What is it all for?

[tubbytutor]

Yve

Thanks again for the reply. I don't feel like I can say, write, mime or even think anything at the moment in case he takes it the wrong way..

My mum has been great and suggests that we all just as normally and that is is going through the male menopause. I think he is exhausted from work and looking after me and the home and may even be depressed but he won't go and see the doctor. How do you make a man who hates doctors go to one for help?

Thanks again for reading and commenting.

 

[Yvessa]

Yve

Thanks again for the reply. I don't feel like I can say, write, mime or even think anything at the moment in case he takes it the wrong way..

My mum has been great and suggests that we all just as normally and that is is going through the male menopause. I think he is exhausted from work and looking after me and the home and may even be depressed but he won't go and see the doctor. How do you make a man who hates doctors go to one for help?

Thanks again for reading and commenting.

Honestly it's very hard. I've been in that place myself - it took a lot for my partner to finally give in and work with me to get help. I completely understand what your saying about being scared of his reaction but equally you deserve better than this. When you're already poorly this added stress won't help you heal honey. Maybe it's worth seeing if he would go to relate with you? The fact that he's still there means he can't have given up.

 

[femfrankie]

Got to agree with Yve on this ..but only you know your other half. One thing for sure is that you both can not continue like this. It is not healthy for either one of you or for your family. There has got to be a make or break time soon for good or for bad so someone has to make that first move to confront it. Sorry for being blunt TT (((((hugs))))))

 

[Bookie]

What a selfish, inconsiderate, nasty *******!

So what happened to the "in sickness and in health" part? Did it only apply when you were the one doing the sacrifices?

So now you're not well, he wants to bail out? What a fine, upstanding citizen he is, and no mistake!

You, my friend, stop playing his games, he's now got you bullied into being scared he will leave, you have to act all grateful for the care he gives as if it wasn't part and parcel of a marriage, and then what? Are you going to live the rest of your life cowed to his every whim, daring not to complain when you're sick? What kind of a life is that going to be?

Well, you can let yourself be emotionally blackmailed, or you can get angry and get even: keep on losing the weight, get better (I know the fibro won't, but the rest can), then get yourself a toy-boy and kick the ungrateful swine out.

Or, if that's to extreme, just sit him down one day when the kids are not about, and tell him that if he's not happy in the marriage and the situation, well, he might as well go now, because you're not going to waste the rest of your life with someone who doesn't want to be there, but that if he CHOOSES to stay, then you don't want to hear any more of that crap he came out with, and suck it up buttercup. Ask him if he thinks that it would be acceptable for you tokick him down and bail out if he had a major stroke tomorrow?

Either way, don't let him treat you like this.

"Vivir a miedo is como vivir a medio" . To live in fear is to half-live.

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[Yvessa]

What a selfish, inconsiderate, nasty *******!

So what happened to the "in sickness and in health" part? Did it only apply when you were the one doing the sacrifices?

So now you're not well, he wants to bail out? What a fine, upstanding citizen he is, and no mistake!

You, my friend, stop playing his games, he's now got you bullied into being scared he will leave, you have to act all grateful for the care he gives as if it wasn't part and parcel of a marriage, and then what? Are you going to live the rest of your life cowed to his every whim, daring not to complain when you're sick? What kind of a life is that going to be?

Well, you can let yourself be emotionally blackmailed, or you can get angry and get even: keep on losing the weight, get better (I know the fibro won't, but the rest can), then get yourself a toy-boy and kick the ungrateful swine out.

Or, if that's to extreme, just sit him down one day when the kids are not about, and tell him that if he's not happy in the marriage and the situation, well, he might as well go now, because you're not going to waste the rest of your life with someone who doesn't want to be there, but that if he CHOOSES to stay, then you don't want to hear any more of that crap he came out with, and suck it up buttercup. Ask him if he thinks that it would be acceptable for you tokick him down and bail out if he had a major stroke tomorrow?

Either way, don't let him treat you like this.

"Vivir a miedo is como vivir a medio" . To live in fear is to half-live.

{{{HUGS}}}

So true Bookie. Sometimes when we're ill it can be scary to think of losing someone we rely on. I can understand the fear but I do agree that she will be better off standing up to his manipulation.

 

[Loppie]

Just wish to say that i'm thinking of you! I can't really offer constructive advice and though it's so difficult to focus on yourself as so much is going on, with your kids, your husband, your tiredness from work, your recovery and ailments - you still need to give some focus and attention to yourself. No matter if you had the weight loss surgery or not, the situation would be the same, maybe even worse? But you have made a big change and hold the cards with regards to your own destiny. Easier said than done, I know! Fingers crossed you find that motivation!

 

[tubbytutor]

I've seen the first doctor in my gall bladder journey. I have to have an MRI next week to make sure the bile ducts are clear. The surgeon has referred me back to the gastro people as I have a permanent temperature and still got pain.

My husband is still around, but it is like living on egg shells. My mum is being fantastic and she told me she asked him if he was planning to go before November because she doesn't want to leave me and the girls alone but wants to visit my sister in Singapore. He told her that he wouldn't. Not sure what that means exactly, but it is tearing me apart not knowing when he is planning to go. It was our wedding anniversary last week - 26 years! He gave me a note and told me that he had written how he felt in the card. I refused to open it telling me him he should tell me anything rather than write it down, I deserve that after 26 years.

The girls are really trying hard to keep cheerful but they are so strained too.

As to my weight loss, well it isn't happening. I put on 0.2kg last week, which I know is not much, but it doesn't help the confidence or depression!!

Thanks for all your kind thoughts.