The first week & young children

[ditzeeblonde]

Hi Guys

I'm really hoping that someone can put my mind at ease with this please.

I'm in emotional turmoil at the moment about my first week after surgery, my hubby has no leave left, my folks, sister & best mate will all be on holiday so I will be at home by myself once I get out of hospital.

I have a 3 yr old girl (she's only just 3) & a 7 yr old boy. My daughter does go to preschool but has struggled with going & leaving me & although she was fine at the end of last term I know after 6 weeks off we could be going back to square one... I'm worried coz I won't be able to be there to drop her off or pick her up (have asked hubby if he could at least be around for this during the first week) but its when she's at home, picking her up, her climbing on me, being able to do the usual stuff with her & getting dinners done etc. that I am most worried about. I won't be able to reason & explain to her like I can with my son & am so worried that I will really upset her little world by doing all this!

My son came to me in tears this morning saying he would really miss me while I'm in hospital!

I woke up crying at 0430 this morning feeling like such a selfish cow for putting my kids & hubby thru this, if it wasn't for me making myself fat none of this would have to happen!!

I'm not worried about my op just about the affect on my beautiful kids!!

Is this normal?

And how did you, as parents, cope after yr op?

Many thanks Linzi. xx

 

[Glenville]

This probably isn't the response you wanted, but if it is really upsetting you, could you not ask for a 1 or 2 week delay in your op? That would mean that you would have a bit more support from your parents and sister. Just a thought. Good luck. xx

 

[ditzeeblonde]

Thats what my mother keeps telling me!! TBH she would probably do my head in if she was here tho... I love her to bits but we clash at times & I think it would stress me out!

I've got my heart set on the 9th now tho & am worried that I would have to wait for much longer if I postponed.

I guess I'm just hoping that we'll be able to get thru it somehow... the kids are pretty chilled & I've asked OH if we can set up a tv & dvd in out bedroom as I'm sure little one will happily lie in bed with me while I snooze & watch a dvd.

I guess I just never expected this level of emotion about my kids.

Thanks John.... I really do appreciate every bit of advice you give me. xx

 

[gaelic girl]

HI Linzi
Oh the joys of being a mum! The emotions you are going through are perfectly normal, my kids (25 and 14 ) being older went silent on me and wouldn't say what they were feeling. But leaving them back in Glasgow while i went to Manchester was so difficult. Is your surgery open or keyhole hun? If its keyhole there is hopefully less pain involved and you will be able to move around fairly well but you will still have to take it easy. If you feel you don't want to postpone could you arrange for maybe one of the other mums from pre school to transport your wee one back and forward for the 1st couple of weeks? I'm sure they will just be happy to have mum home and will only be too happy to "help" you and kids can adapt quicker than we can so i'm sure too that they will realise you can't do as much as you could before for a bit. Get those videos out hun and good luck x

 

[Chuffy_29]

Totally understand where you're coming from with the three year old. As you know i'm not even there yet but am worrying about my three year old and one year old ( the ten year old will know the score)and the pick ups and dinners etc? Hopefully someone will have some experience to share.

 

[ditzeeblonde]

HI Linzi
Oh the joys of being a mum! The emotions you are going through are perfectly normal, my kids (25 and 14 ) being older went silent on me and wouldn't say what they were feeling. But leaving them back in Glasgow while i went to Manchester was so difficult. Is your surgery open or keyhole hun? If its keyhole there is hopefully less pain involved and you will be able to move around fairly well but you will still have to take it easy. If you feel you don't want to postpone could you arrange for maybe one of the other mums from pre school to transport your wee one back and forward for the 1st couple of weeks? I'm sure they will just be happy to have mum home and will only be too happy to "help" you and kids can adapt quicker than we can so i'm sure too that they will realise you can't do as much as you could before for a bit. Get those videos out hun and good luck x

Thank you GG.

I'm having keyhole surgery, so fingers crossed it'll all go as smoothly as possible!

Am hoping Hubby will do the school run for the first week with little one anyway, my son is used to being part of our school car share so no bother with him.

My little ones keyworker at her preschool has also said she'll happily collect her & take her which is fab but I just worry that she'll still be trying to settle back in....

I guess the real problem is the fact I'm second guessing everything & she may relish going back to school & will love vegging with her mum when she gets back!!

Thank you for your advice... its really appreciated & well done on yr fabulous weight loss! x

 

[ditzeeblonde]

Totally understand where you're coming from with the three year old. As you know i'm not even there yet but am worrying about my three year old and one year old ( the ten year old will know the score)and the pick ups and dinners etc? Hopefully someone will have some experience to share.

Its tough isn't it... we want to get better & fitter for them but its what we put them thru in the process. xx

 

[notahappybunny]

Hi Linzi, im sure some of what your feeling is just pre op nerves as is understandable!! you could make some things that are easy to reheat in microwave now so you are prepared. Putting TV etc sounds good maybe get new colouring books etc or buy one of them pillows they use for pregnancy to protect your tummy from the odd bump etc? Im sure everything will be fine luvy

 

[ditzeeblonde]

Hi Linzi, im sure some of what your feeling is just pre op nerves as is understandable!! you could make some things that are easy to reheat in microwave now so you are prepared. Putting TV etc sounds good maybe get new colouring books etc or buy one of them pillows they use for pregnancy to protect your tummy from the odd bump etc? Im sure everything will be fine luvy

Thanks for the ideas... have got some meals sorted & have bought them both something I can give them when I come out, a new ds game for my son & a very wanted barbie mermaid for my daughter, may get her a new dvd too.

Love the idea of the pregnancy pillow that sounds like a fab idea... Thanks you. xxxxxxxx

 

[Fat Again]

I had my op mainly for my little one, he was nearly a year old when I had my op and I was lucky to have my hubbie home the first week I came out of hospital. I was only in hospital for 3 nights but I missed him terribly.

I too had keyhole surgery and was fine lifting him after about 6 days post op.

On the day of my surgery as I left the house I broke down and was petrified I'd not return and never see my baby again, but I kept telling myself I was doing this for him, I was not going to be the really fat mum all his mates take the pee out of or be the mum that struggles to keep up with her son running and playing with him.

I don't regret my op, I admit it ain't easy with kids, but you get through it, and remember kids are so resiliant and they will make do whilst your out of action, its only for a short time. x

 

[Glenville]

As I've mentioned elsewhere I was driving after 10 days and lugging PCs and printers around a couple of weeks post-op. I wouldn't have wanted to lift a 3 year-old in the 1st week, but I was on my own after a couple of days at home and managed OK.

I may have been really lucky with my recovery and I appreciate you are probably concerned about the worst case scenario, but I suspect you will cope admirably well and wonder what all the worry was when you get there. xx

 

[ditzeeblonde]

I had my op mainly for my little one, he was nearly a year old when I had my op and I was lucky to have my hubbie home the first week I came out of hospital. I was only in hospital for 3 nights but I missed him terribly.

I too had keyhole surgery and was fine lifting him after about 6 days post op.

On the day of my surgery as I left the house I broke down and was petrified I'd not return and never see my baby again, but I kept telling myself I was doing this for him, I was not going to be the really fat mum all his mates take the pee out of or be the mum that struggles to keep up with her son running and playing with him.

I don't regret my op, I admit it ain't easy with kids, but you get through it, and remember kids are so resiliant and they will make do whilst your out of action, its only for a short time. x

Can't rep you but a big thank you!

All of these messages are reassuring me that they are actually alot toougher than we give them credit for & they will have much more to gain from this with me being able to do more on the otherside!

Thank you so much. x

 

[ditzeeblonde]

.

I may have been really lucky with my recovery and I appreciate you are probably concerned about the worst case scenario, but I suspect you will cope admirably well and wonder what all the worry was when you get there. xx

I strongly suspect you will be right John! xx

 

[gaelic girl]

Just think of all these lovely kids dvds and tv programmes you are going to watch or even better the lovely daytime tv!!! x

 

[dottychic]

OOOOhhh daytime telly and kids dvd's such joy!! Im sure you will be fine hun, just be aware not to overdo any lifting etc. Kids can be great little gofers x

 

[Mrs E]

Hi Sis

Think about how my little man did when I was in hospital for 2wks after C-sec - he was AMAZING!

I'll be here for you the week immediately afterwards. We'll get by, I promise.

How long will you be in for? Can I come visit you?

xx

 

[ditzeeblonde]

Hi Sis

Think about how my little man did when I was in hospital for 2wks after C-sec - he was AMAZING!

I'll be here for you the week immediately afterwards. We'll get by, I promise.

How long will you be in for? Can I come visit you?

xx

Yes he did amazingly but he did have Daddy at home!

I know we'll get by, thats what I've been trying to convince you guys of but there is also that nagging doubt especially when 'some people' think that you won't be able to do anything!! Plus you do have 2 little ones younger than my littlest one!! xx

Only 3-4 days... so be home before you know it. Not sure I'll needing visiting. xx

 

[yorkiegal]

I'd be very tempted if I was you to ask you hubbie to pull a sickie at work so he can have a few days at home with you. Just in case you have any problems with your recovery. I don't have kids so don't have the same problem, but will be putting my dog into kennels for a week so he's not jumping up at me when I'm sore. Shame there isn't such a thing as kid kennels. All they need is a room with a playstation and a few bags of crisps surely?

 

[ditzeeblonde]

I'd be very tempted if I was you to ask you hubbie to pull a sickie at work so he can have a few days at home with you. Just in case you have any problems with your recovery. I don't have kids so don't have the same problem, but will be putting my dog into kennels for a week so he's not jumping up at me when I'm sore. Shame there isn't such a thing as kid kennels. All they need is a room with a playstation and a few bags of crisps surely?

Thanks Yorkiegal!

You could be on to something there!!

I feel much calmer about things & have had some fab ideas from here & on mini's. If push comes to shove I can always up her days at school if needs be.

Hubby has already mentioned it to work so think they maybe a bit suss, they are ok with kids going into the office tho, which he did with our son when our daughter came along & he's only 10 mins away so I can always call in an emergency.

We had a trial afternoon this afternoon, put on a dvd which she happily nestled down to watch while I read my new wls book (which put the psark back into my step!), she then spent ages colouring & then had a tea party, carpet is a little damp due to water spillage but she's had fun!!

She'll be pretty tired too as she's moving from 2 to 5 sessions at preschool too so I'm sure with a little bit of help all of us will do just fine!!

Remind me of this when I'm having another paddy about it tomorrow please!!