Mio's Musings!

[Mio]

It feels so strange to say I have a date for my op now.

I was referred by my GP in May last year and attended a seminar at the hospital about the surgery. A few weeks after that I had my first appointment and they kept coming every 6-8 weeks. I discovered I was extremely low on vitamin D, that I had a hiatal hernia and also gastritis (CLO+). I also discovered that having an endoscopy is the most horrific thing I've ever done, and also that I'm allergic to midazolam, the "twilight sedative" they use for giving you said endoscopy

I've also realised that I really want this. After being "clinically obese" for the past 13 years, since I was 8, I've decided I no longer want this life. I want to be a fighter, a victor, a survivor - not a victim. I don't want the bcruel words and fists I encountered when younger to have a lasting effect on me. I want to have the life I want - and the life I deserve.

I want to be able to climb stairs without my knees kiling me. I want to be able to run for a bus without my asthma kicking off, and without bits wobbling everywhere - or, at the least, I want *good* bits to wobble I want to be able to start dance classes, my biggest wish from when I was really small that I could never do becuase I was so big the kids would look at me slyly and whisper behind my back.

Above all, I want to be able to have the life I've never been able to because of my size. And it's now within my grasp

 

[starr]

and yes it is love , look how many have acheived so much on here,im sure most felt how you do,or atleast understand how you feel,theres a lot of good years in front of you love , and some bad , but life is worth having,how ever long the wait to have the op,and improve it,never give up on a better life,good luck and i hope you get to where you want to be x

 

[MrsPill]

Its so good when you have that 'moment' when you realise that everything is within your grasp. Its always seemed to be just out of reach and then you're given a lifesaver. Its so empowering isn't it. Keep hold of that feeling cos it'll make you smile

 

[Mio]

I still can't believe I have my date. Finally. 13th September - 6 weeks exactly. I have my nurses pre-op appointment a week today when I get more info and my diet plan.
It's all real now. Sometimes it feels like 6 weeks is ages away, sometimes it feels like it's tomorrow. Sometimes I feel like I'm all ready for it, then the next moment I'm utterly terrified *lol*
I've got a lot of things on between now and then though, lots of going out with friends and seeing family and doing up the house a bit. Am keeping myself busy and focussed because I know that the hardest bit is still to come. But I will get through it becuase I am a survivor, not a victim

 

[Mio]

I've got my nurses appointment next Tuesday when I get my pre-op diet and more info about The Day. Am still swinging between excitement and terror *lol* Trying to keep it at bay so making a lit of things I'm going to do when I'm all healed and recovered!

*Start horse-riding again. To be fair, my weight hasn't really stopped me from doing this, but it will be so much easier when I'm lighter. I'll be able to mount up and do rising trot without my poor knees creaking for one. And I'm sure the horse will be happier too ;-)

*Start dance classes! Not sure what kind of dance yet, but I love dancing and jsut never had the courage to go to classes after I tried a belly dance class and it was full of tall, slim, beautiful girls. I got through the class, somehow, but never went back :-(

*Go out clubbing! I've found it harder and harder to find clothes that are suitable to wear out clubbing as I've gotten bigger. Which has meant I've stopped going out, stopped seeing friends and it's really affected me, especially in the winter when my SAD makes it hard enough to get out! So, I will buy some nice new clothes and go out dancing.

Can't think of anything else atm - will probably update this when I do ;-)

 

[lindy62]

Good luck with your op on the 13th sep, im afraid im just at the begining of mine with my seminar at sunderland being on the 14th september, cant wait to feel as you do,

lindy62

 

[Mio]

Awh, good luck on your journey ahead!
I went to my seminar almost exactly a year ago, and now I have my op date. At some times it's felt like a real uphill struggle and I wondered if I would ever get there, but determination and perseverance is the key. And I've learnt a lot about myself this past year while thinking about surgery, and deciding that I really want to get it done. It's not easy, but the good things never are

 

[Mio]

Ugh, feeling a bit down today :cry: Have an ear infection, a cold coming on and am slight hormonal (read: would kill for a chocolate bar )

Not that anyone can do anything about it, just wanted to moan somewhere

 

[lindy62]

have a good moan, thats what we are here for, moan laugh, cry, shout, you name it

lindy62

 

[Magsy]

Ah so pleased for you x

 

[Mio]

Feeling much better today

Start my pre-op diet on Tuesday so am a bit emotional over that as well (how stupid?!) It's all becoming a bit real now, and I've still got a long way to go...

Still, least today's Friday

 

[Mio]

Planning out my pre-op food plans and I'm so confused!

I had a choice between the food and the milk diet, and chose the food one as I have to be on it for 4 weeks and didn't think I could cope with nothing but milk for a month.

Now I'm wondering if I made the right decision! Have been sitting here for the past hour trying to make just one weeks meal plan! Making sure I have enough protein portions, enough fruit and veg and trying to fit more carbs into my plan (I don't eat a lot of carbs usually and it just seems like an awful lot)

My brain is about to turn to mush I think!

 

[Mio]

Today I realised that telling people about my surgery has been similar to when I came out as being bi.

Back then (way back then *lol*) I was wracked by self-doubt. What you people think of me? Would they think I was weird? Would they like me any less? And how would I feel - would I be glad to get it off my chest, or would I regret it?
I started dropping hints here and there - commenting when I saw a woman I liked, or when there was an LGBT article in the news. In a way, coming out was easier than telling people about my surgery as I always hung out with a very "alternative" crowd where it was almost assumed you were bi unless proven innocent *lol*
Today - a week from my surgery date - I wrote on my FB wall that I was going into hospital for an op next week and was hoping I'd come out of it a different person (though not literally - it might be a bit odd and slightly disturbing if I changed into David Cameron or something!) But it's the first time I've said something in "public" to people who actually know me.
Of course, my close friends already know, but I can count them on one hand. It wa a really big step for me, but I'm also really glad I did it. I haven't yet worked out how I'm going to react to people asking me about my weight loss (especially workmates) but I think I'm definitely getting there, and will be in a better place to sort all that out once I've had the surgery itself.

This time next week I will have started my New Life

 

[TwinkleTwinkle]

You go girl ... Hold your head high & remember no one has the right to judge you unless they have walked a mile in your shoes ... that is why no one on here would dream of doing so as we all know where you are coming from (& hopefully where you are going to). Now, if you did come out as David Cameron, I could not guarantee you would have the same amount of support ... if any ...lol Just be as honest as you feel comfortable with. (another reason why you could not be David Cameron). Not long to wait now & hope you are coping with your pre op diet as well as possible xx

 

[Mio]

Haha - thanks Twinkle, made me laugh

Am really excited atm as yesterday I went into the 14 stone bracket for the first time in over 4 years! Means I've lost almost 2 stone in a year (just over half a stone of it on the pre-op diet) which is great in general but also fantastic for my op next week as it means there's less risk of complications (and also hopefully means my recovery time will be quicker!)

Still feels very odd to think that I'm counting the time down in days, not weeks (or even months *lol*)

 

[Macy moo moo]

Not long now mate.
Good luck xXx


Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[Mio]

Not long now mate.
Good luck xXx

Thank you! Omg, I am so excited and scared and nervous and anxious and worried and happy *LOL*

At least I know it's a pretty standard reaction otherwise I'd be worried I was going potty!

 

[Josiegirl]

I know exactly how you feel. My op is on the 12th and I am alternating between euphoria and nerves. No way am I going to back out now though (anyway I paid for the op yesterday so that in itself is an incentive). I will be a very, very newbie on the post op bench by the time you get your op but I promise to help polish your seat for you, even if it hurts my new tum

Good luck, I am sure you will be fine.

As for telling people, the only problem I think you might have is spending the next God knows how many months meeting people who, even before they say hello, demand to know how much you have lost. I found that the most frustrating thing of all after having the band - it drove me mad, especially when I stalled, and I wished that they would all mind their own business. I wouldn't dream of asking someone how much they weighed etc. But that is just me - I felt they had no right to grill me about my weight. However, I expect that if I had had a spectacular weight loss I might have felt differently

This time around only my family know what I am doing

 

[Mio]

Yeah - I'm already experiencing some of that atm as lost quite a bit recently on pre-op diet and people are looking at me sideways a bit *lol* I suppose it'll make it easier when I come back to work though. Be nice for my weight to be a positive convo piece though ;-) I've only told my close friends and family (and my manager at work, as I'm going to be off for a couple of weeks). Iv'e told other people I'm going into hospital but not what for. Suppose I'll cross that bridge when I come to it!

Awh, I wish you all the luck for Monday - see you on the Bench soon \o/

 

[Mio]

Feel like I need somewhere to moan *lol*

Was doing really well post-op, didn't have much pain and was drinking ok. Had a lot of variety with slimfast/tea/diluted fruit juice/etc. and was quite happy.
Until yesterday when my shoulder pain started getting bad and I got really bloated. I feel like my stomach is really tight and sore - if I'm lucky I can release some gas by stretching and bending, but when I do the effort of the gas coming out makes my shoulder feel like it's being torn apart which is so painful.

Not really sure what else I can do to help it but its driving me crazy atm :-/