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BandedHuns Mad Fat Diary

Looks scrumptious :) I still sooo am a foodie :rolleyes:
 
So...

Ive not slept at all. Downloaded a load of music and sorted all my clothes out. Four bags full of 18-22 size clothes I used to drown myself in. Sorted all my knickers and socks out too... Then did sit ups and press ups to try and sort my anxiety nervous energy out ... Finally fell asleep at 1am only to wake up having nightmares at 4-15 and haven't been back to sleep since. Crazy what an over active brain , stress and anxiety can do to us. I just feel like I need to keep busy.

Feels better having my clothes sorted- I needed to cleanse myself some how. Sounds strange but I felt cluttered into life and sorting clothes helps I feel ..... :-S
 
Omg I'm doing the exact same thing sorting babies clothes out ready for washing! Just have to keep busy! X
 
Hi Bandedhun.

I've spent the passed couple of days reading through your rollercoaster ride of a diary you've been on the passed 4.5 months!

Wow! Your honesty regarding your food issues gives voice to my feelings that I haven't even uttered. You've certainly had enough stress for a lifetime and yet despite that, the transformation in your body is nothing short of amazing! Keep it up!

I wish you every success as you continue to lose and then maintain your ideal weight, whatever that ends up being, and that all the difficulties in your life give you a break every now and again so that you can enjoy all you've achieved in such a short time!

Being only 6 days post lap band op on My Journey to Minnie Me, you've certainly answered questions I haven't even thought to ask yet! You are an inspiration and I hope to keep following you down your road!

Have you thought of putting all you've experienced with life, addictions, Banding, food, exercise, etc into a book? I've laughed and cried along with you as have so mange others on this forum!

Thanks for sharing your wild ride with us!
Take care!
 
Daphneb said:
Hi Bandedhun. I've spent the passed couple of days reading through your rollercoaster ride of a diary you've been on the passed 4.5 months! Wow! Your honesty regarding your food issues gives voice to my feelings that I haven't even uttered. You've certainly had enough stress for a lifetime and yet despite that, the transformation in your body is nothing short of amazing! Keep it up! I wish you every success as you continue to lose and then maintain your ideal weight, whatever that ends up being, and that all the difficulties in your life give you a break every now and again so that you can enjoy all you've achieved in such a short time! Being only 6 days post lap band op on My Journey to Minnie Me, you've certainly answered questions I haven't even thought to ask yet! You are an inspiration and I hope to keep following you down your road! Have you thought of putting all you've experienced with life, addictions, Banding, food, exercise, etc into a book? I've laughed and cried along with you as have so mange others on this forum! Thanks for sharing your wild ride with us! Take care!
Click to expand...

Oh wow! Erm- I really don't know what to say to that ... Thank you so much . You have brought tears to my eyes. ESP in the tough period I'm in at the moment. I think it isn't until we are honest with ourselves about our behaviours addictions habits etc That we can TRUELY trust ourselves. However that happens and whenever in life it eventually does. Life in denial is sad and lonely . Makes us bitter and angry. It's too short and although stressful I wouldn't want my life another way. Just maybe a break for a bit....

A book? Ummm unless I quit my job there's no way I could but being on here if it helps one person make a decision that's right for then and changes there life with or without WLS then I've done my bit in life to Pay it forward.

I'll catch up on your diary daphne and hope to see some changes soon :) ((( any advice or issues - just holla))) xxx
 
Had my meeting and to be honest, I can't speak I'm soul destroyed. The only reason I'm coming on here and blogging how I feel I sleeping me from doing something that would hurt so many others that matter.
I'm sick of working in a career that holds your past so tightly as your future, the fact everything I e worked to achieve in 5 years can be taken away from me because my past ( which is like to add has no impact on my current situation at all) worse thing is I'm too honest about myself and past and it's that that destroys me everytime .

3 days off now to seriously think about an exit strategy. I'm tired of this career and life it's been nothing but heart ache . With no thanks and a few genuine friends along the way but that's it for 14 years .....
 
Past is past that's my answer but as a fellow sufferer of the past haunting my future, and frankly having such a hold over my whole life ................ i send my sincere sympathy's your way x x x x
 
Thinking of you ... You've really had a tough time, but if you've proved anything, with strength and determination you'll overcome this too!
 
Crystal & daphne I can't thank you enough. I feel so empty right now all I keep considering is resigning - if I knew I could secure the same salary id walk in a heart beat - I've had enough of fighting this life. Hitting hurdle after hurdle for trying my best .... I wish I could say what it was but fear of my employers just wrecks self confidence .... What a hold this career path has over you ....
 
Hi Hun, you have my deepest sympathy & empathy for the horrible situation you are in. I felt similar to you in my last job & my path out was self employment. Scary times but it was the best decision i made! I gave up a £35k job which I'd spent my whole adult life working to achieve, including doing a part time degree. I now earn a fraction of what I did before but I've gained a work / life balance, happiness & true satisfaction in what i do. I now help people instead of (for want of a better term) screwing people over.
Sometimes life throws you a huge pile of crap & it seems like its the most horrible thing ever but in time this will all work out for you. My mum has always said that bad things happen for good reasons & mums are always right! Hang in there, you're certainly the type of person who can deal with this & turn it around. Stay strong. ((((Hugs))))) x
 
Emm's thank you!
I think maybe this is yet another sign that this career isn't for me anymore, it's draining my life ... I hate it. I feel from on top of world to depths of being as bad as a scourger , or criminal it's awful, I just want this to stop. On too of learning who my friends are , my Ex landlords ( which I think has something to do with it) and work I feel like what else left but my health to suffer....

I don't know what else to do - I really don't :-(
 
Feel free to pm me any time. I'm a part time landlord too (although I wish i wasn't!) so I may be able to help you there. I promise anything u say will go no further. I feel we have a lot of similarities with each other & I'm happy to help in any way i can x
 
Thanks Emma . I'm kinda there with the landlords . Coz I'm out the house I can't peruse anything about them harrassing me and calling and writing to my work ... But I have law on my side so I guess ( before this ) I thought the law always prevailed ... Hummmmm crazy when that's your career! :-( I don't believe anymore . It's corrupt and biased and nasty and I'm sick of it all. I'm too friggin nice and never should have entered this career . . .
 
Good luck love, hope things start to turn round soon for you! You have achieved so much in past few months!

I would say if you can try something new for you! I switched careers a few years back and it helped me for few reasons, money ended up more secure, more benefits with job and 10 mins from home rather than 1hr. I'm currently trying to work up ladder but feel that it's a little bit about image so I'm boosting my confidence by losing weight into the new me!

Sometimes it feels hard, but I honestly believe that things happen for a reason and although tough at the time, believe something better to come xx
 
Thanks Sharon, I'm thinking that maybe this is a sign that no matter what 14 years of hitting hurdles maybe it is the universe telling me - this isn't for you... And it's not through my actions it's through other influences, family, relationships etc. Not my ability or worth ethic .

So all the stress meant I hardly are yesterday ... Drank lots of water though . So good was a milk chocolate digestive and three pieces of chicken breast chat grilled from the kebab place ( no sauce ) then had a kinder bar ( the little ones -81kcals) so not much at all.... Took my beta blockers which are for the Anxiety and slept till 8am! Niceeee! And I'm finally in the 11s .... 11.13 now . How nice :-D

Went to Stratford after work and brought some new trousers , a new kimono and a new vest top , all size 12. (( compulsive buying to make up for the stress I guess )) .... I'll upload pictures (( the trousers are forever 21 and cuffed leather at top and ankles. Look cool on ))

The leather coat is the one I brought in an 18 but I didn't wear it as the summer came and now I was able to change it to a 14.... So happy ( it is a tiny coat lol) so I guess there's a reason to be happy
 

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BandedHun said:
Thanks Sharon, I'm thinking that maybe this is a sign that no matter what 14 years of hitting hurdles maybe it is the universe telling me - this isn't for you... And it's not through my actions it's through other influences, family, relationships etc. Not my ability or worth ethic . So all the stress meant I hardly are yesterday ... Drank lots of water though . So good was a milk chocolate digestive and three pieces of chicken breast chat grilled from the kebab place ( no sauce ) then had a kinder bar ( the little ones -81kcals) so not much at all.... Took my beta blockers which are for the Anxiety and slept till 8am! Niceeee! And I'm finally in the 11s .... 11.13 now . How nice :-D Went to Stratford after work and brought some new trousers , a new kimono and a new vest top , all size 12. (( compulsive buying to make up for the stress I guess )) .... I'll upload pictures (( the trousers are forever 21 and cuffed leather at top and ankles. Look cool on )) The leather coat is the one I brought in an 18 but I didn't wear it as the summer came and now I was able to change it to a 14.... So happy ( it is a tiny coat lol) so I guess there's a reason to be happy
Click to expand...

Glad you got a wee sleep and woke up in the 11s!! :) I can't wait to drop into the next stone bracket!!

Shopping always helps!! I love forever 21, got a few lovely dresses and tops from the store in New York..(which is huge...and was shopping at 11pm) but think may need to eBay 1 of them as think be too big for me by the time I get the weather to wear them!! Xx
 
Love love love that kimono just my kind of thing that! It's gorgeous! When your done with it I'll buy it off u lol! I'm determined to get back to things once babs is here! X x x
 
Dreamer.... I'll send it to you just for being a beautiful genuine human being .... Let me get two three wears and it will be yours ;-) xxxx hugsxxxxxxxx

Isn't it amazing how retail therapy and weight loss make u feel better when times are tough. It's lovely shopping in the little boutique shops is never dream of shopping in normally. Opens a whole new world.

Also seeing a new weight bracket amazes me too . I never thought I'd see the 11s by Xmas let along August but in light of the situ I get it but will see what happens on Tuesday at my appointment.

It has got me excited to think what I might weigh at the end again.... Hummmm.

Does anyone know what you have to do to maintain?

Also I started doing 2x25 press ups and 3x 35 sit ups sets every night before bed to try tone up and try burn energy before bed. Does anyone else worry about loose skin ..... And what do you do?? Xxx
 
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