This will be a long post! (sorry)
To anyone who doesn't know me, Hello, my name is Rebecca.
I am 25 years old, and live with my better half in the highlands (though I am from Leeds)
When I went for my op I weighed at least 19 stone 7, and I was miserable.
My lovely other half met me when I was roughly 14 stone; I had lost a lot of weight just prior to meeting him. And despite becoming huge, he always loved and wanted me. We got engaged very quickly after meeting, and have been engaged for coming up to 2 years.
We have set a wedding date. The 23rd of May, in Las Vegas.
There is no way I would have ever considered doing that a year ago. I had no confidence. I felt awful. I would wear a black hoody and jeans, in roughly a size 20-22 (I did get up to a 24 in jeans before my op), and that’s pretty much it.
Now I have bought my wedding dress, which is strapless and tea length (50s style), and I have got it in two sizes, as I am currently a 12, but still have a stone and a half to loose (although I'm just nearly a healthy bmi now, I want to be 10 stone) and in the past two weeks alone I have lost half a stone. So I have also got it in a size 10, something I never thought I would be able to do! (I may not get there, but better safe than sorry)
Now I'm not claiming its all sweetness and light.
It is hard work, last night I found myself throwing up due to some pork getting stuck, and in the early days I was vomiting almost daily.
And some days, I wish I could just sit down with a big cream cake and chow down (I probably could... but my will power has increased with the more weight I lost) and there are times I'm wondering passed the lovely smelling fresh bread and yummy baked goods (ha I just licked my lips as I typed that lol) isle in the supermarket and damn my bypass to hell. But now, I am at a stage, where I let myself have the odd yummy thing, and in nowhere near the quantity as before, and it fully satisfies me. I'm so grateful to the bypass for that. I’m so grateful I can have half a cookie and know it’s enough, rather than 4 and still want more.
I have struggled with the changes, and currently I am getting medical help for depression (something I suffered from pre op, but now, its more anxiety, I have had a lot to deal with the past 2 years and it all got a bit much), but I can say, without a doubt, if it weren’t for the bypass, I would be a million times worse.
I still struggle with how I look, I worry I'm not pretty, or that I’m still fat etc, but only on bad days.
The bypass isn’t a miracle cure all. And it can't fix your self esteem, but it can help.
To anyone who wants this op, there will be days, where you will wonder if it’s worth it, and there will be days you will be sad, or struggle, or hate the bypass... and it will be hard, you still need self control, you need to be stronger than ever. It won’t fix all your problems.
But for me, being able to marry my wonderful boyfriend, who has always stood by me, is a good enough reason alone, to have had the bypass.
And the fact my good days huuuuugely out weigh the bad... well, I never thought my life would be like that.
Sorry if I went on, and thank you for reading this post, I hope it helped someone even a little bit.
.x.
