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Failure

Alia

Alia

New Member
Hi everyone

It's been a long time since I've stopped by minimins and a long time since I've given people an update on my story.

There is a reason why I stopped coming and this is actually incredibly difficult for me to write but after talking to a very nice lady (from this forum, you know who you are) I've decided to come back and tell you all whats going on with me and hopefully someone can help me feel better about myself and maybe I can try to move forward and stop feeling so isolated and alone.

Basically the situation is that I'm failing!! I felt so positive after my gastric bypass and initially the weight was falling off of me and life seemed for the first time ever to be on the right track but everything changed.

I always knew my excess weight was n't so much as down to how much I ate but as to what I ate and right down till hours before having my surgery I was questioning if this was right for me - but seeing as I had to have surgery anyway to correct a previous failed wls that was causing me huge problems I went through with it anyway - guess once they were in there they may aswell do the bypass too.

I've always been a sweet eater - I could go for days with out eating proper meals and just live in chocolate, icream, cakes and fizzy drinks. This was even more of a problem for me as when I had my first wls in 1999 a problem occured that meant I was unable to eat anything with any substance to it with out being sick or suffering hours later and start vomiting a thick black sludge (sorry too much information). It was discovered during my bypass in November that a ring that was meant to be round the top of my stomache from my previous surgery had actually slipped down some how and was round the bottom meaning food could go in but could n't go out - hence why all the sloppy stuff stayed down. So for 10 years I lived off sloppy stuff, at first thinking that it was just my surgery and that was how it was meant to be. I think that is what has added to my addiction to sweet foods and slippery foods. Yes there I said it, I am an addict, a sugar addict!!

Probaby 3 months ago I started slipping into some bad habits - I was always an all or nothing girl, not one wotsit - have to have a bag, not one piece of chocolate give me the whole bar! I started having the odd piece of chocolate here and there and here I am now, with out even seeing it coming, back to exactly how I was before - not eating meals, living off snacking on bad stuff and of course the side effect of that was initially a stop in the weight loss, now its no longer about weight loss but about the weight I'm gaining back!

I can't begin to tell you how bad I'm feeling,how depressed I am about the whole thing. I was never the person that needed to lose 10 stone - I needed to lose around 22 stone!! I had 6 stone off which yes is alot but for me barely touched the surface and I've now put 2 of that back on. I hate myself!! I put my family through so much having this surgery and here I am letting them all down yet again. I've stopped going out to avoid bumping into people that know I have had the surgery cause I don't want to have to explain to them or don't want to see the look on their faces that say - ha so much for losing weight bla bla.

It was my birthday yesterday and my mum came over and we started talking about something and suddenly I blurted out the troubles I was having - she could n't give me any answers, just said she had known for a few months now things were going wrong.

I need to lose weight for my health. I have 6 children to run around after and with that 6 stone off I felt so much better, I had cut my pain medication down by so much - I was on morphine due to severe back and joint pain, some days I was unable to hardly walk so I was feeling fantastic! Now the weight is going back on I'm really feeling it in my joints and in my mobility and most days I just want to cry for my failure.

I stopped coming here cause seeing all you beautiful people with your sucess stories was killing me. I'm so proud of you all, especially the girls I have on facebook. I've been watching your on going success and the pictures of your wls journeys and I so wish I was there with you. This is the story of my life, if there was one person that could fail at something it was going to be me. At this point in time I can't see that I'm ever going to be a healthy weight and my obesity will eventually kill me.

Yesterday I had a message on facebook from a lovely lady asking me about the gastric bypass and I decided to be totally honest with her and tell her my story as its not often people hear about failures with a gastric bypass (I assume people hide it as I did). Messages started passing backwards and forwards between us and with her help I have found a little bit of positivity and also some self help techniques. Monday has to be a new start for me otherwise I've gone through all this heartache and pain for nothing. I'm trying to summon all my strength to get through this cause I know once I start to lose the weight again the positivity will return and I can use this tool I have been given to get me a new life - one free of pain and misery!!

Thank you Helen - you may think you did little but you did so much for me yesterday and you have given me the strength to talk about whats happened to me instead of being so ashamed and hiding away and lying to people.

I'm sure I'll be judged because of my failure but I don't really care - I've admitted to myself there is a huge problem and I'm going to do all I can to try to get on track again!!

Alia xxxx
 
Alia, Alia, Alia, you are NOT a failure. Things have just taken a turn in the wrong direction for you and now its time to take control and get back on track. I don't really know much about the bypass as I'm a bander but please don't give in. Stay here with the wonderful bypass minis and they will help you with this. You have to do this for yourself and your children. Don't hide away any longer because you won't get help if people don't know you need it. Big hugs to you sweetheart and to your 6 lovely children that need their mummy healthyxxxx
 
You are certainly not a failure. You have admitted something that numerous people on here are battling. I have a food addiction and if I didn't I wouldn't weigh what I do.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. We will be here to help in any way we can to get you back on track.
 
Please don't be so hard on yourself, you are struggling but have come such a long way you have lost 6 stone which is amazing, Please do not think you are alone I was quite shocked when I went with my friend to see Dr Kendrick at Walsall Manor he had 2 new patients and 6 patients that were (failing) struggling can you not go back to your weight loss team and see if they can help you, You have made the first step by coming on here amongst friends and admitting you have a problem.

It was sad to read your story but also the truth about that if you are not careful you can put the weight back on so thank you for that.

Chin up things can only get better now you have admitted to yourself you have a problem now go out there and get the help you need to get to your goal weight you are so near NEVER give up.

If ever you are feeling down just come and have a rant you will feel so much better and you are amongst friends :D
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))
 
Last edited:
Hi Alia,

Firstly i think you are being incredibly brave to admit to having problems. So far as i can see you are not a failure, you're just having a hiccup.
i'm a pre op bander so have no experience of what you are going through. But as my op grows nearer i really worry about my future ability to change all my bad habits.
the yoghurt diet has helped to make me realise that i'm not hungry when i eat, i just crave all those foods that make me feel better. but they only make me feel better for a few short minites and they are ruining my life and killing me. Even knowing all that all i really want is fish and chips or a chinese!
So you are not going to get any criticism from me hun. I understand completely and reading your post makes me feel very sad. i'm an addict and like other addicts it really isn't our fault, but we can do something about it, we just need a lot of help!
So look at the positives. You have had the strength to undergo several surgeries that most people would be too scared to contemplate. You've lost 6 stone (doesn't matter how much you want to lose, 6 stone is 6 stone and a fantastic acheivement) You recognise your having a problem and need to address it.
So start afresh as you say, Monday's a new day, new week, new start. Get some more support. Speak to your provider and or GP. Perhaps get some councelling, with someone who specializes in addiction.
I know you can do it, we all can, just keep your eye on the prize and come back to mini's and get support and advice from the wonderful people on here.
xxxx
 
Alia well done xxxxxxxx you just made the first step I know you are going to do this I promise you.
dont ever feel like a failure your just on a bumpy road
email me anytime you like.
Helen
 
hi alia and welcome back to minis,
just wanted to say that you are not a failure, many people including myself have an eating problem. thats why most of us are in this position in the first place :(
all i can say is never give up because as long as you are still trying to lose weight you can never be a failure......
good luck and remember we are all here if you wanna talk
love tasha xxx
 
who are we to judge you my dear???? we are all in the same boat, and know that it's not an easy road to travel, even after surgery. We are however all here for one thing, SUPPORT and if that's what you need to get back on track, then i'm sure we all shall rally round and help you, by coming on here again, you are opening yourself for that help and support, which i'm guessing you really need right now, don't beat yourself up tho, cos that starts the self perpetuating circle of guilt eating....best of luck with this, we're all here for ya ;)
 
Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time hun. I definitely don't think you're a failure in any way. You've come on here and taking a massively positive step to doing something about the difficulties you're having. That is so hard to do! I'm really bad at asking for help, and it can't help that you're feeling so low.

I can't help that much as I'm still on my way to a bypass but I'm here if you ever want a chat/rant/cry!! And I know there will be many people who have had their bypasses that will help in any way they can! Often, just chatting to people who understand and have been through the same things helps!!

xxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Hi Alia

Well done for being so brave and posting how you are feeling. As others have said we are always here to offer you support when you need it. There are loads of lovely bypassers on here as you know who will help guide you back on the right track.

Good luck with your new start on Monday!

Maz x
 
I have the same problem with sugar addiction as you, I know it feels hopeless. I think even with all the reasons for being slim in the world, you can still feel that no matter what you have to slim for, the sugar craving is too strong.
I am on an upswing with regard to controlling what I eat sweets wise now but in my heart of hearts I still don't trust myself to last the full course of my weight loss.
I don't know if you have ever thought of counselling or hypnotherapy or anything? I have tried pretty much everything and I am having an easier time of it because , 1 I am writing down what I eat and that is helping me feel like I have control over my actions.
2 I am coming on here and blurting out my troubles and my god does that ever help. Just speaking / writing down all that you feel you have no control over certainly helped me get things into perspective.
3 I got hold of some hypnosis and subliminal recordings and I make time to listen, If the kids are asleep then I forget TV and lay on the couch with my headphones and listen.
You may or may not have had success or tried them before but it's half an hour out of the evening when I'm not thinking about a sweet snack.
Don't give up on yourself whatever you do, and don't think for a moment you're a failure, crikey I am guilty of saying that about myself as well and you don't get all the time back you spend worrying and giving up.
I want to help you very much because I recognise so much of myself in what you said.
I am sure all of us on here will keep you going and you lean on us and ask us anything.
Never ever too late OK???
 
Alia..............you have turned the corner already by facing up to and sharing your problems and that is a huge step in the right direction.
Well done for being so brave, there is no failure in that.
There is no point dwelling on what has gone before you know you have struggled and why and you are so strong sharing it, and that strength will see you back on the road to weight loss.
I am sure there are many many people who struggle as you have done, but there are few who would be able to admit it is their own fault and not blame it on the surgery.
Draw a line under what has gone before, speak to your GP or practice nurse and see if you can go there weekly to be weighed or referred to and obesity clinic for regular checks and support.
Start on Monday as if you had just had your bypass and start losing weight again. I know you can do it because of the strength of character you have shown by coming back to minis and seeking help.
I am more than happy to help you and I know there will be many on here who feel the same.
You are a mother with a wonderful family and a caring mum, and you have got everything to live for so dear dear Alia muster that strength and get back to the hopes and dreams you had for yourself...........you can do it Alia.........you can. You deserve it!!
Will be thinking of you..........good luck.

Jay xx
 
Hiya Alia and thanks for coming back to mini's and sharing your story with us. No one here will judge you, everyon has been in the same boat as you to a certain degree.

You have taken the first step in admitting that you are struggling and thats a big achievement. It also shows that you arent going to let it beat you or you would have kept quiet and trudged on.

The support on here is tremendous so stick with us ;)

Ill be going into surgery Monday so if you fancy a fresh start and a bypass buddy Ill gladly take the role with you :D, though you might have to hang on a week for me ot get out of hospital lol
 
Hi Alia, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Please don't feel like a failure - you must be successful in other areas of your life as you are bringing up your brood of children - also it is not "failure" to have lost 6 stone. You have put on 2 which I can really really relate to the despair you must be feeling - I think most people here have suffered this so many times in the past. However, you have identified the problem and admitted it to yourself so you are now in a good position to act. Have you an Overeaters Anonymous near you? This is a really good group for helping a person understand the nature of food addiction and ways of dealing with cravings etc. This may be helpful to you at this time.

I hope that you can start to feel more positive about yourself.
Very best wishes to you x
 
Alia said:
Hi everyone

It's been a long time since I've stopped by minimins and a long time since I've given people an update on my story.

There is a reason why I stopped coming and this is actually incredibly difficult for me to write but after talking to a very nice lady (from this forum, you know who you are) I've decided to come back and tell you all whats going on with me and hopefully someone can help me feel better about myself and maybe I can try to move forward and stop feeling so isolated and alone.

Basically the situation is that I'm failing!! I felt so positive after my gastric bypass and initially the weight was falling off of me and life seemed for the first time ever to be on the right track but everything changed.

I always knew my excess weight was n't so much as down to how much I ate but as to what I ate and right down till hours before having my surgery I was questioning if this was right for me - but seeing as I had to have surgery anyway to correct a previous failed wls that was causing me huge problems I went through with it anyway - guess once they were in there they may aswell do the bypass too.

I've always been a sweet eater - I could go for days with out eating proper meals and just live in chocolate, icream, cakes and fizzy drinks. This was even more of a problem for me as when I had my first wls in 1999 a problem occured that meant I was unable to eat anything with any substance to it with out being sick or suffering hours later and start vomiting a thick black sludge (sorry too much information). It was discovered during my bypass in November that a ring that was meant to be round the top of my stomache from my previous surgery had actually slipped down some how and was round the bottom meaning food could go in but could n't go out - hence why all the sloppy stuff stayed down. So for 10 years I lived off sloppy stuff, at first thinking that it was just my surgery and that was how it was meant to be. I think that is what has added to my addiction to sweet foods and slippery foods. Yes there I said it, I am an addict, a sugar addict!!

Probaby 3 months ago I started slipping into some bad habits - I was always an all or nothing girl, not one wotsit - have to have a bag, not one piece of chocolate give me the whole bar! I started having the odd piece of chocolate here and there and here I am now, with out even seeing it coming, back to exactly how I was before - not eating meals, living off snacking on bad stuff and of course the side effect of that was initially a stop in the weight loss, now its no longer about weight loss but about the weight I'm gaining back!

I can't begin to tell you how bad I'm feeling,how depressed I am about the whole thing. I was never the person that needed to lose 10 stone - I needed to lose around 22 stone!! I had 6 stone off which yes is alot but for me barely touched the surface and I've now put 2 of that back on. I hate myself!! I put my family through so much having this surgery and here I am letting them all down yet again. I've stopped going out to avoid bumping into people that know I have had the surgery cause I don't want to have to explain to them or don't want to see the look on their faces that say - ha so much for losing weight bla bla.

It was my birthday yesterday and my mum came over and we started talking about something and suddenly I blurted out the troubles I was having - she could n't give me any answers, just said she had known for a few months now things were going wrong.

I need to lose weight for my health. I have 6 children to run around after and with that 6 stone off I felt so much better, I had cut my pain medication down by so much - I was on morphine due to severe back and joint pain, some days I was unable to hardly walk so I was feeling fantastic! Now the weight is going back on I'm really feeling it in my joints and in my mobility and most days I just want to cry for my failure.

I stopped coming here cause seeing all you beautiful people with your sucess stories was killing me. I'm so proud of you all, especially the girls I have on facebook. I've been watching your on going success and the pictures of your wls journeys and I so wish I was there with you. This is the story of my life, if there was one person that could fail at something it was going to be me. At this point in time I can't see that I'm ever going to be a healthy weight and my obesity will eventually kill me.

Yesterday I had a message on facebook from a lovely lady asking me about the gastric bypass and I decided to be totally honest with her and tell her my story as its not often people hear about failures with a gastric bypass (I assume people hide it as I did). Messages started passing backwards and forwards between us and with her help I have found a little bit of positivity and also some self help techniques. Monday has to be a new start for me otherwise I've gone through all this heartache and pain for nothing. I'm trying to summon all my strength to get through this cause I know once I start to lose the weight again the positivity will return and I can use this tool I have been given to get me a new life - one free of pain and misery!!

Thank you Helen - you may think you did little but you did so much for me yesterday and you have given me the strength to talk about whats happened to me instead of being so ashamed and hiding away and lying to people.

I'm sure I'll be judged because of my failure but I don't really care - I've admitted to myself there is a huge problem and I'm going to do all I can to try to get on track again!!

Alia xxxx
Click to expand...

LOts of love and very best wishes to you and your strength in coming back :hug99:

Stick with us now, okay? :D xxx
 
my heart really breaks for you reading this hun im a bander and i struggle daily with not eating too much crap sometimes im good sometimes im not thats the devil with fighting addiction i think food addiction groups should be as available as A.A but unfortunatly there not id say go get some councelling if it helps even a little it will be worth it and remember each day is a fresh one, if yesterday was bad make today a better one its so easy to slip back into bad habbits as we have had them so long
 
Hi Alia
I know we don't know each other , but I`m glad you have come back to minimins . I think you are so brave and not a failure hun . When your feeling down you need support from people that knows what your going though . Any time you feel like a chat your welcome to send me a PM . Good luck and take care .
Margaret xx
 
I have a morbid fear of failing to reach goal or maintaining when I get there. So in many ways I can understand how you are feeling and the guts and courage it took to come here and admit your difficulties.

I was tempted to adopt the moral high ground and get on my high horse about the chance you have been given, etc. etc. but I purposefully took some time to see it from your position. My old dear used to say there but for the grace of God go I.

People gaining weight after a bypass is not so unusual Hun so don't beat yourself up about yesterday. You can do nothing to change what you put in your mouth yesterday, but you can do something about tomorrow.

You have taken the hardest step in admitting you are making the wrong choices. Now take another hard step and do something about it for just one day. Today. Today is all you need to think about, not losing 22 stone, or even one stone. All you need to concentrate on is what you eat today.

The guys here will give you support, but you need to do your bit. As with all addictions Hun forget forever, you don't have to give up sugar forever, just today. One day at a time.

Thanks for having the guts to remind us all how easy it is to lose ones way on this road. Now let us help you to get you back on track today, and sod tomorrow

If you want to talk about this pm me your number, I'm no councilor but I'm a decent listener. Good luck xxxxxx
 
karlos i think thats a great post.
I read a post you put on yesterday and thought you were quite mean because you told it like it was. we all know how it is, i find being reminded quite rude and unhelpful. lol
but yours is the best reply (imho) to Alia's post. and as simple as it might be i for one have never been told (or realised) i've only got to control myself today, tomorrow doesn't matter and neither does my goal, just today.
Surely i can manage it just for today.
Also offering to speak to Alia one-to-one on the phone is very generous.
thanks Karlos.
 
Ok Honey heres what you do....

You have been brave enough to open up to everyone (and believe me we all understand where your coming from. But deep down inside you know what you have to do.

Tomorrow is another day so dust yourself down and start again. Take each day at a time and if you do fail one day don't start thinking thats the end of the line because everytime you fall off that wagon you just dust yourself down, get back on again and start again the next day.

Cover your kitchen cupboards in sticky notes reminding you that you have a lovely little pouch to work with, make a list before you go shopping and stick to it, never go shopping hungry and talk to you doctor or WLS team to see if you can get some councelling. You could also get yourself down to weight watchers or something (my neice is bypassed but still goes to give herself a little added boost and support by going to weight watchers).

Please give yourself another chance. Its not the end of the road or the end of the world. Just keep reminding yourself how good you felt when that six stone came off and remember as a plus point you are still four stone lighter than you were and thats a hell of a lot of bags of sugar.

Good luck.

xx
 
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