Sam's Musings

[SAM55]

Has anyone else risked a pancake today? I have just tried a ready made one (had to buy a whole packet, so the birds will do well tomorrow) with Stevia and lemon juice - yummy, and hope it doesn't lie heavy. Funny how tastebuds have changed. I bought the Stevia for pancakes last year and it tasted really bitter then. Tonight it tasted rather sweet.

 

[FeeBee]

I've got a gluten free mix but not made them yet. I've had American style pancakes once before since the op and couldn't manage much but enjoyed it as a nice change

 

[SAM55]

I've got a gluten free mix but not made them yet. I've had American style pancakes once before since the op and couldn't manage much but enjoyed it as a nice change

Enjoy. I love American pancakes, especially those from Macdonalds with sausage and maple syrup (a distant memory) but don't associate them with pancake day. It has to be ones like my grandmother used to make I had no problems with mine, and the rest are now in the garden so I won't be tempted. I saw a lovely blue tit looking interested when i threw them out this morning - they don't usually come that close because of the cats... The blackbirds a braver though!

 

[SAM55]

I am in the 16s! Another two and a bit pounds off this week

Ordered more jeans and t shirts yesterday two sizes smaller as I was getting baggy crotch

On the sleep apnoea machine front, it is still an ongoing saga... Finally got someone on Monday to answer my message after over two weeks. They decided the pressure needed reducing, which they talked me through. Had a couple of better nights sleep and one really good one. They have also posted me out a new machine which has automatic pressure adjustment. Used last night and was up to the loo every couple of hours. Hopefully it will settle down soon.

One hydro session this week, a two mile walk with the sun shining and some interesting ducks, and off for another couple of miles today.

Thank goodness I have now seen the back of February... Wouldn't want to repeat that month again!!

 

[Hannah2]

Nothing like a baggy crotch! Lol!

Well done on the 16s!!!!

Hope the new machine settles and you get a better night sleep, I haven't been sleeping properly, too stressed with work and it is no fun!

 

[SAM55]

Nothing like a baggy crotch! Lol!

Well done on the 16s!!!!

Hope the new machine settles and you get a better night sleep, I haven't been sleeping properly, too stressed with work and it is no fun!

Thanks @Hannah2 . Sorry work is stressing you too. Hope we both sleep well tonight.

 

[LittleMissNom]

Whoop 16's!!! Hope you get some good rest soon

 

[FeeBee]

Huge congratulations! Another stone bracket bites the dust Quality of sleep has a big knock on effect so I really hope that settles down for you too but I want to know author ducks were interesting

 

[SAM55]

Huge congratulations! Another stone bracket bites the dust Quality of sleep has a big knock on effect so I really hope that settles down for you too but I want to know author ducks were interesting

Thanks Fee. Still trying to identify the ducks as my books aren't helping! Need to go back with binoculars and books for a better look in real time.

Have had another bout of clothes shopping past 24 hours - new bras, and a lightweight waterproof that was in the sale, ready for my holiday in April. It just about zips up so hopefully will last me over the summer.

2 mile walk yesterday as well, and tried half a slice of toast as part of a bacon sandwich. First time i have gone near bread, and it was fine. Fed up with seeing packets of hot cross buns everywhere, not helped that they come in four's as I wouldn't be content with one. I was complaining about this last year. Have promised myself one on Good Friday (will be away then so hopefully a cafe will have them so can have just one), hoping that I can stop myself feeling totally deprived

Sleep no better last night though. Off for an afternoon nap now Zzzz

 

[FeeBee]

How about buying a pack and freezing them individually?

 

[SAM55]

How about buying a pack and freezing them individually?

I would still eat them when I shouldn't as I crave them so much I would just take them out of the freezer and stick them in the microwave! They would be gone in 24 hours!! I am starting to realise which foods are emotional props that are connected to 'events'. Lindt Chocolates at Christmas, pancakes my grandmother made and everyone eating pancakes on pancake day, and Hot x buns for Easter, plus eggs (has to be eggs not ordinary chocolate with an empty inside - not sure what the emotional connection is here other than something to do with childhood, other than a bakers i used to visit daily when I was a taxi driver made amazing ones sold already buttered, and they were so popular that after Easter they started making them with just one line of the cross on. I do know that they have to be the original ones, and not some of the fancy flavours that are now on the market. Saw white chocolate and strawberry today, and chocolate fudge - yuk.

It is part of my hunger to belong and do what everyone else is doing...

Have you ever come across John O'Donahue's book 'The Hunger to Belong'? It was a seminal work for me when I bought it by chance from a book catalogue 17 years ago, as it helped me to understand what so many of my actions in life had been about which I had missed out on that I had no consciousness of.

Have just ordered yet more clothes, and having a bit of a grazing day so trying to fill something but still cannot sleep, so maybe it is lack of energy related.

 

[FeeBee]

No I haven't but it sounds like it was very useful to you and making those links between food and emotional response is vital to change the behaviour x

 

[Want2b3]

Yes, that is how it is for me. Because mine mainly disappeared once the ME went, I now have more going on in my life, so less time out. It is probably no worse, just less manageable at the moment. I will try earplugs, well at least one so I can hear what people are saying. I remember being with friends in a dining room with a hard floor and lots of voices, some exceedingly loud, and so I had to cover one ear so I could hear what they were saying. I do remove myself from situations, but it has got to the point where I am not having any social life unless it is a one to one.

Yes, its getting into the habit I have the problem with. Pills morning and evening are fine. Add any in during the day such as an antibiotic, and unless something is hurting, I forget unless it is right in my sightline. Once I am there it is no problem. I try writing things down on my 'to-do' list, post it notes, setting alarms, leaving things in obvious places, but my butterfly mind which analyses and processes constantly, particularly with so many things to do at the moment, means all my senses are over ridden so I don't hear or see things. Any interruption then I am jiggered. Working on my downsizing my responsibilities at the moment so less brain activity hopefully after March when my resignation from a Charity comes into force, and after May, when my OU module should be in. Have made myself extra busy as a distraction to cope with some grief and loss last year, so took on too much...

Hi @SAM55 thanks for reminding where your diary was as was looking in bronze and where mine is. Sorry taken me so long to reply been busy with work this week and was on a course last week.
My boy has APD like you and the audiologist suggested sleep blanket. I have not got one yet but will soon. I will let you know if it helps. There are some expensive headphones that even without music will reduce the noises around you. Let me know if interested and I will find out the make called noise cancellation headphones.
great you are having BMs at last I am every 2 weeks also.
Yay size 16 knickers Isn't it great you can go to most shops to get them now not the select few in larger sizes. You are now national average

Yes taste buds but I noticed my sense of smell has dulled down too? This effects my taste buds too if food not strong. Don't get the urge for toast or bacon by the smell thankfully as loved toast pre op. But bacon although can't smell it it still tastes yummy.

I understand re pancakes as I would do it with crisps. I actually found 2 packs in back of cupboard and had to eat them on weekend.

Well done on 3lbs loss, your doing fab

 

[SAM55]

Another 2lb gone. Two hydro sessions and a two mile walk this week.

New clothes have come - ordered two sizes smaller so they would last a bit longer. T shirts just fit, dropped a bra and cup size and could have done with dropping another cup size - but they are ok for now.

Very tired, and still playing around with CPAP machines (yes I have two now, and two different size nose pillows).!

No food issues this week.

 

[FeeBee]

Well done on a great loss. I hope you get the right machine/pillow combo soon x

 

[Hannah2]

Yeah! Well done on those 2lb! Hope you can find a solution for the cpap machine.

 

[SAM55]

No loss again this week and have put on half a pound. Not surprised as I was away last weekend and there was a lot of food around. Mainly pigged out on soft fruits and was easily able to avoid the tiramissu. Thought I might get away with it as also walked three miles and spent an hour in a leisure centre with wave machine and rapids.
Also had an emotional blip around some unresolved grief, so ate some chocolate.

Had 6 month check up with consultant yesterday and he was very pleased with me. Lovely guy and also good on the eye . The downside is you have to see him in the cancer surgery unit and I was in waiting room when a couple came out where he had obviously just been diagnosed. I then had to go to get bloods done, and you have to go to Oncology Blood tests, where there was a young couple, and he also had recently been diagnosed.

This was the unit where two people very close to me were treated (both dead now), but could feel their ghosts there.

Have not felt much like posting over past couple of weeks as so much going on in my life. Reaching the final days of the charity closure that i am involved in and we had our farewell event for the public on Thursday. Lots of loose ends to tidy up still and its a bit chaotic. Also made the decision to and have acted on this week, deferring my OU as I just don't have the time, energy or head space.

My GP is retiring this week so have seen him for the last time. Will miss him lots as he has been so good. Get to meet my new one on Monday so another relationship to build.

My referral for my knee op has been sent off even though i have still two stone to lose as there is a long waiting list. First appointment is a 22 week wait! Have also heard that surgery waiting list is 6 months long. So guessing it could be next year now before I get it done.

Therapy going ok, although like any therapy it can get emotional, but I do feel a connection with her which is good.

Sleep still not good and cannot get a face to face appointment with sleep clinic, only telephone ones. How can they tell if a mask is fitting correctly when they can't see it?!?!!?

Wednesday i have to go back and see the dragon that is my dietitian so not looking forward to that!

All in all, what with Mother's Day too, feeling somewhat depressed at the moment.

 

[Want2b3]

@SAM55 just come back on after a wee break due to busy too. You have had a. Lot of change and things ending which is very stressful. Be kind to yourself and de stress yourself. The exercise and long walks your doing is great well done on your loss! I know my mask wasn't fitting right before I went in for operation. I have not been able to use it since post op due to the fixed pressure and my breathing to shallow too. Understand your frustration totally. I have appointment Monday will ask to do the 2 week test again to see if sleep apnea is gone? I don't snore or move in my sleep wake up with dry tongue from breathing through mouth but no sore throats from snoring
When are you back their for your appointment. Put mask and machine on to show them what is happening.

I think you were sensible to defer OU as you have so much going on.

Well I think this gives you more time to lose a good bit more weight before op so can give your knee better recovery too. There is always a positive if you search for it.

Well done on your 2lb loss sweet your doing fab!
Can you meet up with a friend tomorrow to get out for a walk/cuppa?

 

[SAM55]

Well, not was there only not a Mother's Day card in the post as my daughter, who is now in NZ, forgot - apparently they celebrate it in May, but to add insult to injury I got an DWP ESA Assessment Form. I have lost count of the number of times this sort of bad news comes in the post on a Saturday, when there is no one to ask for help. GP retiring isn't helping either as I am going to be having to ask for support from someone I have never seen before who hasn't got a clue about my many health conditions... Previous traumatic experience of of ATOS isn't helping either...

No one free to go for a walk or a cuppa - all with families, working or away on holiday. Have resorted to cleaning out my shed as the sun is shining in between bouts of crying and trying to keep away from the fridge.

 

[FeeBee]

Oh @SAM55
What a lot to deal with all at once. I'm so sorry things are tough right now and it seems like everywhere you look in another thing to deal with. I have everything crossed your new GP is a good 'un and you are able to build a good relationship quickly so you get the support you need there.
I've just been out for a walk in the beautiful sunshine too and it's a good mood booster. Be kind to yourself lovely, there's a lot for you to juggle x