Mio's Musings!

[Mio]

Two weeks since my last update? Wow.

The past couple of weeks have been really up and down. The week immediately after my op was spent mostly on the sofa in my mums house playing online mahjong. It really all hit me when I got back to my cold, empty flat and had to get on with things by myself, and it definitely hit me when I went back to work alst week, albeit part time.

It's been up and down really. Am so much better this week,but last week I was very frustrated and a bit depressed as my mind was fine but my body was constantly exhausted and I couldn't do anything or go anywhere.

This past week has been better, went out with friends last weekend (in the lovely sunshine) and slowly getting back to normal. I have my first band fill on the 17th and have already lost a stone since I started my pre-op diet.

It's not all been easy sailing though, and this past week has been difficult with rationing my food as I'm now mostly healed inside but also haven't got any restriction, so I can eat a lot more than I should. Am trying to regulate meal times, which is helping somewhat, though I am struggling a little when I'm at home on my own all evening with nothing to do. Always was a boredom eater (and an emotional one). I'm not eating bad things, just larger portions that I think I should be able to, though keeping track of my food I'm eating around 1000 calories a day so it's not too much!

I'm lucky that my friends and family are really supportive of me though and I get my first band fill in 10 days so hopefully after that I'll really feel the restriction and be able to regulate things a bit easier.

Me and my band still have a bit of a way to go before we're working in harmony I think!

 

[Mio]

Thought I'd update this again, not being very good at keeping things up!

This has been the best week I've had in months - am all healed from the op, my energy is back up and I'm actually feeling really happy. I did have a bit of a wander off the path when I realised that I could eat a lot more of stuff I haven't had for ages, but after a brief slip-up I'm on the right road again. Also, the week before my brain went into a bit of a meltdown and I tried to binge on some pasta - won't be doing that again, got a terrible pain in my chest, couldn't swallow and kept bringing up saliva. But the great thing is that the band is working - it stopped me binging and I've not even thought about doing it since!

I get my first fill on Monday which I'm looking forward to. Have put on a couple of pounds this past week becuase I'm feeling really hungry, in part due to having no restriction and also becuase I'm not back at work full time and going out to see friends, etc.

I know it's gonig to be a shock when I get my fill next week and haven't made any plans for the week. I do feel ready for it though, and looking forward to getting it done!

I'm feeling really happy though, my body is changing shape literaly before my eyes, and it's like the "real" me is finally coming through! Everything looks better - my skin is clearer and brighter, my hair is fuller and shinier and for the first time in years I feel like a proper person. In fact, I'm even starting to feel attractive which I've never done in my life

I still have a long way to go - my goal is to be around 10-11 stone, and a size 14 - but at 14 stone and a size 18-20 it's not as far as it was a year ago

 

[Mio]

So.

Had my first fill on Monday. Have to say, I was a bit confused when they only put 1ml in (I have a 10ml band). Really thought they would put in more, and also forgot to ask how/when I would know to get a second fill. Will call the dietician back again to ask.

I also feel really lucky as, compared to some people it seems, I've had a really easy ride of it all. I've lost about 1.5 stone since my op on 13/09 - so just over a month ago - and the only food I've had any problem with is rice.
It's not been easy though, and I have had a few slip-ups, but I also know that it's not going to change overnight. If I make a mistake, I have to deal with it, say to myself that I'll do better next time and get on with my life.

I've lost around 2.5 stone this year so far, 1.5 of which is in the last month since the surgery. I want to lose at least another stone by Xmas and am starting back at the gym next week - starting slowly with just the treadmill and bike at first, then maybe doing a yoga class or similar by next month.

If I can be a size 18 by Xmas (am around a 20 atm) I will be very happy

 

[Sparkle-k]

You're doing so well Mio and I'm sure you'll be wearing a size 18 dress come Christmas

 

[miserable]

Oh yeah a shiny new dress for Christmas party

 

[Mio]

Haha - like I need any more excuse to go shopping *looks at bank balance and weeps*

;-)

 

[Caren]

Haha - like I need any more excuse to go shopping *looks at bank balance and weeps*

;-)

Don't forget to do the lottery tonight

from me phone

 

[Mio]

I get paid tomorrow and I'm counting down the hours!!! ;-)

 

[kimgkg]

Have just read this post from beginning to end ... and am so proud of you and how you are dealing with it all!!! Keep taking each day as it comes and you will get there I have no doubt!!! xxx

 

[Mio]

Awh - thank you Kim!

It's definitely been an experience, but I wouldn't have changed anything about it. I feel like a different person, and all my friends and family have said the same - my confidence has shot up, my energy is back and I'm living life rather than just existing. It's an amazing feeling and I feel so lucky that I've been allowed a "second chance"

 

[mable]

I too have read all your latests post, thank you, well done girl, gotta run as i feel like i'm filling up with tears of joy for you!!!

 

[Mio]

Awh *tears up a bit too* :-D

 

[Mio]

Am wobbling all over the place - not physically but mentally!

Had a really bad weekend food-wise as had friends staying over from Germany and they wanted to go out and eat at all the bad food places - fish'n'chips, curry, greasy spoon breakfast, you name it. I knew I wouldn't have the willpower to resist everything but when I suggested I let them go and eat and I'd meet them afterwards they go a bit huffy, so I ended up going everywhere with them. I did make a lot of good choices - scrambled egg and beans with tomatoes for brekkie - but I could also eat a lot more than I expected, especially after my first fill last week (though they only put 1ml in a 10ml band, so not really sure what I was expecting!)

Long story short, I put on 3lb over the weekend and I'm really angry at myself - for letting other people dictate what I should eat for one - but also that I didn't stand up for myself.

So this week I'm am going to lose those three pounds!

Am back on MyFitnessPal, have told all my friends that I'm back "on the wagon", and have been walking every day (and climbling the stairs at work where I can). I have my gym induction on Thursday and am off to a convention on Saturday where I really need to look and feel my best!

So, I am giving myself a kick up the bum to get myself back on track and getting healthier. I want to be a size smaller within the next month and it's not gonna happen by itself!

 

[Caren]

oh mio, you're only human and you have had a hiccup, thats life! Good on you for kicking yourself up the bum and getting on with it, you'll be fine, good luck xxx

 

[miserable]

Oh Mio, I sympathize with u but don't bit yourself about a small hick up. But tbh I am the same as my OH is terrible at eating and its always right under ur nose constantly I am worried about how I am going to cope... ll look on the internet to see if there are coping technique. Ll post it if find anything useful. Together we can bit our demons

 

[Mio]

Oh Mio, I sympathize with u but don't bit yourself about a small hick up. But tbh I am the same as my OH is terrible at eating and its always right under ur nose constantly I am worried about how I am going to cope... ll look on the internet to see if there are coping technique. Ll post it if find anything useful. Together we can bit our demons

I found it so hard after the op - I was at my mum and stepdad's to recover and they were eating curries/roast dinner/lasagne etc and I was on soup and slimfast *lol* But I think if I managed to get through all that, I can get through anything!

I find using MyFitnessPal the best thing ever for getting myself back on track - no-one sees it but myself so the only person I'm lying to if I cheat is me. Not very helpful! So I'm back in the habit of putting down everything I eat and already had a few nasy surprises *lol*

Onwards and upwards!

 

[Mio]

oh mio, you're only human and you have had a hiccup, thats life! Good on you for kicking yourself up the bum and getting on with it, you'll be fine, good luck xxx

Oh, I know, but I was doing so well...

Then again, I found some old photos of me last night and I couldn't believe the change in me over the last couple of years - not just weight but also my hair and skin and just everything about me. Was a real boost to my self-esteem to think how far I've come and for the first time I felt accomplishment with that, rather than just looking at the future and thinking how far I still have to go *lol*

Am feeling good about that

 

[Mio]

Haven't written on here in ages, partly because I've been busy but also because I've been trying to get back on track.

Hasn't been easy - and I've made a few slip-ups - but I think I'm getting there. Biggest change is that, after weighing myself and discovering that I've finally lost the weight I put on the other weekend, I'm putting the scales away for a fortnight. Have become a slave to them and basing my entire emotional outlook for the day on the numbers on the scale - regardless of how well I'm feeling!

I'm off to my dad's down in Devon tomorrow and not back until Monday, so really using the time to get myself sorted. There will be lots of walking which I'm looking forward to - yesterday at work I climbed the equivalent of 9 flights of stairs (not all at once *lol*) and managed to climb three flights in one go whilst talking to a friend and wasn't even out of breath by the time I got to the top! It was such an amazing feeling but I don't think I gave myself enough recognition for that, so well done me *lol*

Was meant to be at the gym today, but got to work and discovered I'd forgotten my towel and then got hit by TOTM, so really not in any state to do anything too excessive! Might try the Davina DVD I got on rental from LoveFilm tonight instead, then reward myself with watching a film

 

[pandora]

Glad to hear you are back on track , go girl
Enjoy your weekend away , should do you the world of good

 

[Mio]

Sooo....

Just sneaking back on here to say that I went to Primark today and, for the first time, bought something I could fit into. A pair of fleecey pyjamas in - wait for it - a size 16-18 :-D They're a bit tight on the hips, but won't be for long! Also bought a pair of size 20 jeans from Evans which look *so sexy* I can't wait to wear them out.

This losing weight business is so awesome XD