Who knows about your surgery, either had or going to have? Reasons?

[HelenAngelfish]

This may be a silly post, but I have only told my closest friend, boyfriend, sister and dad (he’s not happy about hiding it from my mum – who would flip-out and tell the world)... Funny (or not) that I'm 30 years old and still worried about what my mum will say.


Part of the reason I think I am not telling anyone, is I'm not sure they will understand, I see Obesity as an illness. Many do not and see surgery as ‘an easy way out’ – We all know its certainly not an easy way out!


I also have wanted children and 2 miscarriages later, PCOS, gynaecological problems and a hormonal imbalance diagnosis. I know now (6th Nov 2013), that I will never carry a pregnancy full term if I cannot maintain a lower BMI for my hormonal imbalance to have a chance to even out.


I feel that as I lost weight before 32st > 18st, went back up to 27st and now on my way down again today being 25st 6.5lb… Everyone always reminds me ‘you did it before’, but what they don’t see is that although I lost all that weight I still didn’t actually know when I was full, when I was hungry and I haven’t had quality of life since I was 18 years old!! My whole 20’s has been spent hiding away and avoiding social situations.

Has anyone else chosen not to tell ‘people’ and just work on their journey?

xx

 

[Butterfly_lady]

Only person I told is my fella, no one else knows and I intend to keep it that way.

 

[los in it]

hi Helen
ive only took my best friend
my manager at work
1 sister
the reason been I am a control freak! ive been on this path for over a year now and have lose around 3 stone to date and no one has noticed....which is kind of good ....and kind of bad it means that nothing is eyeballing me and giving me extra pressure I will tell the rest of my family the closer I am to getting on the table I know they all will be supportive so I have no concerns there its at least for me having to keep telling people again and again over a longer period of time why im doing it where im doing etc ect..by my waiting to much closer to the time it just shortens that intense block of time and worry that they may have for me as im not worried at all I just want it done already....does any of this make sense?

 

[slaz]

Like you, I asked on this forum whether people had told anyone or not and of course, as expected, I received a wide range of answers.

I decided not to tell anyone but my wife for no other reason than it is a private medical issue and has nothing to do with anyone else. You can always tell people later if you wish, but you can never untell anyone. We have read on this forum many times where a so called friend has disclosed a confidence and suddenly everyone knows your business, it is for this reason that I have chosen not to tell even my closest friends and family.

As can be seen on TV there is real interest in bariatric surgery but it is usually of the most sensational style and does very little to educate the general public, on the contrary it seems to reinforce the belief that obese people are by and large, lazy, Mars bar guzzling, couch potatoes that deserve all they get.

We must all choose who we decide to tell but I am very comfortable with my decision and it hasn't been at all difficult to keep my WLS to myself.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[nicola1723]

I wish I'd told less people! All I get is constant questions and peoples opinions!! :/

 

[bichonbabies]

I only told my sister, hubby and mum and dad. No-one else knows and to be honest i'm Im glad. Thought of telling my mother in law but know she would look down her nose at me. Same with people at work, If anyone asked me I wouldn't lie but im not offering the information. I just don't want to be discussed.

I am going through fertility issues myself, we visited a fertility centre and I was told they wouldnt help me until my BMI came down to 30 and it was 44. I discussed our conception issues and found after telling only a handful of people that a room full of people ended up knowing. So I learnt my lesson.

Good luck and I hope your funding comes thru quickly xx

 

[sarahrob]

I told my parents, I had to tell my mum as I live alone and knew I'd need her support. I did make sure she knew that I would find it really hurtful if she told my aunties before I was ready to say something.
I told my closest friends but chose not to tell anyone else, whether family, friends or work colleagues. Part of it is because I know my family would be judgemental and this is a tough enough process without being surrounded with negativity. A big part of it was that I wasn't sure this would work for me, and I didn't want the humiliation of ending up fatter than ever while everyone smirked, knowing I'd paid thousands for an op that didn't work!

I don't regret not telling more people, though it has been tough at times to explain the huge changes in eating patterns. It might have been easier to be totally open with everyone, but by nature I'm a private person.

 

[Lincs Lass]

I've been totally open about my surgery because I found it easier than 'tweaking the truth' or remember what I'd said to who.

I can totally understand why some people don't tell others though/

 

[NT1977]

My parents, husband, eldest child (15), best friend and boss know. no one else. I decided I did not want the extra pressure/questions so this was how I would manage it and it has worked very well for me. I have lost slow and steadiliy and if people ask I tell them the truth - I am eating less and moving more ! lol my band is just a tool in helping me achieve my goals, I am the one who is achieving it not the band.

Good luck with whatever you decided.

x

 

[Rainbow1233]

Just my mum and partner new before I had my op but I did tell my dad after I had it. Mainly because I'm not close to him. My sister doesn't know as I know she wouldn't understand. No friends know just my choice really. Don't think there is a right or wrong thing to do it's what suits you.

 

[Wandering_Stars]

Just my dad, a close auntie, and my best friends. These are the people I tend to confide in the most.

 

[Neisie]

I told my husband (he paid for it so there was no hiding there), my mom (not my dad - he has a big mouth), and a "friend" who had a gastric bypass. Regretting telling the "friend" now as she has been so rude and opinionated that I've stopped talking to her.

 

[princess4d4]

my hubby my kids and their partners and 2 or 3 close friends is all i have told if i choose to tell anyone else after then the option is there but right now i dont feel anyone else needs to know

 

[Roccosmummy]

As few people as possible. I know from past experience ( band op ) people like to talk, especially in the work place. I'm not telling said people about my revision. I'm on maternity leave anyway!

 

[bigkev]

I've told everyone. The reason is that a colleague had a bypass around 18 months ago and tried to pass it off as stomach surgery (her business, not judging), the only thing is she also told some of her closer friends the truth who went on to blab. It all became a bit messy with her swearing she hadnt had it done even though everyone and their dog knew.
So when it came to me getting mine i decided to be as transparent as possible. Im sure people will still gossip about me behind my back but at least they cant call me a liar. And anyway why shouldnt i have it done? I pay enough in so why not get something back.

 

[HelenAngelfish]

Thank you for the replies!!

Nice to know all the thoughts running through my head are normal. xx

 

[SnowDaisy]

I dread the judgement or dis approvals, so I will be keeping quiet.

 

[Yvessa]

This may be a silly post, but I have only told my closest friend, boyfriend, sister and dad (he’s not happy about hiding it from my mum – who would flip-out and tell the world)... Funny (or not) that I'm 30 years old and still worried about what my mum will say.


Part of the reason I think I am not telling anyone, is I'm not sure they will understand, I see Obesity as an illness. Many do not and see surgery as ‘an easy way out’ – We all know its certainly not an easy way out!


I also have wanted children and 2 miscarriages later, PCOS, gynaecological problems and a hormonal imbalance diagnosis. I know now (6th Nov 2013), that I will never carry a pregnancy full term if I cannot maintain a lower BMI for my hormonal imbalance to have a chance to even out.


I feel that as I lost weight before 32st > 18st, went back up to 27st and now on my way down again today being 25st 6.5lb… Everyone always reminds me ‘you did it before’, but what they don’t see is that although I lost all that weight I still didn’t actually know when I was full, when I was hungry and I haven’t had quality of life since I was 18 years old!! My whole 20’s has been spent hiding away and avoiding social situations.

Has anyone else chosen not to tell ‘people’ and just work on their journey?

xx

I didn't tell my mum until I could no longer back out. But ultimately I have told everyone, even the pharmacist at Asda lol. I don't care who knows and people have surprised me with their support and positivity. They'll only talk behind your back otherwise.

 

[Salliebeth]

Hi, I am 6 days post sleeve op . I decided to tell close family first, and they were all really supportive. I decided to tell work -I am a nurse and would find it hard as I am sure work colleagues would of guessed!!!! And I have also told friends. I have been really supported by everyone I have told - I guess I am an open person anyway, and would of ended myself up in a ravel with who I had told what - and I am a rubbish liar!!!! Even my 2 kids 8yrs and 5 yrs know what I have had done, and why. I am sure my 8 yr old keeps his teacher and class up to date on my progress each day!!!

 

[HelenAngelfish]

You’re right, people always talk behind your back and my mum will always be critical with a passion for telling everyone everything, lol.

I do dread the judgements and ‘people’ talking, part of the reason I moved away… I guess I’ll keep it as quiet as possible or on a need to know basis. xx