Should I feel bad?

[Karlos]

My first reaction to this thread was what a plonker they must be to say this without considering your feelings and the impact it might have. Though as you say I'm sure they didn't mean to offend you, hay you're a lovely person why would they? I guess they should have put their brain in gear before they selected their gob

After reading it a few times as people have replied my thoughts have become clearer and trying to look at it from your friends perspective based around your comment that it was as a result of you saying you don't have a great deal of disposable income at the moment, here's my two bobs worth

Children are expensive. That's important so I'll say it again, kids cost a shedload of cash to bring up. Bringing up a child in the UK has increased by nearly 40 per cent since 2003, with parents spending a massive £193,772 raising just one child from birth to university.

That's an average of £10,000 a year for the first 20 years. Now ok you could reduce that as its an average but trust me in real terms you're looking at between six and ten grand a year to bring up one child

Now you are saying you can get by just fine at the minute with Tom working full time and you working your part time job. That's great, and your plans to be a stay at home mum are commendable Steph I wish we had been in a position for Val to not have to work full time when we had Kaylian.

Now again I'm sure your friend would never want to hurt you, but when you consider the cost of bringing up a child, unless you want the state to do it for you with handouts and I don't see you ever doing that Steph, they were probably suggesting that if you have only a small amount of spare cash at the moment, where is the extra few thousand you'll need each year going to come from?

Your job is a really valuable one and I'll bet the kids just love you to bits, but your friend was just being pragmatic I reckon.

 

[StephieAck]

Thanks for that reply Karl, very well thought out one it is
I definately know the things involved in raising children, I have been so closely involved in my nephew and nieces upbringing and I have seen both the good and bad aspects of it. My sister has been in exactly the same situation as me, her husband works full time and she works the same as me, in fact she does the exact same job in the same place lol so I have seen them raise two children (11 and 13 now) up to now on the same income as Tom and I currently are on. They dont have loads for themselves, though they dont ever make the kids go without, they are a very happy family and a very stable one, alot of which is to do with them having their mum home so much I reckon. They dont have big fancy foreign holidays, but they do get away in the UK, which suits them just fine. They are a happy family, with two very happy and well adjusted children. They are what have made me realise that, whilst we wont ever have lots of extra to do whatever we want with, it IS doable. If I had seen them struggle to give the kids what they needed then I would never ever consider keeping on the road we are on now.
On the kind of flip side, I see one of my friends, she works full time and so does her husband, so technically they should be on more comfortable ground, but theyre not, they are always struggling and are literally just working to pay the child care costs and it is a much more unhappy situation all around.
Then another friend is in my situation, one parent home and one working, but part time (5 hour day) and they are soooo happy, like my sister they dont have loads of extra money, but their children never go without and they are extremely happy as a family.
So you can kind of see why Im confident that we will be fine as we are, I have been shown such fine examples of how our situation can work well.
Children *are* expensive, but it *can* be done our way, I have seen it work and so our plans remain unchanged. Im not daft enough to think that we will ever have many luxuries once a child arrives, but I dont care, as long as my child is clothed, fed, safe, warm and loved that is fine by me.
I love my friend dearly for loving me enough to worry about my future xxx
Steph xx

 

[salski]

Steph I wouldnt feel bad - if you can afford to keep doing what your doing - then its all good! I am planning on working up until 2 weeks before LO is due and taking 12 months off after. We have literally just bought everything we think we need for the birth and few weeks after, and in meantime saving for when she is here for bits we have forgotten or not known whats needed. So long as you think you can afford to keep doing what your doing, with baby - or without - than do it!
Only you know. Keep smiling

 

[StephieAck]

Sally, I have a huge deal of trouble thinking I am ever going to get pregnant anyway but we'll see lol
Steph xx

 

[salski]

lol - i was the same, and up until baby started kicking and even seeing on the screen - I still thought they had made a mistake! PMA babe! x