weight loss and hubbys don't mix!

[prinny]

Can I ask you ladies ( its a personal question) if any of you have hubbys or partners that try to spoil your attempts to loose weight?
My hubby has always hijacked my previous attempts at being a nice weight yeah I know it's down to me but he did put pressure on me, wafting crap under my nose etc lol. I am worried that he might try to do the same thing again.
I don't think he likes me slim as he sees this as a threat that some one else might fancy me!!!! I mean for heavens sake! This is how he sees it though. I have stuck to my guns and am going for it and he is being supportive but I know deep down he is very worried. I am worried that if I find a new confidence it will put a strain on us.
I haven't even had it done yet but am thinking that I am defo gonna loose it this time.
Any advice very welcome
Thanks
Prinny

 

[teen]

My fella has been great but then again he doesnt eat loads either

 

[mommyB]

i guess you have to do this for YOU, but be as reassuring as you can to him. sounds like he's a bit insecure. maybe once he realises you love him and arent going to accept the 1st offer that comes along to the newer slimmer you he might be more supportive.

 

[Brunetteandred]

It's not uncommon. Friends can do the sabotage thing too. It's more about them than you. Some people, particularly partners find it hard to handle someone who has changed so much, both in confidence and physically. Some people don't like change and sabotaging is a subtle way of preventing that change.

 

[little*red]

Hey prinny,
as the others have said it's fairly common as its weird for people to accept change. It may be as you said that he is feeling insecure you will leave him for a better model, in that case you have to reassure him that it wouldn't happen.
Also can I just ask if perhaps your husband is maybe overweight too? If he is (or even if not) sometimes when people decide to make a big change in their life others try to sabotage their attempts as it makes them realise that they have lack of motivation to change what is making them unhappy, and therefore want to see you fail, intentional or not, after all misery does love company.

Although i really think the solution here is that you two need to speak, tell him your doing this with or without his support, and if he's got any sense he will realise what an ar*e he's being and how unhappy it's making you.

 

[prinny]

Thanks for the replies guys. My other half happens to be very fit and an ideal weight (eats whatever he wants when he wants) which makes it even worse! I had a little talk with him (like you lot suggested) about how I am going to have to go on the pre op (torture!) diet soon and how things are going to change. Well he saw his backside good and proper ha ha. What are you going to do about your birthday, what about when we go away camping and we live off bbq's ? the list was endless. I did however settle the argument by saying how was he gonna bring up the kids alone if I have a heart attack, or how am I going to go camping when I need to have both knees replaced. It worked a treatfor now...........

 

[shelbell]

You can barbeque chicken breasts or fish with some herbs or spices, beautiful and great for post op. As for your birthday, you can have a little of what you fancy and celebrate with a day out instead of with food.

Sounds like he's worrying about potential change, which is a bit of a man thing. It's like the 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' adage, he sees no problem with how his life is now, so he doesn't want it changed. It might help to reassure him that you can have a very normal life post op, but that you will just be a happier and healthier person.

 

[mintball]

prinny,

well done, you sound like u got ur point across really well and at least if that doesn't work...play the sex card......"oh when I cheat, i feel bad which leads to me completely losing my sex drive, but when i succeed, i feel sexy and rampant" reckon you may get full support lol x x x

 

[prinny]

Pmsl the sex drive one is genius I am ashamed I never thought of that!
Do you know Shel I think you might be right he is quite happy as HE is...........men!

 

[nexangelus]

Hey there! Mine used to bring all of his junk food over to eat and then offer me some, knowing full well I am on a wholefood eating clean thing...and just lately he has tossed the he prefers me chubby comment my way AGAIN...thing is, he ogles skinny women as well as not so skinny, so I'm not taking this seriously...and if he really doesn't like me lean, well he can go and get himself a curvy/chunky gal, it doesn't bother me, if that is how shallow he is...he says he isn't being shallow, but then why would he say he prefers me chubbier, reverse psychology so I stop what I am doing and feel that I have to succumb to his wishes?! I dunno...

Do what you want and try to ignore the 'sabotage'...half the time I don't think they they are conscious of it...

 

[mintball]

Hey don't knock it, I managed to get my op put on the mortgage by playing the sex card!!!!!

 

[phatgirl]

I was actually very concerned with how my hubby would react pre-op. See, my hubby has always said that he loves the bigger girls. It was my size & my high level of confidence that attracted him to me in the first place. So I was very worried that he would find a smaller me less attractive. However, we talked about it at length & he agreed that my health was the most important thing. He also wants to be a dad so he knows that I would have to change my body size in order for that to be safe. He is amazingly supportive & I think he is able to feel that way because I acknowledged his needs/concerns and enlisted his help in making the decision to have surgery. I think he may still worry that I will end-up 'too thin' but I have promised that should I drop down to a level that he thinks looks unhealthy that I will hear him out, but only as a health concern and not because he would like me fuller figured!

Talking is good, it really helps.

Nic

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

I know what you mean
My hubby weighs just over 10 stone and is 5ft5 so he is 1 inch taller and half my weight
he eats so much more than me and more crap, he loves choccies and sweets I hate them.
We met at school when we were 11 but not serious (honeslty) we got together when I was around 17 but casual (if you know what I mean)
I was around 17 stone, I then lost 4 stone and at 19 we met up again and the rest is history except I put the weight back on and more.
So from this my hubby didnt want to be with me when I was 17 stone then when I lost weight we got together got engaged within 12 weeks and bought a house after 5 months. Then I settled into making nice food and drinking quite often going out etc... then we got married and had 3 children and 15 months ago I was at my heaviest
20stone 5 pound.
He says he loves me whatever my size, god knows why I would not fancy him if he weighed 20 stone (I dont think)
He is quite supportive but can go overboard and if I fancy a packet of crisps or an extra piece of chicken he will "have a go" like why you cant be hungry your on a diet and that makes me eat it !!!
but he will go the opposite and suggest takeaways or drinking through the week rather than at weekend.
He has made a comment when drunk that was something like "you wont leave me when your slim will you" but to be honest if I wanted to leave I woud have left before 13 years and not cared thin or fat !!!
I want to be thin for me and also for him, he will love me when I am thin and sexy more than he loves me now I am sure.
I do know though that he does not like change, who does its scary.
Men have a tendency to speak before thinking, hubby will always say I am too sensitive or that i took something how it was not meant.
I am sure all our hubbys are supportive but are both worried and a little jelous. xx

 

[waynetta]

My hubby has been brilliant, to the point he's actually doing the milk diet with me! I must say that I joke and say to him are you gona still fancy me when I'm thin, as I was a size 18 when we met. But am I joking???

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

what a lovely hubby, mine didnt even give up drink when i was pregnant with my 3 kids. mean man xx

 

[grom]

Hey don't knock it, I managed to get my op put on the mortgage by playing the sex card!!!!!

Nice one Lisa!!
I thought my hubby was fine about it all as he has been really really supportive and pays me loads of compliments, but he did say the other day, when he had been drinking - 'Will you still love me when you're slim'. Wasn't quite sure how to take that!

 

[mintball]

and they call women insecure eh!!!

 

[Silversurfer]

God you lot are so insecure

get yourself some nice sexy size 10 underwear and hang it on the outside of your wardrobe so he knows what he's gona get when your a size 10 :8855:

men are visually stimulated rather than mentally

PS - make sure its expensive, of good quality (agent provocature, victorias secret etc ) and in his favourite colour

 

[tendersage]

RICHARD next you will be saying to run it past you first visually!

jonah was insecure for a few days but talkign abuot it helped, once i knew what was going on. Ocassionally ui get a comment about nolonger being a BBW and that i will be a SBW (scrawny beautiful woman) at which point i know i need to make a little fuss of him but its mainly highthearted now

 

[mintball]

my hubby has fancied me at all the szies i've been and he knows i won't ever look elsewhere, i think he was just a bit weirded out by the skin thing!!!