Sam's Musings

[Elias]

Hope the moves going better for you now Sam. x

 

[Penelope]

Thinking of you, Sam

 

[SAM55]

Well, 5 weeks with no Wifi thanks to BT, but I am now back.

A lot has happened since I last posted. All things considered (and omitting the above) the move went well and I am settled in my new flat and starting to be able to find things without thinking about where they are. It has been physically and mentally exhausting, particularly as I have a lot more neighbours as I am now in a block of 40 sheltered housing flats. Feel like a 2 year compared to some of them and a sharp reminder of how far I have come since WLS with getting my mobility back and having a better life. It is hard to remember it was less than a year ago that I walked with a rollator and had trouble lifting anything heavy.

I have also changed my name by deedpoll to coincide with my having to tell the 'system' my change of address. Have also 'come out' as non-binary/gender non- conforming to most of my friends and professional network. Have been somewhat overwhelmed by the amount of support and good wishes people have given me when they heard.

Managing my weight with all this going on has been somewhat of a challenge as there has been so much other stuff to keep me busy anyway. My brain found it totally impossible to plan any food. Chocolate (Twirl bars) have featured heavily although some weeks have been better than others. The last couple I have managed to stabilise between 106 and 107kg. Also still struggling to manage the constipation as my diet was too protein heavy and very limited in variety but have found myself being able to think about other foods this week and last and even some veggies have crept in.

Still fed up that I had to cancel my holiday to Scotland that should have been starting this coming Saturday, particularly as the weather is so glorious. Hoping to get something planned for September when I have saved more pennies, settled the cat who has been somewhat traumatised by the whole experience and found someone who I can trust to look after him. Also now on waiting list for varicose vein surgery (this is the third summer in a row that i have been stuck on an NHS waiting list for surgery) and have been told it is likely to be July.

In the meantime I am admiring my new view which is somewhat splendid and at least a change of scenery. Also have lots of stairs and corridors so am getting plenty of exercise without even leaving the building.

Will update my stats after Saturday's weekly weigh in.

 

[Bling Babe]

Well, 5 weeks with no Wifi thanks to BT, but I am now back.

A lot has happened since I last posted. All things considered (and omitting the above) the move went well and I am settled in my new flat and starting to be able to find things without thinking about where they are. It has been physically and mentally exhausting, particularly as I have a lot more neighbours as I am now in a block of 40 sheltered housing flats. Feel like a 2 year compared to some of them and a sharp reminder of how far I have come since WLS with getting my mobility back and having a better life. It is hard to remember it was less than a year ago that I walked with a rollator and had trouble lifting anything heavy.

I have also changed my name by deedpoll to coincide with my having to tell the 'system' my change of address. Have also 'come out' as non-binary/gender non- conforming to most of my friends and professional network. Have been somewhat overwhelmed by the amount of support and good wishes people have given me when they heard.

Managing my weight with all this going on has been somewhat of a challenge as there has been so much other stuff to keep me busy anyway. My brain found it totally impossible to plan any food. Chocolate (Twirl bars) have featured heavily although some weeks have been better than others. The last couple I have managed to stabilise between 106 and 107kg. Also still struggling to manage the constipation as my diet was too protein heavy and very limited in variety but have found myself being able to think about other foods this week and last and even some veggies have crept in.

Still fed up that I had to cancel my holiday to Scotland that should have been starting this coming Saturday, particularly as the weather is so glorious. Hoping to get something planned for September when I have saved more pennies, settled the cat who has been somewhat traumatised by the whole experience and found someone who I can trust to look after him. Also now on waiting list for varicose vein surgery (this is the third summer in a row that i have been stuck on an NHS waiting list for surgery) and have been told it is likely to be July.

In the meantime I am admiring my new view which is somewhat splendid and at least a change of scenery. Also have lots of stairs and corridors so am getting plenty of exercise without even leaving the building.

Will update my stats after Saturday's weekly weigh in.

Hi Sam
It’s great to hear from you....5 weeks that’s a complete joke. You do sound very positive and settled the new place sounds lovely and sound like it’s going to be good for you, you certainly have come a long way.

I’m so pleased that you’ve had the strength to “come out” and it’s fantastic that your getting some really good support, it couldn’t have been easy for you but it must be a weight of you shoulders now that it’s done and you can truly be yourself with friends and colleagues support (and your cyber friends on here)

Hope your surgery is in July, not to long to wait and lots of sunshine to recoupe in (if it ever decides to show it’s face that is) glad you feel a little more on track with your food, I’m very guilty of forgetting my fruit and veg as I’m very protein focused.
I hope you manage to save some pennies soon for a lovely holiday.
Take care xxx

 

[SAM55]

Hi Sam
It’s great to hear from you....5 weeks that’s a complete joke. You do sound very positive and settled the new place sounds lovely and sound like it’s going to be good for you, you certainly have come a long way.

I’m so pleased that you’ve had the strength to “come out” and it’s fantastic that your getting some really good support, it couldn’t have been easy for you but it must be a weight of you shoulders now that it’s done and you can truly be yourself with friends and colleagues support (and your cyber friends on here)

Hope your surgery is in July, not to long to wait and lots of sunshine to recoupe in (if it ever decides to show it’s face that is) glad you feel a little more on track with your food, I’m very guilty of forgetting my fruit and veg as I’m very protein focused.
I hope you manage to save some pennies soon for a lovely holiday.
Take care xxx

Thanks Bling. Was just looking at your stats whilst reading your post. You are doing really well

 

[Penelope]

Well, 5 weeks with no Wifi thanks to BT, but I am now back.

A lot has happened since I last posted. All things considered (and omitting the above) the move went well and I am settled in my new flat and starting to be able to find things without thinking about where they are. It has been physically and mentally exhausting, particularly as I have a lot more neighbours as I am now in a block of 40 sheltered housing flats. Feel like a 2 year compared to some of them and a sharp reminder of how far I have come since WLS with getting my mobility back and having a better life. It is hard to remember it was less than a year ago that I walked with a rollator and had trouble lifting anything heavy.

I have also changed my name by deedpoll to coincide with my having to tell the 'system' my change of address. Have also 'come out' as non-binary/gender non- conforming to most of my friends and professional network. Have been somewhat overwhelmed by the amount of support and good wishes people have given me when they heard.

Managing my weight with all this going on has been somewhat of a challenge as there has been so much other stuff to keep me busy anyway. My brain found it totally impossible to plan any food. Chocolate (Twirl bars) have featured heavily although some weeks have been better than others. The last couple I have managed to stabilise between 106 and 107kg. Also still struggling to manage the constipation as my diet was too protein heavy and very limited in variety but have found myself being able to think about other foods this week and last and even some veggies have crept in.

Still fed up that I had to cancel my holiday to Scotland that should have been starting this coming Saturday, particularly as the weather is so glorious. Hoping to get something planned for September when I have saved more pennies, settled the cat who has been somewhat traumatised by the whole experience and found someone who I can trust to look after him. Also now on waiting list for varicose vein surgery (this is the third summer in a row that i have been stuck on an NHS waiting list for surgery) and have been told it is likely to be July.

In the meantime I am admiring my new view which is somewhat splendid and at least a change of scenery. Also have lots of stairs and corridors so am getting plenty of exercise without even leaving the building.

Will update my stats after Saturday's weekly weigh in.

It's really good to hear from you again. You are sounding very positive and I am glad the move seems to have gone well and that your friends and colleagues have been supportive of your 'coming out '.
Like you my life has been difficult lately. On the 26th April my husband and carer was involved in a serious car accident and he has spent most of the time since then in intensive care. While he has now moved out onto a normal ward he will still be spending several months in hospital and when he eventually returns home he will probably be very weak himself. Thank God I had the surgery when I did! Two years ago I don't know what I would have done. I was completely housebound and totally dependent on him for everything. Now I can at least walk into town to catch the bus and visit him. My friends, neighbours and family have been amazing and rallied around to support me, as my other health issues have not gone away and without the help they have given I would not be able to manage at home. So after all the work put into healthy eating and 5 days a week at the gym/pool my lifestyle is microwave meals and walking for the bus and around the hospital. Like you I am back on the emotional supportive food group - chocolate! It's frustrating but my weight is steady, not where I want to be, but I have bigger things to worry about just now.
I am really glad to hear you are well. Take care. Love Pennie .

 

[Bling Babe]

Thanks Bling. Was just looking at your stats whilst reading your post. You are doing really well

Thanks Sam x

 

[Bling Babe]

It's really good to hear from you again. You are sounding very positive and I am glad the move seems to have gone well and that your friends and colleagues have been supportive of your 'coming out '.
Like you my life has been difficult lately. On the 26th April my husband and carer was involved in a serious car accident and he has spent most of the time since then in intensive care. While he has now moved out onto a normal ward he will still be spending several months in hospital and when he eventually returns home he will probably be very weak himself. Thank God I had the surgery when I did! Two years ago I don't know what I would have done. I was completely housebound and totally dependent on him for everything. Now I can at least walk into town to catch the bus and visit him. My friends, neighbours and family have been amazing and rallied around to support me, as my other health issues have not gone away and without the help they have given I would not be able to manage at home. So after all the work put into healthy eating and 5 days a week at the gym/pool my lifestyle is microwave meals and walking for the bus and around the hospital. Like you I am back on the emotional supportive food group - chocolate! It's frustrating but my weight is steady, not where I want to be, but I have bigger things to worry about just now.
I am really glad to hear you are well. Take care. Love Pennie .

Sending my thoughts to you I hope your husband is soon home and feeling much better x

 

[Elias]

Congrats on getting through the move. I hate moving house so much, it's such a brain ache. Also nice one on coming out! I'm a bit naive about non binary but I imagine there's a relief to getting it out there. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable being themselves so nice one x

 

[SAM55]

It's really good to hear from you again. You are sounding very positive and I am glad the move seems to have gone well and that your friends and colleagues have been supportive of your 'coming out '.
Like you my life has been difficult lately. On the 26th April my husband and carer was involved in a serious car accident and he has spent most of the time since then in intensive care. While he has now moved out onto a normal ward he will still be spending several months in hospital and when he eventually returns home he will probably be very weak himself. Thank God I had the surgery when I did! Two years ago I don't know what I would have done. I was completely housebound and totally dependent on him for everything. Now I can at least walk into town to catch the bus and visit him. My friends, neighbours and family have been amazing and rallied around to support me, as my other health issues have not gone away and without the help they have given I would not be able to manage at home. So after all the work put into healthy eating and 5 days a week at the gym/pool my lifestyle is microwave meals and walking for the bus and around the hospital. Like you I am back on the emotional supportive food group - chocolate! It's frustrating but my weight is steady, not where I want to be, but I have bigger things to worry about just now.
I am really glad to hear you are well. Take care. Love Pennie .

I am so sorry that life has dealt you and your husband such a cruel blow. You have done so well and it is a credit to you that you are maintaining rather than gaining in the face of such adversity. Lots of love surgery buddy. xx

 

[SAM55]

Congrats on getting through the move. I hate moving house so much, it's such a brain ache. Also nice one on coming out! I'm a bit naive about non binary but I imagine there's a relief to getting it out there. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable being themselves so nice one x

Thanks Elias. Unfortunately, it is something i have done a lot in my life and it doesn't get any easier as you get older. You just know what you need to do. Coming out as non binary is just a stage on the journey for me. Neither female in my head or male in my body. In a way its a bit like WLS, you have to get your head around it and that takes time. Also like WLS, the NHS takes forever!

 

[SAM55]

Weight has been gaining over past few weeks but managed to get 2lb off this week. Lots of stress on many different fronts and neighbours have been complaining to the manager about my cat who had been let into the building by someone else whilst i was out and he disturbed a lot of people. Manager is very strict about pets disturbing others and she can insist on him going (he is 12 and my most constant companion). Have decided that I really am not ready for sheltered housing living and its restrictions/annoyances so hoping to be out by next year (but not until I have had a holiday first!)

Decided I needed some help with the chocolate addiction which had got really out of hand so I went to see a VCS colleague who worked in alcohol/drug addiction and had overcome his own demons with addiction. He is seeing me for 4 sessions and since seeing him on Tuesday I haven't touched the chocolate. I have been dumping once or twice a week and having to sleep. I have also been to see a personal trainer who is going to work on a 3 month exercise plan to help and encourage me to increase my physical activity and test my limits. Money I can't really afford (and could affect my being able to still get away to Scotland) but needs must I think. I still cannot access the Public Health funded Healthy Living Programme of diet and exercise until I am 2 years post op. Did 3 sessions at the pool this week - gentle exercise, hydrolates and aqua aerobics. It is very easy to want to go in this hot weather.

Had my annual MOT this week and I am still normal diabetic range (although only just) and my calcium, protein and iron levels are fine. I see the dietitian on Wed.

Heard on radio this morning that there are proposals to stop varicose vein surgery so really glad I have a date to get them done on 23rd!

Found out that CPAP machine has a tear so has been leaking and therefore can't use it. So sleep quality is affecting brain fog which is causing stress and the heat isn't helping Hope they send me a new one soon.

Bring on the rain.

 

[Bling Babe]

Weight has been gaining over past few weeks but managed to get 2lb off this week. Lots of stress on many different fronts and neighbours have been complaining to the manager about my cat who had been let into the building by someone else whilst i was out and he disturbed a lot of people. Manager is very strict about pets disturbing others and she can insist on him going (he is 12 and my most constant companion). Have decided that I really am not ready for sheltered housing living and its restrictions/annoyances so hoping to be out by next year (but not until I have had a holiday first!)

Decided I needed some help with the chocolate addiction which had got really out of hand so I went to see a VCS colleague who worked in alcohol/drug addiction and had overcome his own demons with addiction. He is seeing me for 4 sessions and since seeing him on Tuesday I haven't touched the chocolate. I have been dumping once or twice a week and having to sleep. I have also been to see a personal trainer who is going to work on a 3 month exercise plan to help and encourage me to increase my physical activity and test my limits. Money I can't really afford (and could affect my being able to still get away to Scotland) but needs must I think. I still cannot access the Public Health funded Healthy Living Programme of diet and exercise until I am 2 years post op. Did 3 sessions at the pool this week - gentle exercise, hydrolates and aqua aerobics. It is very easy to want to go in this hot weather.

Had my annual MOT this week and I am still normal diabetic range (although only just) and my calcium, protein and iron levels are fine. I see the dietitian on Wed.

Heard on radio this morning that there are proposals to stop varicose vein surgery so really glad I have a date to get them done on 23rd!

Found out that CPAP machine has a tear so has been leaking and therefore can't use it. So sleep quality is affecting brain fog which is causing stress and the heat isn't helping Hope they send me a new one soon.

Bring on the rain.

Aw Sam, I’m so sorry you’ve not settled in your new home but it sounds like you’ve accepted the fact that it’s not for you, make sure you have that holiday first though, I had forgotten about your next surgery good luck with it and let us know your ok afterwards.
Glad the VCS is working that’s really interesting, is it just talking or does it involve something else?, great news on your MOT too and the personal trainer.
Sorry but I can’t agree about the rain, I love the summer xxx

 

[Maria61]

Weight has been gaining over past few weeks but managed to get 2lb off this week. Lots of stress on many different fronts and neighbours have been complaining to the manager about my cat who had been let into the building by someone else whilst i was out and he disturbed a lot of people. Manager is very strict about pets disturbing others and she can insist on him going (he is 12 and my most constant companion). Have decided that I really am not ready for sheltered housing living and its restrictions/annoyances so hoping to be out by next year (but not until I have had a holiday first!)

Decided I needed some help with the chocolate addiction which had got really out of hand so I went to see a VCS colleague who worked in alcohol/drug addiction and had overcome his own demons with addiction. He is seeing me for 4 sessions and since seeing him on Tuesday I haven't touched the chocolate. I have been dumping once or twice a week and having to sleep. I have also been to see a personal trainer who is going to work on a 3 month exercise plan to help and encourage me to increase my physical activity and test my limits. Money I can't really afford (and could affect my being able to still get away to Scotland) but needs must I think. I still cannot access the Public Health funded Healthy Living Programme of diet and exercise until I am 2 years post op. Did 3 sessions at the pool this week - gentle exercise, hydrolates and aqua aerobics. It is very easy to want to go in this hot weather.

Had my annual MOT this week and I am still normal diabetic range (although only just) and my calcium, protein and iron levels are fine. I see the dietitian on Wed.

Heard on radio this morning that there are proposals to stop varicose vein surgery so really glad I have a date to get them done on 23rd!

Found out that CPAP machine has a tear so has been leaking and therefore can't use it. So sleep quality is affecting brain fog which is causing stress and the heat isn't helping Hope they send me a new one soon.

Bring on the rain.

Take care Sam and good lick with chocolate addiction, I find this soo difficult too xx

 

[SAM55]

Three weeks post varicose vein surgery and it was a bigger deal than I thought it would be. Mentally, emotionally and physically. It has set off my PTSD and the pain relief hasn't done my brain fog any good. Comfort eating to try and cope. Still managed to avoid the Twirl bars though. Weight fluctuating between 109kg and 110kg, depending on how much walking I feel up to doing. Now driving again and hoping I can get fit enough to do my Scottish trip on 2nd Sept. Putting personal trainer on hold as money focus is on a much needed holiday.

Hoping wounds will have healed by Tuesday so I can get back in the pool.

Have had to chase up more bloods twice as they hadn't all been done. Zinc is a bit low but as they only eventually got round to testing for that a week after surgery they say it could be inflammation.

Seeing Endocrinologist on 4th October to discuss hormones...

Life is so exciting - NOT

 

[Bling Babe]

Lovely to hear from you Sam, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time following your surgery, I’m sure the Scotland trip will do you the world of good, hope appointment goes well...and well done on avoiding the twirls !!that a great achievement xx

 

[SAM55]

Started 12 week Healthy Lifestyle course last week. Hoping some accountability may help me get back on track! Wasn't allowed to take part until I was two years post WLS and it was my second anniversary a couple of weeks ago.

 

[Sarnie]

Started 12 week Healthy Lifestyle course last week. Hoping some accountability may help me get back on track! Wasn't allowed to take part until I was two years post WLS and it was my second anniversary a couple of weeks ago.

Hope all goes well for you Sam, good for you for taking control, I'm sure you'll be back on track in no time x

 

[Bling Babe]

Started 12 week Healthy Lifestyle course last week. Hoping some accountability may help me get back on track! Wasn't allowed to take part until I was two years post WLS and it was my second anniversary a couple of weeks ago.

Wow 2 years that’s flown by, I hope the course helps you, what does it involve (sorry if that’s a stupid question) ? Xxx

 

[SAM55]

Happy New Year everyone. Hope you are all ok and Christmas food has not kicked you too much off track with your weight loss.

I haven't been on here for a while as life knocked me for six in October and the wheels fell off. Having started the Healthy Lifestyle course (but left early as the group scenario wasn't for me) and was even preparing and eating soup (unheard of!) I experienced a retraumatisation during my ASD assessment that totally flicked the switch on my brain overnight and all I could eat was bread and butter as my mental health was far from good. That then became crumpets and butter and chocolate. 'Work' also got in the way of getting to the pool so exercise also suffered. Result - over a stone gained in weight in less than 3 months.

Somehow over the Christmas period I managed to flick the switch again and have come back from being away with the desire to eat fish and green vegetables. So back to upping my protein and a resolution to do less voluntary work so I can get my control over my diary.

My ASD was inconclusive and I have a possible Asperger diagnosis although Aspergers is no longer a diagnosis under DSM V, which didn't help as it is harder to access any support. Waiting to hear if I am eligible for a second opinion. Also started testosterone in November as part of my gender transitioning. Weight gain can be a side effect but difficult to tell with everything else going on!

Saw dietitian in December and had a conversation about ASD and beige food. She suggested parsnips!! I have now done a self discharge from the surgeon as there is nothing else they can do as the actual surgery had gone very well and it is over 2 years.

Here's hoping 2019 is good for all of us.