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Who to tell?

H

Happydays

New Member
Hi there everyone- I'm new to this forum so please forgive me if I am posting in the wrong place.
I'm just starting off my journey towards having a band fitted and will see the surgeon next week. I have tried everything and this is the last resort. I have rather an odd (I think!) query. Who did you tell about your surgery? I have told my gorgeous husband - got to cos he is paying for it! - but would rather keep it from others. How do you explain eating small amounts at family celebrations? What do you do if you are invited to someones home for a meal? A Christmas meal? I would not like to broadcast what I am doing. People without the problem can be so judgemental and seem to see banding as the easy way out or as a form of cheating. If I lose tons of weight and people ask how I have done it, how would I answer? I researched banding about three years ago and ran the possibility past my daughter and my sister (both doctors) and both said NO NO NO TERRIBLE IDEA. I feel I would rather keep matters private. What do you think????
 
Personally I feel that if you can't tell your family and friends, then there are other issues in your relationships with them than your weight! You should feel proud of what you're doing and not be scared to tell anyone.

BUT

It's your choice and you're not alone in making the decision not to tell people.

You can make any number of excuses up. You've got a dicky tummy so you can't eat much, you're trying to 'cut down' etc etc

But most of all, good luck for your future. Look forward to hearing all about you :)
 
Firstly I think you shouldnt be ashamed of what you are doing as you are doing this for your health and wellbeing.

Again what Mixman says, you should tell who you feel comfortable with, but if you get some adverse reaction just ignore it.

Good luck and welcome.:)
 
Hi
i am not broadcasting it personally but if people ask i am going to tell them. I had to tell my hairdresser today, when she said, have lost some weight, i didnt like to, but i dont want to lie either, so i had better get used to it.
Its personal choice whether you tell people or not, its your business xxx
 
Welcome to the site you are in the right place and i'm sure you will enjoy being part of a great and helpful site! It's very much a personal choice as to who you tell, personally i told anyone who would listen as i was so excited. If anyone was going to say anything negative then i was ready with my answers. Don't be ashamed to be giving yourself a much better quality of life. As a woman you can give yourself a lot of scope with female related operations and you can't eat much as you are recovering. Good luck xx
 
I think everyone feels different about this, i told anyone who would listen, i don't see that there is anything to be ashamed of & if anyone has a problem with me having the op then they are no longer my friend, but as i say everyone is different :p GOOD LUCK!
 
Hi Happydays. I havn't told anyone about my surgery other than my OH, my GP and Allie (Gaelic Girl).

I'm not ashamed of my surgery and don't have a problem with my relationship with my family and friends but I am a VERY private person and don't want to discuss this with anyone other than my OH who is incredibly supportive.

As already mentioned, you can use the 'woman's problems' excuse for any time off work and just say you are on a diet and going to the gym. Plain and simple.

I had already started going to the gym before my op, had lost 2 stone and as far as people are concerned, that will continue.

It's really nobodys business but yours, so good luck!!
 
I have told my family & my closest friends that its wls, others who know I'm going in for an operation have been told I'm having surgery on my stomach to try & reverse my diabetes!
 
Hi Happy Days and welcome to this lovely forum.

I have told loads of people but I also have been selective because I can do without negativity or nosey parkers!
I imagine that in time, most people I know will know; as it is hard to keep things secret. But it will probably be easier with a band than bypass to keep it quite if that's what you chose to do. (as weight loss tends to be less dramatic in the early days)

As previously suggested, a dicky tum, you're on a 'healthy eating programme', had surgery for something else (be vague, but not so easy with 2 doctors in the family!)....hmmm I spot a slight flaw in the plan!.........

......Won't your 2 doctors 'smell a rat' so to speak, and guess what you've done? I guess that depends on how close you are to them, but it is maybe something to consider: which would be more difficult?
* to 'fess up and enlist their support,
or
* to have a family fall-out because you didn't tell.
I guess only you can answer that one.

But I give you my best wishes with whatever you decide, and look forward to hearing more about your journey.
 
hi.. I am pre op and have mixed view on this one..
I too am a private person.
My OH, children and my parents know.
I have told sister in law but not my mother in law!!!! my MIL will be told but nearer to the time(damage limitation..lol)
I have a few close friends I have told. These are the people who will love me and support me through this and if they are being judgemental I can accept there criticism....

I too wont lie about it if asked, but I don't want to be talked about at the school gates....which I am sure will happen once one of them knows...
All the best with what you chose to do...its your choice...
xxxxxxxx
 
It's your body, it's your money and it's your business!

I personally told everyone and anyone who remarked on my weight loss, at work i told a select few and when i got near my operation 'word' got out. I didn't want people thinking i'd got some terrible terminal illness and working with 180 people some of whom did mostly night shifts and wouldn't see me too often i thought they should know!

You can keep your band secret just by saying you are cutting back.... As for any weight loss, aren't you been good and exercising too :) xx
 
Happydays said:
Hi there everyone- I'm new to this forum so please forgive me if I am posting in the wrong place.
I'm just starting off my journey towards having a band fitted and will see the surgeon next week. I have tried everything and this is the last resort. I have rather an odd (I think!) query. Who did you tell about your surgery? I have told my gorgeous husband - got to cos he is paying for it! - but would rather keep it from others. How do you explain eating small amounts at family celebrations? What do you do if you are invited to someones home for a meal? A Christmas meal? I would not like to broadcast what I am doing. People without the problem can be so judgemental and seem to see banding as the easy way out or as a form of cheating. If I lose tons of weight and people ask how I have done it, how would I answer? I researched banding about three years ago and ran the possibility past my daughter and my sister (both doctors) and both said NO NO NO TERRIBLE IDEA. I feel I would rather keep matters private. What do you think????
Click to expand...

Hello hun and wellcome :)
I personally have only told my parents, 1 (of 3) siblings, and my auntie. My mum has taken it upon herself to tell a few people which i'm not too happy with.

I plan on telling people once its all done and dusted when it comes up but not to go out my way to tell people.

Good luck with your journey :)
 
i think real friends will support you no matter what, i was sooooo excited when my sister went for hers, and if it makes her happy then im all for it no matter what it is
ilona x
 
Hi Everyone Thank you sooooo much for your helpful comments and good wishes.
My weight has been yo-yo ing wildly for decades now and I have a lot of shame and embarassment around this. My thoughts at the current moment are to keep quiet until things are settled down, weight is lost and I feel more confident. Once you tell someone, you can't take it back and I could not stand having everyone watching every morsel that passes my lips; I think the op will be hard enought to cope with emotionally for me without adding the emotions of others on top! I see my sister rarely so that will be fine. However, I intend to tell my son and shall take his advice about how to approach his sister. I doubt if she knows much about gastric banding anyway. She works as a pathologist so I suppose it is unlikely that any of her "patients" will request one :8855:Sorry, just my "dark" sense of humour!!! My girl could be a huge sense of support if I remain calm and win her round. She is naturally very slim and doesn't have a clue about the issues I have with food.
I have an initial appointment at the NUAge Medical Spa in Newcastle ; the ops seem to be done by a Mr Karat at the RVI and I was quoted a cost of £7,000. I also have an outpatient appointment booked at Spire Washington with a Mr Small at the end of the month. I was quoted £7,250 with them but they only offer 1 year aftercare (compared to 5 years with NUAGE) and seem to charge extra for initial tests. Overly keen to have my card details, I'm afraid.
Anyone used the services of either? or have any comments to make that could help me on my way?
Thank you for your well wishes. The process is started :)
 
Everyone knows about my upcoming surgery, even the people I've met whilst out walking my dog. I can't shut up about it lol. Actually it's surprising how many people then tell me that they know people who've had it too. My taxi driver today said his auntie has had it and lost ten stone.
 
Hiya luv and welcome to WLS! your deffo in the right place for help and support! i wish you plenty of luck and ill look forward to following you on your journey.
Im currently waiting to hear about a bypass on the nhs and ive spoke about it to many people, you shouldnt be affraid to speak of you band! if any1 says its the easy way out you tell them too look it up because what we have to go through to get our ops then the op itself and the recovery stages aint going to be that easy... far from it! ... if anything harder than dieting yourself but at least once you have lost the weight you have more chance of keeping it off than u would have doing it yourself by dieting.
about your 2 doctor in the family... if our gp's all agree that surgery will be good for us then why wont it be good for you???? i know you say they are your family but are they actually your own gp? maybe it would be worth having a word with your gp that isnt family?
my family are nervous at me having my op so that may be the reason they have said no, if the decision came down to my mum i wouldnt be going ahead with it!
all the very best hun... keep us updated! xxxx
 
I feel exactly the same my hubby knows kids mum and dad thats it and obviously everyone on here :8855:If I'm asked I'm not going to lie i just not going to say the whole truth. So i will say I'm eating very small amounts of foods which are protein based and exercising. I will be telling the truth just not saying i had WLS.

Good luck, i think once the weight comes off i won't care and you probably wont either :) xxx
 
Hello Happydays... my current situation is very similar to Joanne (Kerry)... and good luck to you in every respect... with every good wish, Bev xxx
 
Hi, I had difficulty at first and was like you. I didnt want to tell anyone. I went to the session with the therypist i told her about my feelings on this, and she suggested that i tell the people who i feel will understand like work colleages and family and friends. I did and there has been not one bad comment from anyone. I was delighted. I have a lot of weight to lose and people do realise that its not an easy desicion, its for the health benefits too. I wouldnt hold back love, but you will know who and when to speak out. Keep in touch and honestly you will be ok. Everyone is lovely here x
 
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