A Chance to Start Again

[OkieGirl]

I blame the weather - I can eat for England when it is cold! Seriously, you are starting to process some very difficult emotions and it is natural to go to what you normally do for comfort. Are you getting any psychological support to work through things? I too have been struggling recently as life has been somewhat challenging! I have learnt not to beat myself up and to learn from each experience. It takes time though to get our heads around thinking about food differently. It is hard and it takes time to learn new habits and new ways of reacting. Be kind to yourself, and also take some time for some fun.

In one of your earlier posts you blamed everything on yourself. I used to do that until a therapist gave me a book to read - 'A Hundred Years of Psychotherapy and the World is Getting Worse' by James Hillman and Michael Ventura. It opened my eyes to the fact that no one is an island and that society and people are interconnected and therefore we are all in varying degrees depending on the hand that life has dealt us, a product of our life's experiences. We all have shadow sides and no one is all good or all bad. We can take responsibility for our own choices but it isn't good to take on responsibility for things that others have done. x

@SAM55 I'm not having any counselling at the moment, but I think it would be very good for me in the long run. I must remember that I'm trying to change a lifetime of bad habits and that it's not going to happen immediately. It's a case of being really bad about trying to run before I can walk. At the very least I think that just being more aware of what I'm doing rather than just mindlessly heading into the kitchen and shoveling in the food is at least a step in the right direction.

I think I'll find that book and give it a read. I'm terribly hard on myself and am often my own worst critic and for some reason it does seem that I am far too willing to take the responsibility for the actions of others. Thank you for your reply and I totally agree with what Bling said!

 

[OkieGirl]

Hi all, hope you're having a lovely Christmas. It's been a while since I said anything, but I've been lurking in the background. Not a whole lot has been going on apart from me trying to keep my head above water at work. Working for a church at Christmas time will make you not like the season very much. Add in the pressure, stress and hassle of also working for a parish church that is having an identity crisis since losing its well loved vicar (Thanks Bishop of Norwich... >:-/ ) means life is even more hectic. I seem to have become the church's Agony Aunt. Being in the office Monday - Friday people will come in and unload all of their frustrations on me. I have always been one of those people that others feel able to open up to, which is great on one level, but not great on another. Most of the time I can listen to them, possibly offer some advice and then put it aside, but because a lot of what's being shared with me recently affects me because of my involvement with the church, it is very difficult to just put stuff aside. If anything I'm bearing it and brooding on it and it's really hard. I had a very close working relationship with the previous vicar (I was his PA) and felt that I could offer a unique perspective on things that were going on with the congregation. On top of that, he would keep me in the loop with what was going on with the rest of our clergy team, which was important considering that I'm also the parish administrator and responsible for making sure everyone has the necessary resources for the services they're leading. Our interim priest, although he's nice enough, doesn't seem to either be able or want to utilize me in the same capacity. Because of that, I'm not given full information which has led to me making mistakes which then makes me look either like I'm just plain not doing my job or that I'm incompetent. I find this very upsetting. I think everyone has some idea of how crap it is for me right now because in the run up to Christmas, I was given three bottles of booze! Anyhow, thankfully, I've got this week off.

Next week on 5th January I head back to Luton for what I will consider the true start of my weight loss journey. My last visit was a basic introduction to what will happen. I was not asked to do anything more than fill in a food diary, which I've done. In hindsight I really wish that that visit was happening on the 5th because I have no doubt that I've put on weight since then. 'Tis the season and all that jazz. So in some ways, I'm dreading the next visit but am also ready to kick things into gear and get going. I suspect that I will be put on the milk diet then.

It's been weird this year thinking that, if all goes well and I toe the line, this will be the last Christmas that I will be able to indulge. And you know what? There's a very large part of me that is incredibly relieved to think that. It's hard to explain.

Anyhow, Merry Christmas y'all. I hope you've had a nice one and for those who are struggling for whatever reason, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[SAM55]

Hi all, hope you're having a lovely Christmas. It's been a while since I said anything, but I've been lurking in the background. Not a whole lot has been going on apart from me trying to keep my head above water at work. Working for a church at Christmas time will make you not like the season very much. Add in the pressure, stress and hassle of also working for a parish church that is having an identity crisis since losing its well loved vicar (Thanks Bishop of Norwich... >:-/ ) means life is even more hectic. I seem to have become the church's Agony Aunt. Being in the office Monday - Friday people will come in and unload all of their frustrations on me. I have always been one of those people that others feel able to open up to, which is great on one level, but not great on another. Most of the time I can listen to them, possibly offer some advice and then put it aside, but because a lot of what's being shared with me recently affects me because of my involvement with the church, it is very difficult to just put stuff aside. If anything I'm bearing it and brooding on it and it's really hard. I had a very close working relationship with the previous vicar (I was his PA) and felt that I could offer a unique perspective on things that were going on with the congregation. On top of that, he would keep me in the loop with what was going on with the rest of our clergy team, which was important considering that I'm also the parish administrator and responsible for making sure everyone has the necessary resources for the services they're leading. Our interim priest, although he's nice enough, doesn't seem to either be able or want to utilize me in the same capacity. Because of that, I'm not given full information which has led to me making mistakes which then makes me look either like I'm just plain not doing my job or that I'm incompetent. I find this very upsetting. I think everyone has some idea of how crap it is for me right now because in the run up to Christmas, I was given three bottles of booze! Anyhow, thankfully, I've got this week off.

Next week on 5th January I head back to Luton for what I will consider the true start of my weight loss journey. My last visit was a basic introduction to what will happen. I was not asked to do anything more than fill in a food diary, which I've done. In hindsight I really wish that that visit was happening on the 5th because I have no doubt that I've put on weight since then. 'Tis the season and all that jazz. So in some ways, I'm dreading the next visit but am also ready to kick things into gear and get going. I suspect that I will be put on the milk diet then.

It's been weird this year thinking that, if all goes well and I toe the line, this will be the last Christmas that I will be able to indulge. And you know what? There's a very large part of me that is incredibly relieved to think that. It's hard to explain.

Anyhow, Merry Christmas y'all. I hope you've had a nice one and for those who are struggling for whatever reason, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I get your pain as a PA who has lost their boss. It is a very personal role which the PA gives a lot of themselves to. A wife without ‘benefits’. It is understandable that you are feeling this loss so allow yourself some time to grieve.

I have just finished a very interesting book about someone who as a clinical psychologist was burnt out from experiencing so much empathy for his clients and feeling their pain. During his recovery journey he was shown how to make the difference between showing empathy and showing compassion (where you can put a barrier in). Sounds like you were doing the latter with peoples problems but it has all got a bit close to home.

 

[Lottiewishes]

Hi hun I am from Norfolk-but on tier 3 at norwich-i hope to eventually end up at Luton. Good luck with your appointment in new year xxxx

 

[OkieGirl]

I get your pain as a PA who has lost their boss. It is a very personal role which the PA gives a lot of themselves to. A wife without ‘benefits’. It is understandable that you are feeling this loss so allow yourself some time to grieve.

I have just finished a very interesting book about someone who as a clinical psychologist was burnt out from experiencing so much empathy for his clients and feeling their pain. During his recovery journey he was shown how to make the difference between showing empathy and showing compassion (where you can put a barrier in). Sounds like you were doing the latter with peoples problems but it has all got a bit close to home.

Pretty much all of this @SAM55! Ian and I made a great team. I had his back and he had mine. I often get inundated with "Can You Just..." on Sundays when I'm there to worship not work. When it started happening too often, Ian would actually give the congregation a polite reminder that work for me and my volunteers was to be done during the week. I now feel as if I've been thrown to the wolves. Thankfully one of the other clergy saw what was happening and told everyone to back off.

As for the empathy vs compassion, I certainly have been straying into empathy. I've always been fairly empathetic and most of the time I'm aware of when it's getting to me. I need to find ways to switch to being compassionate. It's something that is probably going to be vital to me and my sanity in the long run!

 

[OkieGirl]

I have just returned from L&D and, as expected, will start the milk diet. The results from all my blood tests were good and there's nothing there to be worried about. I did put on a couple of kilo over Christmas, but was told not to worry about that too much since I hadn't actually been asked to even try and lose anything at that point anyway. If anything, the nurse seemed impressed that I didn't put on a whole lot more between early November to today (5th January).

So, I will start on Monday. I've already stocked up on all my essentials and... I'm actually looking forward to it! My goal is to lose 20lbs which I think is more than doable. I'm going to start adding in more exercise during this time as well and hopefully that will make a big impact on my results.

 

[Bling Babe]

Great news it’s really encouraging to be making a start, good luck you will be fine xx

 

[OkieGirl]

So, day one of the milk diet is nearly under my belt. It's been weird. There's been an internal struggle raging between my mind and my stomach off and on today. My brain is like YOU NEED TO EAT SOMETHING! and my stomach is... Eeeeh... not really? I am hoping that the next four weeks is going to really help me in learning what real hunger is vs head hunger. It's easy to sit and say that you think you know, but I'm finding that isn't really the case for me.

This morning was pretty easy, to be honest. I'm used to not eating anything for breakfast and having a glass of milk, so that's been no different for me and on top of that I've been busy so I've not had chance to think about it. I felt fine right up until noon and even then I wasn't really hungry, but I had some more milk and one of my jellies. Milk I love. Jelly... not quite as much. I managed to drink 1 litre of water over the course of my working hours and will probably not quite reach another litre over the course of the evening. Again, this isn't unusual for me. I've been taking a 1 litre bottle into work with me for ages now. When I came home though, well... this has been the longest, hardest two hours! I knew that it would be though, so being aware that this time of the day is my danger zone has helped me some. I've kept busy doing laundry and the like and now I'm sitting here with a bit more milk and another jelly. Once we get past tea time (making tea for everyone - another hurdle! but I will make it!) then I know I'm in the clear because I've never been one for snacking past tea time.

So, day one - so far - has been a success! I've had a few people messaging me with encouragement. I've also had loads of people exclaiming how they couldn't survive on just milk and then I remind them that, well, yes, you can and at some point you did because unless you were a super advanced baby, then you started off on milk. Really, I keep equating the whole process with that of being a baby again and having to learn to eat all over. I don't think it's too bad of an analogy.

One weird moment I've had: someone suggested that I do a fundraiser over the course of my weight loss. Eh... no thanks. I'm kind of at the point where I don't really care who knows now. Besides that, I think the news has done the rounds as is. So... thanks for being trustworthy, clergy members and congregation! But while I might not mind people knowing, I don't want to make a huge thing of it or become a spectacle. Which, I suppose after losing such a large amount of weight will just happen anyway. Hrm.

 

[Maria61]

So, day one of the milk diet is nearly under my belt. It's been weird. There's been an internal struggle raging between my mind and my stomach off and on today. My brain is like YOU NEED TO EAT SOMETHING! and my stomach is... Eeeeh... not really? I am hoping that the next four weeks is going to really help me in learning what real hunger is vs head hunger. It's easy to sit and say that you think you know, but I'm finding that isn't really the case for me.

This morning was pretty easy, to be honest. I'm used to not eating anything for breakfast and having a glass of milk, so that's been no different for me and on top of that I've been busy so I've not had chance to think about it. I felt fine right up until noon and even then I wasn't really hungry, but I had some more milk and one of my jellies. Milk I love. Jelly... not quite as much. I managed to drink 1 litre of water over the course of my working hours and will probably not quite reach another litre over the course of the evening. Again, this isn't unusual for me. I've been taking a 1 litre bottle into work with me for ages now. When I came home though, well... this has been the longest, hardest two hours! I knew that it would be though, so being aware that this time of the day is my danger zone has helped me some. I've kept busy doing laundry and the like and now I'm sitting here with a bit more milk and another jelly. Once we get past tea time (making tea for everyone - another hurdle! but I will make it!) then I know I'm in the clear because I've never been one for snacking past tea time.

So, day one - so far - has been a success! I've had a few people messaging me with encouragement. I've also had loads of people exclaiming how they couldn't survive on just milk and then I remind them that, well, yes, you can and at some point you did because unless you were a super advanced baby, then you started off on milk. Really, I keep equating the whole process with that of being a baby again and having to learn to eat all over. I don't think it's too bad of an analogy.

One weird moment I've had: someone suggested that I do a fundraiser over the course of my weight loss. Eh... no thanks. I'm kind of at the point where I don't really care who knows now. Besides that, I think the news has done the rounds as is. So... thanks for being trustworthy, clergy members and congregation! But while I might not mind people knowing, I don't want to make a huge thing of it or become a spectacle. Which, I suppose after losing such a large amount of weight will just happen anyway. Hrm.

Well done, one day at a time xx

 

[SAM55]

Well done. What about making milk jelly?

The first three days are the hardest most people say and then it becomes more of a habit. I found keeping busy and warning people my temper would likely be on a short fuse (which it was) helped.

I wouldn't have wanted to do a fundraiser either. We put ourselves under enough pressure with this as it is. This is for us, the self care that because of our bad life experiences we found hard to do - not for the benefit of others!

Yep, be prepared for the comments from others once it starts coming off. People think they have the right to make comments about your body that they wouldn't have made before. Even those who only know you slightly as it is the only topic of conversation they seem able to have. Even more than a year out, I got some patronising comments from some people I know who I saw over New Year for the first time in 12 months.

 

[OkieGirl]

Well done. What about making milk jelly?

The first three days are the hardest most people say and then it becomes more of a habit. I found keeping busy and warning people my temper would likely be on a short fuse (which it was) helped.

I wouldn't have wanted to do a fundraiser either. We put ourselves under enough pressure with this as it is. This is for us, the self care that because of our bad life experiences we found hard to do - not for the benefit of others!

Yep, be prepared for the comments from others once it starts coming off. People think they have the right to make comments about your body that they wouldn't have made before. Even those who only know you slightly as it is the only topic of conversation they seem able to have. Even more than a year out, I got some patronising comments from some people I know who I saw over New Year for the first time in 12 months.

I'm definitely going to try the milk jelly. It might cut the sweetness a tad and also make it feel like it's something slightly more substantial. Savoury things have always been my thing, so my OXO cube was an absolute treat! This evening has been challenging and I had one of my boys stay in the kitchen with me while I fixed their dinner tonight to make sure I didn't do anything stupid! I'm hoping that each day gets a bit more routine though.

I wasn't offended at the suggestion about the fundraiser, I wasn't even shocked - although maybe I should have been both - but I don't need the added pressure at all. It's going to be the back-handed compliments that will be difficult to deal with or the constant questions and demands for numbers that I won't appreciate, especially when it's delivered in the guise of support and encouragement.

I will do this though. I have to do this. And I don't mean that in a "someone's twisting my arm" way either. I have to do this to finally have the kind of life that I've wanted and to be the kind of wife and mother that my family deserve!

 

[OkieGirl]

Day 2... sucked. A lot. I made it through but OMG. I was ok in the morning but by tea time I wanted to rip people apart. I felt so, so angry that I couldn't eat anything. I was annoyed that my stomach kept rumbling, reminding me that I couldn't have anything. For the family's dinner, I made cottage pie because I abhor it. Well guess what? My jerk brain decided that it smelled like the BEST THING EVER! I didn't cheat though, so I guess that's something.

Day 3... Was better up until about half an hour ago and I'm finding myself back in that place where I feel super angry and annoyed. My concentration levels are absolute crap and I'm easily irked over small things. I just want to be left alone. I want my stomach to stop with the constant griping and reminding me that it's even there. Guys, seriously, I have nearly been in tears any time I have to go anywhere near the kitchen. I know after reading a lot of other diaries that these feelings aren't unusual, so I guess that's something, but damn... I really hope that sometime in the next few days something in my brain clicks and this feeling of deprivation subsides. Like I said, I'm fine most of the day, but once I get home it's all down hill.

I'm sorry that my entries are so blah and far from encouraging. At the very least, I know I'm in good company here.

 

[Emma1504]

It’s good to read about both the good & the bad!
Never say sorry for writing the truth.
I for one need to know both side of the story.

 

[SAM55]

Day 2... sucked. A lot. I made it through but OMG. I was ok in the morning but by tea time I wanted to rip people apart. I felt so, so angry that I couldn't eat anything. I was annoyed that my stomach kept rumbling, reminding me that I couldn't have anything. For the family's dinner, I made cottage pie because I abhor it. Well guess what? My jerk brain decided that it smelled like the BEST THING EVER! I didn't cheat though, so I guess that's something.

Day 3... Was better up until about half an hour ago and I'm finding myself back in that place where I feel super angry and annoyed. My concentration levels are absolute crap and I'm easily irked over small things. I just want to be left alone. I want my stomach to stop with the constant griping and reminding me that it's even there. Guys, seriously, I have nearly been in tears any time I have to go anywhere near the kitchen. I know after reading a lot of other diaries that these feelings aren't unusual, so I guess that's something, but damn... I really hope that sometime in the next few days something in my brain clicks and this feeling of deprivation subsides. Like I said, I'm fine most of the day, but once I get home it's all down hill.

I'm sorry that my entries are so blah and far from encouraging. At the very least, I know I'm in good company here.

You are doing so well. Is there anyone you can delegate some of the kitchen duties to?

Keep focusing on that liver getting smaller and also how awful you will feel if you wake up on the operating table having been sewn up with no op because it wasn't small enough.

 

[OkieGirl]

My intention is to get the kids involved in some of the kitchen duties. It's a great opportunity to teach them some basic life skills during this time.

I only wish that I was as close to having surgery as the pre-op diet. This is just the four week milk diet they have you do at Luton & Dunstable. Today I've managed to come home and not feel some of that dread and in hindsight, every day does seem to be getting easier. Mind over matter!

 

[Bling Babe]

My intention is to get the kids involved in some of the kitchen duties. It's a great opportunity to teach them some basic life skills during this time.

I only wish that I was as close to having surgery as the pre-op diet. This is just the four week milk diet they have you do at Luton & Dunstable. Today I've managed to come home and not feel some of that dread and in hindsight, every day does seem to be getting easier. Mind over matter!

Your doing really well OkieGirl and I’m sure it will get easier for you, you will be so very proud of yourself as the days go and on, stay strong x

 

[Maria61]

Day 2... sucked. A lot. I made it through but OMG. I was ok in the morning but by tea time I wanted to rip people apart. I felt so, so angry that I couldn't eat anything. I was annoyed that my stomach kept rumbling, reminding me that I couldn't have anything. For the family's dinner, I made cottage pie because I abhor it. Well guess what? My jerk brain decided that it smelled like the BEST THING EVER! I didn't cheat though, so I guess that's something.

Day 3... Was better up until about half an hour ago and I'm finding myself back in that place where I feel super angry and annoyed. My concentration levels are absolute crap and I'm easily irked over small things. I just want to be left alone. I want my stomach to stop with the constant griping and reminding me that it's even there. Guys, seriously, I have nearly been in tears any time I have to go anywhere near the kitchen. I know after reading a lot of other diaries that these feelings aren't unusual, so I guess that's something, but damn... I really hope that sometime in the next few days something in my brain clicks and this feeling of deprivation subsides. Like I said, I'm fine most of the day, but once I get home it's all down hill.

I'm sorry that my entries are so blah and far from encouraging. At the very least, I know I'm in good company here.

I know exactly how you feel but you can do this. It does get easier as you go along and is good in a way beacause you don’t have to make a choice about what to eat, it is just milk and it is a means to the end which is to get your surgery. It is good to rant on here as we all know how you feel. Good luck xx

 

[OkieGirl]

So, week 1 of the milk diet done and dusted!

Result: -6lbs!

I really am pleased about it and am excited to see what the next few weeks brings. The date for my next appointment is the 6th March, which in hindsight I should have waited for my next date and worked back four weeks from that and started my milk diet then. The nurse I last saw at L&D said that you can do 12 weeks on it, so if my next appointment was a bit over 4 weeks that it wasn't a problem. She also told me that if I was really struggling that I could give her a ring and she'd tell me what to do next. Thing is... although I do have a few moments here and there, by and large I'm doing well on it so, if they want to see commitment, then I'm going to just carry on until my next appointment.

I had a moment Saturday night while fixing dinner for my husband, though. Now, while it was pretty much an emotional meltdown, it was also a bit of an ah-ha! moment for me. While cooking, it started out that I felt annoyed that I couldn't have a normal meal with my family, but then it went to me beating myself up for letting myself get to the stage that the only way to "fix" me is to end up being cut stem to stern and I felt so angry that I couldn't be "normal". My husband came into the kitchen and asked me how I was, which my natural first reaction to that question (as it is for many others) was to say that I was fine, but I backtracked and told him exactly how I was feeling. He gave me a big hug, told me that the past is the past and that it can't be changed, but that I was making steps to make things better in the future. He also told me that by doing all of this, that I'd gain so much from it in the end, that it would all be worth it. Then to put the icing on the cake he said that he was really proud of me and how well I've been doing. Well, what could I say? That put everything in perspective and cheered me up quite a bit.

So what are some things I've learned over the last week?
1. The ad slogan for milk in the US (Milk - it does a body good.) is pretty spot on!
2. That it's a bloody good thing that I've always loved milk.
3. People who find out have been incredibly supportive and are behind me completely.
4. I'm stronger and more persistent than I thought I was!

 

[Emma1504]

You is on it!!!!
Keep it up & tell your husband maybe he could make his own dinner

 

[Ian2Big]

Great start 6 lbs in the first week. I have also just finished week 1 of 2 of the milk diet ( 2nd time for me) as part of my pre-op. I have an appointment at L&D on 6th March too.
If you are getting bored of chicken oxo, try knorr stock cubes , they come in different flavours such as pork, ham and fish and i found them stronger than oxo for putting in hot milk. I was working and visiting clients when on the milk diet and would turn up with a pint of milk made up with crusha or stock cubes for lunch and have it while they tucked into their lunch. They were always impressed that i could do that and where very supportive.
Having the support helps and seeing the weight loss does encourage you to stick with it.
Good luck