Yve's Photo Diary - 4 years on

[Jamast]

Had to tell you this Lipi.
Walking up the path, Josh lifted the shoulder of my top into position saying that he didn't want me to catch cold. I explained that everything was too big which is why the shoulders on my tops slip down. He asked if it was because I was losing weight. He then added, it will be worth it, look at Lipi, she looks amazing!!!

I thought it was so sweet.

 

[Yvessa]

Aww bless him What a sweetie!

 

[Yvessa]

This is quite poignant for me right now Yve as Yep I mirror those feelings right now ..I have just returned from another shopping trip in asda. I went there solely to buy a couple of summery dresses or skirts under hubbies orders ... How did it go?? Well it didn't as I just don't feel ready?! Wtf?! How am I not ready? What the hell am I scared of?? And what feeble reason I did I give my husband for my failed trip .. I don't have proper shoes or sandals for my feet and I just wouldn't feel right walking our dog in a skirt?? I swear my head is screwy

Ditto hun

I think it is ultimately fear of putting ourselves out their and not being able to think that we were rejected because we are fat.

 

[emma-louise]

I think it is ultimately fear of putting ourselves out their and not being able to think that we were rejected because we are fat.

I've just done a post on this subject,after telling you about my midi dress yvessa I've got some packing to do for hols and worried what to pack as I don't want to look like a fat girl squeezing into little things(well these are my thoughts)
My hubby says im silly,

 

[Yvessa]

I know my oh says the same. But I don't think he sees what I see. I don't think anyone does.

 

[femfrankie]

Emma you hit the nail right on the head.. That's exactly it! & Yve yep you are right too there is nowhere to hide any more. I feel safe secure and non descript in leggings and baggy tshirt but it is quite clear that people close to me are trying their damnedest to get me to come out of the closet and Im feeling quite threatened. Soooooo I have just spent the past hour trying on things and taking photos of me in various bits of clothing to get a perspective of things .... I just need to post em up now

 

[emma-louise]

Emma you hit the nail right on the head.. That's exactly it! & Yve yep you are right too there is nowhere to hide any more. I feel safe secure and non description in leggings and baggy tshirt but it is quite clear that people close to me are trying their damnedest to get me to come out of the closet and Im feeling quite threatened. Soooooo I have just spent the past hour trying on things and taking photos of me in various bits of clothing to get a perspective of things .... I just need to post em up now

I feel safe in boring jeans and tshirts but soon as I want to look nice,that's when my insecurity comes out.

 

[pooh71]

You look fabulous Yve. X

 

[Yvessa]

Thanks hon.

 

[maychick]

you look amazing xx

 

[Yvessa]

Thank you

 

[ChynaDoll]

I think a lot of it is down to acceptance hon. I know I used to think people didn't like me because I was fat, or I wasn't pretty because I was fat etc. And these sorts of clothes are what thinner people wear. So if I wear them and they don't look good then that's harder to take. And I was in a lot of denial about my size in terms of how big I actually looked and part of me already sees a bigger than size 12 girl in the mirror even though that's what I'm wearing. So I then think maybe I'm still really fat and I'm still that awkward child who looks stupid trying to wear trendy clothes. its like no longer having that shell of fat to protect you. Don't get me wrong, I never ever will go back. But it is a frightening hting.

This has summed up how I've felt pre + post op. Like.. I've never been able to put it into words but this is it. It's really crazy how our minds can play tricks on us and the fact some of us experience a whole new identity issue after losing so much weight. But I'm exactly the same you're not alone.. I think just cos it fits should I bother wearing it? I feel awkward trying to wear "normal" clothes to the point I only bought new things a month ago and that's only cos I needed them for my new job. I feel soooo vunerable now that I'm almost at goal I think people are staring at my jiggly bits/skin instead of fat now even though I know they can't see it . But one thing I've learnt is that it may be a female thing and nothing to do with size lool. I have friends and family all different sizes who go through the same trials and tribulations of clothes fitting well or being unflattering etc. It is hard losing all this weight and not feeling confident in the things you envisioned wearing after surgery but trust me whatever you feel comfortable in you own it and work it honey. You look bloody AMAZING and you truly are an inspiration to me and so many others. Keep up the fight xxx

 

[Yvessa]

Coffee out with my girl!

 

[Bally]

Or, rather, two girls out for coffee!

 

[Butterfly_lady]

Two lovely ladies

 

[femfrankie]

Awwww you both look fab

 

[Yvessa]

Feeling pretty skinny today actually

 

[ceecie74]

Feeling pretty skinny today actually

This raised a huge smile! So pleased you're feeling good x

 

[Yvessa]

Thanks hon.

 

[Llora]

Oh you both look so happy and really look alike! both really pretty!