So has anyone sat back and thought of this....

[cherry]

Hey guys when i first started my journey in cyprus i had to see a surgeon there, he was asking me questions then came out with....' what are you gonna do with all this new found confidence' and basically what he was getting at was marriages split up because the other partner cant cope with new image of the other partner, i know for one thing, my husand will love me fat/thin etc but he said it was a real worry, i would never leave my husband were blissfully happy, but obviously it made me think! has anyone else sat down and thought this?..... and worried if there partners couldnt cope with the transformation and new found confidence?? because noone will truely know till it happens, yes we have a very strong knowing of our partners but we couldnt say for defiante hey and even our partners couldnt as they wouldnt know until there in that situation, also another thing the surgeon said to me which i found very bizarre was..' what will you do if people resent you' I MEAN what sort of question is that!!!! :sigh: he threw me abit and he knew this so he said well look at fern britton.. hahaha i was like oooo doc im lil old me! and firstly i dont front the face of ryvita!! hahahha ( tho i should as i eat so many of them) so i dont think ive worries there.... and basically if friends resent me then there not worth knowing, im just wondering if anyone has sat down and thought of these things xxxxxxxxx

 

[phatmomma]

It's well documented through my journey how i've worried about my husband still loving me when i'm smaller! He loves every inch of my fat arms n tum . As for people resenting it, as you say if they really are your friends and resent you then they are false friends......

 

[cherry]

very true julie, my hubbi has only ever known me fat, but my friends and family have seen me thin, so i suppose it will be weird for either sides to finally see me with my weight off!! xx

 

[zns]

Yeah it does worry me but Im not sure why. We have talked about it a lot as it was also mentioned to us about it happening to some couples. Im not with my H because he was the only one that would have me and hes not a git that I put up with because im fat so hopefully it will be ok!

 

[shelbell]

My brother seems to resent things, but thats his problem

As for my marriage, my husband met me and fell in love with me fat, so I was concerned, but we just talked it all through and have continued to do so. He had to adjust to a different me, which took time and effort, but now he appreciated my slightly better self esteem, the fact that I'm more social, and that I'm not so needy. He's not so keen on me needing so many new clothes, men flirting with me, or indeed me relishing in being flirted with! It always used to be him coming home telling me he'd been chatted up, now its the other way round!

 

[slimmerkay]

Yep I've thought of it. And I KNOW hubby has. I wouldn't leave Paul just because I can get more fellas interested in me as a slimmer woman but he does worry.

 

[k8y bear]

It's something i think my hubby worries about, he met me when i was a lot slimmer and more out going, but loves me for who i am not what i look like (good job really hahaha) He has seen me put on over 8 stone in a few years and still loves me more each day.
He does ask if i think i'll change, and my reply is yea, i'll change, because i'll come out of this awfull shell i hide behind, get out a bit more and have more confidence.
But most of all i can show him just how special he is to me, at the moment i don't hold hands when i go out with him (i'm 14 years older than him and i feel i look like his Mum) we dont have a physical relationship because i HATE the way i look. I don't go out at night because i'm ashamed of how i look next to him.
He's a bloody good looking bloke and i wonder what he sees in me aestheticaly some times, I see other ladies looking at him but he only has eyes for me, these are just some of the many reasons i adore him and want to look "more acceptable" for him. Gosh i sound so shallow, but i hope you know what i mean? xx

 

[Bev]

It's a good point to raise...

My 'hubby is chubby' so he's comfortable with me the way I am, but I'm not, so it's go to go... he's glad on account of my other serious health issues, but I think he realises that we have gone through hell and high water over the last 30 years, we courted for five years before that, plus we have our work assets and family... I don't think it's going to rock our boat... I just hope we can sail off together in the sunset and catch up on a bit of missed time when I haven't been able to do things...

...However... if I was in my 20's or 30's it may have been different before all the cement of family life settled around us.... but it's good to work at something good and go forwards with mutual care and knowledge...

...I don't think the grass is always greener!'

xxx

 

[cherry]

oooo shelbel thats the only thing i worry about! when i go out my hubbi hates it when or if i get attention so imagine when your slimmer..... eeeek, the doctor said to him, at our counselling oooo how ill you manage if your wife gets lots of attention :-/ im lil worried about it........ haaaaaaa i have confidence anyways so when im thin oooooo ill be swinging my knick nacks round my head!!!!!!! JOOOOOOKE HAHAHHAHAHAHA must remember not to say that to the hubba x hahhahahahhahha

 

[shelbell]

Tez has dealt with it ok though, he's adjusted well and it isn't a problem. He's joked a few times about me having an affair with the next door neighbour, which I know is only half-joking, but he knows its ridiculous and at the end of the day he trusts me completely so he knows its just a bit of insecurity on his part.

The best way to deal with all of it is to talk it through, communication is absolutely vital to keeping any relationship strong, but especially during times of change.

 

[thinnerangela]

I was worried - my hubby only knew me larger then larger.

And its well known he likes curvy busty women

I did make the mistake of oushing him to sya if he preferred me curvier - and he said probably BUT he actually preferred me alive. (Bless)

We have had a very rocky marriage at times - he is a recovering transplanted alcoholic - but we've always been there for each other.

Angela

 

[emma&alex]

i plan on leaving my other half when im thin

really though, hes never known me anything but fat, infact, no one has.
its going to be weird, i don't think my boyfriend is the issue though, its going to be my dad & his mum & someone who I thought was my friend until having the band done.
my dad is supportive, but he is very over weight himself, he has a hell of a lot of health issues..copd, then because hes been on steroids for years due to his breathing, hes got osteoporosis, diabetes. hes been told his organs are slowing shutting down etc. he has also been told if he doesn't lose weight, he will be dead very soon. yet his diet is seriously awful, my mum has been trying to get him to eat healthier meals like her, but shes fighting a losing battle tbh. he gets really quite arsey with me when i go and visit, when i talk about the band & my diet etc. he is supportive, like thinks im doing something good & hes glad im doing something about my weight, but at the same time he gets in as many digs in as possible. mainly things about what i think about what hes eating...but i dont open my mouth. i think hes just got a feeling of guilt, and hes kinda pushing it my way as what ive done has made him think a bit harder about his issues.
my other halfs mum is just a nightmare! shes very rude & out spoken & hasn't got a good word to say about anything nevermind something like this. she just thinks its completely ridiculous...but she also told me 'you needed to do something, since ive known you, youve been on lots of diets that have turned out to be pointless'. she comments on every single thing i put in my mouth...so i can see shes going to be a bit of a nightmare in the long term.
and my ex friend, well, im not even going to go there at the moment, im too angry!

 

[tiarasandtantrums]

I have been with my husband for 22 years (married for almost 2 years) and I've known him for 32 years (we were best friends for 10 years before we - 'got it on' tee hee). During that time he has seen me go up and down so many times - I have been anything between 7 1/2 stones and 25 stones. It hasn't made one bit of difference to our relationship.

Yes, I have gained confidence as I've lost weight in the past. Yes, I have had more male attention when I've looked better. DH has taken it all in his stride and is always supportive. S'why I married him!

As for resentment, yes, I have lost friends in the past after losing weight. I've had people tell me that I'm not as much fun when I'm thinner. That's there issue, not mine.

xx

 

[gaelic girl]

Before i had my surgery hubby kept saying that i would leave him when i was thin! I've always been a flirty person and i love flirting but thats all i do. Yes i too get more attention from both strangers and old friends and i love it but ultimately i'm happier and more secure about me than ever before which makes me happy with what i have. Hubby has always been there for me and he himself is 28 stone and what i find myself doing now is trying to get him to think about wls as i worry more now. As for resentment i haven't come across any yet as most people have been supportive with only the occasional "oh you took the easy way out"???!!! xx

 

[yorkshirelass74]

Well to be totally honest with everyone, my marriage is on the rocks, i asked my hubby to move out at the beginning of June as i was fed up of arguing. He is a very insecure person, convinced i am going to cheat, thinks i follow men round supermarkets and shops (as if i am that sad) if i fancy them etc.
He has always been like this, and to be honest this is his only fault really, but it is driving me mad. He moved back in for a week to look after the kids when i had my op, but will still sneak a look through my phone when he comes round when he thinks i am not looking. I am much happier without the stress of him accusing me all the time, and you are right Kelly, i think things would only get worse as i start to lose weight, so i cant blame my weight loss surgery on my marriage ending. I am going to enjoy the new me, hopefully the kids will be much happier if i am happier, he is still a fantastic dad.
But statistically a lot of marriages fail when one person gains confidence, it can completely change the dynamics.
What a fab thread
xxx

 

[lotsabeefy]

Mona, my hubby is also very insecure and it drives me mad!!!
One of the main problems for me at least is that i have changed in lots of ways such as confidence, energy levels etc but my hubby has stayed the same.
I have tried to end it several times but we have 3 children and it would destroy them.
So for now i'll just plod on xx

 

[NEDebz]

I've only know my hubby 2 years, we've been married 11 months. I was fat when I met him but in that two years I've put on about 3 stone, going from 19st to 22st.

He always said that he supported my decision to have surgery, that he was worried about the operation itself but if it was going to make me happier & healthier then he would support me. 2 weeks ago he told me that he doesn't find me attractive any more & that our marriage is over!! We're in the process of splitting up. Now I know I've put on a few stone but I think at the weight I was the odd few stone doesn't drastically change your appearance.

Whether this is to do with the surgery or not I have no idea but he has hinted it's because I'm fatter. I guess some people like you as you are when they meet you but don't like change!

On a different angle, a friend of mine had a band earlier this year. She had met her husband years ago when a bit 'chubby' she then went on to put a serious amount of weight on. Her hubby also put a lot of weight on and loved her regardless of her size etc. Once she started the process of requesting a band he decided he was going to loose weight. He lost 35kg, all on his own accord. He actually said to her that there was no way he was going to be fat if she was going to loose weight & start getting lots of attention!!

 

[cherry]

ooo ndebz!!! im so sorry to hear what your going through!, i wonder if he is worried like you said over the surgery?...because your the rough weight i was/am.... when i went to the hsopital i was 21 stone!!!!! im now 19 13 and im chipping away till my appointment, what im rambling about is nobody could really notice that weight gain apart from me as i noticed my clothes were tight, is he prepared to sit down with you and talk about things?... sometimes things can be done in the heat of the moment that actually isnt the right thing to do.... it doesnt make sense as he met you big, or maybe he s using it as an excuse because he is unhappy, either way its unfair and quiet frankly mean! as he wouldnt have got with you if he didnt like your size.... oo i hope your ok sweetpea xxx

 

[bobo]

My husband keeps saying i would leave him when im slim , i think he is genrally joking but i think its only natural to have a little doubt as i am going to change as a person.Gaining more confidence etc
We have been together since i was 15 and a size 8 and he has seen me put on weight over the past 14 years and has stuck by me , he loves me for me and vice versa , i couldnt even imagine my life with someone else fat or thin ! x

 

[bobo]

Debbie iv just read your post , sorry to hear that. Have you thought he might like bigger women and the fact your not going to be one for much longer has un-nerved him ? Some blokes like bigger women and maybe thats why he was so attracted to you in the beginning x