Verbal Abuse continues !

[salski]

What a nob - girl, screw him - what you think matters - no one else! At the end of the day do what you feel you need to - either make a complaint, or pull him up and warn him off - prat!

 

[Fat Again]

Im not in a union, the company I work for is a small family run business and Im like part of the furniture there.

The arse who made these comments has upset others in the past and nothing is ever said, even the management are scared of him.

I know by taking it further with them will be a complete waste of time. They worship the ground he walks on !

Thanks for all your helpful and nice comments, its really helped and let me know there are decent people out there


Big Kiss xx

 

[seawaves]

Reading this thread has made me so angry, maybe you should go to the citizens advice?
It brings back memories of a horrible rare night out i had boxing day 09 i went to a club with my friends & some younger blokes starting throwing insults at me about my weight, i tried to ignore it but was so upset, well in the end i punched the ring leader straight in the face, i got thrown out & had a warning from the police! They said they couldn't do anything about name calling!! But people need to understand that after years of it enough is enough!!

 

[Barbie-Pink]

In my experience most people work in situations like yourself. They work in small companies that don’t have HR departments or policies on anything they do the best they can to get by!

Now this is what I have learnt from my experience if it’s not appropriate for you then sorry. Some people have to make others feel bad to make themselves feel good. It’s nothing to do with you and has nothing to do with your weight. They will always pick on someone who they think is an easy target. If you think loosing weight will make you less of a target you are wrong! All sorts of people get abused not just fat people. What they say has nothing to do with you it is all about them. They have very low self esteem themselves and they need to feel good by making others feel bad.

Anyway there comes a time when you have to grow a backbone! If you live your life as a doormat then people will wipe their feet on you! It’s sad but it’s true. You will find the more self esteem you have the less anyone’s words will have any effect. You can alter your own self esteem. It is not based on what you look like it’s changed by what you do. If Victoria Beckham had taught us anything it is that not matter how much you want the world to love you, for every 10 people that do there are 1000 that don’t!!! Being thin won’t change the person you are! I am sure you have wonderful qualities, people love you for a reason, think about those reasons!! Write down all your qualities and good points don’t even think about your bad points. You are not defined by the size of your arse!!! Who gives a damn!!! Lol I have never yet been to a funeral when anyone has said the best thing about the deceased was that they got into a size 12 jeans!!!

Anyway I am going on sorry! But I think you need to be more assertive! You feel bad because you “laughed it off” however you didn’t the episode is still with you. This is what I would have said in the same situation. It’s not perfect but it would have made me feel like I addressed the issue! I would not be aggressive it’s not my style but I would have said something like this…..” I think that is a rude and unnecessary comment. I am sad you felt it necessary to say it to me. I may not have a perfect figure but I am a good person, a good Mom to my kids and my husband and family love me for who I am. It’s sad that you feel it necessary to try and make me feel bad to make you feel good. Why are you so unhappy? If you ever need to talk about the problems in your life I am sure one of your friends will help.”…. I would then walk away with my head held high with a smile on my face!!! Lol Be sure that someone who needs to do this has their own issues!!

You will find that even if you just say F*** off to these people you will feel better because you have done something. You don’t need a clever response how many can think of something in time!! and you should never put yourself in danger remember that!!! But not taking the crap will make you feel better than just sucking it up, as the Americans say.

Always remember that you are a wonderful human being who has many qualities it doesn’t matter what you look like you are loved for who you are !!

Next time be prepared and do something you will feel better for it!!! Good luck to you.

 

[fatbutnot4long]

theres loads of ppl like that around.. just before my op.. someone asked where i was and a friend of theres (who id never met) said who cares shes fat! the cheek! i cried for days!! xx

 

[Fat Again]

Well I did it, I had a word - I explained how I found his comments offensive and that he had actually upset me, especially the comment about my son turning out fat.

His reaction was as I expected, he hugged me (YUK !) and explained how he tends to be a horrible ******* and enjoys upsetting people. He never said sorry, and as he left the office, shouted out "Bye Porky"

Just as I expected really, but I do feel better about the situation knowing that I had a Word !

 

[J-Mo]

All I can say is that he must have a tiny kn*b & enjoys making people feel crap to make himself feel better. Pathetic no-mark!! Waste of skin & air!!!

 

[Sambucca]

I'm glad you managed to clear the air and let him know how it made you feel. It means he has no excuse for doing it again. Might be worth noting down in your diary the events of the past few days incase it happens again.

I totally get what you are saying about how awkward it might be to take it further at this stage - but you never know if he might overstep the mark again. Although you dont wish to take action now, it would be prudent to have your evidence collated to be used at a later date if necessary.

 

[claudia24]

im so pissed off reading this if anyone had spoke to me like this at my place i would be the one gettin in trouble cause id slap the **** out of them, im sorry he made u feel like this he is a complete prick. just say yes i may have big hips FOR NOW and they will slim down but u will always be a ugly twat with no real friends and a small knob, i can change ur stuck with that face forever lowlife. SORRY FOR MY LANGUAGE xx

ur a beauitul lady and he is a nothin but a bully, and for ur managers id say you do somethin about or im going to the local newspaper, national magazine, any1 who wil listen to me about ur treatment of my complaint about that man, xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Sambucca]

I feel like I need to defend Fatagain here (sorry, dont know your real name).

I totally agree with everyone that what this bloke did was unforgiveable and he should face a disciplinary for what he did. However, many of you have been quick to post saying she should have said this, that or the other when in reality, when faced with the situation, how many of us would have actually had the courage to stand up to this man and say how it had made us feel, let alone go to our bosses and raise a formal grievance.

None of us have to walk in her shoes, or do her job, and yes - she opened herself up to this type of reply by posting the thread - but I do think some of the replies have been a little harsh.

This isnt aimed at anyone in particular, but more at the tone of the whole thread. And to make my position clear, while I dont think this bloke should get away with making her feel like this, us making her feel bad for not taking it to a disciplinary isnt doing anything to help.

 

[Joany]

After years and years of being verbally abused for being fat, it still continues.

I have recently been told I have let myself go and have become a slummy mummy, my little boy is 16 months old.

I do my hair and make up everyday, but I have to admit on the clothes side of it, Im having trouble as I can't get clothes to fit me since losing the weight due to odd measurements.

But worse of all happended this morning, a male colleague whom I have worked with for 18 years kindly told me that from the waist up I look great but from the waist down Im still massive and could do with a vaccum to suck the fat out of my "jelly hips", he said this as he poked them.

I tried to make a joke out of it saying that my hips have good uses, especially for carrying around my little boy. He then said that I shouldn't be carrying him around because he'll end up fat like me !

When will it stop ?

This is abuse at work , get him done, AND he put his hand on you by poking you. Its just not allowed in the workplace we read about it in the papers everyday, Go get him girl and good luck

 

[Neen]

I'm so sorry to hear that love, I think someone mentioned Citizens Advice and it might be worth just talking to someone there and explain your circumstances. I'm afraid his reaction was just not good enough. He always is a nasty A**hole to everyone? Then topping it off with another insult to make sure you know your place in the pecking order??
I'm seething!!!! I had to put up with a complete B**t**d like that in one of my old jobs..too free with the hands and pally with the management. I wish I would have looked into a proper complaint at the time.
Just give CAB a call , there might be something they can advise. Sounds like it might not only save you from further upset, but also others in the future.
Personally, I would just tell him to *F*** Off , the Ignorant s*d....and loudly next time.make him feel stupid by not laughing along with his pathetic so called humour. What a nasty piece of work.
I also hope you start looking for a different job on the quiet...I'm sure there is somewhere better out there than that dreadful place. (I say that due to managers attitude)
Hugs xxx

 

[claudia24]

I feel like I need to defend Fatagain here (sorry, dont know your real name).

I totally agree with everyone that what this bloke did was unforgiveable and he should face a disciplinary for what he did. However, many of you have been quick to post saying she should have said this, that or the other when in reality, when faced with the situation, how many of us would have actually had the courage to stand up to this man and say how it had made us feel, let alone go to our bosses and raise a formal grievance.

None of us have to walk in her shoes, or do her job, and yes - she opened herself up to this type of reply by posting the thread - but I do think some of the replies have been a little harsh.

This isnt aimed at anyone in particular, but more at the tone of the whole thread. And to make my position clear, while I dont think this bloke should get away with making her feel like this, us making her feel bad for not taking it to a disciplinary isnt doing anything to help.

i can say i would have done what i put, ive already put in a formal complaint against a union rep at my place as she opened her mouth to a team leader who wasnt in my department sayin ive had a gastric band, it only got back to me becuz the team leader bf works with me, and i said to him i can honestly say ive not had a gastric band, she got in trouble as it was a breach of confidence and the head of the union got in trouble as he knew becuz i needed advice and he had no reason to tell this lady. (this is only what happened in my situation im not sayin u should do this) my place has a hr dept and all that. xxxxx

 

[likealobster]

Well I did it, I had a word - I explained how I found his comments offensive and that he had actually upset me, especially the comment about my son turning out fat.

His reaction was as I expected, he hugged me (YUK !) and explained how he tends to be a horrible ******* and enjoys upsetting people. He never said sorry, and as he left the office, shouted out "Bye Porky"

Just as I expected really, but I do feel better about the situation knowing that I had a Word !

Good on you! Glad you felt able to.
Shame on him but we can only control our own actions and as such you should be proud.
Best wishes for the future

 

[BandyEmm]

OMG that is bloody disgusting, as the others have said please put in a offical complaint, the scum bag dotn even deserve to breathe air...

Keep your chin help high hun, Your a fantastic yummy mummy xx

 

[LisaG]

What an arsehole! I had a GP like that once and was far too embarrassed to do or say anything - I just wanted to hide away. So glad you did say something though...even though he's still a massive arsehole with that reply.

 

[Fat Again]

I feel like I need to defend Fatagain here (sorry, dont know your real name).

I totally agree with everyone that what this bloke did was unforgiveable and he should face a disciplinary for what he did. However, many of you have been quick to post saying she should have said this, that or the other when in reality, when faced with the situation, how many of us would have actually had the courage to stand up to this man and say how it had made us feel, let alone go to our bosses and raise a formal grievance.

None of us have to walk in her shoes, or do her job, and yes - she opened herself up to this type of reply by posting the thread - but I do think some of the replies have been a little harsh.

This isnt aimed at anyone in particular, but more at the tone of the whole thread. And to make my position clear, while I dont think this bloke should get away with making her feel like this, us making her feel bad for not taking it to a disciplinary isnt doing anything to help.

Thanks Sam
Im Amanda by the way x

 

[seawaves]

i had a GP once who told me no wonder your depressed you look like half side of a house!!
What is it with the public & there issues with people that are overweight, i wouldn't walk along the street & shout abuse at someone that looks slimmer than me!!

 

[Rache]

what a nasty, nasty man...... hugs hunny xxx