why do i feel a failure

[Tracey ( eyore)]

Hi Guys
I dont mean this post to sound all me, me,me but i am feeling very down today, as alot of you know i was due my op on Tuesday 20th so this coming Tuesday.
As alot of you know it has been cancelled for some more tests to be done , well the hospital rang me friday to confirm i would be having some tests tomrrow and i and i would be staying over night so leaving hospital on the day i should of been going in, which believe is not sitting right with me.
Also Karen told me there's a chance i may not be able to have the op, this will depend on the results they find they will have to have another group meeting about me. So i now feel i am back 3 months ago, will i ever get my op.I have put so much hard work into getting fit for this op .
Two years ago i was in a wheel chair, up to a few months ago i used crutches everyday , yesterday i walked 5 miles with no help but my step daughter for company...........it was a lovely feeling, i now also swim every other day and i go on my wii fit most days, as the world outside cant see me struggling on it.
As well as a 2 1/2 stone weight lose so far i have lost inches and next week i will know how much as i do these monthly.
But today with the week approaching where i should of had my op i am feeling a failure, and very low and worried sick i will never get on this journey, i am finding i can't speak to people very well and thinking why did the hospital allow me to get this far with out these tests being done ????.......................
All i keep thinking is Tuesday evening it would all be done ( well the op) i know the hard part is after, but my mind was in teh complete mindset and ready, now i am frightened i will slip back although i am trying my hardest and have been ok ish so far .
I just want that date again ................and to be in hospital waiting for my op........hope you guys dont mind me putting this into writing x

 

[cherry]

hi eyore well first hunni ((hugs))..... you have done AMZING and should feel very very proud of yourself.... you have achieved so so much.... and i to would feel like yourself these op's are life changing for us so its understandable your feeling the way you do...... what tests do they want to do? im sorry for being nosey....i suppose there making sure everything is just right for you and your op ( i know thats the last thing you wanna hear) but it ll be your turn soon enough babe.... hope you feel abit better soon im sorry i cant say much to make you feel bit better ..... but remember you ve done AMAZING all ready xxxxx

 

[Tracey ( eyore)]

thanks kelly its not so much they are doing the tests its they left it too now to say i should be having my op in 2 days i have been waiting 18 months now and it seems everyones flying pass me although i know there are others on this site who had had to wait ages too. i had also planned our summer around my op, ones a sleep test but i didnt hear what the other test was they doing it at same time i was so up set..............i just didnt care at the time i left the hospital last week in shock not believeing this was happening................. i guess i will know tomorrow.

 

[tranquil_butterfly]

Hi Tracey. I am sorry you are feeling so down and can sympathise. It is hard having been psyched up and ready for the op AND all the hard work you have been doing in making those big lifestyle changes to have it all dashed at the last minute. You are doing so well and losing 2 1/2 stones is a fantastic achievement. You will get your op and all this effort that you are putting in now will pay dividends in the long term. Please do not feel a failure because you are not. The hospital cocked up. You need to find out when you are there tomorrow what went wrong and why they may be suggesting you cannot have the op now (and I do hope that is not the case). You deserve an explanation and I hope you get it.

Keep your chin up x

tranquil

 

[cherry]

i really hope you get some positive news tomorrow xx

 

[BlondeMoment]

Hi Tracey

I know you say you feel down and i can relate to how you are feeling but YOU ARE NOT A FALURE !! it is the hopitals fault,I was given the funding for my op and then told i would have to have the sleep apnea test ,which i did have and everything was ok,it is for your own well being ,they have to check these things before a local anesthetic .
When i went into hospital for my bypass and when i woke up i was told no operation had taken place due to a very fatty liver .I wish there had been a test to check this before my op,but there isnt/wasnt.
All i am trying to say is whatever test they are doing,go with the flow hunnie,it will all be worth it in the end and you wont be waking up and feel like some has taken your world away like i did,but i bounced back and got there in the end .
So hang on in there

XX

 

[Stellap]

Hiya, firstly I wantg to say that no way are you a failure - the failing was at the hospital for not giving you the tests earlier - nothing that you could have done. If you look back 2 years and see how much you have achieved with your mobility, your weightloss and your willpower then no way is that a failure. It must be very disappointing and hard to keep positive but every pound you lose before your operation will help you with your recovery and safety of the operation. It will also prove to your hospital that you are serious in your weightloss. My surgeon told me before my op that he wasn't offering me the operation to help me lose weight but to help me keep it off (I had a history of losing and putting it back on - he said I obviously didn't have a problem losing it). Stay strong and keep reminding them of how debilitating your weight is to your physical and mental health. They know at the end of the day that if you continue to put on weight then the NHS will be responsible for your health and it will cost them more in the long run (now I don't have diabetes and therefore free prescriptions they will save on me long term)

 

[cherry]

Can i ask ladies the sleep test will they do this on everybody?? or just certain people?.... x

 

[Tracey ( eyore)]

thanks guys i just i hadnt had all this close to original op date..............................with the amount of ops i have had in previous 3 years you would think they would be aware of any probs............

 

[StephieAck]

You are NOT a failure!!! Its the hospitals fault for mucking you about, not your fault and you are doing damn well with your eating and exercise, you are simply FAB xxx
Steph xx

 

[Tracey ( eyore)]

thx hunni .................just a bad day today, but matts just agreed to go shopping with me so thats cheered em up abit x

 

[dottychic]

I agree with Steph, you are not a failure its the hospital who is at fault. They could have done all these tests and more besides in 18months. I can understand how gutted you must feel, please try and stay positive, you will get your op Im sure, it seems you are just having a tougher time than most getting it! ((HUGS)) X

 

[ladylite]

We I definately dont think you are a failure, especially if you can get OH to go shopping with you.

I know its hard but you are doing so well, keep your chin up and big hugs on their way.

 

[emergingbutterfly]

Hi Tracey

I am sorry to hear that you have to go through this. If you dont mind me saying this I think that you are lucky with the surgeon you have chosen and that it might not be as long or as bad as you think. Let me explain...


I too had the same surgeon (as we previously emailed about) and I was way over the BMI cut off point when he operated on me. There were women at the same hospital six and seven stone lighter than me that were told by other surgeons that they were too big for the gastric bypass and because of this I was worried that Olbers wouldnt operate on me (or insist on a sleeve) however, I was told by the drs at CX that Olbers is so experienced that it didnt make a difference to him how big I was in in fact the words the dr used were "bring it on".

What I am trying to say is that yes you have a hiccup now but it is heart breaking to have to wait but if these tests were not necessary olbers wouldnt insist on them. Try and get to speak to him directly when you are at the hospital and see what he thinks.

Really hope you have your op as quickly as you would like and dont forget you have my number if you want to chat.

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

You have done really well to achieve all those things in the last few months and should be really proud of yourself. It is completely understandable that you feel low because of what has happened. You deserve an explanation from the hospital as to why these tests weren't done in the first place. It definately shouldn't have got this close and then postponed. Good luck with your appt. Just want to send you some virtual (((hugs))) to help you through this tough time.

 

[Tracey ( eyore)]

thanx guys i am up at charring cross tomorrow night and i know my surgeon is over from sweden this week so i am gonna try and see him or at least someone on the team and see whats happening x

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

Good luck today Tracey.