Just referred

[Sunshine99]

I used to binge so badly and actually the thought of it now makes me feel sick but it's like you can't help yourself. I used to fight and fight the urge all day until 3pm then after work I'd stop off in m&s buy a tub of sour cream dip and 2 baguettes of garlic bread and buy a load of chocolates or crisp on top. Defitently is triggered to my emotions as now I'm fearful of eating too much so will have to keep an eye on that xx

That definately sounds like me, does that! And your post...leaves me with hope for myself.
Not eaten anything today! Just drank herbal teas. Lost track of time a bit...with been on here reading...lol (which is a good thing)

 

[countrywench]

It's been so quiet at work I've sat on the iPad most of the day .. Shame on me .. Enjoyed it actually for a change ..
If passion for something could be bottled up and gifted to someone , wouldn't that be amazing !
Toni you know you what your doing , you have all the bits in place to make this work ! You have experience some of us have never had and you've had that drive in you before .. You just have to dig deep and find your fitre once again .
. I know it's alright for me to sit here and say these things as encouragement when I know how damn hard it can be ..
There are days I want to grab anything , everything and stuff it in my face .. And I've been right on the edge of it , even ordered a fresh cream once without realising what I'd done in that split second .. But quickly corrected myself and cancelled it ..it's so easy to slip back into that comfy mode where food will solve everything isn't it ..
I don't think I have a specific reason for my eating habits , I just bloody well love food !
But if you can get to the bottom of your eating habits I applaud you ..
Xxxxxx

 

[Sunshine99]

It's been so quiet at work I've sat on the iPad most of the day .. Shame in me .. Enjoyed it actually for a change ..
If passion for something could be bottled up and gifted Tomsk done wouldn't that be amazing !
Toni you know you what your doing , you have all the bits in place to make this work ! You have experience some of us have never had and you've had that drive in you before .. You just have to dig deep and find your fitre once again .
. I know it's alright for me to sit here and say these things as encouragement when I know how damn hard it can be ..
There are days I want to grab anything , everything and stuff it in my face .. And I've been right on the edge of it , even ordered a fresh cream once without realising what I'd done in that split second .. But quickly corrected myself and cancelled it ..it's so easy to slip back into that comfy mode where food will solve everything isn't it ..
I don't think I have a specific reason for my eating habits , I just need well love food !
But if you can get to the bottom of your eating habits I applaud you ..
Xxxxxx

I managed to get to my lightest of 17st at boocamp, before i left...and started gaining again. You are so right though, i was fortunate. I was lucky enough (and still am) to have my physical capability to move, for that im so so grateful. As when i was last at my heaviest, i really suffered mobility wise (and, constantly regretted letting my weight go up again) ...it was hell, and frightned me! I knew deep down it was a counsellor i needed, more than bootcamp, at that point. But id used my 10 nhs sessions up 2 years pervious. So plucked up the courage to go private, and use part of my disability money. As mental health problems, was what i was getting my Dla for, I thought it could be money well spent...in the long run. And has been been.
I do realize though, how fortuntnate I am to have access to a counsellor on a longterm basis, And, be able to walk reasonably well now, since losing nearly 3st since i started counselling.
One of my biggest fears is been incapacitated, due to my weight...as ive come close a few times when been at my heaviest, before i panic...and start to lose weight again.
Looking farward to the day i get my date through now.
Thank-you.
Off for a cup of herbal tea now...(detox ones)
Have a nice evening, Toni x

 

[Sunshine99]

Hi, all
Well went for an evening stroll, did 7mile on my FitBit today. (Or yesterday...as just after midnight now)
And even though i never had that salad @countrywench suggested (was a great suggestion mind) However, i have to be careful with certain raw veg, tomatoes, onions, garlic, peppers, even bananas! Because i get anaphylactic shock with them veggies unfortunately. I do eat salads...but i have to make it up myself..so i know whats in it is safe. If they're cooked im fine! . So had steamed turkey and carrots for tea .
As ive been reading more and more, informative, encouraging, And sometimes funny posts, ive decided to upload some pics, so people im exchanging messages with has some idea what i look like. And i feel quite confident no one will judge me on here. .

Top 22st & 18st
Bottom 20st & 18st
These photo's are all about 6 or 7 years old, but not much in me has changed...just a few years older!, ( And, hopefully a bit wiser...lol) Don't have any other photo's. As i hate my pic been taken.
But when i get to the 17st mark again, il upload another pic. Il probably upload one for every stone i lose anyhow. As visually seeing yourself shrinking...is kind of encouraging.
Feeling quite optimistic at present
Night all
Toni x

 

[starryeyed]

Well done for uploading them. Make sure you take some pictures just for yourself the day of or day before surgery. They really make a difference when you need a boost toni xx

 

[FeeBee]

@starryeyed is absolutely right. I am making a scrapbook with photos pre surgery and tracking my journey. I've not posted any here though so you're braver than me. Well done!

 

[countrywench]

I love to see people's pictures of the their journey .. It's very encouraging to see how much someone can and does change !
I'm constantly getting asked at the moment if I've changed my hair ! Not sure what that's all about .. It's the same as it always has been .. And a few more comments saying how well I'm looking also .. I admit my skin is amazing at the moment , no break out for a couple of months and the skin is soft and healthy looking on my face ..
Don't ever be worried about posting pics .. I think we all love to see the change that's happening !

 

[FeeBee]

I think the hair comments are because people either know something has changed but can't work out what or they don't want to reference your weight directly. I keep getting "you're looking well" which I think is the same thing

 

[Sunshine99]

Hope your doing alright @Kellylou
Was wondering...
They used to have monthly meetings at York Hospital run by David Locker i think. They where in the evening though 7pm or 8pm. Im going to ring him up tomorrow...see if he still runs them. I never bothered going before. But wondered if you'd be interested in going to one of those meetings too. Im definitely going to attend one of them this time.
Not sure what goes on there, but im guessing we get to meet others who have had surgery or going to have surgery at York. And to ask any questions and concerns to various doctors, nurses, and previous patients.
Toni

 

[Kellylou]

Hope your doing alright @Kellylou
Was wondering...
They used to have monthly meetings at York Hospital run by David Locker i think. They where in the evening though 7pm or 8pm. Im going to ring him up tomorrow...see if he still runs them. I never bothered going before. But wondered if you'd be interested in going to one of those meetings too. Im definitely going to attend one of them this time.
Not sure what goes on there, but im guessing we get to meet others who have had surgery or going to have surgery at York. And to ask any questions and concerns to various doctors, nurses, and previous patients.
Toni

Hi Toni,
As far as I know they still do them I did get a list of dates but think I've mislaid it. I think they only run once a month but would be interested in going! Hope your endoscopy goes ok next week and once I've seen mr Wong I'll let you know how I've got on x

 

[Sunshine99]

Hi Toni,
As far as I know they still do them I did get a list of dates but think I've mislaid it. I think they only run once a month but would be interested in going! Hope your endoscopy goes ok next week and once I've seen mr Wong I'll let you know how I've got on x

@Kellylou , Thanks. I think i have met Mr Wong once...but it was that long ago...i can't remember too much. Think he went through paperwork...like what operation he's going to carry out...and are you happy with it. I singed a few pieces of paper. Im having my gallbladder removed too....got gallstones (they can be bloody painfull when they flare up!) Luckily, ive only had about 3 flare ups in 4 years. I've not had kids, but according to what ive been told by people who have had kids...who's also got gallstones....the say a flare up...can be worse than childbirth! If thats the case....i think il pass on having kids...lol. (Think im too old now anyhow).
Good luck, when you see Mr Wong
Toni

 

[Kellylou]

@Kellylou , Thanks. I think i have met Mr Wong once...but it was that long ago...i can't remember too much. Think he went through paperwork...like what operation he's going to carry out...and are you happy with it. I singed a few pieces of paper. Im having my gallbladder removed too....got gallstones (they can be bloody painfull when they flare up!) Luckily, ive only had about 3 flare ups in 4 years. I've not had kids, but according to what ive been told by people who have had kids...who's also got gallstones....the say a flare up...can be worse than childbirth! If thats the case....i think il pass on having kids...lol. (Think im too old now anyhow).
Good luck, when you see Mr Wong
Toni

I've got gallstones too, didn't know a thing about them till I started this journey so touch wood it stays that way!!
As you've been here before do you know what happens after seeing the surgeon or how long from seeing him it is until you get a date? After reading everybody else's story I feel like mine has happened quite quickly but was wondering if I've still got a long road ahead! X

 

[Sunshine99]

@Kellylou , Do you know what...i was thinking same, As after i saw Mr Wong....think it was only about 2-3 months after, i should have been on operating table! Or at least i had a near date, by that time. But it does seem ages since i saw Mr Wong, so i may have got it wrong. (That last sentance made me chuckle...wong & wrong!).
Wonder if it's because of the gallstones...are you having your gallbladder removed too?
((a taxi driver, told me his wife died through having gallstones! If a stone gets trapped...it can be very dangerous! Although...i do think its rare))

Or it could just be that ...that hospital has a differant procedure to others...who knows!
God, i so regret...backing out now....keep thinking how my life would have been right now, if i hadn't backed out! Especially since been on this forum, And viewing all these success stories.
Im aware this is my last chance (Mr Locker, pretty much told me that). I have to say, I'm surprised...they've given me another chance at all, after backing out twice! I realize im very very lucky indeed, if everything runs as smoothly as it did before...And i get my date again.
I need to sort my social anxiety out too before things move on. (It has improved a bit, but id like to try and be a bit better) As that was one of my reasons for not getting outside my door...on day i should have been going to hospital. And...the other reason...is i did'nt 100% stick to LRD, as i got my diet list...too late from the hospital....i was very disorganised back then. But even if i did'nt get my diet list in time this time....im more aware of what i need to consume before my op this time.
I'm sure out dates will come round before we know it!

(But don't get too excited...as i could be wrong...And it may take longer)

Remember...the guidelines have changed since i got referred the very first time.
So we may have to wait longer!
Toni

 

[Sunshine99]

@Kellylou , Just thought id say....the surgery it's self, isn't my fear. If i could have been operated on, in my flat...that would have been great! Lol. Just been in hospital, As ive never been in hospital overnight...since i was about 8 for my tonsels out! Lol. So it's more about the environment than anything else.
But, im sure il be fine this time.

 

[Kellylou]

@Kellylou , Just thought id say....the surgery it's self, isn't my fear. If i could have been operated on, in my flat...that would have been great! Lol. Just been in hospital, As ive never been in hospital overnight...since i was about 8 for my tonsels out! Lol. So it's more about the environment than anything else.
But, im sure il be fine this time.

@Kellylou , Do you know what...i was thinking same, As after i saw Mr Wong....think it was only about 2-3 months after, i should have been on operating table! Or at least i had a near date, by that time. But it does seem ages since i saw Mr Wong, so i may have got it wrong. (That last sentance made me chuckle...wong & wrong!).
Wonder if it's because of the gallstones...are you having your gallbladder removed too?
((a taxi driver, told me his wife died through having gallstones! If a stone gets trapped...it can be very dangerous! Although...i do think its rare))

Or it could just be that ...that hospital has a differant procedure to others...who knows!
God, i so regret...backing out now....keep thinking how my life would have been right now, if i hadn't backed out! Especially since been on this forum, And viewing all these success stories.
Im aware this is my last chance (Mr Locker, pretty much told me that). I have to say, I'm surprised...they've given me another chance at all, after backing out twice! I realize im very very lucky indeed, if everything runs as smoothly as it did before...And i get my date again.
I need to sort my social anxiety out too before things move on. (It has improved a bit, but id like to try and be a bit better) As that was one of my reasons for not getting outside my door...on day i should have been going to hospital. And...the other reason...is i did'nt 100% stick to LRD, as i got my diet list...too late from the hospital....i was very disorganised back then. But even if i did'nt get my diet list in time this time....im more aware of what i need to consume before my op this time.
I'm sure out dates will come round before we know it!

(But don't get too excited...as i could be wrong...And it may take longer)

Remember...the guidelines have changed since i got referred the very first time.
So we may have to wait longer!
Toni

It is strange Toni, I hear everybody saying they did tier 3 but I'm sure after seeing the bariatric nurse they said York don't offer it (yet) but they will in future as the York patients are missing out! Maybe that's why I feel everything has happened so quickly. I've been offered the surgery process in the past but never felt ready or that I could do it if I wanted to..... Like you I feel I've wasted part of my life been overweight but luckily this is a brand new start for both of us!
For me it's silly things like been able to cross my legs or been able to sit on a camping chair (I was at the races at the weekend and stood for the whole day because I didn't want to struggle getting up and down off the floor!) so I'm taking this opportunity with both hands and not letting go x

@Kellylou , Just thought id say....the surgery it's self, isn't my fear. If i could have been operated on, in my flat...that would have been great! Lol. Just been in hospital, As ive never been in hospital overnight...since i was about 8 for my tonsels out! Lol. So it's more about the environment than anything else.
But, im sure il be fine this time.

 

[Sunshine99]

It is strange Toni, I hear everybody saying they did tier 3 but I'm sure after seeing the bariatric nurse they said York don't offer it (yet) but they will in future as the York patients are missing out! Maybe that's why I feel everything has happened so quickly. I've been offered the surgery process in the past but never felt ready or that I could do it if I wanted to..... Like you I feel I've wasted part of my life been overweight but luckily this is a brand new start for both of us!
For me it's silly things like been able to cross my legs or been able to sit on a camping chair (I was at the races at the weekend and stood for the whole day because I didn't want to struggle getting up and down off the floor!) so I'm taking this opportunity with both hands and not letting go x

Well im seeing it as a good thing we don't have to do this '3tier' thing...as that would just take longer til we get a date through.
For me it stuff like what happened the other sunday when i went to meet my friend at a local cafe...was really hot...and really busy! Normally i shun meeting up with anyone socially...in such a busy environment. But as im working on my anxiety issues...i forced myself out. (My friend is very understanding, and aware of my problems) All was going well, ...til i stood up from of one of them 'plastic' chairs....my arse was soaked!...No...id not peed myself, It was sweat! I was wearing black leggings and black t-shirt (i know black...attracts the sun...but hate wearing light colours) Even though my leggings where black...it was noticable! Luckily, i only live 10 min from the cafe.
Admittedly, it was a very hot day, ...but that would have happened on a normal day too, maybe not quite so quickly as it did that day. So since then...ive been avoiding sitting on plastic or leather furniture!
I love the gee gees too, that would be a dream of mine to be able to go to ladies day...all dressed up. But at the moment...i would'nt handle been at a racecourse at all.
Years ago...ive been Beverley and Redcar. Only had winner on grand national once...'Don't Push It' ! Got an early price of 20/1 had £5 ew.
That must have been awful...stood all day!, Suppose that just puts a bit of a downer on what should be an enjoyable day for you.
It's my body temperature, i struggle to control ...even when snows on the ground...im warm! Never wear a coat...sometimes i wear a gillet type of coat, but not often.
Having a bath ...once i get out of a bath/shower, and get dried...im dripping wet with sweat!...takes me a good hour and half to cool down..before i can start to get dressed!

Its chaffing between the legs. A pair of leggings...if im been good and have an active week...(( 5 X 6 mile early morning walks (set of at 4am!) takes me 2 and a half hours, then i get a bus back! )) ...last me 2 to 3 weeks, before they start to fray and get holes between the legs, through ....inside thighs rubbling together! (Embarrassing)
And ...it does put me off being active sometimes when money's tight....and can't afford to buy any new leggings. But i do the best i can. And always will...as i do enjoy the excersize side of things....makes me feel good....lifts my mood loads!
Nope my problems...definitely revolve around food! Not the excersize so much.
Jeans are better for walking in...as they are more hardwearing , but not in really hot weather!
Anyway...sorry for long moan
Just, these are just some of the embarrassing 'hurdles' and obsticals im sure, many many, obese people struggle with.
Toni x

 

[Sunshine99]

@Kellylou , great pic!

 

[Sunshine99]

Morning all,
Think i got myself into trouble on here last night...(dosen't take me long, does it!) But whilst i was typing out a message to @Kellylou last night on my i-pad....my hand slipped...and knocked something on my i-pad (don't know what i hit)....but all of a sudden i gets a pop-up warning message near enough streight away! Warning me the my action ive just taken has caused be to be blocked from this site!
I don't/did'nt understand. ...But looking at my messages this morning, I can only think it's because i posted 'twice' by mistake! ...And that's my crime. Sorry @Kellylou it was an accident.
If its not that, i don't know what ive done wrong ....confused!
They still letting me in though, And letting me post.
I did message them last night ...to ask what it was all about.
Not checked my e-mail yet. (Never, bother with e-mails usually)

 

[Kellylou]

Morning all,
Think i got myself into trouble on here last night...(dosen't take me long, does it!) But whilst i was typing out a message to @Kellylou last night on my i-pad....my hand slipped...and knocked something on my i-pad (don't know what i hit)....but all of a sudden i gets a pop-up warning message near enough streight away! Warning me the my action ive just taken has caused be to be blocked from this site!
I don't/did'nt understand. ...But looking at my messages this morning, I can only think it's because i posted 'twice' by mistake! ...And that's my crime. Sorry @Kellylou it was an accident.
If its not that, i don't know what ive done wrong ....confused!
They still letting me in though, And letting me post.
I did message them last night ...to ask what it was all about.
Not checked my e-mail yet. (Never, bother with e-mails usually)

Ooh, it's a mystery! If it was that you posted twice I didn't notice and it didn't bother me so absolutely no need to apologise x

 

[Sunshine99]

Yeah it is a mystery..lol. It happened, when i was near the end of the moan about leggings! So ive scanning everything in it that post, And my previous post before that .And im baffled!
Oh well, not going to worry too much, as i can still post.
Just would like to be made aware of any mistakes i have made...so they don't happen again.
As, i would be 'devastated' to be banned from this side.
First time, ive ever joined a forum of any description too! Lol

Well hope @Kellylou & everyone else, has a successful day today with their journey's. I can't decide what to do today....may go to Filey, And do some walking there.
Toni