Yve's Photo Diary - 4 years on

[Yvessa]

Oh yes I lost weight hun but I was still 'fat' and my family didnt condone it when I was a child and would openly tell me so. I think because they couldn't explain why I was. At 14 I went from one extreme to the other when I reduced my weight from 17st to 11st by not eating at all surviving on an apple a day and a pint of marvel milk! My family never picked up on what I was doing to myself. If they did they never commented. Maybe they thought I would grow out of it? Who knows. When after nearly 2 years of putting my body through hell my immunity system started to cave in and after a six month stint in hospital suffering various things that a healthy body would have fought off within days I struggled with septicaemia and pneumonia that left my lungs badly scarred requiring high doses of steroids off and on for the rest of my life. The weight piled on and it was out with my control now but my family never mentioned my weight again ..like it was a taboo subject now there was a viable explanation
Funnily enough my dad who was the harshest critic of all was over the moon about my surgery saying that at last the medical world are finally fixing what they caused with their steroids?? Nothing mentioned about how he used to taunt me incessantly as a young girl for example ... One day we are are going to wake up and find Frances splattered all over the wall because she finally burst!.... Thanks for that dad and the other comments. Just what a nine year old needs to hear
So hun I didn't have it that easy growing up a fatty and I may have had thinner moments but they weren't enjoyable nor long lasting. I can gain weight at an astonishing rate. A course of steroids would see me gain a stone within a fortnight . I don't blame steroids for my largeness though. That was solely down to me .. There is no written message on the pill box that says you must sate your desire to eat with anything and everything that is edible! I could have eaten healthier choices. So maybe I did a bit of hiding behind the steroids too . X

Oh Hun, I never meant to upset you or imply you had it easier. I did the same as you around the same age - one meal a day with the family and a black coffee a day. My asthma went into crisis but I've never put two and two together actually. I would always say I can't be anorexic because I'm fat. Mum used to make my lunch - she found a weeks worth at the bottom of my bag! As for the steroids - don't kid yourself Hun. The further out I get he more I realise that we are controlled by our bodies impulses rather than the other way around and having been on the lovely little pills myself I can promise you that you didn't have a hope of not overrating.

 

[fjsinc]

I have to agree about our bodies urges dictating our appetites. And I think we can all agree that fighting those urges is an impossible feat. My mother says that from the moment of my birth I had an abnormal (ferocious) appetite. And in the last 3 years I've been under 2 endocrinologists and a gynechologist that have been convinced that my hormones have been out of balance all of my life and this has had a significant contribution to my weight. This journey has taught me so much about appetite and my reasons for eating. Society tells us to not make excuses and take responsibility, so I always took on the guilt. Slowly im letting go.

 

[fayz]

Oh yes I lost weight hun but I was still 'fat' and my family didnt condone it when I was a child and would openly tell me so. I think because they couldn't explain why I was. At 14 I went from one extreme to the other when I reduced my weight from 17st to 11st by not eating at all surviving on an apple a day and a pint of marvel milk! My family never picked up on what I was doing to myself. If they did they never commented. Maybe they thought I would grow out of it? Who knows. When after nearly 2 years of putting my body through hell my immunity system started to cave in and after a six month stint in hospital suffering various things that a healthy body would have fought off within days I struggled with septicaemia and pneumonia that left my lungs badly scarred requiring high doses of steroids off and on for the rest of my life. The weight piled on and it was out with my control now but my family never mentioned my weight again ..like it was a taboo subject now there was a viable explanation
Funnily enough my dad who was the harshest critic of all was over the moon about my surgery saying that at last the medical world are finally fixing what they caused with their steroids?? Nothing mentioned about how he used to taunt me incessantly as a young girl for example ... One day we are are going to wake up and find Frances splattered all over the wall because she finally burst!.... Thanks for that dad and the other comments. Just what a nine year old needs to hear
So hun I didn't have it that easy growing up a fatty and I may have had thinner moments but they weren't enjoyable nor long lasting. I can gain weight at an astonishing rate. A course of steroids would see me gain a stone within a fortnight . I don't blame steroids for my largeness though. That was solely down to me .. There is no written message on the pill box that says you must sate your desire to eat with anything and everything that is edible! I could have eaten healthier choices. So maybe I did a bit of hiding behind the steroids too . X

What an honest enlightening post. So many parts of this I can relate to. So pleased I've had the surgery and can finally put the spiralling weight gain/loss behind me. Well done for your insight and dealing with your demons.

 

[femfrankie]

I have to agree about our bodies urges dictating our appetites. And I think we can all agree that fighting those urges is an impossible feat. My mother says that from the moment of my birth I had an abnormal (ferocious) appetite. And in the last 3 years I've been under 2 endocrinologists and a gynechologist that have been convinced that my hormones have been out of balance all of my life and this has had a significant contribution to my weight. This journey has taught me so much about appetite and my reasons for eating. Society tells us to not make excuses and take responsibility, so I always took on the guilt. Slowly im letting go.

I often think this too... As someone who started her periods (sorry guys) at age 8/9 I do wonder if that's why everything started to literally go pear shaped for me from then. I never was taken to the GP to get it investigated. Basically told without explanation by mum to get on with it .

 

[femfrankie]

Fayz thanks hun and yes I have mostly settled the demons. They occasionally do raise their heads above the parapet every now & again but I quickly dispose of them. My mum and dad are totally different people now. Don't know how or why but I don't question it as my brother and sisters got a better life from their change... After being unwell I was out of there within the year, married and expecting my first. That didn't go well with the medics though and I found myself back in hospital for five months just so they could keep an eye on me grrrr. I spent almost eleven months of 79/80 in a :censored: hospital bed and the rest of my life dodging it!
The past is the past and there is no going back there in my eyes. It would serve no purpose other than open some very old wounds long healed and I have no time for that. I have a life to lead and new NSV's to smile upon.. Like yves new found space behind the steering well x

 

[Yvessa]

I often think this too... As someone who started her periods (sorry guys) at age 8/9 I do wonder if that's why everything started to literally go pear shaped for me from then. I never was taken to the GP to get it investigated. Basically told without explanation by mum to get on with it .

I had a photo from just before I hit puberty and I was a normal slim child. Soon as I hit puberty I ballooned. But I was always hungry. Right from very young. But I know my hormones were completely. Out of whack.

 

[femfrankie]

Me too hun I stopped growing up and went sideways instead

 

[Fading Grace]

So despite a lot of moaning it suddenly occured to me that it hadn't been so long since that wedding photo. And I had a look - and check out my collarbones! I am a little shocked - hadn't thought there was that much of a difference. Word to the wise - the scales lie.

You look lovely (and tiny!) in that pic! It's fab to see collar bones, huh?

 

[Yvessa]

Thanks hon

 

[pinkprincess77]

Such an inspiration xx

 

[Yvessa]

Thanks Hun

 

[Yvessa]

I love new clothes - thanks mum!

 

[tealovingsleever]

I love new clothes - thanks mum!

Love the label lol. Maybe some colour Yve? ;0)

 

[Yvessa]

lol these were bought for me hun, black jeans and a black tshirt - I tend to wear a fair bit more colour these days.

 

[tealovingsleever]

lol these were bought for me hun, black jeans and a black tshirt - I tend to wear a fair bit more colour these days.

Glad to hear it

 

[Bally]

Wow!
Even if we can wear colours now, I still love black as an easy daily outfit.

 

[chrisa]

The hardest n saddest thing bout this journey is that I was never a small child always overweight, 3 girls, our oldest sister was very skinny up until she was 19. Me n my other sister were always over weight, she lost a lot around 16 yearsold, she lives and breathes weight watchers all year round year In year out, At the start of this journey I thought this would be my one chance to be slim, should have known it would be slimmer. If you started off slim the more chance you have to go back down to that size on the day the hospital discharged me both doc and dietician said the y were really pleased and that I had lost what they expected me to. Here I am now still at size 18 14 st 11 ish up n down. Dreading getn over that 15 again. Sad that I was naïve and dared to let myself think that I could be smaller than I used to be. Jst never entered my head. I can never remember being a 12 or 14 can a16 but I must have been bout 14 years old then. So enjoy shrinking girls and be thankful that at some point you were small and slim, I can only dream and have learnt to be thankful and content with what I have achieved, the fight to stay this weight has started and its a big big struggle, keep working at it because you will arrive at this point soon enough xxx Sorry of that sounds like a downer, it is not its being truthful and brutally honest with others and myself. xxx

 

[femfrankie]

Lovely hun, looking good and well done on your mum

Nowt wrong with black... Half of my cruise stuff is as black goes with most things

 

[Yvessa]

Wow!
Even if we can wear colours now, I still love black as an easy daily outfit.

Thanks Bally

 

[Yvessa]

The hardest n saddest thing bout this journey is that I was never a small child always overweight, 3 girls, our oldest sister was very skinny up until she was 19. Me n my other sister were always over weight, she lost a lot around 16 yearsold, she lives and breathes weight watchers all year round year In year out, At the start of this journey I thought this would be my one chance to be slim, should have known it would be slimmer. If you started off slim the more chance you have to go back down to that size on the day the hospital discharged me both doc and dietician said the y were really pleased and that I had lost what they expected me to. Here I am now still at size 18 14 st 11 ish up n down. Dreading getn over that 15 again. Sad that I was naïve and dared to let myself think that I could be smaller than I used to be. Jst never entered my head. I can never remember being a 12 or 14 can a16 but I must have been bout 14 years old then. So enjoy shrinking girls and be thankful that at some point you were small and slim, I can only dream and have learnt to be thankful and content with what I have achieved, the fight to stay this weight has started and its a big big struggle, keep working at it because you will arrive at this point soon enough xxx Sorry of that sounds like a downer, it is not its being truthful and brutally honest with others and myself. xxx

I'm so sorry to hear you feel this way Chris I too have never been slim and this has always been a fear of mine. It does sound like you're very upset - can I help in any way?