Miserable Life At Your Largest?

[Snowcrystal]

Another thing, I don't know about anyone else but two months post op I have suddenly come to earth with a bump. I don't know whether its because all the excitment and drama surrounding the surgery has worn off and now the realisation is setting in that its all down to me now, or its just the weather, but this past couple of weeks I've been sitting here thinking that apart from being a little smaller and having a nasty scar on my stomach nothing else much has really changed. I don't really know what I expected to change though, does that make sense?

Guess now the surgeons have done their bit, now I have to do mine, and force myself out there.

Thank you Bonita

That does make sense...but you poor thing had a huge 'drama' after your surgery...I'm sure it must feel a bit like after you get an electric shock...or the calm after the storm...thankfully you are over the worst of that now.

I think your life will change, for the better even if your life was good before...You just have to take the journey... a bit like you bought the ticket but are slow to board the plane...lol...If that makes sense too.

(((hugs)))

 

[sewingbelle56]

Hi snow crystal, you have responded to some of my posts so you know some of what I have gone through

I started off a size 8 stick insect when I had the car crash.
Confident rushing every where so much energy, and intact I lost about a stone as well when I had the accident in the first 3 months (boy did I feel good I had not been that light or feel that good since I was 16).

But then the pain kicked in and the fast happy person slowed down I would have my normal mad fast days popping pills all day to get me through work then collapse in agony with none left for the night.
(I still find it so hard not to keep going and then be bedridden) but I learned if I was going to manage to work (single parent then divorced from husband no1) I was going to have to pop the pills carefully and avoid things.
In September of the next year I was rushed in hospital for my appendix the week after I was made redundant.
Mixed feelings
1 I was delighted to be able to rest and try to go for help to solve the pain,
2 I was covered with policies for the first year so I was ok for money
3 I lost my identity over night I was no longer a production manager at a factory I was a single unemployed mum on benefits
4 I physically looked fine but I was in so much pain
5 mike asked me to marry him and took care of me and my eldest

About a year after the accident, 3 months after my redundancy

I started to gain weight moved up to a 12-14 (wow what I would give to be that size now)
My weight went up etc etc my gp and mike said I had gained weight I should try to loose weight and I then my weight really snowballed.

Worse of all mike had never met me when I had been bigger (I had yo yo ed after my eldest was born I think I was a size 18 top and 16 bottoms at my biggest then)

So mikes comments at first were devastating then his reassurances he still loved me even if I was bigger he still fancied me fell on deaf ears

I didn’t fancy me how could he, I didn’t know how to dress as a bigger woman so I felt scruffy or if I bought nice bigger clothes I felt huge

The pain and the depression made my weight sore
some years by a stone some by half a stone but I got bigger and bigger I weighed nearly 16.5 stone last Christmas and now I am 15.5 but I am only 5'4''

yet if I don’t look at my self in the mirror I think of my self as thinner not skinny but nearly normal ( which I am not I am 1 of the biggest mums at school)
It’s such a shock looking in the mirror, and I avoid photos like the plague or position the kids in front of me to hide my body (mainly my boobs)

Yet when I dress up I look ok to other people, I get some compliments
But I don’t recognize me there is this fat old tired woman with huge old woman boobs

when I was younger people said I was beautiful I felt beautiful sometimes and I didn’t ever feel ugly and I didn’t feel ashamed.

All of which I do now

Pain is bad but it’s what’s in our mind that does the damage

My experience of pills is take them when you need them but don’t rely on them forever
Keep trying to reduce your dosage every 3-4 months (BUT DO IT CAREFULY as some tablets Tramadol for one and antidepressants have a withdrawal period and if you just stop cold you will crash reduce the dosage slowly over weeks) The grogginess cause by the pills is a side affect of strong medication but when you get over the worst of the pain if you manage to reduce the amount you take you will feel so much better

A pain diary is essential write down the good and the bad write where it hurts grade it and write down how you feel.
You might find a pattern of behavior that you can work on


Talk about your feelings to a gp or a friend or a councilor, councilors need to vent too
if you need to talk you can contact me on here or direct love sewingbelle

 

[Flibber]

Just got to ask, though its not really connected to what you wrote about! I was looking at your photo gallery and under the one of you and your partner it said "Forensic Florist" - is that your job? What on earth does a FF do? God, I'm so nosey!

 

[Snowcrystal]

Just got to ask, though its not really connected to what you wrote about! I was looking at your photo gallery and under the one of you and your partner it said "Forensic Florist" - is that your job? What on earth does a FF do? God, I'm so nosey!

I can't tell you, I am sworn to secrecy....(lol)

(((hugs)))

 

[Snowcrystal]

Hi SewingBelle

Thank you for you post...

I know that you mean...that old vicious cycle is so easy to end up in.

I'm avoiding as much pain meds as I can as I want them to be optimum use for me when I need them.

I saw GP yesterday and he understood what I meant and agreed that chronic pain puts you in that very cycle that I'm trying so hard to avoid...however, I still have the pain...he has given me an anti-inflammatory gel to rub into it...It's the only way I can take anti-inflammatorys because of other conditions.

I don't think the gel is very good, but I'll persevere.

We'll find our way out of this fog, wont we?

(((hugs)))