Shocked by the repsonse :(

[roxyroo]

Has anyone been shocked by the response they were given by a family member?

My mum and I are very close and tonight I told her I was strongly considering surgery, and couldn't believe her response. She said I was stupid and vain. But her main concern was that my little boy, 2yrs, would be without his mummy!! This had made me extremely upset and don't know what I can say to make her to see my side.
Im fully aware of risks and complications etc involved but this has really struck a nerve as I would want her to be with me throughout my wls journey!

Sorry, I had to get it out xxx

 

[butterflyinprogress]

Fear can make family and friends react badly, point her in the direction of sites such as this to read up and reassure....maybe after a little while she will calm down about it but she will worry and struggle to see more than the potential dangers because she loves you ...

 

[Samsara]

Sorry to hear that It's hard and people that love you should support you especially as you are trying to sort yourself out from a health perspective. I don't know how big you are but you need to point out to your mum that your little boy may be without his mummy if you don't do something about your weight problem and list all of the health problems related to obesity you could die from - if not imminently then in the future. You need to save yourself now - from future early death! You may have said this to her already. Maybe given time and contemplation she will accept it. You have to do what is right for you. My boyfriend has just dumped me (on 2nd Jan - happy new year to me!) so I don't have my first support network either now :/ But I'm pressing ahead for me anyway. Like you say you are fully aware of all the risks and complications and death from surgery is not that high. You are not stupid or vain - you are saving yourself so you can be there for your little boy. Do you have co-morbidities now? Hugs x x x

 

[ready2bhealthy]

My mom said the same about my 3yr old little girl! I have been trying to get the point of my comorbidities being a bad deal too and she's still not on board! :-( good luck and let me know if you figure out how to change her mind!!

 

[roxyroo]

Sorry to hear that It's hard and people that love you should support you especially as you are trying sort yourself out from a health perspective. I don't know how big you are but you need to point out to your mum that your little boy may be without his mummy if you don't do something about your weight problem and list all of the health problems related to obesity you could die from - if not imminently then in the future. You need to save yourself now - from future early death! You may have said this to her already. Maybe given time and contemplation she will accept it. You have to do what is right for you. My boyfriend has just dumped me (on 2nd Jan - happy new year to me!) so I don't have my first support network either now :/ But I'm pressing ahead for me anyway. Like you say you are fully aware of all the risks and complications and death from surgery is not that high. You are not stupid or vain - you are saving yourself so you can be there for your little boy. Do you have co-morbidities now? Hugs x x x

Im 27, 5' and weigh 19st so quite big for my height. I currently don't have any co-morbidities, which is very lucky considering my size. But I know if I don't do anything about this weight that will change.

And hugs to you too!!! Its hard not having someone you thought you could rely on. But if you feel you need a place to let it all out, this site is great. I haven't been on here long but everyone is friendly and a wealth of knowledge!

Good luck hun, wish you all the best xx

 

[roxyroo]

My mom said the same about my 3yr old little girl! I have been trying to get the point of my comorbidities being a bad deal too and she's still not on board! :-( good luck and let me know if you figure out how to change her mind!!

Thanks, I will try my best!! xx

 

[penelope1008]

My family were concerned for me but I explained the continued health risks especially with my dads quadruple bypass & all of his siblings & parents dieting from heart or diabetes problems plus my Grandad's strokes & heart problems that finally took him as well.
I also did my research printed it off & gave it to them I even included the pros & cons to prove I wasn't just going for it no matter what that I was considering every possibility. Once I'd done that & given them time to absorb it all & think it through for themselves they were on board to. Not happy about it because they love me & were still worried of the worst case possibilities but accepting that I'd tried everything else & despite the risks the risks of doing nothing were as great if not greater.
Time & patience will with luck prove they love you & want what's best for you & your little boy.

 

[chrisa]

I too had that problem all my family felt the same as that my hubby too. Eventually my mam and dad came around to the idea but it was difficult for hubby, he was concerned case i died but heh can get run over crossing the road so I went ahead he wasn't happy and at first said he would help but that he wasnt happy about it, and not to expect to much. As time went on as it took me almost 2 years, I won them all round, my hubby I made goto the hospital with me when I knew the consultant was guna be there, and I told him hubby had questions, he put him straight. My worst problem was that the one thing he doidnt want me to have was a bypass and that was exactly what thye suggested I have. Oh he was unhappy that day when I came home n told him thats why I made him go the next time. However after speaking to the consultant he was still aprehensive but has been the greatest suppoprt as have the rest of the family. S o don't worry too much, they do come round. All will be well honestly. He now can't believe how well I look and how much weight I have lost, I am the same weight now as I was when we met, I was a size 18 then and am now. Go for it don't wait I was 45 when I had mine wish I had been younger stead of suffering all this time. xx

 

[roxyroo]

Thanks for all of your replies, they help me to see its not just my family lol.

This is why I would like to have it done now and not 10yrs down the line. Also risks would be less as I'm younger and I could've gained more weight by then. The majority of people say they wished they had done it sooner even though there have been complication etc.

Did most people do a will before going into surgery? I know this is the worst outcome, but surely it wouldn't hurt?

xx

 

[femfrankie]

Thanks for all of your replies, they help me to see its not just my family lol.

This is why I would like to have it done now and not 10yrs down the line. Also risks would be less as I'm younger and I could've gained more weight by then. The majority of people say they wished they had done it sooner even though there have been complication etc.

Did most people do a will before going into surgery? I know this is the worst outcome, but surely it wouldn't hurt?

xx

Hi roxy

I have been very lucky with family views on my impending WLS journey. Lots of questions were fired at me as regards the risks when I first broke it to them and yes one of the main concerns for them was me dying on the table god forbid. The only reassurance I could give them was that things have come on leaps and bounds over the past ten years in the surgical world making going under he knife a good bit safer than they were a decade ago. With successful surgery life expectancy will increase many fold compared to what it is now ... I was told a few years back that my life expectancy was age 46:wave_cry: thank goodness I proved them wrong on that point and boy was I glad to see 47! ..I'm now 51btw .
We all know the risks that surgery brings infection, clots, the dreaded reaper but so does having a BMI of 66 as it was/is in my case!
Only family member to voice disapproval was my middle son who can't see my weight as being an issue :sigh: and he thinks I am nuts for doing this... There's always one

I wish you all the best for your WLS Journey x

 

[chrisa]

No no will but told them all I loved them didnt need a will cos everything would have jus gone to hubby. Just made sure with friends that if anything happened to look after my family unit, couldnt broach that with the family, my daughter couldnt even look at me the morning I left for hospital she was sobbing, stayed upstairs till bout 10 min before I went gave her a cuddle and got my friend next door to come in when we went to give her a hug and bit chat. x Its difficu;lt for everyone concerned but I must admit my close friends and family were all very concerned bout me. After coming back from theatre I rang home, n parents and close friends txt everyone else then I went off to sleep fresh as a daisy by 3.30pm waiting for visitors, looked like i had had nowt done. xx I did need help when I got home so pleased had got them onside, hubby and daughter were a godsend, they made all my meals for the 1st week til I got my head round things xx

 

[Angela1310]

It was me who was shocked when WLS was suggested to me by my GP. My husband took it all in his stride. I was the one concerned about mortality. I cannot say my weight ever held me back in my eyes but then that could be my own denial. I adjusted what I did to what I was able to do.
I have five brothers and not one of them has said dont do it. My mother was fine and asked lots of questions, she is 82. Work colleagues have been amazing and cheering me on.
My op is on Monday, I am nervous but know it is the right thing for me. I am 54 and looking at being unable to walk if I dont do something about my weight.
Families worry but basically they want what is best for you. x

 

[lyzzyanne]

I knew I would have problems with my mum, so I didn't tell her until the night before the operation. I did however have the full backing and understanding from my Dad, who kept it from her. My own family were brilliant and talked through it all with me and once they had seen the evidence were as happy as they could be with my decision.

I did feel bad about not telling my mum, but she is elderly and simply can't keep her mouth shut, I would have been bombarded by her and anyone she could have told, so by leaving it until the day before was the right thing for me. Dad and I decided that we wouldn't admit that he knew either!!!

My teenage daughter put a beautiful note in my case saying I was the best Mum in the world, she was very proud of me and that she knew this was the right decision. She also said that she knew it would work and that they all loved me and it was right to be frightened. Its a lovely note and I keep it by my bed.

Good Luck xx

 

[daisylou]

My mum came round to my surgery quite quickly. It took my sister a lot longer, she felt I should be able to lose the weight on my own. After my mum spoke to her about how unhappy I was she came around and now just over 3 weeks post op all my family and friends that know have been very supportive. Good luck

 

[rickysmrs]

So sorry you havent got her backing, hopefully she will come round. Have you a close friend you can speak too or maybe you can meet up with someone in your area going through wls and have a bubby you can chat too. Hope things improve but dont let it put you off.

I personaly have choosen the no will, no letters I have however with my children being teenagers sat them down and spoke with them directly. My son is autistic so notmuch response as expected my daughter is worried about the surgery but as I have explained most complications with surgery is due to the anistetic and as I have had several surgeries I see no reason why anything should go wrong. So hopefully her mind is at rest. My demon is my mother in law she keeps sending news paper clippings to me through hubby all about wls problems I just choose to put them in the bin. As I have said before atleast I know she cares

 

[roxyroo]

Mother in laws, they drive you crazy! xx

 

[femfrankie]

..... My demon is my mother in law she keeps sending news paper clippings to me through hubby all about wls problems I just choose to put them in the bin. As I have said before atleast I know she cares

Lol I know what you mean. My mum in law asked me at the start what op I was getting. I told her balloon then bypass... Her face looked at me disapproving and shouted oh no you cant get that one u will be better with the band or something else. Did you not see that woman in the sun newspaper the other day? She is 84 bless and her heart is in the right place ... Every Saturday she still buys us a bar of choc for the weekend although she tells me it is for her son as she doesn't want him losing out:8855: He gets exasperated at her but in all honesty it doesn't bother me as I'm not that into chocolate anyway but it does make me laugh.

 

[Angela1310]

My mother in law calls me Hattie Jakes lol wonder what she will call me when I shed my weight

 

[roxyroo]

I just had to google her ......... and I wish I hadn't, she looks better than me lol xx

 

[angiemason]

you should copy and print some of our success stories and send them to her xxx