe. Shop assistants suddenly want to sell me clothes instead of looking at me as though I was from a different planet, even blooming cars stop to let me cross the road instead of ignoring me or driving through puddles to soak me. Whereas no one used to mention my size, I now get greeted by people with "hello skinny", "hiya slim" or even "good God look at you" lol. Today I noticed two men I know looking at me (in a surprised way) as I walked into the local bistro, and was greeted with "bloody hell woman, where've you gone?" Then got two free lattes lol. The odd thing is that I live in a very small hamlet where everyone literally knows everyone, but not one single person who lives in the area has mentioned that I'm half the size I was!!
Initially the different type of attention annoyed me, now I just take no notice, but I do take the coffees lol. Plus its a fair boost to the confidence such as when I walk into a shop last week and saw the most stunning male. He turned around just as I was drooling and instead of running for the hills because some massive fat woman was oggling him, he gave me the most ovary tickling smile and said hi!! DROOL!!!!!!
 
Jamast

Ovary ticking smile - I LOVE that phrase!!!!!!!!!! Priceless...

Isn't it strange/sad/surprising how just our outline can provoke such differing treatment - it sounds fascinating and weird and wonderful all at once!
 
Butterfly

Having looked at your quite frankly awesome achievement stats and pictures I can assure you - you aint no fat bird.

You're truly tiny :)

And I admire how hard you must have worked to get to that - fingers crossed I am half as competent :)
 
Debs! said:
Butterfly

Having looked at your quite frankly awesome achievement stats and pictures I can assure you - you aint no fat bird.

You're truly tiny :)

And I admire how hard you must have worked to get to that - fingers crossed I am half as competent :)
Click to expand...

Awe thanks for that its just so odd I can't see it, and I know I'm not alone with that thought/idea too, silly heads they like to play tricks :)
 
If I'm honest my answer would be nothing will change unless you want it too.

I still, 6 years later, commiserate and congratulate with food. BUT so do many thin folks.

Being 10 stones not 30+stones brought me many things that I am happy with and enjoy but it has also brought many challenges - will it last, battling regain, will I cope after the honeymoon wears off? Best advice from me is make your mind up to be positive but also realistic - enjoy it be happy, appreciate that you need to change in a number of ways to maximise your long term stability, beware of the pitfalls and make a plan to follow to ensure you don't go there.

You'll do fine if like the scouts you aim to 'be prepared' its a hard job to do well but so wonderful if you invest and do it.

Every good wish
 
Ladies you have put it really well. I too wasn't unhappy before, I did hate shopping for clothes and wasn't really keen on going out with partner with his friends as I felt fat and frumpy and was always a bit worried that he was ashamed to be seen with me. Let me clarify that that was totally my problem and not his. Over 7 stone lighter life is certainly much easier and the little things that I used to spend mind time dwelling on have definitely changed ( shopping much more fun, happy to go out with partner) but I still want to reward, console celebrate stuff with food or drink like I used to before but I now have more control to not fall into that same pattern and findu another way instead. I guess what I am getting at is my brain automatically reacts the same to situations but I am better equipped somehow to stop and think about it first. Bad days at work are still bad days even though I'm slimmer and some days I still feel fed up with my lot but that's just life! I know I am still early in my journey but so far I have no regrets x
 
CCPM said:
If I'm honest my answer would be nothing will change unless you want it too.

I still, 6 years later, commiserate and congratulate with food. BUT so do many thin folks.

Being 10 stones not 30+stones brought me many things that I am happy with and enjoy but it has also brought many challenges - will it last, battling regain, will I cope after the honeymoon wears off? Best advice from me is make your mind up to be positive but also realistic - enjoy it be happy, appreciate that you need to change in a number of ways to maximise your long term stability, beware of the pitfalls and make a plan to follow to ensure you don't go there.

You'll do fine if like the scouts you aim to 'be prepared' its a hard job to do well but so wonderful if you invest and do it.

Every good wish
Click to expand...

Sage advice from someone who has been in this 'club' for many years - I am so grateful you took the time to share views with me as a know little newbie - I am trying to make this work and I know there will be set backs but I am hoping, for once, to make some learning stick :)
Best regards
 
I have suffered many years of depression, low self esteem blah blah blah..... i too have always used and abused myself before others had the chance... yes a brilliant coping strategy... food has been my comfort, my friend, my reward....... its never a battle that goes away.... i guess it gets easier but i still battle with that world.... i am a year out, and the past year has been amazing, my confidence has grown, my depression has taken a back seat.... BUT its never far away.... in fact just this month its shocked me just how close to the surface my problems still are...... i had quite a past which didn't help my cause so i have battled my way down the layers of fat with the emotional stuff that went with it..... i found chatting it all out with my counsellor really helpful.......... of course we all like to think everything is going to be better and brighter once slim lol like everything is the fault of our weight, but quite often there are underlying issues (sometimes that we don't even realise)

Ok so were all different :) your life may be wonderful once losing the weight but i say don't pin your hope's on it...... BuT shifting the weight will take one problem away :) of course life will get better too, i wouldn't change it for the world.... my problems will always be there fat or thin BUT its so much easier to cope with x x xx hope that helps :)
 
I should have added that I still have fat days and thin days / ugly days and looking good days. Some days I look in the mirror and think yuck, other days I think yeah I look good. That doesn't change. I don't think it really changes for anyone. A massive change for me is all about how others now respond to me.
 
I found that I put my life on hold, ie "I will do that when I lose weight" or "when I'm thin I will do such and such" now I am grabbing life by the kahunas and doing things I'd not have done before :)
 
I'm having a difficult time at the moment. I'm 12 stone down and a size 6 now. I weigh myself about 6/8 times a day. Beat myself up over every tiny bit of food I eat. I am absolutely terrified of regaining weight. I'm seeing a psychologist and my dietitian next week.
I love being able to buy all these lovely little clothes, run, climb stairs, wear heels. I am just petrified of being fat again.
I should point out I've had anxiety, addiction, eating disorders and depression issues since my teens - these things remain whatever the weight. Getting thin didn't fix them...
Xx
 
nicola1723 said:
I'm having a difficult time at the moment. I'm 12 stone down and a size 6 now. I weigh myself about 6/8 times a day. Beat myself up over every tiny bit of food I eat. I am absolutely terrified of regaining weight. I'm seeing a psychologist and my dietitian next week.
I love being able to buy all these lovely little clothes, run, climb stairs, wear heels. I am just petrified of being fat again.
I should point out I've had anxiety, addiction, eating disorders and depression issues since my teens - these things remain whatever the weight. Getting thin didn't fix them...
Xx
Click to expand...

I hope you find a path to beat those issues - I can see how one resolution can open another sticking point - thinking of you x
 
I just wanted to bump this up and say thank you to you guys for posting your thoughts on this, really helpful realistic view of things afterward for those of us still thinking about whether this is the right call to make.
 
Yes I second that V x

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top